Chapter #6: The Story of Helga G. Pataki
Author's Notes: Heyyyy there, hey thereeeee, you, hey thereee! How are you doingggg?! (Lol kudos to anyone who gets the Chowder reference XD.)
Anyways . . . guess who's finally back with another chapter?! I know, it's been just ever so late, but thank you all so much for being patient! All of your reviews, favorites, and story alerts have encouraged me to keep on trucking with this story. Don't be shy, I love to hear from you guys. And some of your reviews—Mr. Shortman92 and Dragon—truly made my day. I thought they were hilarious, so thanks for that!
As for this chapter, Gerald really has his heart set on his latest get-rich-quick-idea—no matter who it affects—so be prepared for some drama. Also, a surprise character will make an appearance as well. Get ready, it's going to be one heck of a ride!
So, without further ado, please read on to Chapter #6 . . . .
…
As Arnold approached P.S. 118, he saw Gerald standing at the top of the steps by the school doors. Arnold glanced at the football-shaped watch on his wrist. The time showed 7:30 a.m.
"Hey Arnold!" he heard Gerald's voice call. Arnold looked up from his watch to see Gerald waving him over. Arnold rushed up the steps to join him.
"Finally, man! I've been waiting for you," Gerald said.
Arnold's eyebrows furrowed. "Gerald, what's this all about?" he questioned. "Why did you call and tell me to meet you here before school started?"
Gerald flashed him a cheeky grin. "I need you to help me set up a few things for later," he answered. "It's for my latest get-rich-quick business idea that's sure to be a hit with everyone."
Arnold's face twisted in puzzlement. "Your business idea?" he asked.
"Yeah. I can't tell you what it is yet because it's something you sort of have to see for yourself to believe it," Gerald replied. He narrowed his eyes. "Besides, I know you, man. You'd just laugh and call me crazy if I told you about it."
Arnold frowned. "Come on, Gerald. I would never laugh at you," he replied.
"You would if you saw what I'm wearing underneath these clothes. When I showed it to Timberly this morning, she wouldn't stop laughing and calling me 'bubble butt' until I left the house."
"Bubble butt?"
"Don't ask," Gerald said with a scowl.
"Okay . . . well, what do you want me to do?" Arnold inquired.
Gerald perked up at that. He pointed to the door. "Help me lift that table there, and then we're going to need to find a chair somewhere in the school to set behind the stand, and then we need to hang some posters and a banner. Also," he added. "I need to make copies of some fliers, so I need you to help me convince Principal Wartz to let us into the teacher's lounge this morning. We'll say it's for the school newspaper. It'll be more believable if you're with me since you're the editor-in-chief."
Arnold looked to the folded table resting against the door, and then to the stack of blue posters and a blue banner in a large brown bag beside Gerald. "Okay, but wow Gerald! Did you carry this stuff here on your own?" Arnold asked.
Gerald shook his head. "No, my dad helped me. I told him it was for a school project," he answered.
Arnold's eyebrows knitted together. "A school project that makes you wear an outfit that gives you a bubble butt?"
"Hey, in his defense, my dad never actually saw my outfit because I wore something over it. So far, Timberly is the only person I showed my outfit to."
"But I don't get it, Gerald. Why wear an outfit at all?"
Gerald gave a sly smile. "Sometimes, my man, you've got to look the part to be convincing."
Arnold shook his head. "Okay, Gerald. Whatever you say," he replied.
"Thanks, man! I knew you'd see things my way," Gerald said cheerfully. "Now, let's get a move on. Everyone will be here soon." He lifted one end of the table, and then looked to him expectantly.
Arnold sighed before grabbing the other end, and together, they made it inside the school.
…
…
Later that day, Arnold left the cafeteria, looking for Gerald. He remembered seeing him speed out of class the second the bell rang, but when he went to sit at their usual table, Gerald was nowhere to be found. He considered asking Phoebe about it, but Helga had been with her and kept snarling at him and shooting him mean looks anytime he even glanced in their general direction. She practically had foam coming from her mouth. He understood that she was angry with him for pushing her away and not giving her a straight answer about his feelings last night, but did she really have to go all rabid dog? He shook his head. So much for asking Phoebe.
And that's what led him to where he is now. He was currently walking through the hallway to see if Gerald might've gone over to the table that they had both set up earlier. Truth be told, he didn't really know what to expect since Gerald had been oddly secretive when it came to letting him see any of the fliers, the banner, and posters for his supposed latest business idea. In fact, Gerald had gone so far as to say that he changed his mind about setting up any posters or banners in the morning, and refused to make any copies of his fliers until Arnold waited outside of the teacher's lounge. When Arnold had specifically asked him about the fliers and posters, Gerald only shrugged and told him to wait and see, which made him even more curious. The only thing he really had to go on was the mysterious words Gerald had left him with as Arnold stood outside the teacher's lounge while Gerald made copies.
Arnold rubbed the back of his neck as he waited outside of the locked teacher's lounge for his best friend.
"Hey Gerald . . . there's, uh, something I want to ask you," he began.
"Shoot man," came Gerald's casual response.
"You're going out with Phoebe now, right?" Arnold asked.
There was a long pause.
"Gerald?"
No response.
Worried, Arnold knocked on the door of the teacher's lounge.
"G-Gerald? Are you okay?"
"W-who . . . who told you that?" came Gerald's eventual response.
Arnold paused. "Huh?"
"Who told you I was going out with . . . with . . . ."
"Phoebe?" Arnold answered. When he received no response, Arnold shrugged. "You did. Remember? Before we heard the news about the fire at Helga's house, you were bragging to me all day about Phoebe agreeing to go out with you," he explained. "You said she is the yin to your yang, the Kentucky in your fried chicken, the chow in your mein, the eye in your tiger, the honey in your-"
"Stop," Gerald interjected. Arnold heard a slew of whispered curses from behind the door.
Then . . . .
"So, if you knew about it, why did you ask if we're going out?" Gerald asked.
Arnold shook his head. "Well, that wasn't really my question. Just a preface."
Another slew of whispered curses.
"Okay, fine . . . what's the question?"
Arnold's eyebrows knitted together. "How do you know if . . . I mean," he stopped to take a deep breath. "Well, there's this girl who told me that she-"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Let me stop you right there," Gerald interjected. "That stuff's going to cost you."
Arnold frowned. "Cost me?"
No response.
"Gerald?"
The door opened to the teacher's lounge, revealing a chipper Gerald carrying a stack of papers in his hands. "All done!" he exclaimed.
"Wait, what did you mean about my question costing me? Does it have something to do with your business plan?" Arnold asked.
Gerald raised an eyebrow. Then, he waved it off. "Look man, don't worry about it. You'll find out around lunch time, okay?"
Arnold frowned. "Why are you being so-"
"Lunch time," Gerald repeated, walking away from him.
Arnold heaved out a long sigh before following behind him.
Now, it was lunch time, and soon he was going to find out what exactly Gerald meant by a question costing him.
As he passed by the water fountain, he heard the familiar sound of Gerald's voice booming through the halls. He went around the corner and immediately stopped dead in his tracks the moment his eyes laid on the sight before him.
"Are you single and need a date for the upcoming dance in two weeks? Tired of going stag all the time? Then, hop aboard the love train, and witness the amazing wonders that this love doctor will bring to your love life! You will never have to worry about being dateless again, my friend! All you have to do just sign up right here for a time to consult with the love doctor this week, pay a small fee of $5—that's right! Only $5!—and I guarantee that you'll end up just as happy as the two love birds depicted above!"
There was Gerald, sitting in a wooden chair behind a stand with a big white sign that read, "The Love Doctor is in." He wore a red suit with a black tie that had several red hearts all over it. On his head was a head mirror in the shape of a heart. He was passing out flyers to a crowd of students of all grades that had congregated around him.
Above Gerald was a large red banner that featured two separate photos of Arnold and Lila glued together inside a giant red heart made out of construction paper. The photos appeared to be yearbook photos of themselves. Beneath the photos were the words, "Arnold and Lila reunited, and it feels so good." On the counter of the stand that Gerald was in was another large stack of flyers and a large jar filled halfway with cash. Arnold could barely make out the words, "Love is in the air, but never fear. The love doctor brings lovers together everywhere."
Arnold held his head, suddenly feeling dizzy. This can't be happening, he thought.
As he approached, he could hear the faint whispers of students talking about him and even pointing him out.
"Arnold and Lila?"
"I had no idea they were together."
"I think I saw them talking together yesterday."
"Well, I heard that Arnold once wrote that he was in love with her all over the wall of the school building."
"I heard he painted it on Lila's front door and got arrested for it."
"Oh yeah! Me too! Who would've known that Arnold could be so hardcore?"
Arnold kept his eyes ahead, trying to tune out the whispers as best he could.
In addition to the large crowd of students surrounding Gerald, a long line had formed in front of the stand, including—
"Ms. Slovak? What are you doing here?" he asked. It had been only recently that Ms. Slovak had returned to the school after pursuing her dream of becoming a professional golfer. Rumor had it did not go well . . . so she had decided to just return P.S. 118 and do what she knew best. He heard she taught sixth grade now.
Ms. Slovak turned around in response. "Oh Arnold. It's you," she stated in mild surprise. Then, she shrugged. "Well, they say that love can be found in the places you least expect, so I thought, hey, why not? Anything's better than that date I had last weekend with the Jolly Olly man." She frowned, putting her arms on her hips. "That man wouldn't know happiness if it bit him in the rear. Did you know he had the audacity to cheat on me with Ms. Vitello?!"
Arnold blinked. "Uh, no. I had no-"
"The flower shop owner! She's only a couple of years younger than me!" Ms. Slovak fumed, cutting him off. "And at least I have more interesting things to say than what types of flowers I'm growing today! I mean, really. I've never been more insulted. Maybe those two are mea-"
Arnold coughed. "Ms. Slovak, I'm really sorry about what happened, but I have somewhere I need to be right now."
She rolled her eyes. "Oh, of course. All you men always seem to have somewhere else you need to be," she replied, turning back around.
He sighed. He instantly regretted talking to Ms. Slovak. However, he couldn't worry about that now. He had to get to the bottom of this before it got out of hand. With that in mind, he pushed through the crowd, ignoring complaints about him cutting the line.
Gerald was still busy addressing the crowd by the time he made it to the front of the line.
"Wow! 20 time slots filled up already! Keep it coming, folks! No pushing! Remember, love takes time," Gerald remarked in a smooth tone.
"Gerald, what is all this?!"
Gerald turned to Arnold immediately. His face lit up. "Oh, hey man! I was wondering when you'd get here," he greeted, waving to him. He put down the stack of flyers he was carrying, picked up the now-full jar of cash, and turned back to the crowd. "Would you all please excuse me for a moment? I have to handle some important business with one of my associates. Stay cool with all that is love, my friends. I shall be back momentarily to guide you through the process."
With that, he motioned for Arnold to follow him a short distance away from the stand. He turned his back, expecting to hear footsteps behind him, but stopped when he heard a strange gulping noise instead. He turned around to see Arnold standing a short distance away from him, both of his cheeks puffed up and red.
Gerald shot him a confused look. "What's going on, man? Why'd you st-"
"Gerald," Arnold interrupted. He averted his eyes, taking a deep breath. Then, he shook his head, looking back at him. He frowned. "Gerald . . . why are you wearing that?"
"Wearing what?" Gerald asked, his face still etched in confusion. Then, his eyes widened. "O-Oh! You mean . . ." He looked down at his pants. "Yeah, well, I told you that I'm wearing these weird pants today. It's part of the outfit," he explained, rubbing the back of his neck.
"Now I see what your sister was talking about," Arnold replied. "She was right, Gerald. You do have a bubble butt." He looked away fast as a small chuckle escaped his lips. "From the- . . . from the back, at least," he added quickly.
Gerald twisted his body to examine his back side. He was wearing red leggings that clung tightly to his legs and around his waist. In fact, it clung a little too tightly, in his opinion, as the leggings completely showcased his butt cheeks, which appeared unusually perky and robust. In fact, they were so striking that, when he turned at an angle, all one could see where two butt cheeks protruding in a way that made one think that they were being mooned. He looked up to see Arnold biting his lip, his cheeks puffing up again.
Gerald sighed. "Go ahead."
"H-huh?" Arnold asked.
"Go ahead and laugh. Everyone else did," he explained, his voice taking a somber tone. "At least until I promised to make free chocolate Turtles for anyone who stopped laughing in my face and making fun of me."
The smile that had threatened to form from his cheeks left Arnold's face. "S-Sorry, Gerald. I'll try not to laugh at you."
Gerald offered a small smile in return. "Thanks, man," he said. Then, he brightened up. "So, uh . . . what do you think of my latest get-rich-quick-scheme? Did you see how many people were lining up to give me money?!" he exclaimed.
Arnold frowned. "Yeah, about that, Gerald," he began. "Why do you have a giant banner of me and Lila over there? And why do you keep telling everyone that Lila and I are together when you know it isn't true?"
Gerald's eyebrows furrowed. "First of all, I know that there is something you aren't telling me, man, and I think it has something to do with that date you had with Lila a couple of days ago," he answered. "Otherwise, you wouldn't have been hugging all over her yesterday."
Arnold gave a half-lidded look. "I wasn't hugging all over her yesterday, Gerald. And just because I hung out with her a couple of days ago-"
"On a date that I set you up with," Gerald interjected.
Arnold nodded. "Right. On a date that you set me up with," he agreed. "It still doesn't mean that Lila and I are dating."
"Oh reeeeeaaally," Gerald emphasized, giving a coy smile. "Then, why'd she kiss you? And what did she want to talk about with you yesterday while just the two of you were alone together?" He wiggled his eyebrows up and down suggestively.
Arnold's eyebrows knitted together. He hesitated. "I-. . . I'm sorry, Gerald, but I can't tell you. It would be betraying someone really close to me."
Gerald turned away from him, folding his arms around the jar of money he was carrying. He shook his head. "I can't believe this. My own best friend is placing the feelings of someone else before mine," he replied. His shoulders sagged. "You know, I thought I'd never see the day. But here it is, right in front of me, like a giant spear to my breaking heart."
Arnold rolled his eyes. "Gerald, it's not like that," he asserted.
Gerald shook his head, turning back to him. He gave a devious smirk. "Oh, you're definitely dating Lila, alright. You'd never put someone else's feelings before mine otherwise," he reasoned. "And that's exactly what brings me to your question about the banner of you and Lila," he began.
"So, I've been thinking. I did such a great job bringing you and Lila together after months of you pining after her, that it'd be a crime not to share some of my God-given talent with the rest of the world. That's why I have a banner of you guys up there. I needed proof that I stand behind what I'm promoting. A success story. And you guys are the perfect example to show that," Gerald said. He grinned. "Just think. If I can bring you and Lila together, think of all of the people I can make just as happy. I'll be the guy who brought world peace!"
Gerald's smile grew wider. "And the best part is, I'll be rich doing it! I already have enough to get that new Schwinn bike I've always wanted!"
Arnold frowned. "But Gerald, I didn't ask for any of this! And I already told you-"
Gerald groaned, bringing a hand to his forehead. "Somehow I knew we were going to have this conversation. Relax, buddy. I promise to give you a quarter of the profits."
Arnold narrowed his eyes. "That's not the poi-"
"A third?" he offered.
"Gerald!"
Gerald threw his arms up in defeat. "Alright, alright. But half is as far as I'm willing to go," he relented.
"I don't want any of the profits!" Arnold argued.
Gerald froze. "You . . . you don't?"
"No, Gerald, I don't," Arnold stated. "It's not about the money. I don't want you to use that banner of me and Lila as your success story, just like you probably wouldn't like it if I were to have a banner of you and Phoebe together for everyone to see."
Gerald considered his words for a moment before finally sighing. "I'd hate to say it, but you've got a point," he responded. "But what am I supposed to tell everyone back there?! I-I'll lose my credibility, and then I'll never have the money to see my hero up close and personal at his next basketball game."
"Just tell the truth, Gerald. You'll earn even more credibility if you're honest with everyone," Arnold reassured.
Gerald wasn't convinced. "Yeah, easy for you to say. Your name isn't on the line here," he grumbled.
Arnold said nothing.
Gerald sighed. "Oh, fine. I hate it when you give me that look. I'll do it, but I won't like it," he stated begrudgingly. Arnold gave him a half-lidded smile as the two walked back over to the stand.
As they approached, Gerald could hear the idle chatter of students grow faint. Some began shoving to maintain their place in line, while other students just stared blankly at him. He gulped. This was going to be harder than he thought. How was he supposed to convince everyone that Arnold and Lila weren't a couple when he didn't even believe it himself? And more importantly, how was everyone going to react when he told them "the news?" He cringed at the thought. He sighed. Nonetheless, he would do it to make his best friend happy. He hoped that Arnold recognized how good of a friend he was. He took his place behind the stand once more, making sure not to put the jar of money down because, you know, no refunds. Arnold stood nearby, giving him a quick nod for moral support.
He cleared his throat. "Everyone, may I have your attention, please?" he requested. The crowd grew silent. Gerald took a deep breath before he continued. "I have an important announcement to make. After speaking with one of my trusted associates, it has come to my attention that-"
"Arnold."
All eyes immediately shifted from him to a red-haired girl walking through the crowd towards his best friend. Murmurs resonated in the crowd. Gerald drew a sigh of relief.
"Lila?" he heard Arnold question in surprise.
Lila stood in front of him wearing a quizzical expression. "Arnold, people are starting to say that we're together, and as I've told you before, I only-"
"Like me. Not like me, like me. I get it, Lila," Arnold finished for her with a drawn out sigh. "If you're worried about the signs, I just spoke to Gerald about-"
"Thank you just ever so much, Arnold," Lila interjected with a sweet smile. "But I'm ever so certain that it's not a good idea for us to be around each other anymore. I don't want there to be any more rumors about us being in a relationship. You understand, right?"
Gasps could be heard in the crowd as Arnold blinked twice.
"Wait, Lila. It doesn't have to be this way. Who cares what-"
"I'm ever so sorry that it does have to be this way, Arnold," she cut in again. Her face dropped a little. "I admit that it might be difficult for you to understand my reasoning, but I hope just ever so much that you will understand one day." She gave a small smile. "Goodbye, Arnold."
With that, she turned around and walked away without another word, leaving Arnold standing there with the rest of the crowd in shock. Students exchanged doubtful looks.
"Wait, did he just get dumped?"
"Weren't they the couple in the banner?"
"What was that all about?"
"I thought it was guaranteed that we would all find happiness with our true love by this guy. Was it all just a lie?"
"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea."
"I want my money back."
"Me too."
"What a waste of time."
"I knew it was too good to be true."
And just like that, Gerald saw expressions begin to morph into rage as students turned to him.
"Hey! You told us that they were a happy couple! Does that look like a happy couple to you?!"
"Give us back our money!"
"What are you trying to pull?!"
Gerald put his hands up in defense, attempting to quell their anger. "Guys, guys, hold on a second. I-I can fix this! You're still getting the best love advice out there!"
"Yeah, right. You big faker," one student interjected. "Give us back our money."
He held the jar of money out before them. "Read the sign on the jar: no refunds!" he asserted.
Multiple students leapt over the stand, tugging at the jar in his hands. He yanked back fervently, but was gradually being overpowered by angry students. He turned his head to the side. "A little help here, man?" He stopped, his eyes wide as he saw an empty spot where Arnold once stood. Students tackled him to the floor, causing the jar to slip out of Gerald's arms. The jar fell to the floor, rolling away from him until it hit the wall a distance away. The crowd of students cheered, chasing after the bottle.
"No, wait! That's mine!" Gerald shouted, but his protests fell on deaf ears. He watched in horror as students swarmed the bottle, picking it up and elbowing one another to get first pick at the money.
He sighed, placing his head face down on the floor. His get-rich-quick-idea was a total bust.
"What's going on here?!" Principal Wartz's voice sounded through the hallway.
Gerald rose his head to see dumbfounded expressions. The commotion between the students had suddenly come to a halt as Principal Wartz walked through the crowd, placing his hands on his hips.
"Well?" he demanded. "Anyone care to explain why exactly you students are acting like a bunch of ruffians on school grounds?"
When he got no response, he frowned, pointing to a brown-haired kid with green glasses. "You, there," he began. "Explain what happened."
The boy's eyes widened for a brief moment before his eyebrows slowly lowered. He extended an arm out with a finger pointing directly at someone. "That kid stole our money!" he exclaimed.
Principal Wartz turned around to view that kid in question. His eyes fell on Gerald.
"Young man, is this true?" he asserted with a frown of his own.
"N-no! All of them gave their money to me willingly!" Gerald argued, rising up from his spot on the floor.
"Is that so?" Principal Wartz questioned. "Then, could you please explain to me why there are students fighting over a jar of money next to me?"
Gerald put his arms up. "Hey, don't look at me," he said. "I didn't tell them all to start fighting. They all decided they wanted their money back, but the jar clearly says no refunds. See for yourself."
Principal Wartz looked to the group of students with the jar still in their hands. He eyed the jar for a moment before turning back to Gerald. "I see," he responded. He cleared his throat. "Young man, judging by all the fliers and that stand you've got going over there, it seems to me that you were trying to solicit something to these students on school grounds, which, according to the school's policy, is strictly prohibited unless it was either approved by me or by another faculty member." Gerald lowered his head. "Since this is the first time I'm hearing about this, I have no choice but to-"
"I approved it."
Gerald's eyes widened as he turned his head to find the origin of the voice. A slender, elderly woman in green with glasses approached Principal Wartz from her standing place off to the side.
"Y-You approved this, Ms. Slovak?" Principal Wartz questioned in surprise.
Ms. Slovak smiled. "Why, yes. I did," she answered. "You see, Gerald was doing a very nice thing. He came to me yesterday and asked if he could do a fundraiser to try to raise money for more school supplies for classes. Granted, the way he went about doing the fundraiser was a bit," she coughed. "creative, to say the least. But his heart was in the right place."
Principal Wartz's eyes narrowed. "Why is this the first time I'm hearing about this, Ms. Slovak?"
"Sorry. It was so last minute that I guess it slipped my mind," she explained in a casual tone. "I'll make sure to let you know things sooner next time."
Principal Wartz nodded, seeming to accept the response. "Very well. We'll discuss this more later," he answered. Then, he looked to Gerald. "However, I hereby require that you give these students whatever you promised, young man. Otherwise, there will be consequences. Understand?"
Gerald, who had been watching the interaction with his mouth open, shook his head. "Uh, y-yes, sir," he managed to get out.
Principal Wartz nodded and then narrowed his eyes. "Also, wear some pants. Geez, man!" He turned away. "For now, I'll be taking this to apply it to the school fund." He took the jar from the students' hands. "Carry on," he said dismissively as he walked away.
"Hey!" one student cried out.
"This sucks."
"I still want my money back."
"It better be good advice."
The bell rang as the crowd dispersed to head to their classes.
Gerald, while bummed out about having to now offer his relationship advice for free, was grateful that he didn't have to stay for detention. He walked over to Ms. Slovak, and gave a small smile. "Thanks, Ms. Slovak! I can't believe you stood up for me like that."
Ms. Slovak pushed the glasses up on her face. "As repayment, I expect to be the first person you give relationship advice to. I'm free after school tomorrow at 3p.m.," she responded without missing a beat. With that, she walked away.
Gerald gaped before shaking his head. "Aw man," he remarked. His shoulders dropped as he walked to his next class.
…
…
"Helga, are you certain that hiding in the cafeteria was the best way to go about handling what transpired between you and Arnold last night?" Phoebe asked as the two girls walked out of the empty cafeteria.
Helga frowned. "Yes, I'm certain," she asserted. "Avoiding Arnold is the only way to make sure that I don't say or do anything that I might regret later." Then, she added. "Well, again."
"But isn't it possible that Arnold could have wanted to speak with you about last night? I think you might have scared him away when he was walking towards us in the cafeteria earlier," Phoebe responded.
"That was the point, Phoebe," Helga answered. "I don't want to speak to Arnold. Not after I practically tried to shove my tongue down his throat last night." Her brow furrowed further. "And you know what else? Maybe that wouldn't have happened if my best friend that I thought I could trust hadn't drugged me."
"I'm really sorry, Helga. I only wanted to help," Phoebe said solemnly. "I thought that maybe if you were more open with Arnold, then-" She stopped, her eyes wide.
"Then, what? I wouldn't have thought things through before unloading my deepest, darkest secret on Arnold, and making myself look like a total fool?" Helga questioned, completely unaware that her friend had stopped walking. "Is that what you were going to tell me?!"
No response.
She blinked. "Phoebe?" She turned her head to see that Phoebe was no longer next to her. Her eyebrows rose.
"H-Helga!"
Turning around, Helga saw Phoebe standing in the middle of the hallway, her eyes wide with a hand covering her mouth. Following her line of vision, Helga saw what was bothering her friend.
"Arnold and Lila reunited, and it feels so good."
That's what the red banner in front of them read.
Helga could've fainted right there. This can't be happening, she thought. "A-Arnold and Lila?!" she exclaimed. "What the heck is this?!"
"I'm just as shocked as you, Helga," Phoebe said. "It seems that someone under the name of 'love doctor' has been under the impression that Arnold and Lila are dating."
Helga began trembling. "T-that can't be true . . ." she whispered. She was hysterical. "A-Arnold wouldn't do something like this. He wouldn't-"
"Helga!" Phoebe interjected. "Snap out of it." She slapped her friend's face, causing it to veer to the side quickly. Helga blinked, turning her head back and bringing a hand to her slapped cheek.
"Uh, sorry," Phoebe apologized in a meek voice. "But I don't think it's wise to be jumping to conclusions. We need to speak to either Arnold or Lila directly, so that we can verify the validity of the information presented in the banner."
Helga, who had been close to hyperventilating only moments earlier, scowled. "Yeah, as if I'm going to listen to little miss perfect try to sugarcoat her way out of this. She knew what she was doing. Probably plotted to get her slithery hands on Arnold right from the start," she said. "And you can forget about me going to Arnold about this. There's no way he'd tell me everything. No, if I'm going to get all the nitty-gritty details about this, I'm going straight to the source. I'm going to find the love doctor, and personally make him tell me everything."
Phoebe's brows knitted together. "But Helga, what if this love doctor's information turns out to be inaccurate?" she questioned.
"Well then, that's for me to find out," Helga asserted.
"But Helga-"
"Now, now. Don't you worry, Phoebe. I'll handle this, no problem," Helga responded with an evil smile.
The warning bell rang.
Helga pointed her thumb backwards. "I'm going to head off to class now before we're late. I'll fill you in with all the deets later, Pheebs." She waved dismissively before walking in the direction of her next class.
Phoebe sighed. Why did she have such a bad feeling about this?
…
…
Helga bounded towards the lockers with one goal in mind; Find Gerald. The last class of the day had just ended. She had found out the identity of the love doctor simply by asking around the school. It was easy as pie.
She smiled to herself. If Gerald was the love doctor, then the information on the banner must have been true. Now, she knew she would be getting all the nitty-gritty facts. And the best part was, Phoebe wasn't with her, so she could be as straightforward as she intended with Gerald without downplaying anything. However, she knew that Phoebe had feelings for Gerald, so she would try not to be too hard on him.
As she approached the lockers, she saw just who she had been looking for. Predictably, right next to Arnold's locker, Gerald was emptying the last of his books into his backpack for the day. His back was turned to her.
She ran up to him, slapping her hands on his shoulders. "Tall hair boy! Thought I'd find you here!"
Gerald jumped, turning around sharply. Upon seeing who it was, he let out a sigh. "Oh, Pataki. It's you," he responded.
"Who were you expecting exactly? The SWAT team?" she asked with a slight grin. "By your reaction, I was afraid you were going to wet your-" She paused, eying his pants. Then, she wore an amused expression. "Wait, are those actually leggings?" she laughed. "What, you lose a bet?"
Annoyance flashed across his face. "What do you want, Pataki?"
"Information," Helga said, cutting to the chase. "Word on the street is that you're the school's love doctor."
Gerald shook his head, giving her a slight grin. "Hate to break it to you, but it's going to take a lot more than relationship advice from me to fix that train wreck of problems you have going on."
Helga frowned. "Cut the crap, Geraldo. I'm not here for relationship advice," she asserted. "I want you to tell me whether it's true that Arnold and Lila are dating, and any other information you know about them."
He narrowed his eyes. "What's it to you?" he inquired.
"I'm the one asking the questions here, bucko," she replied. "Your job is just to answer them."
Gerald didn't back down. "Says who?"
She growled, showing him ol' Betsy. "Says me and my fist to your face if you don't shut up and do as I tell you."
He frowned. "That may work on Arnold, but that's not going to work on me, Pataki," Gerald replied. "I'm calling you out on your bull. Don't forget that you need something from me. If you lay one finger on me, I guarantee that you'll never get any information out of me."
Her eyes widened as her fist lowered. She backed away. "Fine." She took a deep breath to control her rage. "I can do some negotiating," she responded with a casual shrug. "Let's cut a deal. What's going to make you talk?"
"Two conditions," Gerald began, zipping his backpack. "First, I want to know why you're asking about Arnold and Lila."
"That's on a need-to-know basis."
"Consider this need to know," Gerald replied. "I need to make sure you're not plotting to do anything against my best friend."
"Cross my heart."
"Yeah, that's reassuring," he retorted sarcastically. "I'm going to need more to go on than that. You tell me why you're asking first. And second, I want you to ask me for the information nicely."
She nodded. "I can do-"
"Hold on. I don't think you heard me," he interjected, putting a hand up. "I said, nicely. As in, nice enough to make me want to give you information. And in these words exactly: 'Oh wonderfully awesome Gerald who I fear but love so much, please tell me everything you know about Arnold and Lila.' And I want you to say that all on your knees."
Her brow furrowed. "I'm not saying or doing that."
"Then I bid you good day, m'lady," he answered, standing up and closing his locker. He started to walk away.
Helga's eyes widened, seeing her opportunity passing. "W-wait!" she exclaimed, running up to him.
He stopped, giving her a smug grin. "Yes?"
She frowned, looking at the floor. "I-I'll do it. I'll say the stupid words."
"Nice words, you mean," he replied.
She rolled her eyes. Phoebe, you are so lucky I'm a good friend, she thought. She took a quick look around to make sure that no one was watching. The halls were empty. It seems that the majority of students had already left for the day. Slowly, she lowered to her knees.
She took a deep breath. "Oh Gerald-"
"Oh wonderfully awesome Gerald," he corrected.
She rolled her eyes. "Yeah, that."
Gerald turned away from her, and began to walk.
"Oh wonderfully awesome Gerald who I fear but love so much!" she shouted to the heavens emphatically, causing him to turn back around.
"Yes?" he asked, the smug grin still there.
"Please tell me everything you know about Arnold and Lila," she grumbled, her head down.
Gerald was clearly milking the moment. "And why, may I ask, would I do a thing like that?" he asked.
"Because," she growled. Then, she coughed upon seeing a frown morph on his face. "I-I mean, because I know how wonderfully awesome you are, and . . . and generous."
He nodded. "Okay, but why do you want this information?"
She hesitated. "Because I . . . ."
"You . . . ." he prompted.
She gulped. "I- . . . I- . . . I have to know, okay?!" she exclaimed, standing back up.
He frowned. "Have to know isn't enough to-"
She frowned. "Look. I already asked you nicely in the words that you wanted me to say. I even got down on my knees, as degrading as that was," she explained. "That should be enough for you! I promise that I won't use any of the information against that stupid football head, okay?!"
Gerald pondered this. "Hm, I don't know . . . I'm still not convinced . . . ."
Her eyelids lowered in annoyance. "I wonder," she pondered. "What would Phoebe think if I told her that her boyfriend wasn't being nice to her best friend?"
"And I'm convinced," he said quickly.
Helga smirked. "That's what I thought. Now, spill."
He gave a long sigh before waving her closer. "Okay, listen well Pataki, because I'll only say this once, and if anyone asks, you didn't hear it from me," he began. Then, he looked around for a moment to make sure the coast is clear.
Helga rolled her eyes. "Just get on with it, Geraldo."
"Chill girl! You can't rush great story telling," he asserted. His eyes did one final sweep around, before he got close. "Okay, it's like this: Arnold and Lila are going out."
Helga suddenly perked up. "Say what now?"
"Yeah, I couldn't believe it either, but after that date last night where they kissed-"
Helga shook her head. "Whoa, whoa, wait a minute. Arnold and Lila kissed?!"
"I know, right?! I didn't know my main man had it in him," Gerald agreed. "I guess I've been rubbing off on him after all."
Helga rolled her eyes. Oh brother, she thought. Then, she narrowed her eyes. "So, let me get this straight. You saw Arnold and Lila kissing," she stated.
Gerald arched a brow. "Actually, he admitted it to me himself. But not only that, yesterday, when Lila asked for them to have some alone time-"
Helga jumped. "Lila did what?!" she exclaimed, her tone reaching another octave.
"Alone time," Gerald repeated slowly. "Keep up, Pataki."
Helga growled.
Gerald shook his head. "Anyways, when I was by the drinking fountain yesterday, I spotted the two of them hugging too. And when I questioned Arnold about it, that kid's face was as red as a cherry tomato, I'll tell you that much," he explained, grinning at the thought. "Oh, but he and Lila did seem to be having a bit of relationship trouble earlier, but personally, I think it was all an act to-"
Helga was no longer listening. A sharp pang hit her chest. Arnold was dating Lila. He was already taken.
She had been so focused on pumping information out of Gerald that she hadn't considered what would be her reaction to the information. The truth that Arnold was going out with Lila. Her heart ached as those words reverberated in her mind. Arnold was taken. He wasn't in love with her. And the worst part about it was that he hadn't said anything to her. She lowered her head. But why would he? After all, she was just a school bully that had only been making him miserable his entire life. It's not like she deserved to be anything more than that. It's not like he could ever love anyone like that.
Helga suddenly felt deflated, the energy she had felt earlier no longer present. The pang in her chest just hurt so much. Arnold, her precious love . . . was already taken. And worst yet, she had lost him to Lila. Lila, one of the only people she had ever admitted her feelings for Arnold to. The person she thought she could trust . . . had betrayed her and taken one of the only things she held dear. No wonder Lila wanted to go on a date with Arnold the past weekend. It was probably the norm for them. And they probably hadn't said anything because they knew it would make her feel this way. This feeling that her whole world, which she had spent the majority shaping around her fantasy life with Arnold, had now been crumbling right on top of her.
Arnold, goody-two-shoe Arnold, whom she had admitted her feelings only the night before and on FTi, had felt sorry for her and chose to hide his and Lila's relationship so that he wouldn't hurt her feelings. Arnold only pitied her. No wonder he had pushed her away last night. No wonder he had yet to tell her of his decision. Arnold had already made his choice a long time ago. There was just no room for her in his heart.
Her mind flashed to Arnold kissing her last night. Her eyes widened. It was all coming back to her now.
"I've wanted to do that for a while now. That's why it's so confusing."
"When you tell me that you love me, it makes me happy."
Arnold had said those words to her last night. He had kissed her, and he had told her that he wanted to. He told her that her loving him makes him happy.
Her mouth trembled, her breaths coming in short gasps. She placed a hand to her chest. She could literally feel her heart splitting in two. He had led her on completely. It hurts so much, she thought. I'm such an idiot. Everything has been a complete waste of time. Arnold was just stringing me along like a violin.
Gerald, completely oblivious to the diminished state she was in, continued speaking. "Now you remember your promise not to tell anyone else," he said, interrupting her thoughts.
Helga said nothing, her brow beginning to morph its way into a frown. Gerald arched a brow himself.
"Pataki?"
Her knuckles clenched into a fist. She grit her teeth. I'm such an idiot, she thought once more. She was shaking.
Gerald waved a hand in front of her face. "Hey, your ears not working or-"
She slapped his hand away. "Would you get out of my face?!" she shouted, causing Gerald's eyes to widen in alarm. She continued. "Yeah, I remember my promise, but that doesn't mean I'm going to honor it. No one tells Helga G. Pataki what to do."
Gerald frowned. "And, with that attitude, it's no wonder why no one would ever want you," he stated matter-of-factly.
Helga's eyes widened. It was the straw that broke the camel's back. "Out of my way," she snarled, shoving him to the side without warning.
"Hey!" Gerald protested as he was suddenly flung to the floor. He watched as Helga stormed through the halls to the door where Brainy stood. He frowned. How long had Brainy been standing there? He continued to watch as a fist flew to Brainy's head, causing him to collapse in front of the door. At least Helga had the courtesy to step over the poor kid before she violently flung the door open and walked out. The door slammed shut behind her.
His brows furrowed. "Sheesh, what's her problem?"
…
…
Arnold opened the door to the Boarding House with a tired look on his face. Various cats, dogs, and a pig whizzed past him. In the end, he hadn't been able to get a word in edgewise with Lila because Sid had decided to interrupt them, saying it was urgent, only to find out later that Sid had just wanted him to share some of the supposed relationship advice that he received from Gerald for wooing Lila. His mind reflected on how the events unfolded.
A thin kid with a green hat and black jacket stood before him by the lockers. "Arnold, do me a favor, would ya? You're going out with Lila now, right?" he asked urgently.
Arnold gave an annoyed look. "No, Sid. I'm not."
"Riiiight," Sid responded with a wink and a smile. "Anyways, I need your help. I need you to give me some of that relationship advice Gerald gave you earlier, so the guys won't know I'm the only one without date for the school dance in a couple of weeks."
Arnold opened his mouth to speak, but Sid rambled on.
"I mean, Harold's got Patty, and Stinky's got Gloria," he pondered. "There has to be some pretty girls left, right? And preferably a sixth grader. That'll impress the guys for sure."
"Then, why don't you just ask Harold and Stinky?"
Sid frowned. "Arnold. Didn't you hear me?!" he exclaimed. "I said I don't want the other guys to find out about this. They'll make fun of me and call me a loser. You're the only one I can trust."
Arnold sighed. "Fine. I'll help you, Sid, but not in the way tha-"
"Oh Arnold! There you are!" a dark-haired girl in a red shirt exclaimed.
And Rhonda had interrupted him and Sid, Arnold reflected.
"I just heard the news," Rhonda began. "You and Lila, huh? Congratulations. I didn't think you'd actually manage to win her heart."
Arnold didn't know whether to take that as a compliment or a slight. "Actually, I was just telling Sid that this has all just been a misunderstanding. Lila and I aren't really going out," he explained.
Rhonda frowned, placing her hands on her hips. "Really, Arnold. Practically the whole school knows about your relationship with Lila now. Gerald told me everything after third period. How you didn't want anyone to know about your relationship with Lila because you didn't want it to be a big thing, and how you staged that argument back there with Lila to make it more believable. I told everyone. You should be proud of your relationship. There's no sense in hiding it."
Arnold frowned. He would have to kill Gerald later. "Rhonda, we're not a-"
"Hey! Arnold was just about to help ME with something," Sid complained. "If you don't have anything else to say, then go away."
"Well, if you had let me just finish, I would've already asked Arnold my question about getting some of the relationship advice he learned from Gerald," she insisted.
"Yeah? Well, it's going to have to wait until after he helps me," he said.
"Rhonda Wellington Lloyd never waits for anything," she argued.
And just like that, an argument over Arnold had resulted. He was just lucky enough that they hadn't noticed that he had slipped away. He sighed.
After the day he had, he was looking forward to just heading up to his room and kicking back on his bed for some much-needed rest. As he began to walk up the staircase, he bumped into his grandfather who was descending the stairs.
Phil blinked. "Oh Shortman! You're home. Welcome back! You have someone waiting for you in your room upstairs," he greeted cheerfully.
Arnold's eyebrows furrowed. "Someone waiting for me? Who is it, grandpa?" he asked.
His grandpa gave a scowl. "Oh, it's that ol' cousin of yours from the sticks. You remember? The one who was as dumb as bricks, and about as interesting as watching the paint dry on a wall," he explained.
Arnold blinked. "Arnie?"
"That's the one! He's going to be staying with us for a week because his parents needed a vacation," Phil answered. Then, he quickly descended the stairs. "Well, bye! I've got to move it before that kid causes me to lose it. He's worse than your grandma!"
His eyes widened. "Wait, Arnie's going to be here staying a week?!" he exclaimed in surprise. He resumed his climb up the staircase, sighing. This day can't get any worse, he thought.
…
Once he was at the top of the stairs leading to his room, he knocked on the door.
"Arnie?" he asked. "Can I come in?"
"'Sup." Then, a snort.
Arnold jumped, turning around sharply. Sure enough, there stood his own replica on the stairs before him, save for a pair of blue overalls, bleached hair, a slightly larger green hat with a red spinner.
"A-Arnie? Grandpa told me you'd be waiting for me in my room," Arnold replied.
Another snort. Arnie pointed a thumb over his shoulder. "Bathroom," he said simply.
"Oh, uh, okay," Arnold fumbled for words. "Well, uh, would you like to come in?"
Silence. The left eye blinks first, then the other. A snort. "The girl with the pink bow and pig tails. You still like her?"
Arnold choked on air, caught off guard by the question. "Helga? I, uh, no, we're just, uh, friends," he stammered, his face turning red. What's Arnie's problem? He thought. Why's he bringing this up?
Arnie snorted. "Okay." He held up his arm. "I found some lint under the rug. Want some?"
Arnold stared at the hand presented to him. A poof of gray was in the center of Arnie's palm.
His face twisted in disgust. "No, I-I think I'll pass," he said.
Arnie snorted, dropping his arm back at his side.
Arnold's brows furrowed. An entire week with Arnie, he thought with dread. "Let's go, I guess," he said, turning the knob on his door. Arnie followed.
…
Once inside his room, Arnold's eyes were immediately transfixed on the red couch that served as Helga's makeshift bed. Or more importantly, on what was on the couch. He eyed the numerous bags and various collections of jars containing lint, pre-chewed gum, and newspaper clippings in confusion.
"Arnie? What's your stuff doing in-"
"ARNOOOOOOLD!"
The sound of Helga's voice rang in the air.
Now what? He thought.
Within a moment's notice, the door to Arnold's room was flung open, the door hitting its hinges with a loud bam. Helga appeared in the doorway, her face, the dictionary definition of pure rage. He could practically feel the anger melting off of her the second her eyes pinpointed on his.
She stomped towards him. "Arnold, you have ten seconds before I pound the living-"
She stopped, her eyes now focused on the other person in the room.
Arnie snorted. The red spinner whirred around suddenly. "Hey," he greeted.
Helga's brow furrowed, a look of confusion on her face. "What are you doing here?" she asked.
Another snort. "I'm sleeping with you."
Silence filled the room.
Finally, Helga spoke. "What did you say? This has got to be some kind of sick joke," she replied, her face twisting in repulsion.
Arnie snorted again.
Arnold decided to chime in. "Uh, Helga. You remember Arnie?" he began. "Well, he's going to be staying with us for a little bit while his parents are away. A week."
Helga arched her brow. "By staying here, you mean he's staying somewhere in the Boarding House that's far away from me, right?"
"Well, uh, yeah," Arnold said, rubbing the back of his neck. He turned to Arnie. "Hey Arnie. My room's kind of full right now with me and Helga already staying here. I think if you ask grandpa, he'll probably be able to show you somewhere that you can sleep while you're here."
"In other words, get lost," Helga translated harshly.
"Helga," Arnold chastised with a small frown. He turned to Arnie. "She didn't mean it that way," he said. "Well, Arnie? What do you say?" He faked a wide grin.
Arnie snorted, looking between Arnold and Helga. "I want to stay here," he insisted. He gestured to Helga. "With her."
"It's not happening, bub," Helga said.
He snorted. "I think I'm in love with you," he said, not batting an eye.
"Well, think again," Helga stated with a frown. Ugh. What is with this guy? She thought.
Arnie took off his hat, getting down on one knee facing Helga. "I have, and I love you. I want to spend every waking moment with you," he said, his expression neutral. He snorted.
Arnold's eyebrows rose in disbelief. I never knew he felt so strongly about Helga, he thought. A small pang of jealous hit him suddenly.
Helga scowled. "What is wrong with you?!" she exclaimed. "Can't you take a hint? I don't want to be anywhere near that weird-shaped head of yours. One is already enough."
Arnold ignored the implicit jab to his appearance, and said. "Look, Arnie. You love Helga, right?" he began. "Well, if you love her, then you should listen to her and understand that she might feel a little more comfortable not having another person in the room."
Arnie stood up, putting his hat back on his head. He turned to him. The left eye blinked. Then, the right. "You should leave," he said.
Arnold's eyes widened. "Huh?"
"One weird-shaped head is enough. So, you leave," Arnie reasoned.
Arnold frowned. "This is my-"
"How about you both leave," Helga said. "No, wait, better yet. I'll leave. That way I don't have to look at any football heads." With that, she started to pack up her belongings.
Arnold's eyes widened. "Helga, wait. You don't have to leave," he replied.
"I want to leave," came her response as she continued packing.
"Well, I don't want you to."
Helga stopped what she was doing. There was silence with only the occasional snort from Arnie to break it.
Arnold shook his head. "Er, I mean-"
"Yes. What did you mean, Arnold?" Helga asked, finally turning around to face him. A scowl held on her face. "Because it certainly sounded like you might be confusing me with someone else."
Arnold's face twisted in confusion. "What do you mean?"
A flash of annoyance passed over Helga's face. "Oh, don't play dumb with me, Arnoldo," she began. "How could you do something like that to me? You completely humiliated me. You led me to believe that you-" She paused, swallowing the lump that had formed in her throat. She shook her head. "Just forget it." She collected all her things into a bag.
"Helga, what's going on? What did I do?" he asked, his face now etched in concern.
"Nothing!" she exclaimed, keeping her back turned to him. "Crimeny! You did nothing, okay? Everything's real peachy," Taking a deep breath, she added quietly. "You can quit the act already. You don't have to worry. You can go back to doing all your usual do-gooder things and keeping up with your usual do-gooder attitude, and then you can forget that we ever had this conversation. It'll be just like none of this ever happened."
She stayed there in silence, her arm trembling slightly for a moment before her eyes widened in surprise. She looked down at a hand on top of hers.
She turned slightly to see Arnold behind her. "What are you-"
"Helga, whatever I did to make you upset, I want you to know. I'm really sorry," Arnold said, his sea-green eyes meeting hers. His fingers wrapped around her own. "The last thing that I would ever want to do is hurt you because . . . ." He trailed off, looking down at all of her things on the couch. His eyebrows knit together. He took a breath, his eyes meeting hers once more. ". . . . Because I really like you. A lot. I like you-like you."
Helga's eyebrows rose, her eyes filled with a spark of hope and something unreadable. Seeing that look on her face, Arnold wondered if he was finally getting to see a glimpse of the true Helga. However, as brief as that moment came, that look on her face was instantly replaced with another expression. Her eyebrow lowered into a deep frown.
SLAP!
Arnold's eyes widened as he rose his hand to the cheek that had just been slapped. Helga had pulled her hand away from his, and had literally used it against him. A hurt expression flashed across his face as he stared at her in shock.
"Don't you ever touch me again. Got it?!" Helga exclaimed, before taking all her belongings and storming out the door.
Arnold was left standing there with his mouth open slightly and a hand still clutched to one side of his face. The dull pain that throbbed under his palm could not compare to the sinking feeling he had now in his heart.
Arnie, who had been silently watching the exchange from the sidelines and had been largely forgotten with all the tension, suddenly made his presence known.
He snorted. "I think you just got dumped," he said.
Arnold looked back at him with narrowed eyes.
…
Author's Notes: Haha! First Lila, now Helga? Arnold has some bad luck with the ladies. XD Poor kid. You really got to feel for him at times. Just can't catch a break.
Anyways~ I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter. I had so much fun writing it. Now that Arnie's in the picture, it's really going to stir up things. I'm also going to bring back some other familiar faces as well in the next chapter. And for the love of all that is decent, what the heck did Lila say to Arnold when they were alone together?! These and other exciting questions will be answered in the next chapter! Stay tuned!
Cheers!
(p.s. reviews are GREATLY appreciated. Hint, hint :D)