Garfield: Royal Rescue

Crow: So, is Garfield part of royalty and he's rescuing someone?

Servo: Is Garfield going to rescue a Kansas City Royal?

Crow: Is Garfield part of some royal secret service?

Mike: Guys, they can be all those things and more!

Garfield was relaxing having some scotch and lasagna when Jon Arbuckle came with emergency news.

"Garfield it is terrible I have the bad news." Jon Arbuckle Said with crying words.

Crow: Hollywood is going to make a sequel to your live action movies!

"Stop your sob stories and give me your thoughts." Garfield said with serious demands.

Servo: But his thoughts are nothing BUT sob stories.

Mike: Asking a girl for several years until she says yes is one of them.

Crow: You can relate, can't you, Mike?

Mike: Well, I…hey!

"It is terrible Garfield, Kate Middleton and Prince William are getting married but you are not invited!" Jon Arbuckle said with outrage.

"This is lies!" Roared Garfield with angry voice.

Servo: How dare that slut marry Kate!

"It is true. Look and see." Jon Arbuckle showed Garfield a letter that came through mail boxes.

Crow: Oooo! I hope this letter is a vowel!

Mike and Servo: (facepalm)

Crow: Servo, your hands are short. How can you…

"Dear Garfield, you are not invited to royal wedding. Sincerely Royal England Family." Said the letter with insults.

"INVITE THIS." Shouted Garfield as he tore up the letter with manly hands.

Mike: Well, actually the letter was invited to the royal wedding as the ring bearer.

Crow: Garfield was arrested later for murder of British royalty.

"This is last straw. I will not stand for insults to humanity." Garfield cried out to the ceiling with fist clenched with justice.

Servo: …with a side order of lasagna.

"What will you do Garfield?" Asked Jon Arbuckle with wondering.

"I will do what any good man does when insulted with words. I will crush wedding with righteousness." Garfield roared with determination.

Crow: (surfer voice) EXCELLENT!

Servo: Mike, remember when your ex-girlfriend got married and didn't invite you?

Mike: I was in space! Even if she did invite me, I wouldn't have ever been able to make it. Why do you ask?

Servo: Uhhhh, nothing.

Crow: In no relation to what's being talked about, I saw in the front papers this morning that reported a small robot holding up a wedding ceremony with a machete.

Mike: Servo, did you have anything to do with that?

Servo: It could have been ANY red small robot.

Crow: I didn't give the color.

Servo: (embarrassed) It was a small shotgun and I thought it was a shotgun wedding.

"It will be dangerous. Royal edicts are there with power." Jon Arbuckle warned with caution.

"The only edict I serve is my fist." Said Garfield as he walked out with intentions.

Crow: Serve with his fist? With intensions? I don't like where this is going.

Meanwhile in England Buckingham Palace Prince William and Kate Middleton were getting ready for marriage ceremonies.

"Kate Middleton soon we will be in marriage and all will be well. You will be princess of England and all will bow to you." Said Prince William with celebration.

"Yes I am happiness. But I wish Garfield was here. I am missing Garfields macho charm and rugged good looks." Kate Middleton said with distant longing.

Servo: Mike, is this going to go into bestiality?

Mike: I hope not but, let's not give anybody any ideas.

"FORGET GARFIELD. He is not coming for as long as I am Prince of this land. You will be mine and mine alone." Said Prince William grasping Kate Middleton tightly.

Crow: …around her neck.

Mike: Crow.

"But." Said Kate Middleton with whimper.

"There will be no buts for YOU. No cat no matter how manly will steal my woman!" Shouted Prince William with anger.

Servo: If you are jealous of a fictional cat, you have serious man issues that you need to work out.

"Oh, Garfield…" Cried out Kate Middleton with wanting.

Crow: Wanting her Garfield? Wanting her kitty cat? Wanting her pus-

Mike: (interrupts) Crow, that's two strikes.

Meanwhile Garfield was getting ready for trip to lovely country of England.

"Time to prepare for my British vacation. My only souvenir will be flaming vengeance." Garfield said as he packed his things.

Servo: He has a friend named Vengeance and he just came out last week.

"Garfield be careful of stress it is killer with heart disease and cholesterol." Jon Arbuckle warned with advice.

Mike: Says the guy who stopped caring about what bad food he's been eating over the last decade.

"I have no time for stress, there is British damsel that needs saving." Garfield said with stern voice.

"Farewell Jon Arbuckle. Hold down fort when I am gone." Garfield said as he left for adventure.

"You know it Garfield. Show them what a real man is made of." Jon Arbuckle said as he grasped Garfields arm for manly handshake.

Crow: Moments after Garfield left, a bomb blew up their house.

Garfield then boarded his jet and lifted off for take off with thunder like speed.

Servo: So, does Garfield fly his jet or does he have a pilot on standby?

Mike: So, we're just going to ignore the fact that a cartoon cat has a private jet…with no explanation?

Garfield soared through the sky over oceans and oceans until he came to Island of England. Garfield then braked his jet and prepared for jumping.

Crow: He found out that lasagna has been banned worldwide. He can't take the pain anymore.

"Time for a British invasion." Said Garfield as he leaped out of Jet into country of Great Britain to administer justice like a Prime Minister of iron.

Mike: Let's hope it's not a Canadian Prime Minister, otherwise, he'd be deader than Pauly Shore career in the 2000s.

Garfield opened his parachute with lasagna logo but was in no mood for playtime.

"Parachutes are for little girls and babies in wheelchairs." Said Garfield as he cut his parachute off for free fall fun.

Servo: …forgetting that he was living the last of his 9 lives.

Crow: Poor bastard could barely survive landing on the street but then there were the double Decker buses that ran him over.

Meanwhile in Buckingham palace Prince William was dressing up in wedding clothes. All of a sudden he sensed great power.

Mike: …but not great responsibility.

"No it can not be it must being my imagination playing tricks on me." Said Prince William with self delusional fear.

Crow: He finally looked in a mirror, saying, "My clothes make me look fat!"

Mike: Or he could've just looked in a mirror.

Crow: Don't ruin it, Mike.

"Prince William we are almost ready for the wedding." Said the servants.

"Very well I am almost ready. Now leave before I am lashing your back." Roared Prince William with anger.

"Yes my master." Said the servants with cowering.

Servo: Lashing backs to his cowering servants? Prince William, is there something you'd like to tell us?

The Queen of England than entered Prince Williams room with words.

"This is your special day. Yet I am unsure you have proven true manhood." Said The Queen of England.

"I am true man. All will England will see." Said Prince William with defiance.

Crow: I am finally 4 inches…

Mike: Crow.

Crow: …taller.

Mike: Oh.

Crow: But my manhood grew twice as long!

Mike: (facepalms)

"Why have you not invited Garfield? Do you fear to face real man?" Asked the Queen of England with challenge.

"I fear no man or cat!" Shouted Prince William as he tossed champagne glass at mirror shattering all into millions in fits of anger.

Mike: Clearly he has never met Chuck Norris.

"I am the prince of all English! All will cower before my monarchial might! Not even Garfield can defeat me!" Declared Prince William with royal decree.

Servo: Yeah, if your major enemy is a cartoon cat, you should not be the Prince.

Mike: Or the leader of…anything, really.

Meanwhile Garfield was walking in streets of London with purpose. As Garfield walked with strength steps,

Crow: He gained 20 pounds after a lasagna binge in the past half hour.

Englishmen cheered him and shouted his name with joy.

"GARFIELD. GARFIELD." Cheered the Englishmen as Garfield walked to Buckingham Palace.

Garfield walked with sternness and determination to destination for he was on mission. Garfield walked and walked until he came to Buckingham Palace gates.

Mike: Oh what? He had a jet that flew him here and he had to WALK? Why couldn't he land on top of the place instead of jumping out.

Servo: Mike, are you looking for logic in this story? You know what that will do to you.

"No gate can take my power!" Garfield bellowed with majesticness as he punched down gate with one punch.

Crow: Garfield can emit a Falcon punch?

Garfield marched with purpose in feet as stormed to wedding place of matrimony. Royal Guards came rushing to arrest him but they were not of match.

"There is Garfield! Arrest him in the name of prince!" Shouted the Guards with princely loyalty.

Crow: Give him a little purple rain while the doves cry on the little red corvette.

Mike: That was so forced.

"Relax my English hombres you are being relieved of duty." Said Garfield chilly as hit royal guards with fists and feet of speed like typhoon sending them flying miles high and exploding.

Garfield picked up a guard and raised him high in air like feather.

ALL: FINISH HIM!

"Here why not enjoy delicacy of fresh fish and chips. " Quipped Garfield as he tossed the guard into the sea.

"There is plenty of salt for you in there." Said Garfield with cleverness as he walked away.

Mike: That wasn't clever. What about "Sea you later?"

Garfield marched on his mission until he came to wedding parties with food and drink.

Crow: Garfield forgot about the mission and proceeded to eat the food…which was plastic.

More Guards came for ambushing but Garfield handled it like man.

"It is tea time have a sip." Said Garfield as he took tea kettle and tossed it at the guards.

"AHH NO." Cried out the guards as the tea melted them into skeletons.

Servo: So, did the tea melt them or did the tea kettle melt them?

Crow: Was the tea made out of some sort of acid that got all over them or was the tea kettle just a ticking time bomb waiting to go off?

Mike: Why does tea melt them? Shouldn't they just look like Linda Evans after her surgery?

Servo: Maybe the tea was made in Canada.

Crow and Mike: Yeah, that could be true.

Garfield came on table of food with wedding guests sitting around on celebration.

Crow: Wow, this mission sure got Garfield aroused.

"No lasagna? What is the blasphemy!" Garfield roared in anger as he threw table on wedding guests.

"Lasagna is food of warriors and kings. Do not be forgetting this you worms." Garfield roared as he walked on.

Garfield soon came upon wedding ceremony with Prince William and Kate Middleton at alter being wed. Everyone heard Garfields manly footsteps like thunder in the sea.

Mike: Garfield keeps gaining more and more weight.

Prince William Turned around saw his fears become realities.

Servo: It finally happened! I'm about to marry my sister!

"GARFIELD?" Yelled out Prince William in tones of squealing horror.

"How rude have you not heard royal tradition? It is the rules that I am first to have woman before marriage." Garfield stated with cold fact.

"Garfield you will never have my woman! I am prince I am above all!" Declared Prince William with arrogant laugh.

Crow: Besides, I called DIBS! MUWAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

Garfield looked at Prince William with eyes of seeing and spoke with words of saying.

"Even princes must obey the law of the fist.

Mike: The Prince heard this with ears of hearing and smelt those words with his nose of smelling…it smelt bad.

But do not being worrying for I will give you fair trial. Here is the JUDGE and here is the JURY." Garfield said as he raised his two fists for showing.

Servo: He then gave the Prince the fingers, also known as THE EXECUTIONER!

"Enough nonsense! Feel might of royal jewels!" Said Prince William as he snapped his fingers.

At Prince Williams commands noise was heard. Mighty Big Ben transformed into giant laser cannon and aimed at Garfield with blasting intent.

Crow: Ummm, guys. Are you seeing this?

Mike: I wish I wasn't.

"Tick Tock it is 12 o'clock. Time to die!" Said Prince William with mocking words.

At these words Big Ben fired at Garfield with beams of fury. However Garfield was not laser fazed and backhanded laser beam with ease.

" IMPOSSIBLE." Cried out Prince William with shock.

"Do you not learn physics in prince school?

Mike: Clearly the writer of this didn't learn physics. Or attended prince school. Or attended any school. Or had any shame.

Lasers bounce off of my mighty man muscle." Garfield tutored with teachings.

Servo: All that fat carried throughout the years have finally served useful.

"I silence your mockery forever! Die!" Yelled Prince William as he took out long sword

Crow: That's great but I don't think public nudity is the best plan right now.

Mike: -sighs-

and thrust it at Garfield, but Garfield caught his arm in midair and crushed bones with crab like grip.

"It looks like your time has just run up." Quipped Garfield as he tossed Prince William into Big Ben exploding them both.

Crow: DAMMIT! THAT ALMOST WORKED!

Mike: I guess it was because the Prince ran out of time.

ALL: YEEEEEEEAH!

"NOOOOO." Cried out Prince William as he crashed into Big Ben for explosion.

"Good night, sweet prince." Said Garfield with cool words as he walked away.

Servo: Isn't it 12 o'clock…in the afternoon?

After victory Kate Middleton ran to Garfield and embraced him with arms.

"Garfield thank you. When I was marrying him I only thought of you." Thanked Kate Middleton with gratitude.

Crow: Ha ha ha! Oh bestiality!

"No problem my British biscuit. You must save me juicy piece of your shepherd's pie." Garfield responded with flirtations.

Mike: That is disgusting.

Servo: I think he was talking about wanting pie.

Crow: If I had pie, I'd prefer cherry.

"Garfield you are true hero and real man. We want to make you honorary king of England." Queen Elizabeth said with royal orders.

Servo: As long as they don't make a crappy movie about how he's British royalty.

"I am sorry but I am busy living fast life of fast adventures and faster women." Garfield rejected with sympathies.

Mike: Then why did you save Kate from marriage if you were going to leave her…you know what, this is almost done.

"Very well at least accept position of Duke of Ireland." Said the Queen of England.

Servo: No one wants it…at least, no one with a brain.

"Fine but I must first be attending to important business." Said Garfield as he picked up Kate Middleton and brought her to royal bedroom where he could show her how real men love women.

Mike: No. Please God, no.

"Garfield please make me your queen." Said Kate Middleton with warm tone.

"I do not have castle to give you but I have a mighty tower for you to climb." Garfield Said with seduction.

Crow: This is wrong. This is another 4 years of Bush wrong.

"Garfield I want you to joust me like valiant knight." Kate Middleton cried out with desire.

Garfield then rode Kate Middleton like mighty knight taming wild stallion. With mighty force Garfield Jousted Kate Middleton with manly lance into late hours of night and all heard sound of their romances.

The end…?

Crow: Oh GOD! THERE'S MIGHT BE MORE?!

Servo: I think I might be sick.

Mike: All in favor for a story by the 6ft Dick?

Crow and Servo: I!