Segment Summary: This was what it was supposed to feel like if they were just using each other for their bodies. So why did it feel so wrong?
Segment Timeline: Conspiracy
Warning: Coarse language
This Night
There are things I regret that you can't forgive you can't forget
There a gift that you sent, you sent it my way
This wasn't over, not by a long shot. But for now, it would have to lie as it was, stagnant tension in their eyes while their bodies spoke their frustration.
It wasn't how he saw tonight going, as no matter her reasoning, what she did to him stung. Chloe wasn't perfect, far from it, but now was supposed to be different. He was better, she was healing, yet no matter how much they had changed, she still couldn't trust him.
The worst part was that, despite his casual use of the term earlier, Oliver never truly thought it would come to that with Chloe. But that was what this felt like. It was the only way they could do this right now, the only way he could cloud his mind of what she had done. The cards may have been turned when he stashed the weapons elsewhere, but the lesson was still thick in the air.
After they parted, he hadn't expected to see Chloe for at least a couple of days, but within hours, he found her exiting the elevator. She didn't apologize; neither did Oliver, as neither felt overly sorry. But the ice had been broken and it led to Chloe wanting to know more, her curiosity always getting the best of her. From there, the whole conversation unravelled, leading to Chloe asking, "Why don't you trust me?"
It was a loaded question. He could mention something along the lines of the truth, but it wouldn't be good enough. So he took a couple steps towards her, close enough that he knew that she felt his breath on her cheek, and asked her own question back to her:
"Why don't you trust me?"
For she could turn it around on him all she wanted, but even Chloe knew that she started this. She knew that Oliver had improved upon his fight-clubs, drinking binge nights and his defeatist attitude. Most importantly, he improved from a man that wanted to throw his life away.
What he wasn't expecting was the fact that she never gave him an answer. Reaching her hands up, she gripped his hair, pulling his lips down to hers to silence the conversation. Initially, Oliver thought about pulling away, but he knew the chance of getting a sufficient answer wasn't likely. And hey, if the message wasn't getting through words, then maybe it was time he showed her that he wasn't going to let this go easily.
~0~
There's a game that I played
There are rules I had to break
There's mistakes that I made, but I made them my way
If Chloe was thinking, she'd be wondering how on earth this was still happening. But she took it the way it was. Trust was likely waning right now, as Chloe had been fighting to get this team back and by not trusting Oliver enough, it almost felt like she had a chance to lose it again.
However, this moment was not forgiveness, anything but. His kiss was hard, rough, in a way he was giving her a piece of his mind without saying a word. Not that she was suffering because of it; after all, she initiated it. Chloe was just grateful that he was willing to change the conversation, or rather, end it.
Thinking back on it, she did feel like shit, because the way that Oliver looked at her when he accused of stealing from him stuck with Chloe more than she wanted to admit.
But that started to fade as the kiss escalated into something more. She lowered her hands from his neck, gripping his shirt instead to hold Oliver close, allowing their bodies to come together. Seconds later, he had made quick work of her pants, so Chloe stepped out of them, the remainder of their clothes quickly falling to the floor as they found their way to Oliver's bedroom.
This was what it was supposed to feel like, she supposed, if they were just using each other for their bodies. Gone was the care that he usually placed on her and there was no holding back on either side from the moment Chloe's back hit the mattress.
~0~
The physical battle lasted its usual duration, despite the difference in the air around them. Once it was over, they both lay on their backs, the distance between them on the mattress feeling much larger than the reality. For while sex can make their problem go away for a few hours, the fact was that it was still there and not going away any time soon.
And it felt wrong... all of it.
"This is not a booty call."
Chloe wondered just what that meant in the moment he said it, in the moment they were living now. That was what this was supposed to be... fun. Then why did tonight leave such a bad taste in her mouth?
Turning on her side, Chloe deliberated her exit, as it was probably time her to leave, but she wasn't about to announce that fact. Words weren't what they needed right now and it wouldn't surprise Oliver because she had never stayed the night before and this wasn't the night to start.
However, as she shifted her body up, Chloe felt her hand being taken. His grip was gentle, but enough to keep her in place. Looking back, she noticed how his eyes gazed up at the ceiling, how besides the slight movement to hold her there, he hadn't moved.
Oliver knew exactly what she was trying to do, but things weren't going to get any better if she left. It was time for one of them to take a step back, so Oliver decided that had to be him. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry for most of the things I said."
"Most?" Chloe asked, almost regretting the single word right away. Oliver had extended an olive branch, one she hadn't been expecting. But instead of taking it, she stuck to her nature of second-guessing his intentions.
However, her question didn't faze Oliver the slightest, for despite how close they had become, he knew that things weren't easy between them. "You have to let someone in, Chloe. Whether it's Lois, Clark, heck maybe it's Bart. But you've got to trust someone."
After turning towards him, Chloe lay silently as the words sunk in, noticing how he didn't include himself on that list. But that didn't mean that she couldn't remind him that she forced her way into earning that trust he talked about. A year ago, she would have expected the same courtesy, but now things were different and she knew better.
So Chloe was tempted to let the conversation die right there, as it would speak her choice. But she didn't. "I'm sorry too. Trust isn't easy for me and the Oliver I knew –"
"He's gone, Chloe," Oliver interjected, turning his head to look straight into her eyes. "Just like the old you." The things they had done they couldn't take back, the behaviours they had awakened weren't likely to subside either.
Chloe understood that, but it didn't make the truth any easier to hear. Time travel wasn't an option, as things hurt enough without the chance that things would get worse, but there were so many things Chloe knew she could make better. Maybe that's why she spent her time in Watchtower, fixing things behind the scenes where she thrived instead of being at the core of the problem.
It's also why she didn't bother with trying to have her own life again. She was a person, and Chloe thought she deserved that, but if it was that bad with Jimmy, it was never going to work. This thing with Oliver was the closest thing she had to humanity, as Lois had been busy, Clark had Zod problems, and although the team was back together, they were still scattered solving their own missions.
Other than that... she had no one else. So it wasn't as easy as just letting someone in because she wasn't sure who to trust anymore. In fact, Chloe didn't even trust herself.
Oliver continued to watch her as she thought his words through. He had hoped it would allow her to open up, just a little, let him share whatever was on her shoulders. But he knew it wasn't going to happen, as she turned in the sheets once more, her hand slipping out of his fingers.
"You don't have to go, you know," he said quietly, not moving as he noticed her pause while sitting on the edge of his bed. "It's not like I'm disowning your friendship." For if he had to choose between the physical and that, it wasn't a hard decision. This felt good, but Chloe's determination, her strength outside of the bedroom, that meant more to Oliver than anything. He may not have survived this year without it.
Chloe grinned slightly; glad to hear that this wasn't breaking Oliver in any way. But it fell as fast as it formed, her head turning to the left so she could see him in her peripheral vision. "Space is probably a good idea though."
Noticing the movement, Oliver remained where he was, his gaze at the wall ahead of him. "Maybe, but it didn't do us a lot of good before. That space caused this problem in the first place." Sighing, he turned his head, surprised to see her eyes looking at him. "But it's your call."
It was strange because a part of her wanted to stay, but she knew that she couldn't. And this time, Oliver didn't try to stop her as Chloe put her underwear back on and walked towards the door. But that didn't stop Chloe from pausing before grabbing the doorknob.
~0~
So take this night and wrap it around me like a sheet
I know I'm not forgiven but I need a place to sleep
When Oliver heard his bedroom creak not long after, he was ready if it was anyone else, but he knew it wasn't. Opening his eyes open slightly, he noticed her opening a drawer and grabbing a t-shirt. Clad only in her underwear, Chloe left the room as silently as she came.
Curiosity getting the best of him, Oliver got out of bed and quietly approached the hallway. Watching her walking figure, he saw her settle on one of the couches near the elevator.
~0~
She tried to leave, she really did, but when Chloe stood outside of the bedroom, she paused once more. Despite everything that had happened, all Oliver wanted was to talk this through, to ensure that there wasn't another situation where people were on separate pages. He had really grown since Doomsday, and considering she had helped him to that point, why couldn't she do the same thing?
But she couldn't go back in there. That would make things more personal, more... relationship-y than she wanted. Guest room was out too, as she felt that she didn't deserve the luxury after what she did. Then again, it was hard not to find luxury around her, but the couch would have to do. Chloe wanted Oliver to see her in the morning, and they would talk properly then.
Of course, she had never meant to wake him up when she gathered something suitable to sleep in, but she supposed it was inevitable when she heard his footsteps in the hallway. At least he didn't try to hide that she did wake him up. What she hadn't expected was Oliver to lay down her clothes on the floor at the base of the couch and then pull out a blanket from underneath them.
She wanted to smile, but for the first time, she felt a true sense of guilt for what she had done. For she knew it was never about the weapons. "I'm sorry Ollie, I –"
He put a finger over her mouth, not wanting to hear the reason. Oliver was just glad that she was still here. "We'll talk later." Unfolding the blanket, he laid it over her body, testing her comfort with him as he tucked it behind her. She didn't move once, so when he was done, he kissed her forehead and backed away.
She felt safe here, she felt comfortable with him... she apologized. That was more than he could expect a few months ago. So although it wasn't much, Oliver would take the small step forward.
~End~
Sera's Scribbles: So sometime during this unintentionally long hiatus, I decided to take the (series) rating down from M to T because that particular scene was not happening (and I was slightly afraid the beginning was a little OOC). I mean, this was supposed to be up in January, but there is nothing like a banner to inspire me to finally post this (take a look on my LJ if you're interested). That said, I am working on this series again, as I hope to have the next installment soon.