"So I've decided to travel across the ocean and start my life over as a circus performer. What do you think?"
Sebastian turned with a bemused expression towards Blaine, his brow furrowing as he tried to recall what he had just been asked. Truth be told, he hadn't been paying much attention to anything the other boy had said ever since they left the castle, allowing Blaine's happy chattering to wash over him as they strolled down the hill into the village.
"I think...I think that's an excellent choice Blaine." Sebastian hazarded a guess, wincing as Blaine's raised eyebrow let him know that his answer was way off-target.
He should be listening to his submissive, he knew he should, but he just couldn't focus on anything other than the events of the previous afternoon. His brain was filled with the sound of birch sticks swishing through the air, the ache in his knees that had radiated all the way up his thighs, and his own voice chanting 'harder, please god harder'.
It had all felt so perfect at the time, just him and Kurt and that beautiful, blissful feeling of absolute calm that he had seen engulf Blaine a thousand times but had never truly appreciated until yesterday.
'Switch'. That was the word Kurt had used, both Dominant and submissive, and in the moment it had made perfect sense. In the moment there was nothing that Sebastian had believed so completely, so absolutely. Of course he was a switch, he always had been, and it had just taken someone like Kurt to bring it out into the open. So simple, so obvious.
But in the cold light of day everything suddenly seemed so much more complicated. Now that the world consisted of more than him and Kurt and that beautiful birch stick – oh god, every time he thought about it he felt his knees go weak – everything that previously was so beautiful in its simplicity suddenly became horrifically, hideously complex. Dominant and submissive, what did that even mean? How on earth could one person possibly be both? It just didn't make sense. How could he possibly give Blaine the structure and control that he needed when he clearly couldn't even give it to himself? What could he even offer Blaine when Kurt was ready and waiting in the wings? Kurt, a proper dominant, perfectly capable of offering Blaine everything that Sebastian couldn't, not when all he wanted to do was prostrate himself in front of Kurt and beg for him to make him feel like he had the other night.
His emotions were in turmoil, his core completely off balance, and as he turned his attention to the happy, bubbly submissive next to him he realized with a sinking sense of dread that he no longer had any idea how to act around Blaine.
"I'm going to hazard a guess and say that you haven't heard a word I've said since we left the castle," Blaine commented with a wry smile, so much more confident and at ease than Sebastian had ever seen him. The Blaine who stood in front of him now was nothing like the Blaine who had travelled with him from the Worthington estate to the Royal Castle, a continuous transformation that had begun the moment Blaine had met the Crown Prince. Kurt, a real dominant, had steadily drawn out his inner confidence, and nurtured the adventurous, playful side of Blaine that was clearly out in force today.
Had Sebastian stifled his submissive, all these years? Had he been too rigorous, too absolute in his control? Sebastian had always thought he had been doing right by Blaine in exacting such a strict sense of Dominance over him, but now he wondered if maybe, just maybe, it had all been in response to his own desires. A backlash reaction to that ignored, abandoned part of his own soul that was so desperate to be Dominated the way he Dominated Blaine.
Blaine's smile faltered as Sebastian continued to stare blankly at him, his mind running so fast that he couldn't possibly think to construct a response. Sebastian could practically see the transformation that rippled through Blaine's body as he locked his shoulders, gaze dipping to Sebastian's chin as he lowered his head in deference. "I apologize for my insubordination, Master." He said, voice breathy as his hands slipped to clasp behind his back, the picture of perfect submission.
This was the Blaine that Sebastian had grown up with, and the familiarity washed over him like a warm summer breeze. He reached out to stroke Blaine's cheek, and Blaine leaned into the oncoming gesture, but his hand faltered at the last second, hovering scant inches above Blaine's skin before dropping limply back to his side. What he had once taken for granted as honest submission was now muddied by ambiguity. Was Blaine simply putting on an act in an attempt to placate Sebastian? Had their entire relationship been this way, with Blaine saying and doing what he thought he needed to to please his stupid, broken Dominant who didn't know what a submissive really wanted?
Sebastian took a step back in horror at the thought, his hands clenching and unclenching by his side as three years of memories flashed behind his eyes. Had it all been an illusion, a fabricated submission that Blaine had suffered through all these years? Kurt had said as much to him, all those weeks ago after their confrontation down in the village. Maybe he had been right all along.
Blaine whined and took a small step toward Sebastian, his head still bowed. "Please, Master," he asked plaintively, an open request from submissive to Dominant, and god help him but Sebastian just couldn't bring himself to believe that it was forced.
'Please Kurt, harder.'
The memory swiped at him from out of nowhere, clobbering him over the head in its intensity, and Sebastian gasped as the feeling of absolute submission invaded every corner of his being. He just didn't know how he could do it, be the Dominant Blaine deserved, not when his own desire for submission was getting harder and harder to ignore.
Blaine gave a small sigh and took a step backward, and Sebastian's gut wrenched. He hadn't meant it, not really. He couldn't give up Blaine, couldn't give up that perfect contentment that came from having Blaine kneeling at his feet. It was a completely different sensation from what he had experienced last night with Kurt, but as soon as the idea of losing it forever suddenly became a distinct possibility, he knew without a shadow of a doubt that he just couldn't give it up.
Blaine huffed again and plopped himself down on the grassy verge that bordered the road. He patted the grass next to him in invitation, and Sebastian was so shocked at the presumptive gesture from his submissive that he couldn't do anything but nod and follow Blaine's invitation.
The grass was cool enough to seep through the fabric of his tunic, but not wet, and strangely comforting. The hardness of the soil reminded him of the floor in Kurt's bed-chambers, and Sebastian vaguely wondered if this was his life now, the whole world reminding him of his weakness.
"Can I speak frankly, Master?" Blaine asked softly, his eyes darting between Sebastian's lips and eyes as he spoke.
Master. The word was so beautiful on Blaine's tongue, sweet like syrup and dripping with potential. Sebastian could do no more than nod silently as his insides somehow managed to lodge themselves in his throat.
Blaine was silent for a long time, playing his with hands in his lap as he considered his next words. Every so often he would reach up and carefully smooth an imaginary errant curl back into place, a sure sign that he was nervous. Finally, he looked back up at Sebastian, his eyes glittering with a fierce determination.
"Things are different, since we came to the palace. I'm different." He started slowly, but his voice was unwavering. "The sort of submission that Kurt offers me, I never thought I would like it, but I do, I really do, Master. The things that I've managed to achieve, down in the village? I know I wouldn't have been able to do half that without what Kurt has offered me these past few months. The freedom he's offered me, the autonomy, I don't think... I don't want to give that up."
Here it was, the bitter blow where Blaine laid out all of his failings in a neat row, shamed him for not noticing what Blaine had obviously needed all these years, begged him to be a better Dominant. Just like Kurt.
"I..." Sebastian's voice came out hoarse and scratchy, the despair in his chest at the thought of losing Blaine forever trying to claw the words back, keep them unsaid. "I don't think I can be that kind of Dominant, Blaine."
Blaine raised one eyebrow and cocked his head questioningly. "Why on earth do you think I would want you to be?"
Blaine's response was so unexpected, so completely the opposite of what Sebastian had been expecting, that for a moment Sebastian could do nothing more than gape.
Blaine tipped his head to the other side, chewing his lip thoughtfully. "This whole time I thought...I thought you were distant because you didn't like the submissive that I was becoming. But it's not that at all is it? You're worried about not being the Dominant that you think I need, isn't that it?"
"I've seen how happy Kurt makes you," Sebastian argued, becoming more and more confused by the minute. "And I- it turns out I'm not the Dominant I thought I was. All these years, I thought I was giving you what you needed-"
"You were," Blaine interrupted passionately, his hand reaching out to clasp Sebastian's in a gesture that was simultaneously so foreign, and yet so comfortingly familiar, "You still are, Master."
"But you just said-" Sebastian argued, his brain still determinedly refusing to accept what Blaine was saying, that he might possibly actually be good enough.
"The only reason I can enjoy the freedom Kurt offers me is because I know I have your hand, your commands, your control waiting for me on the other side." Blaine said, and somehow when he said it, it actually made sense.
After all, if Sebastian had it in him to desire both Dominance and submission, why on earth shouldn't Blaine crave the whole spectrum of submission offered to him? Sebastian gave a small, slightly self-deprecating smile, and Blaine's eyes twinkled in response.
"We've been together three years, Master," Blaine said fondly, his thumb rubbing circles into the back of Sebastian's hand. "Do you really think I would still be here if you weren't exactly what I needed?"
Sebastian shrugged, still feeling bashful and nothing at all like the Dominant Blaine claimed he still had the potential to be. "You hear stories, about submissives trapped in these awful claims, their Dominants unwilling or unable to give them what they need."
Blaine gave a wry smile, "I might be a submissive, but I'm still an Anderson. Do you really think that if I was that unhappy my parents wouldn't use every resource at their disposal to break my claim? I'm with you because I want to be, Sebastian, not because I have to be."
The weight on Sebastian's chest was starting to finally lift, he felt like he could breathe properly for the first time all day. Against all odds, Blaine still wanted him, still needed him, exactly how he was.
Except, he wasn't entirely sure exactly what he was any more. Blaine might say that he needed him now, but what happened when his own desire for submission eclipsed Blaine's? What happened when he couldn't give Blaine what he needed because he was no longer a Dominant, but a switch? With a soft, rueful sigh he pulled his hand out of Blaine's grasp. "There are things about me...things have changed...recently..." He stumbled over his words, not sure how to articulate exactly what had transpired between him and Kurt the night before.
Blaine smiled softly and determinedly reached across to grasp Sebastian's hand once more. "I'm pretty sure you're the same man you've always been, you've just finally realized some things about yourself that the rest of us have known about for a while."
Sebastian raised an eyebrow in question, and Blaine smiled and nodded in response. A silent conversation they had had thousands of times before, and from the looks of it would continue to have a thousand times again. The weight lifted completely, and for the first time in what seemed like forever Sebastian felt free.
"I'm not sure I like the sound of that," he said lightly, his voice just slightly rippling with something more intense. "You know what happens to submissives who keep secrets from their Dominants."
He just caught a glimpse of Blaine's smile widening as he dipped his head in instant submission. "Yes Master," he replied breathily, the anticipation heavy in his voice. "I'm sorry, I forgot myself."
Sebastian grinned widely and lifted his hand to card his fingers through Blaine's hair, stroking gently through the strands just above his ear before reaching round to tangle his fingers in the thick curls at the back of his head. With a short, sharp tug he forced Blaine to raise his head to meet his gaze, his grin turning into a full-blown smirk as he saw the slightly glassy expression behind Blaine's eyes. "Yes, yes you did. And I think you need reminding of just who you belong to, don't you Blaine?"
"Yes Master," Blaine practically whined, trying to nod his head and whimpering when Sebastian tightened his grip in response. "Please, Master, I need it."
Sebastian took his time before replying, raking his scrutinizing gaze up and down the length of Blaine's body the way he knew drove his submissive wild. Finally, only once Blaine's breathing had gotten so heavy that he could see the boy's chest rising and falling beneath his tunic, he gave a sharp nod.
"Up," he commanded, untangling his fingers from Blaine's hair as he stood, brushing a few errand strands of grass off his clothing as he did so. Blaine scrambled to his feet, dipping his head and clasping his hands behind his back as he waited for Sebastian's next move.
"We're going back to the castle," Sebastian said slowly, drawing out each word so that they practically slid off his tongue. "And then I'm going to send for Kurt, and together-" he paused for suspense, eyes glittering as Blaine's breath hitched in his chest at the mention of Kurt. "-together we're going to give you exactly what you deserve."