Wakka feels all the feelings at once and then the battle resumes - but battle is not without it's casualties.
I don't think I could poke or prod this chapter for more clarify if I tried - if there are mistakes they are mine and I deeply apologize. This chapter when I wrote it was an experiment in perspective and tense. I think it still holds a great deal of water.
Thank you for the follows/reviews (so close to the end now).
italics = denotes thought or memory
Not Mine
Chappu
Turning from the screen I watch as Yuna disappears down the corridor, going to her room. She is spent. This is the first time she has contacted the Bevellian city since being labeled a traitor, and a menace to society. I want to scream at the government, let me go, all I wish to do is return home - I am no longer her guardian. And it is true - really; Sin is dead. I have done my job. I knew that Tidus would hate me for thinking such things, but that's the way that it is. Sin is dead. Tidus and Yuna have killed him and now I am stuck something that I no longer wish to be. I have followed the teachings as far as I can. I have not let Yevon out of my sight, the knowledge the churches have given me still remaining in the forefront of my mind.
The screen in front of me, the one that Yuna was starring at only moments before - springs to life. Rikku looks up from where she is sitting, "Yes?" her eyes narrow.
A man in green ceremonial Bevellian robes stands looking at us as if we are cattle, something to raise. I know that he is important, very important by the way he holds himself. Old too if his silver hair is as any indication; so it is surprising to me when he speaks, "Hail. I wish to speak with those who accompanied the lady traitor on her quest."
He is young. That much I comprehend now, but his voice is kind and I feel my spirits soar. Maybe he is the answer to my problems, maybe he will save me. Rikku seems to consider the man for a second and then nods. She presses a button on the ship and for a second I think that nothing will happened, then both Kimahri and Lulu enter the room. Auron doesn't move from the wall upon which he leans, "Yes?" Rikku says.
The man bows, "I am Baralai, a high officer and man of Yevon. I have come bearing a choice. You are all not traitors, not yet. You, unlike the lady, can be saved. Denounce her and you will be welcomed back with open arms."
Chappu
Chappu
Dead body of a brother.
You have forsaken me.
Never, you live in me.
Chappu
He is my savior; he will free me from this ridged place where Al Bhed can roam freely their weapons unlocked for all to use. The weapons they had used to kill my brother. Behind me Auron huffs, "I have seen your corruption more times than I can count. You tried to kill us. There is nothing you can offer me."
Kimahri bares his teeth, sharp and pointy "Yevon bad, hurt Ronso youth."
Baralai looks down, "Of course. Ever the valiant Ronso, I am sorry about your people."
I am sorry also. Everyone is sorry; I will be forgiven for my sins and be able to return to Besaid. I have to go - I have no choice. Standing in front of the screen hands crossed over her chest Rikku looks at him, "I'm guessing this doesn't extend to me?"
"Of course not."
Going, I must go. That's what I will do, "Chose me. I will repent."
A hard hand strikes against my cheek, I look up and Lu is staring at me angry, and sad at the same time. I do not hate her for it, but our paths must diverge here.
Here.
Sands of the beach of Besaid are under my feet like thousands of stars. It was here that I found out that my brother was dead. The boat came in, from Bevelle and they delivered the news. I think that Lu cried that day, it was the last time I saw her cry, the only time she truly let go. I never wanted to see her cry again, I don't think I will. She didn't cry as I left. Yuna watched me though; with both eyes of different colors. I don't know why they came; I am a traitor in more than one way now. To the government and to my companions of old, my path is my own.
"Perhaps I've gotten used to farewells."
Lu
A body dead.
Unmarked grave.
Chappu.
Brother of mine.
Someone is behind me now, I turn to look at him. He's dressed in ceremonial robes of Yevon, I bow. It's what I have been trained to do. His face is clouded - it will not tell me anything. He looks important, more important than I will ever be. However when I bow he bows back, it's Yevon custom and that's all, "I am here as a diplomat for Praetor Baralai. He requests your presence in Bevelle. This is not a choice."
I had always wondered why they wanted us to give in. Now I knew. There would be things that I would just know by listening. From this point on I would face my choice and work for redemption for the sins that I had committed, "Take me to him." I am not afraid.
Days latter I had an epiphany. There are a few things that I understand. A few things that I don't, but I understood now that the government had known where we were at all times. They had been watching us and waiting for Yuna to defeat Sin so that they could strike - defeat a traitor who no longer had the protection of the Aeon's. In some ways it sickened me, in other ways it comforted me. My government was watching over me. In front of me the screen flared to life, "Hello Captain Wakka. This is Baralai." My new title is a gift given for choices made.
More bowing, too much of a tradition, "Wakka speaking."
"We have just confirmed though Seymour that her lady traitor is reassembling the Aeon's. We are stationing you at the temple of Yojimbo. You are to be sent there, she knows you, convince her to give up this silly quest. As we all know Sin won't come back for another ten years, there is no need."
"But sir-" I hated that word, "didn't Sin attack a few soldiers?"
"That is not your concern."
A place of death.
Lu's 1st summoner had died here.
I remember it all.
She never cried.
Yuna stands in front of me.
"It's best you turn yourself in." I say.
"So the traitor returns." the raven haired goddess says.
I hate that word. I am no traitor. I chose salvation, the path my brother would have chosen had he had too. Yuna's quest was over right? There was nothing left to protect - finally I could give myself to a cause. To fully care only for myself, it had been too long.
Lu is gasping now as Yuna rushes forward. Suddenly blue eyes are flashing and my face smarts. Topple backwards into comforting arms. I haven't felt Lu like this since the Blitzball tournament. Blue eyes still stare at me, angry blue eyes. It's not Yuna who looks at me now, it's Tidus. Somehow I know it's him and things start to click into place, Tidus saved Yuna. Sin lives already - this must be how he lives, through her.
There's conversation but I cannot pay attention. I have failed again, both Yevon and Yuna. There is no going back, no choice any more. So I will fight for a memory even if it is a false one. Lu's looking down at me with sad eyes that turn hostile in seconds. Dropping me on the ground as if I am nothing to her which I should be, I gave up on them. I stand up and brush myself off, back to business.
Today I won't stop Lu; she's not fighting for Spira this time. Now she's fighting for herself, and she looks as if thousands of Chocobo's have run over her. Like pale death. No, today I won't stop her; today I'll let her walk away. Lulu looks at me and then Yuna, the two of them seeming to come to some sort of agreement, "Goodbye Wakka."
And they're gone. My radio crackles, "Has she stopped her quest?"
"I am no longer one of them."
A silky smooth voice comes over the intercom replacing the one before it, and it's only then that I realize just who I'm working for, "Then you failed?"
"Yes."
"Then next time use force. Hmm?"
Seymour's voice ends and I'm left staring at the comm. The one that he used to contact me. A false dream I remind myself, I am fighting for a memory. That is all, and that memory must remain alive for now only I can keep it alive.
Chappu
Chappu
Sweet voice.
Lu's Sister.
Stinking of flesh.
Rotting under me.
Her memory.
The radio crackles again. It's not Seymour anymore and I thank all of the Yevon that's left in me. It's Baralai who although I dislike is far better than Seymour or any other person I could imagine, "You are to remain in the Calm Lands. Yuna seems to be using only those Aeon's which are hidden. She will come back for the others that remain there. And when she does do as Seymour asks, use force if necessary, if you have to kill her do not hesitate."
Kill Yuna? I had never really thought of it but now it is all I can think of.
They come back just a predicted a few days later. A trap is sprung to distract and I rush in. I want to postpone her death. A death I know will come. Yuna will not change her path, she's not like that. It's Lu I finally meet, I'm close to begging now, "I gave you chance to give in, why didn't you?"
"Because I love her, more than a memory."
She doesn't understand, doesn't see what I know now, "My brother is not a memory."
He's all that I have.
She calls me a memory. I knew that I was a memory the moment she dropped me inside that cave where the dead sister slept. Yet I cannot help but ask her to confirm what she said; I know the answer. Hash words come spewing from her mouth and then the awful truth that I knew and didn't want to face, "I loved you Wakka. I cannot love you anymore."
The guards move to kill her but I must stop them, must postpone death at all costs,"Not yet. Let her take us to those I know are with her. Lu-" I paused, "I just want what's best for you." it is the truth.
On the Chocobo Lu has the final say, she always has the final say it's just her way, "You have never known what is best for me. No Wakka, I do not love you any more, I loathe you."
The words are for me and my ears only.
Inside I see Yuna and another man, I do not know his name but the way that he looks at Lulu makes my blood boil. He thinks himself her protector. He is hobbled over, and I doubt he can protect her at all. He is weak. It's then that the ground shakes and I truly see Yuna, her eyes are dark a black orb around her head. I look back at this man, I hate him. I don't know why but I hate him. The orb comes…
"I can give you the power to get back what is yours."
I don't know what it means don't know who speaks, but it offers me Lu - it offers me things that I have only ever wanted in dreams. Pictures appear in my head, pictures that I cannot stop.
"I can give you what you seek."
Chappu
Lulu
Chappu
LuluChappu
Then we can all hear it speak, "Yes, this one will make a good tool."
Blinding pain.
Mother?
Father?
Brother?
Lulu?
Where are you?
Who am I?
Death and destruction all around me. I will kill them to get what I want; if I kill them Lu will be mine. I will have all of her and she will have all of me.
Power
Power
Power.
I want it. I want her; I want every little thing that they have taken from me. Yuna has taken my love from me; this man has taken my love from me. I will have them.
Kill
Kill
Kill.
A blast of ice, cursed Aeon's, "Do not forsake them. They are life." a voice in my head speaks.
My mind is broken, not mine. They are not mine, I will escape and then they will be mine. All mine.
Yevon be praised
Yevon be praised
Yevon be praised.
They are here now, in Master's domain. Master will fight them and then give Lulu to me, give them to me… I watch him fighting now blue sword flashing. They can try but I make him strong, and he makes me strong. Lulu will be mine.
Master is looking at Lulu oddly, "She is part of the summoners power. She is mother. Caretaker." he tells me.
Mother?
She was taken from me.
"I will kill her. Together in death will you live, just the two of you." he promises.
Lover?
She loves another.
"Then you two shall be with your wretched brother." it sounds false.
Brother?
Master killed him.
"And in death you will all live." this is not what I want.
Friends.
I have betrayed them.
Master leaps. In his arms he offers death, he offers things that no one will give me. Yevon is my master; he gives me power to have Lu. Lu? Who is Lu? I loved her once. He has reached her now, sword flashing. Five seconds, four seconds, three seconds. Lu is the one I love. I lost them, anger disappears.
Two
One.
There was so much blood, such terrible sticky blood. Lulu pulled her hands back. And the tears came in torrents, staining her black dress, "Wakka?"
He looked up at her, blood streaking his uniform - staining it red, "Hey Lu."
Behind her Nooj looked on and then moved forward, "Lulu?"
The battle has stopped - everything moving in slow motion. It had felt like slow motion, Tidus attacking her blood in his eyes his sword poised to cut into her flesh. She had felt death then, had wanted it. Tidus was going to give it to her, let her sleep. Lulu looked up at Nooj, finally understanding in this moment who she was, "We are kin."
Deathseeker. She was a deathseeker. Something inside her had been waiting for this moment - this glorious warriors death. Now that it was gone she didn't know if she wanted it, didn't know if she wanted the death that Tidus was going to offer upon her, "Yes. We are kin." Nooj said.
In her arms now Wakka convulsed violently and the ground became painted with his blood. It dripped down the long gash cleaved into his chest. He looked up at them and then beyond them and behind. He saw his brother, his mother, and his father. They were his now, to be loved and cared for. To be cherished and held. He reached out and grasped his brother's hand, "Family."
His eyes closed and Lulu nodded "Yes, we're family." She cried as the words flowed out of her, "You, Chappu, and I. He will not be a memory for you any more Wakka. Rest."
The fight, which had once been paused came back into focus as Wakka faded from her arms - pyreflies dancing into the air. And Lulu knew Wakka was at peace. He had not needed Yuna's dance after all.
Behind her Tidus attacked at her again, his sword hitting a protective barrier. He looked at Yuna, who was holding her staff in front of her, proof that she had just cast a spell, "Protecting the dead?" he asked.
"I protect everyone, even the dead. Leave them to grieve."
He berated her, "You were always so sweet."
She shook her head, "That doesn't work any more. Not on me. Tidus and I said our goodbyes."
She raised her staff and blocked his attack as he swung at her viciously. The blue of his sword clashed against the blue of her staff handle. Yuna had seen too much death. Her father had died, Jecht had died, Tidus had died, Auron an unsent, and now Wakka had died as well. They passed by her like shadows; she walked among them dead. There was no way to escape them. But unlike Lulu she did not wish to join them.
In time she knew she would be able to move on from Tidus. Take the love she had for him and turn it into something new, something beautiful. He was a dream after all, a dream of love and perfect moments and thoughts. And even if she loved him she does not love what he had become. What she had made of him. There was a pause and she looked up at what was once Tidus. He smirked, "But it does. You are dying inside."
It was only now that she hated the bond between them. It had been what had allowed her live, but it was also what allowed Yu Yevon to see inside her. Had let him see everything about her and he had known; known how angered she was - is, and how much she wanted to see him dead for what had done to Tidus. He had used the body of the one she loved most to fight against her, to bring about her end. Yet there was also sadness. Something that she had bottled up, so that no one could see, "You are not Tidus." she said, a little bite to her words.
It was the rage she had kept so hidden finally spilling out. For so long she had done her best to keep herself hidden, so that everyone could fight on to the best of their abilities. For she had feared that if she crumbled, so would everything else. But right now, just in this moment - she wanted a second to feel those emotions - wanted to be able to let them free. It startled her this selfishness but they were her feelings and they are done being denied. She would do this for her, no one else. In front of her Tidus laughed, "No. I am everything to you. For we are one. Well shall we end this?"
"It is time." she told him.
Tidus's hand reached out, as if reaching for her but Yuna knew it for the lie it was. Pyreflies circled his body, surrounding him fully and took him away from her. When the spirits cleared Tidus was no longer there. There was a pause and then the most beautiful Aeon Yuna had ever seen appeared in the sky. It was angelic, and it was hers. It's skin was milky white and blue veins ran up it's elfin body. Nails long black and sharp looked ready to slice open any throat. Large silk wings curled on it's back, waiting to unfurl. She understood though that its beauty was a front, a disguise to hide the true evil that lurked inside.
It landed on the ground wings spread outwards and stretched a hand outward for Auron. Energy gathering in its palm. The first of Yuna's friends, it would kill them all before it attempted to end her life. Because it knew that their deaths would crush her spirit, but once again Rikku protected Auron. A shield covered their bodies as Rikku ran forward, putting her body in front of the blast. Rikku would always do her best to protect Auron Yuna knew; it was after all part of the promise Rikku had made. Rikku tossed three grenades at Yuna's Aeon, and he flinched backwards. Having found himself thwarted and singed he changed targets.
Lulu was next, and only after the Aeon's attack was met with interrupting fire from a gun did it understand that Lulu too had a protector. Nooj looked down at the blood splattered, tear stained woman and finally helped her to her feet as he stood as well. That was his job now, to protect this woman from the same fate that had befallen him. Together they would fight against death. They stood together united, bodies planted firmly forward.
The creature took the gun fire directly to the face and roared angrily. His body showing the scars from both direct attacks now. Next he came after Baralai, a man who had changed his mind. And would some day give Spira a new light. But Yu Yevon's very own daughter stepped in front of him and he knew that he could not kill this man. Not as long as his daughter stood between them. He wondered why his daughter would protect such a creature. Paine had understood however, had come to terms with the fact that this man would change the world. So she had to protect him. It was the job the fayth had given her after all. To protect the change that would come.
Finally he turned on Yuna whom held her head high. Staff in hand she stared at her Aeon. And he moved. It was quicker than lightning and it was such that she defended herself with. Calling down the forces, Ixon landed in front of her and reared and cried with a triumphant sound. These were her protectors, the Aeons.
Ixon charged at Yuna's Aeon and it dodged deftly twisting its body to escape the horn that was aimed at its midsection. Her Aeon clapped his hands and giant balls of light charged with powerful energy fell from the sky upon them and Ixon moved to protect her, taking all the damage directed at her as his own. Sad bestial eyes looked into hers, "You want this to end." It nodded, "I know."
She used Ixon's large horse like body to stand up and whispered something into it's ear. It whinnied its approval, and its horn started to sparkle and shine collecting light energy. It jumped backward a step and placed its feet onto the ground to keep it steady, shooting out its own beam lightning at Yuna's Aeon. Yuna's Aeon flew into the sky guided by the beam and seemed to hover in midair. A second blast of energy traveled through the horn and everything exploded outward. The Aeon crumpled to the ground and twitched once. For a moment Yuna wondered if it was enough. Then the pyreflies burst away from its body and left Tidus in its wake. Her Tidus. Yuna ran to him, catching his body as he tettered unsteady helping lower him to the ground as he gasped for breath. He looked at her; his body failing in front of her eyes, "You came." he said softly, his voice almost stolen from him.
"I keep my promises."
He shivered with small shuddering breaths, as he died in her arms. Still, his death could not mask the fact that there was still business to be done. He touched her face softly, "It's been so long since I've been able to touch you, to see you with my own eyes."
She knew he was telling the truth. Dreams didn't really count and never would. They filled in the spaces of longing but did little to keep them full. His flesh blood was something she had yearned for. And now that she had him she knew that she would have to let him go again, "I wish we had time." she said.
Behind her Braham was already materializing in his white robe. Tidus saw the boy, and knew his time was soon. Yet as Sin he could not die until Yuna defeated Yu Yevon fully and then sent him. The floating burning mark of Yu Yevon began to go wild, flames shooting out around it. The orb that had caused Wakka's betrayal floated into the air materializing in front of them. It circled around them like they were prey, "Yuna, the Aeon's. Call them!" Tidus spoke through the pain in his body.
It was his way of telling her that it was okay, that he could wait and that this had to come first. His sweet sleep could wait. He had already been waiting for what seemed like years though it had only been a few weeks. Braham agreed, "Call us."
Lulu watched as the orb spiraled down upon them, "It comes."
Yuna looked down once more at Tidus, "I love you." she said.
He caressed her cheek softly, "Don't think about me, just do what you have to do." his hand fell limply against his side, exhaustion finally winning out.
Do what she had to do. It was what she had lived by for ages, one more fight. That was all that she had left in her, one more fight and then it would be done. Then she could rest - sleep for days. Although Tidus would be gone the world would be at peace. She would be free of the word traitor, the brand that had haunted Wakka for so long. The orb fell faster now, "Okay."
And then she felt herself snatched away. Gone to that one last fight - leaving Tidus laying on the battlefield of the dead. His only company the sound of his own shallow breathing.
A/N: I'm still very proud of this chapter. It's very very different than the normal stock that I've written in this story up until now. But I love it. When I was writing this story ages ago and realized that I planned to kill Wakka I always wanted to get into his head about his betray and why he did what he did, and I still think this chapter does that pretty well.