Doug's Little Friend

Servo: A friend he can never be with in public.

By the 6ft dick

Crow: This is going to be a very mature story, isn't it?

Mike: Why does the author name himself after something he doesn't have?

Servo: Who says it's a guy?

It was another day in Bluffington.

Servo: Where people don't question why they have different colors of their skin.

Doug was at his locker, thinking dirty thoughts about Miss Wingo.

Crow: Little did he know that she was thinking about him as well.

"Oh, Miss Wingo," Doug moaned out loud,"You are the hottest she maleIhave ever laid my perverted but virgin eyes on."

Mike: The hottest she maleIhave? What the Hell is that?

Suddenly, Skeeter did his honking noise, scaring the shit out of Doug.

Crow: He couldn't have waited until he got to the bathroom to honk at him.

"Skeeter you dumb mofo, what's your fucking problem?" "CHRIST, DOUG, WHAT'S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM, BITCH? And what was with the moaning?"

Servo: I WAS THINKING OF YOU!

Doug began to sweat and gulped loudly.

Mike: How do you sweat loudly?

Servo: He did this right after he saw blindly.

"Oh, I was thinking dirty thoughts about Miss Wingo, I mean Mr. Bone in my butt, I mean Mr. Small Dink, I mean Patti. Tee hee."

ALL: TEE HEE HEE HEE HEE!

Skeeter rolled his eyes. "Come on,

Crow: I already did.

Mike: Crow!

we're late for class".

They went to class.

Servo: Let's take a seat.

Crow: They took a seat.

Servo: The teacher is going to check our homework.

Crow: They took out their homework.

Miss Wingo's class was very boring.

Mike: Stripping 101 wasn't as exciting after the first day.

So boring, in fact, Doug began to fantasize about Miss Wingo. Douggot up andbegan to shake his groove thangin the middle of the classroom."

Servo: Mike, what's a thagin?

Mike: It's the writer's horrible way of spelling his own name wrong.

Crow: Oh, so it's 6ft tall!

Mike: Crow! (chuckles)

Doug, is there anything you want to share with the class?"the old bitch squealed."Yes Mrs. WingoIdo," said Doug.

Crow: Doug slowly zips down his pants.

Mike: Crow!

"I LOVE YOU."Ha ha thats funny, but you cant love her because your gay,Roger screamed.

Servo: Roger! I told you that in secret.

"Shut up, horse dick." Doug yelled.

Mike: Great, now everyone knows that I'm half horse!

With that, he jumped on Roger and started beating the shit out of him.

Crow: Feces filled his pants in 5 seconds flat.

Roger's gay little playmates grabbed Doug by the pants to get him off of Roger,

Servo: So they could be beat up by him.

Crow: Or worse…

but only accomplished in ripping his pants and very small, incredibly tight, extremely gay pink Barbie panties off.

Crow: Don't you have one of those, Mike?

Mike: I told you to stay out of my sock draw…I mean, no.

Patti screamed with delight, "Doug has a small penis!"

Servo: How do you scream with delight when saying that?

Crow: Isn't that like laughing in terror?

Everyone laughed at him, even Miss Wingo. Miss Wingo said between laughs," I have a bigger dick than him, and I don't even have one."

Crow: That doesn't make any sense!

Mike: It's probably invisible.

Crow: THAT JUST RAISES MORE QUESTIONS!

"Miss Wingo, I loved you." "Doug, I could never love you. I'm a lesbian." With that, Mrs. Dink walked in,and started making out with Miss Wingo.

Servo: WHAT story is this? What tormented idiot decided this was literature?!

Mike: This is fanfiction, Servo.

Everyone laughed so hard they shit themselves. Doug ran off crying.

Crow: Because everyone crapped themselves, the stench was overwhelming for his eyes.

As Doug ran home, crying like the pansy he was, everyone laughed at him. Cops let criminals go so they could see the naked lad.

Mike: Even though the guys they let go were streakers.

Firemen let buildings burn so they too could see.

Servo: HELP US! WE'RE BURNING ALI- OH LOOK! IT'S DOUG!

Crow: LET'S ALL POINT AND LAUGH!

ALL: HA HA HA!

Mike: We're going to burn alive but it was totally worth it.

Worst of all, a busload of hot cheerleaders and swimsuit models drove by. They laughed at thepantsless boy withthe small penis.

Crow: The pantsless boy withthe small penis: The Pee-Wee Herman story.

The mayor said on every television in the town, "Douglas Nancy Funnie is wearing absolutely nothing.

Mike: Yes, he is. He just has no pants.

Anyone who throws stuff at him, calls him a queer and other words, or just plain old makes his life a living hell will get $5."

Servo: Calling him a queer and making his life hell. Absolutely NOTHING wrong with that.

So naturally everyone in town did just that. People gave him titty twisters, threw bricks, cement blocks, basketballs, kicked, punched, and called him a little pussy queer so they could get their reward.

Mike: So, remember, everyone! If you beat up a person that likes the same sex, you will be rewarded.

Crow: Why don't more people do this?

Doug finally got home, bleeding, bruised, and covered in whipped cream.

Crow: A typical orgy aftermath.

Doug's mom came out of the kitchen afterhaving sex with Porkchop and asked what happened.

Servo: SQUICK! Why was she doing it with food?

Mike: I think Porkchop is the dog, Servo.

Servo: THAT'S EVEN WORSE!

Doug told her what happened and she was on the floor laughing with tears in her eyes.

Mike: She's laughing at the fact that his teacher and Mrs. Dink made out.

Doug's dad came home. "What the fuck happened to you?" Doug said the whole 's dadlaughed so hard he pissed his pants.

Crow: All and all, a very understanding, and loving, family.

Judy and her boyfriend walked in.

Servo: Hoping to do it with Porkchop.

"Everyone, this is Percy Femur," she said. "Oh, shit." said Doug. "Hey, I remember you. You're that little ass face who tattled on me." Percy said angrily.

Crow: WHEN?! It never happened in this story!

Mike: He's probably talking about what happened in the actual show.

Servo: Who cares? This story isn't helping ANYTHING!

Doug's dad thought to himself 'Sweet Jesus, Doug is making me so horny.'

Mike: I don't care that he's my son. That just turns me on more.

Servo: What sick twisted person thought this up? I HAVE to meet them.

He went over to Percy and whispered in his ear. Percy's smile grew bigger and bigger.

Crow: The inside of his underwear did the same.

Dad and Percy grabbed Doug and took him down to the basement. Screaming and moaning came from there.

Mike: Bruce Willis was hung by handcuffs in the next room, with a gimp watching him.

Doug came out with a bloody butt

Servo: Worst prostate exam ever.

and said "I'm sick and tired of everyone in this fucking town treating me like shit."

Crow: I would rather treat me like crap!

With that, heran out of the housepantsless again, as he screamed "see you later fuckers."

Mike: I don't think you should insult people with no pants on. It kind of leaves you with no dignity.

Fortunatly Doug was run over by a semi.

Servo: A semi automatic? A semi vehicle? FILL US IN!

The End

Mike: This may be the end but it's the beginning of the suffering.