I spent three days in the medical bay after that. During those three days, I think I was awake seven hours combined; most of it being spent responding to questions about how I felt, how certain parts of my body felt, and how it felt when someone touched a wound of mine. I didn't really have any visitors besides Siegfried and his friends, except for my coach who dropped by. Apparently no one had told him something happened to me until he saw Siegfried and, figuring we were friends, asked if he'd seen me recently. I had missed boxing practice on Saturday and he was upset.

Our conversation was... uninteresting, at best. Awkward, at worst. He sat in a chair next to my bed and tried to get answers out of me; who did it, when I'd be out of the bay, etc. I didn't really feel up to being interrogated, and rebuffed most of his questions.

I remember lying back down in the bed cot as he stood up and walked out, seemingly angered. It had been two days since that night, and the doctors said I would be able to go back to my daily business soon. I was happy to go back, but it certainly didn't make my body feel better; my eye had swollen, my ribs ached when I rolled over in bed, and sleeping was close to impossible without the drugs the doctor pumped me full of.

It was about half an hour after I layed down that I heard some nurses near my cot whispering. I tried not to care, but they were poor at hiding their conversation.

"I'm worried about that boy."

"Who? Weimer?"

My last name.

"Yes. This is the first time he seems to have fallen asleep in days without drugs."

"I think he's depressed."

"Depressed?"

"I looked into the medical records; he's been here eight times since he first joined here in December, only twice for injuries sustained during sport."

"Were the others accidents, or?"

"Like this. Bruises, fractured bones, sprains, black eyes, stitches, and more."

"God..."

I shifted in bed, trying to get them to go away, and soon after they wandered off.

I sighed; I tried not to admit it, especially to myself, but I really was depressed. Ever since the case with Erik, my entire life had seemed to fall apart. I found myself questioning my attendance here almost every day. I found myself getting less and less interested in my coursework. The only thing that seemed to keep me going anymore was boxing, and that was slipping away too. What was the point in being good at something if everyone hates you despite what you bring to the table?

Why should I keep doing what I'm doing if my mere presence is just going to result in people going after me?

I sometimes found myself wondering what I had done to deserve this. What mistake had I made, whether in this life or before, to deserve this pain that I was going through? What made god decide this was my plan?

Being continually targeted didn't help. I knew what I was getting into when I forged my father's signature on the acceptance letter, but it said nothing about this. The Youth had instilled a sense of strength in me; that survival of the fittest was important, but survival of the fittest didn't account for being alone in my case. No matter your strength, no matter your intelligence, and no matter your skills, being alone meant being weak.

Lying in my cot in the empty medical bay that night, I could feel myself slipping deeper and deeper into the void. Eventually, I found myself crying. I was completely alone, in the grand scheme of things, with little hope for the future. Sooner or later, the missed beatings and the times I'd had my ass saved would catch up.

I woke up the next morning in a grog to someone shaking me gently. I slowly opened my eyes,and the blanket fell from my chest as I sat up, looking around.

Siegfried sat in the wooden chair that my coach had put there the night before.

"Hey Siegfried..." I croaked, rubbing my eyes. "Whats up?"

He sighed.

"Not much, you? How'ya feeling?" He questioned.

He seemed off. He sat in a way that gave off a sense of discomfort.

"Doing alright, all things considered" I responded. I looked him up and down.

Something was up.

"Your swellings gone away, I see"

I rubbed my eye; it seemed to be back to normal. I gave a slight, relieved sigh.

"So what brings you here?" I questioned.

"Just checking up on you" he said, smiling. I nodded slowly.

"I'm just worried is all" He spoke up again.

Siegfried was my best friend. He was there for me early on, despite the difference between us. The Youth, and the academies we were sent to after, were supposed to dissolve any semblance of class, but we all knew there were differences in families. For Christs sake, when I first went through the genealogy tests for the Academy, they were confused by the results; I had spent so much time in the sun they thought my genealogy was wrong.

Siegfried, on the other hand, was about the poster boy for the academy. His father was the Minister of Aviation, and his mother was gorgeous. He had two younger brothers and a younger sister, none of which fell far from the tree in terms of brains or looks.

"I'll be alright"

"Doesn't make me any less worried"

"I mean, you shouldn't be"

"Why not?"

"They left, didn't they?"

"They'll be back someday."

"Well, when they're back I'll be ready."

"Doesn't make you any less of a target."

"I..."

I didn't really know how to react to that.

He sort of blew me out of the water with that one.

"I won't always be." I responded, half-heartily.

"You've been a target ever since..."

"Erik" I finished his sentence for him.

"Yeah."

"I try not to think about it" I said flatly.

"I know, I just... I get worried. I know I haven't been the best friend in the world."

"You've been great"

"I didn't talk to you for like, two months after I was promoted"

It was true. Even he had seemed to abandon me. But I chalked it up to him being busy; being a DC meant a lot of work and a lot of friends to make.

"Well... you were busy."

Besides, he eventually came back. He didn't abandon me forever. And unlike others, he didn't go from a best friend to chief torturer overnight.

"Busy... yeah.." He said, seemingly scoffing at himself.

"Its fine" I said, shaking my head.

There was quiet for a moment.

"You're like, my only friend, so I don't mind; besides, everyone needs a break from people once in awhile." I asserted.

"A break" he said, repeating what I'd said.

"Yeah, a break."

"Why would I need a break from hanging out with you?"

"Because... well... I'm a lot to deal with"

"How so?"

"I..."

"You think you're a burden Friedrich, I get it. But you're wrong"

"Its not"

"Don't lie to me for a second. Ever since what happened with Erik, you've been like this."

"I-"

"I can't pretend to know what its like to go through a betrayal like that, and I won't, but-"

"Siggi, please"

"No. You're not alright. I can tell."

"They said that I can leave later on tod-"

"Not like that. You're not... alright up there."

"What?" I questioned. I looked at him confused, then looked down at the bed.

"I've just... been going through a lot lately" I murmured.

"Without sharing it with me." He responded sharply.

"You don't need to hear what I've got to complain about"

"I'm your friend. I want to hear it. Friends do that for each other."

"And how would I be able to repay you?"

"Friends aren't supposed to worry about that."

We both fell quiet for a while. I looked up at him once in awhile; he was much more reserved than usual. His shoulders slumped, his hands twiddling in his lap.

"I..." He said quietly.

I looked up at him curiously.

"You're my best friend. So I need to stop hiding things from you." He said.

"Everyone deserves privacy."

He sighed.

"Not like that."

I watched as he stood up, scooting his chair forward. He was about a foot away from me now, and I could hear his heavy breathing.

"I..." he stammered. "I'm more like you than I wanted to admit."

"What do you mean?"

"I understand your situation a little bit better than I let on to."

I looked at him confused, giving him that 'what?' sort of head shake.

"I... well... how do I say this."

"Say what?" I said, looking at him with an eyebrow raised.

He took a deep breath.

"I..." he stammered. "I... I'm not straight."

I blinked, staring at him. He's bi? Gay?

Really?

"Really?" I questioned, almost unable to believe what he had just said.

"I... I'm dating a guy. And I like him more than I've liked most of the girls i've dated."

I laid back against the metal 'headboard' of my cot, and looked over at him.

"Who?" I questioned. I wanted to say so much more, I had so many more questions, but I couldn't barrage him yet. As I looked him up and down, his head was in his hands; he was struggling to even say what he had said.

"He uh..."

I sat patiently. Eventually, I took his hand as he lowered it away from his face.

"He's not out. Neither am I... except to you and him, I guess."

My heart had started racing; I wanted to hug him, to let him know that it was going to be alright, but that just wasn't what was done here. You didn't show emotions that often or that much at one time. Especially at a rank as high as his. I didn't want to put him off.

"Its fine, you don't have to tell me" I asserted to him.

"His... his name is... is Hefe. Here, here's... a picture of him."

I slowly slid across the bed, swinging my feet off the side and let my toes apprehensively touch the cold floor before setting my feet down. He passed me his smartphone and I looked the picture over.

Shorter than Siegfried and I; maybe five-foot ten, medium-length brown hair, not necessarily that built.

"He's good looking" I commented.

I looked up at Siegfried to find his hands over his eyes. There was a muffled sound, like crying.

"Siegfried..."

"I just..." He muttered "don't know what to do"

I looked to the corner of the room where the attending doctor sat at a table with his feet up as he read through a manila folder.

"Hey doc?" I hollered

He looked up, putting the folder down. Siegfried looked up from his hands and glared at me.

"Am I good to go?" I questioned

He walked across the room towards me, standing at the edge of my bed.

"Well, are you feeling up to it?"

"Yes sir"

"Friedrich-" Siegfried tried to speak

"I'm good to go, doc." I asserted as I side glared at Siegfried.

"Very well. You may go" He nodded. "Need help with your uniform?"

"No thanks, sir" I said, reaching to the cot across from me where my uniform laid. One of the nurses had gotten it for me the day before, apparently.

I started to dress as I looked at Siegfried. He was leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, staring at me; not a stare of anger, but one of those looks where its like they're looking through you and beyond. Like they're thinking deeply about something.

In the few minutes it took to get dressed, he seemed not to change expression. I had been struggling to get my boots back on when he seemed to snap out of his daze, kneeling on the floor and helping me force my boots on.

"You're sure you're okay to go?" He whispered.

"Yeah. I want to talk to you about this where you're comfortable. In private." I replied.

I could hear him sigh.

"And I don't want to miss the glider runs tomorrow anyway".

"After munitions training?"

"Yeah. Hear we're going to use live grenades tomorrow"

"There's no way they're going to let you up on one of those gliders, Friedrich" He rebutted

"Eh, but I can still help tow the line." I reasserted.

I stood up and started to walk, and despite my leg trying to give out the first few steps, I did so. Siegfried helped me adjust my uniform, and we were out and onto the campus.

"You still look pretty fucked up" He commented, looking at me as we walked in the bright sun of the afternoon.

"Well, yeah" I commented.

We walked in silence for awhile. As we neared the large fountain in front of the officers dorm, he sighed heavily.

"I didn't mean to make you come out here before you were ready to."

"I'm fine" I insisted. "We need to talk in a place we're both comfortable, and that wasn't it."

I followed him through his dorm building and up several flights of stairs; he was much faster up them than me, and it took me a bit to catch up to him on his floor. He was a divisional commander; he was entitled to one of the nicest rooms the academy had to offer, and that meant one with a great view. Unfortunately, it also meant a lot of stairs to get up there.

As I made it to the top of the staircase, he was already far down the hall and unlocking his dorm room door. I followed, stepping into the cool air that was his room.

I hadn't felt air conditioning in ages. The heat of the summer was something you got used to, especially with the heavy uniforms we were assigned, but the summer was finally coming to an end. I always loved winter.

The low, steady hum of a window AC unit commanded attention as I walked into the room before I shut the door. Siegfried's room was large; much larger than my own, and he didn't share it with anyone else. A large queen bet was pushed into the corner of the room, a television hung on the wall across from it, with various gaming systems sitting on a small table under it. A far cry from what I had in my room.

I walked across the room, pulling the rolling chair out from his desk and wheeled it over to the bed he had plopped down on. I took a seat, and twiddled my thumbs for a minute as I thought.

He was a lot more like me than he had let on in the past.

This whole thing came out of left field. It was fucking crazy. Siegfried was gorgeous, but he was always a ladies man in my mind. He always walked... like he had just fucked someone the night before. Like he was always in that after-high of sex.

Not like I'd know about what it felt like, considering... everything, but... you know.

"I'm sorry."

I snapped out of my daydream and looked up to find Siggi sitting on the edge of his bed staring at me. His eyes were red.

"For what?" I questioned, leaning forward in the chair.

"I just... had to tell someone. I just had to."

"I don't blame you for that. I know that if I had had the chance to come out on my own accord, I would have told you first."

He was quiet for a minute.

"Really?" He questioned

"Really."

I don't know what happened, but he started sobbing uncontrollably. It started slow, but soon enough he was in shambles. It lasted for awhile, and I did the best I could to comfort him.

"I just... I dont know" he stammered

"Have you told anyone else?"

"No, just you so far. I'm going to tell others ofcourse, but..."

"But?"

"But... I dont know"

"Whats holding you back?"

He was quiet for awhile.

"I'm just worried my friends will abandon me."

That really hit home. When I was outed because of the case, a lot of people whom I had been friends with since the first day I attended the academy abandoned me. Within three days of Erik being arrested, I was practically alone, and the few that remained eventually left me as well. Even Siegfried didn't talk to me for awhile.

"You're afraid that what happened to me will happen to you?" I questioned

He seemed to get more reserved, his shoulders slumping.

"You're not going to go through what I went through Siegfried. You're coming out on your own terms, at your own pace, and you'll get to pick and choose who knows."

"I mean... its not like I should be worried, right? Times are changing... all of my friends know you're gay and they don't think of you any differently."

Why do I have to be 'the gay guy'?

"Besides, we're all going to be future leaders in some regard. We'll be able to change the laws over time..."

Why can't I just be the boxer that happens to be gay?

"I'm going to have to tell my parents sooner or later... I can't really bring a guy home on Vday and surprise them, can I?"

I didn't reply.

"Besides, I've heard them talking about how gay people should be able to get married too... that they should be left to do what they please"

My heart started beating. The more he talked about his parents, the more it reminded me of my own. I still thought about my mother and father all the time; how my mom probably cried when she read the letter I left on the kitchen table the night I ran from home, having forged my father's signature.

How my father probably screamed and threw things when he read the part saying that if they came for me, I'd get him arrested for his being a revolutionary all those years ago.

They were still looking for those people who bombed the National War Museum, too...

I missed home a lot.

The way our small home looked in the middle of the empty fields right after they had been picked.

"I just don't get why people fucking care"

The way the wheat swayed in the middle of August, and how my Labrador would run through it as fast as she could, often tackling me while I walked through it to check for disease or bugs.

"Our friends aren't going to care..."

All of my friends...

All of the guys from the local Youth League. My old boxing buddies, and our coach.

I left a lot of people without saying goodbye. A lot of people I wished I could still see. A lot of people whom I'd been friends with since I was a child.

I left the guy whom made me realize I was gay... without saying goodbye.

I know why I came here; because I wanted to better myself, because this school had the best coaches, the best resources to help me grow as an athlete, and was a farm-school for the nation's Olympic teams. Because attending one of the national academies was supposed to earn you a spot somewhere above the normal world. And the Lions Guard Academy was the best of the best; the nation's elite went there. The sons and daughters of Marshals, Ministers and more. The Emperor's children went there.

I guess I thought that maybe, just maybe, If I went there I'd be able to come home successful one day. That my parents seeing me all grown up with an important position like governor of some far-off territory or agricultural minister would make them change their minds. That they'd come running to me and apologize for the way they treated me.

My mother was a saint for my entire life up until I came out, and then things started to change rapidly. I knew because of the little things; she stopped smiling when I came home from the boxing matches late at night. My laundry stopped getting done. My shoes stopped getting moved off the porch when it rained.

Things changed really fast at home. I think I came out in august, and it was October when I arrived at the academy. I hadn't told my parents that a group of boxers from the Lions Guard Academy had come by our boxing club to try and beat us down. I hadn't told them that I had beaten their champion boxer to a pulp. I didn't mention that the academies coach had told me that he saw "promise" in me.

By then, neither of my parents cared. I was their only son, and in their minds, I guess I was useless now that I couldn't bring grand-kids into their world. That I wasn't going to continue the blood line, so what was the point?

I could still hear my mom's words after I told her. I was sitting there sobbing, and all she said was "no son of mine..." before getting up and walking away. My father hit me after that.

I remember sleeping in the barn that night, my Labrador lying next to me. I could hear screaming from across the field where the house was. I think I miss my dog most of all. She never showed anything but love for me. She was the first thing I told when I came to terms with my sexuality. All she did was smile.

The train ride to the academy was long; I remember hopping on the train in the middle of the night, and I was one of... maybe four people on it. It was the first time I had gone on one of those trains that go three-hundred miles an hour; it didn't really feel that fast.

Not until you looked out the window.

Seeing everything you know fly by you in a few minutes, soon going through mountains and through great cities, it was strange. It took four hours to get from the train station near my home to the station in the Capitol. The only person who spoke to me on that whole ride was the conductor collecting my ticket, whom asked me where I was going. When I told him the academy in Konigsberg, he smiled, saying "good for you, son!"

I thought that was a good sign. That things would be better. And, in fairness, for all of the struggles and violence the first year, it was better. And it kept getting better, at least until a few months ago. After everything with Erik...

Why can't I just be normal? All I am is a disappointment...

"Friedrich?"

I didn't want to be a disappointment. I really didn't.

"Friedrich, are you alright?"

All I wanted was to be myself...