JANUARY 2

I was lying on my back on my couch, staring at the bottom of my loft bed, and tossing the stuffed Pikachu I'd had forever up and down. Mom had mentioned her conversation with Jonathan to me a couple of days ago. Of course, she didn't know that I'd overheard it. I hadn't said anything to her about that. But she told me that the choice was mine, whether or not I wanted him in my life. She was okay with whatever choice I made, and she wasn't going to try to pressure me into anything.

I wasn't sure what I wanted.

I mean, he was my father. Without him, I wouldn't exist.

But at the same time, he hadn't really wanted me to exist. He'd suggested that my mom kill me, before I even really had a chance to live.

Did I really want him in my life? I wasn't sure about that, but I was kind of curious about him. I didn't know much about him, other than the fact that he and my mom hadn't spoken since my birth and that he was a really good skateboarder.

I did want to know more about him. I wanted to know if I was anything like him. I knew that I had inherited his curly hair and grey eyes. But was my personality anything like his? Mom never went into much detail about it.

But sixteen years.

And I already had a dad in my life. A good dad, who never treated me as anything other than his own son. I never felt like his stepson because he never treated me that way. I knew that he loved me just as much as he loved his biological children. Even though my last name was different than my siblings' last names, I never felt like I wasn't part of the family. I had always thought of Alex as my father, and I was sure that he had always thought of me as his son.

One of my earliest memories was of Dad giving me the Pikachu I was tossing – the same night I'd met the guy. I'd practically begged him to let me keep the toy because I was obsessed with Pokémon at the time. He'd given it to me without a second thought. I'd kept it ever since. It was something that was important to me, something that reminded me of what an amazing guy my dad was.

How did he feel about all of this? What if he thought that I didn't want him as a dad anymore because I wanted to get to know Jonathan? I hoped he knew that that could never happen. He would always be my dad. Always.

"Hey, buddy."

I looked up as Dad entered the room. "Hey," I said back. "Were your ears burning or something? I was just thinking about you. Kind of."

He grinned. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." Normally I would have teased him about already being in the room, so what was the point of asking? But I wasn't in the mood today.

He sat down next to me on the couch, pushing my feet out of the way to make room. Chuckling slightly, he plucked the toy from my hands. "I can't believe you still have this thing."

I shrugged. "It means a lot to me. I mean, I know I was only like, three or something at the time, but I actually remember you giving it to me. After I begged you to."

"I had no idea. It really wasn't a big deal to me. You were cute, and you were obviously a huge fan of the show. I knew you'd take care of it. And even if you didn't, you'd love it to death and get way more use out of it than me. It means a lot to me that you've kept it all these years." He studied me carefully. "You still can't decide whether or not you want to talk to your dad, can you?" he guessed.

I sighed. "He's not my dad," I said automatically. Then I shook my head. "I mean, he is, but not really. I don't think of him as my dad. He's my father, he helped give me life, but you're my dad."

He smiled at me. "I am. And I will always be your dad, in all the ways that matter. I want you to know that I will support you, no matter your choice. Whether you want Jonathan in your life or not."

"Won't it be kind of weird for you, though?"

"Stryker, don't make this decision based on how you think it will make other people feel. This is your life. He's your father. You need to make the decision that's best for you. Don't worry about how I might feel about it."

I looked at him, at this man who had helped raise me, at this man who had given me everything that a father should give their child. "Dad, I do want to know your feelings about it, though. It's important to me."

Smiling slightly, he tossed Pikachu back at me, barely giving me enough time to catch the toy. "Are you worried that I'm going to feel pushed out or something? Stryk, you've kept this silly toy for thirteen years. I think our father-son relationship is pretty solid. If you want to get to know your biological father, get to know him. I'll support you, and I'm not worried about my relationship with you changing."

I smiled. "You know that you're pretty much the coolest dad ever, right?"

He smirked. "Of course I am."

I threw Pikachu at his head, but I was grinning. "Oh, shut up."

"How do you feel about Jonathan's request?"

I groaned, pulling a couch pillow over my face. "I don't know," I muttered. "I mean, I wouldn't exist without him. But he also wanted Mom to get an abortion and kill me. That doesn't exactly make me thrilled about getting to know the guy."

"How did you know about the abortion?"

I moved the pillow to look at him. He was giving me a strange look. I grinned sheepishly. "Oh, um, I kind of overheard Mom talking to him. Anyway, I have mixed feelings about it. On the one hand, I share his DNA. I'm kind of interested to know more of my heritage. I do want to connect with him, to learn about his interests and talents and hobbies and things. But…my life is perfect exactly how it is. What if my life gets totally screwed up because I invite him into it? I don't…I don't want my life to change. And it will, if I go through with this. It's gonna change enough with the new baby."

My mom had told the whole family about the new baby the day after her conversation with Dad. Bexley was happy that she would have another girl in the house. She was tired of living with just boys. The twins were indifferent. It was one more person for them to prank.

Dad patted my foot. "Change isn't always bad, buddy. Just remember that. And remember that your mother and I love you. And we will support your decision, whatever it is."

I smiled at him. "Thanks, Dad. That helps. A lot."