But there were no pills, and there was no blood.

"Friedrich..."

He was breathing, though heavily. He and I made eye contact, and I could feel my heart jump as he looked straight up at me.

"Get out of here!" He suddenly screamed. His movements were erratic, his face was filled with an angered expression, and I could practically feel his piercing gaze on me. His ice-blue eyes sent a chill down my spine.

Despite all of that, he was still alive.

I watched as he raised the pistol back up under his neck and screamed once again.

"Get OUT!" he screamed, "You're not supposed to fucking be here!"

I stepped forward with my hand out, and just as I did there was another distinct gunshot. It was muffled, not as loud as a normal shot, but it was noticeable. I stared across at him, and watched as he lowered the gun from under his chin, looking down at it desperately. There was a distinct burn mark running from his Adams-apple up his neck and under his chin.

"What the fuck..." he muttered.

I didn't ask questions, I just ran forward and jumped on his bed to try and wrestle the gun from him.

"Let GO! Just let me fucking go!" He cried out

"I didn't fucking mean it" I pleaded, pulling on the barrel of the pistol as hard as I physically could.

"You have no fucking right" he yelled back, trying to fight my hands off of the gun. I didn't care what he did, he couldn't do this.

He looked at me frantically, trying to hold on, but he was losing his grasp.

"Why can't you even give me this?" he pleaded. Tears were streaming down both of our faces.

'Don't lose it yet. Wait for the gun to be gone, then you can break down' I had to remind myself.

"You can't even let me have this?" his voice begged. The wells of his eyes were flushed red and tears streamed down his face, pooling at the edges before falling to the sheets below him.

"Please..." he whispered; I could tell he was losing his strength. The pistol started to edge closer to my side of the bed than his, his hands shaking violently.

"I made a mistake" I pleaded. "I was a fucking pussy, I couldn't handle it, but I want you more than you can imagine. I said what I said because I was fucking scared, but I'm not scared anymore"

He just stared at me, his eyes that previously seemed hard as ice started to melt, now like icebergs floating in the night sea.

"I'm just scared of losing you" my voice cracked as I pleaded with him. His hands started to slip, and as I stared deep into his eyes, the pistol finally fell from his grasp. I held it in my hand for a moment, maintaining my watch on Friedrich as I pressed the latch and the clip dropped to the bed we both were sat on.

I watched as he looked down at the clip, picking it up with his hands.

"Blanks...?" he muttered.

I threw the pistol across his room, listening as it hit his dresser.

"Not even god will let me be happy..."

I ran my hand up and down the leg of his uniform pants, trying to ease him out of what he was in.

"You had no right..." he muttered

"I'm sorry" I returned quietly.

"You had no fucking RIGHT" he suddenly yelled, rising up from his bed and jumping down to the floor below. I looked over in surprise, and swung my legs off his bunk before standing in front of him.

I went to reach out and take his hand in mine, but he pulled back, looking up from the ground.

"I didn't-"

His eyes seemed harder than ever.

"And now you're standing in front of me acting like you just saved the day?"

"No, no, I-"

"Quit fucking acting like you and I have been together for five years, because we fucking haven't!" his voice spat poison.

"I-"

"You treat me like fucking garbage in private then come in here to look like a hero in front of your friends?" he shot.

I didn't have a response for him; I wanted to say something, but I couldn't; I was too ashamed. All I could do was let my shoulders slump and look down at the floor as he chided me.

"Fucking say something you cocksucker" his irate voice demanded.

I just couldn't say anything.

It was like a bolt from the blue; before I knew what was going on, his fist was already primed and flying. I didn't even have the chance to raise my hands to defend myself.

I probably wouldn't have even if I could.

His fist slammed straight into my jaw and his knuckles ran across my mouth. I practically spun to the side with the force of the hit, and as I grabbed my jaw in pain, he let out what sounded like a laugh. He hit so hard that I felt like my jaw was about to come unhinged, ripples of pain trailing through my head and down my body.

"AY!" Drew yelled. I could see Drew and Christoph running forward, probably going to grab Friedrich.

I couldn't let them get between him and I; this was something I had to deal with.

"NO!" I yelled at them, watching them freeze in place.

"Don't fucking get involved!"

I turned to Friedrich, watching as he stood in a defensive position, expecting a hit back from either me or the other two behind me.

I righted my position, and opened my arms.

"Do your worst."

He looked me up and down, as if he were reading an opponent, and shook his head.

"You've got to defend yourself" his voice said; it seemed to carry an almost foreign chill to it; like the Friedrich in there had been broken down and a different him took its place.

"I have the right, but I don't have to use it." I asserted. I gestured him to hit me again.

"Go ahead."

He stepped forward, his hand balled into a fist. I knew what was coming.

Punch after punch flew into my body, first into my stomach, then into my sides, and then directly into my ribs. It hurt at first, but after the first few punches it seemed to even out. I couldn't tell if he was hitting with full force anymore; I knew he had when he'd hit me in the jaw.

I remembered something he'd said to me a long time ago, on the matter of boxing and fighting;

"You don't hit someone in the face unless its personal."

He had a right to make this personal, considering everything I'd put him through. My willingly ignoring all of the shit he was going through.

He kept going, punch after punch, swing after swing. After what felt like an eternity, I looked over to Drew and Christoph. They were pleading with me to let them stop him, but I shook my head. The gentle Friedrich was gone, replaced with one filled with anger and whose years of agony had finally cracked his heart to pieces, and the final blow had been from me; someone he thought he could trust; it was my fault.

He had shared so much of his personal life with me, and I had effectively turned around and socked him in the face.

All of a sudden, the punches stopped. I could hear heavy breathing close to me.

A hand gripped my shoulder.

"You've got to defend yourself, Commander." it spat into my ear.

"Don't fucking call me that" I wheezed. "I don't deserve that much respect"

Every part of my body was in severe pain, and yet it started to go numb, as if-

Suddenly, a knee slammed into my crotch. As I slumped to the floor in agony, my eyes made contact with his; he watched me go down, but he didn't have a smile on his face. I thought I saw his expression break as I was halfway down.

"Dude, What the fu-" Christoph let out, though I interrupted him before he could finish.

"I told you not to get involved in this!" my voice cracked as I grabbed at my groin.

"I-"

"Get out!" I yelled at them both, my voice trailing away.

"Fuck that-"

"I said get the fuck out!"

They stood there frozen for a moment, before Drew pulled Christoph through the doorway and they closed it behind them.

I could hear a fist hitting what sounded like thick wood over and over again, and what sounded like crying. Despite all of the pain, I pushed myself up and looked over to find Friedrich mid-way through sliding down to the ground against his dresser. He was sobbing into his hands.

I pushed myself forward, crawling across the slick wooden floor. I could feel blood pooling from my lip down my chin and dripping onto the floor below me. I crawled towards Friedrich, though I couldn't bare to even look at him. I was so fucking ashamed of what I'd done.

'I almost fucking killed him'

I reached him after a while, but he was still slumped in a fetal position crying. I pushed myself up against the wooden dresser and sat up next to him, but couldn't bare to pull my head up and look at him.

All I could do was sneak my hand through his closed posture and grip his hand, pulling it out from his cocoon and pulling it closer to me before squeezing it tightly.

I could hear him start to sniffle, the heaving of his cries starting to slow.

"I can't say sorry enough" I spoke out, my voice shaking with every word.

We sat there in quiet for a while. I wanted to look at him so badly, but every time I tried to raise my head I just... couldn't. I was too ashamed.

"What did I do?" his voice questioned, breaking the silence.

I tried to answer, but I just couldn't.

It was quiet for awhile, before he spoke again, this time his voice sounded agitated.

"What did I fucking to you to earn that shove?" his voice demanded explanation, but I couldn't, all I could do was wince at his angered expression.

Suddenly his hand broke from mine.

"huh?" he whispered close to my head. I winced again.

"I..." I tried to explain, but as I tried to find the words, nothing seemed to come out.

Suddenly, he shoved me away and onto my back. Within seconds, he was sat atop me slamming fists into my stomach, sides, and ribs once again.

"I need a fucking explanation" he begged. I couldn't.

A punch went straight into my side, knocking me over and onto my back

"Why did you do it?" he screamed.

Another punch, this time to the left side of my body where my ribs lay.

"Fucking look at me!" he screamed. Suddenly his hand grabbed my chin and jaw and forced me to look at him, but I shut my eyes. I couldn't bare it.

Another punch, this time to my shoulder. I winced in pain, and for a moment my eyes opened; when they did, I couldn't close them anymore. My gaze was locked on Friedrich.

His face was flushed with color, though not the color of embarrassment, but rather the color of pain and emotion; a light red. Tears flowed from the wells of his eyes and across his face, falling down and landing on my white T-Shirt below him. His hand let go of my jaw and gripped my shoulder.

"You fucking asshole, I thought you cared!" he belted, his voice starting to lose its flair.

"I thought..." he panted. "I thought you were different..."

His mouth shuttered, revealing he was about to lose it again, but after a moment he pulled himself together. As he sat above me, his legs split on both sides of my body, he stared down at me, almost begging for an answer. His eyes focused down on me, but they softened as time went by. The ice blue seemed to break, slowly fading back to their normal gaze.

"I...I..." I stuttered. His look gave off an almost begging expression, like he was pleading for me to say something. When I couldn't form the words, he started to rise up, standing next to me. It was as he took the first step away that I lurched forward, grabbing his leg and knocking him to the ground. We wrestled for a moment, and I tried to pin him to the ground, but I couldn't muster the strength. He sent fist after fist into my sides, and I finally tried to return them, but they were returned with exponentially less strength.

Soon after, I found myself sobbing uncontrollably into the wool of his tunic, my face pressed firmly into his breast pocket. I desperately wrapped my arms around him, snaking them between his back and the wooden floor, to keep him from going anywhere. He tried to fight me off at first, but before long I could feel his arms around me, and could hear his quiet cries.

We lay there in each others arms for what felt like hours. Before long, I could feel one of his hands slowly running through my hair, and it seemed to soothe the pain.

A few minutes later, I slowly broke my stranglehold on his body, and pushed myself off of him. He looked at me wearily as I sat up against his foot locker and wiped my hand across the space between my upper lip and my nose. He slowly pushed himself up and scooted closer to me, sitting with his knees up and his feet firmly against the floor. The tips of my boots and his feet touched each other, and he and I just... stared... for awhile.

He broke the silence a few minutes into our staring contest.

"I...I need an explanation." his voice wearily requested.

"I'm trying" I sat muttering, trying to find the right words.

How could I explain why I'd put him through what I put him through?

How could I explain my feelings?

What was I supposed to say?

I thought over the words for awhile as silence filled the room. From time to time, he'd glance up from his bloody knuckles and look at me longingly for an answer.

I had to fucking say something if I wanted to salvage anything out of this.

"I... I was scared."

"Scared?"

I nodded slowly.

"I was scared of everything. I know how I feel, I know what I see in you, I know what I want... but after that night, I was... I was terrified. I kept playing the memories of you being beaten up by the pool or in the locker room over and over again, thinking that they would happen more often if people found out you and I did anything together, if you and I got together."

I paused for a moment, breathing heavily. He didn't speak up.

"I was scared that I was opening myself up to something that was going to bite me in the end..."

He just shook his head.

"I want you so badly. You're everything I've ever wanted in someone. You're strong when you need to be but otherwise gentle, you've got a crazy sense of humor, you're smart as hell, but you're so fucking humble..."

I sighed. Everything I'd done to make myself look strong, to please my parents, to become the man my father wanted me to become, had bitten me back when it came to Friedrich. I wasn't meant for this sort of stuff; I enjoyed poetry and great writers, not playing hard to get. I adored him...

"You're not like everyone else. You don't look at me like I'm the Prince, you look at me like I'm just another human being, just another person. Your feelings and attitudes around me aren't pretend, they're real"

I looked up and gazed into his eyes for a moment, before looking him over. Though he was clearly exhausted, his golden hair shimmered in the light, and his gaze seemed soft.

He licked his thumb and slowly extended it towards me, rubbing the blood from my lower lip. He pulled back and rubbed his hand into his pants and sighed.

"I'm sorry I hit you."

"I deserved it."

"No you didn't."

"See? You're so fucking strong but you hate to use it anywhere but in the ring. It drives me crazy because you're so different from everyone here. You don't get kicks out of beating people up, you don't get bloodthirsty when shit happens. You're so fucking gentle..."

He just... looked at me. It was a soft gaze, but he kept his eyes on me.

"I... I just kept imagining all of the things people might say, people might do, to you, that I went crazy. I wanted to protect you from that and the only way I thought I could do that was by keeping you away. I wanted to scare you away so that you wouldn't get hurt, but in the process I..."

My voice shuttered, and I almost couldn't say it, but I forced it out.

"I almost killed you."

We were both quiet for awhile.

"I can't... pretend that things are going to be the way they might have been had I not... done what I had done. But I'd..."

I found myself falling silent. I wanted to force it out, but I was too scared.

"You what..?" he asked longingly.

"I... I want to try and pick up the pieces"

"You-"

"I know that its going to be hard. I know that you don't trust me anymore. I know that I'm going to have to prove every step of the way that I'm worth all of the bad shit that comes with me... all of the bad shit that I put you through..."

"I still trust you..." he muttered quietly.

"You do?"

"I don't know why I do, but yes"

I nodded slowly, watching him as he seemed to look up at the ceiling.

"I just can't be happy, can I?" he said; it didn't seem to be directed towards me, but I replied anyway.

"I think you can be if you try".

He looked at me and shook his head. We fell silent as I tried to find someone to say to combat his dismissive attitude.

"You're right, things aren't going to be like what they might have been had... had that not happened" he spoke up.

"I just wish I could reset everything that happened after that night and start from there." I said into my knees.

"But you can't."

I nodded.

"We can't just go back to what happened. We're always going to have that afternoon and tonight in the back of our heads. There's always going to be that question of whether or not we can trust eachother, at least for awhile."

I nodded, trying to hold back tears. This wasn't a video game; I couldn't just go back to the last save point. I had to deal with the damage that I had done.

He gave a small smile, and I couldn't help but give him one in return.

"But you're still alive, and as long as you are, I'm going to fight for... for us." I said, looking him straight in the eyes.

He didn't say anything in return.

"Are you... willing to give me a chance?" I questioned, looking at him almost pleadingly.

"I think you... realize now that there's a lot going on with me..."

I nodded slowly.

"This... this isn't just because of what happened. Its been coming for awhile."

"I didn't help, though..."

"You still aren't the source of it."

"We all have problems inside, it just takes a little help to-"

"It takes a Prince to fight the darkness" he joked, his mouth turning to a smile.

I could feel my face go flush with color, and he gave out a teasing laugh. After awhile, our smiles waned away.

"I've never... seen you like you were tonight..." He muttered.

"What do you mean?"

"You were always the posterboy of what it meant to be a Koniggratzer... Strong, charismatic, no signs of emotion..."

"I couldn't keep it in anymore. Not after I almost lost you."

He nodded slowly.

"Its... its nice to know that that part of you does exist" he quietly spoke.

I nodded. The tips of my ears were on fire.

"You... you didn't answer my question..."

"I know."