Ch.27

She couldn't sleep. She had been tossing and turning in her bed all night. Too much was on her mind; she needed to talk to someone, someone she had been avoiding talking to. So that's why she was here, standing out in the hallway on the other side of the door. Taking a deep breath, she tentatively knocked three times on the door, starting to rethink her decision to come here.

"Yes?" The sleepy, but familiar voice called out.

"Can I come in?"

As soon as the words left her mouth, the door opened and she was met with the face of her sister. Maggie stepped aside, letting Beth walk into the room. Beth breathed a sigh of relief when she saw that Glenn wasn't in there; he must be on watch. She turned to look at Maggie, who was watching her with cautious eyes.

"Is everything alright?" Maggie asked, her voice making it sound as if she were afraid to ask.

"Yeah. I just couldn't sleep."

Maggie nodded, closing the door, but keeping her eyes on Beth the whole time. Beth wasn't sure what to say. She was almost hoping that Maggie would say something to break the silence, but she didn't. Beth backed up so that she was sitting on the bed, and she glued her eyes to the floor, taking in a shaky breath.

"I know you've been wanting to know exactly what happened to me.

"Beth, you don't have to tell me."

Beth lifted her eyes to look at Maggie again. "No, I do. I'm ready to talk about it. But I'm only going to tell you once."

Maggie slowly nodded her head and moved to sit next to Beth on the bed. She wasn't really sure where to start. So much had happened after the prison, and she was already getting nervous just thinking about it. So she decided to start from the beginning.

"I tried to find the kids, like you said to, but I couldn't. When I ran out of the prison I saw Daryl. He told me that we had to go, so I followed him. We ran for what seemed like hours, and then we finally stopped and made camp for the night. I didn't sleep much the first few nights; I'd been having nightmares. We kept moving, but we got ran off of the road we were on when a herd came through; we were forced into the woods. But even in the woods we came across a few walkers. That was the first time I'd killed one outside of the fences.

"We found a little lake to wash up in." Beth smiled, remembering how happy she had been when they'd found the lake, and how embarrassed she'd been when she didn't have any clothes to change in to, forcing her to stay wrapped in a blanket instead. "We decided to stay there for the night, but Daryl woke me up the next morning, telling me that we were being followed." Beth took a deep breath, the smile quickly fading from her face.

She looked up and met Maggie's eyes. She could tell by the way that Maggie was looking at her that she knew that this was where things had went bad, where the story got worse. Maggie reached out grabbed both of Beth's hands, a silent push to continue.

"So we started walking, fast. He was in a hurry. And then we saw them. They were far away, but still too close. He told me to run, so I did. I ran as fast as I could, but it was pointless; they had surrounded us. There were at least ten of them, all men. Daryl tried to talk them into letting us go, tried giving them our food, but they wouldn't budge. One of them snuck up behind me and grabbed me. He pulled me away from Daryl and held a knife to my throat.

"Their leader was talking about what they were going to do to us. They planned on killing Daryl, but they had other plans for me. Daryl had his crossbow aimed on the man that had me the whole time, but then one of them hit him in the head, and he fell to the ground. I screamed and as soon as the man let go off me I tried to run to him, but they wouldn't let me go to him.

"Their leader came over to me. He asked me my name, and I told him. He said that his name was Eric, said that they were going to take good care of me. I told him that I didn't want them to take care of me, and that's when he hit me. I fell to the ground and tried to get back up, but he kicked me, and then he kicked me again. I started to crawl away, but he grabbed me by my feet and started pulling me away. As soon as I realized what was happening I tried to find something to grab, something to hold on to keep him from pulling me away from Daryl. But there wasn't anything, so he just kept pulling me away."

Beth's voice was shaky, and she felt the tears forming in her eyes. She wouldn't cry. Crying wasn't going to do anything now. Nothing she did would change what had happened to her. She refused to cry about it again.

"Beth," Maggie said quietly, "you don't have to tell me. You don't need to relive this."

"I do have to tell you. You need to know what happened. You need to know why I've been the way I've been…why I'm not the same person that I was."

Maggie nodded again, gripping Beth's hands a little tighter.

"He stopped dragging me when we couldn't see Daryl anymore. He flipped me over so that I was on my back, and I felt him pulling at my pants. I started to kick and scream. I knew what he planned on doing, but I was doing my best to stop it from happening. He stopped my screaming by covering my mouth, and then he used his weight to stop my kicking."

Beth took another deep breath before she continued, her voice starting to shake. "He ripped my shirt off of me and then took off my bra. He flipped me back over onto my stomach and then he did it."

Beth closed her eyes, trying to blink back the tears. Taking a few deep breaths she opened them again and looked at Maggie. She had tears rolling down her face, and she was paler than she had been a few moments before. Beth could feel Maggie's hands trembling.

"I prayed; prayed that he would stop. I prayed that Daryl would wake up and stop it from happening. But nothing I did mattered, because nothing stopped him. So I stopped fighting back. I gave up. I just let him do whatever he wanted to do to me. I tried to zone out and focus on something else, but I could feel every moment of it.

"When he was finished he just let me lay there for a while. I was too tired to get up. I didn't care that I was naked and laying on the ground in the middle of the woods. He'd already taken everything from me. But eventually he forced me to get up and put on my clothes again.

"Everything after that is sort of a blur. I know he took me back to Daryl, but I don't really remember how we got out. But Daryl found a cabin, and we stayed there for the night. In the morning he said that we had to move. I just followed him. I was numb. I didn't really know what was going on around me.

"We came across a neighborhood and he picked out a house for us to stay in. It had running water, so I took a shower. I tried to scrub everything away. I felt disgusting. I could feel his hands on me, and him inside of me, but nothing I did could get that feeling away.

"The next morning I woke up and went outside. My body was so sore. There was a walker outside in the lawn. It was missing a leg, just like daddy. It was crawling towards me, but I didn't do anything, I let it grab my ankle. I was hoping that it would bite me. I just wanted to feel something, even if it was pain, even if it meant that I would die. I needed to feel something. But Daryl killed it before it got too close.

"After a few days Daryl decided that it was time to head back to the farm. I made him promise that he wouldn't tell anyone. I didn't want anyone to know. It wasn't his fault that he didn't tell you right away, he was just keeping his promise."

Beth stopped talking. There really wasn't anything else to say. She could tell that Maggie was still processing everything that Beth had just told her. She saw Maggie open her mouth, and Beth knew what she was going to say before the words even reached her ears. She had been waiting for Maggie to ask her this question since she found out what had happened to her; she was honestly surprised that she hadn't already asked.

"Did they use protection?" Maggie asked slowly.

Beth shook her head. "No."

"Beth…" Maggie said quietly, almost a whisper, her voice filled with pity and worry.

"I'm not pregnant."

"You know?"

"I know. I got it a few days after it happened," Beth said, avoiding making eye contact.

Maggie pulled Beth into a hug, holding her tightly. Beth returned the hug, taking deep and shaky breaths. She wasn't sure why she had been shutting her sister out. She hadn't realized how much she needed her, to have her hug her.

"I should have told you sooner. I just didn't want everyone to look at me differently. I was afraid of what they'd think of me."

"We don't think any differently of you, Beth. What happened wasn't your fault."

After of few moments, Beth decided to break the silence again. "What's your first time supposed to be like?"

Maggie smiled weakly at her. "Wonderful. When it's with someone that you love, it's the best thing in the world. It hurts a little, but you forget the pain, because in that moment all that matters is being there with that person. All you want is to be closer to them, and you know that you'd do anything for them, so you give yourself over to them."

Beth tore her gaze from Maggie's and looked down. She hated that she was jealous of Maggie. She hated that Maggie's first time was perfect. She hated that her first time had been stolen from her, that she would never get a redo. She knew that every time she ever had sex she would always remember Eric and what he had done to her. It was a part of her now.

Maggie must have bee able to sense Beth's thoughts. She took one of her hands and put it to Beth's chin, gently lifting Beth's face to look at her. "Hey, you'll get to experience that," she said softly. "You're first time will be amazing. It's not supposed to hurt like it did with that man. It won't be forced. You'll be ready, and all you'll want is to be with whoever it is that you love."

Beth shook her head. "I've already had my first time, and it was nothing like that, Maggie. He took that from me."

"No. You didn't have your first time yet. What that man did to you doesn't count as your first time," she said adamantly. "You didn't want that; he forced that on you. That wasn't sex, it wasn't love. You're first time is when both of you want it, when neither of you feel pressured to do anything, or are forced into it. What happened to you doesn't count, Beth. I promise that that didn't count."

Daryl had said something similar to her, but for the first time Beth was starting to believe what they were saying. Maybe what Eric had done to her didn't count. And even if it did, who was to say that she couldn't get a redo? He had stolen her virginity, but she didn't want him to. She hadn't given him permission; he had just taken it. If Maggie was right, then that didn't count. And if Daryl was right, she would find somebody who would accept her despite what had happened to her.

Beth lay down in Maggie's bed, and for the first time in weeks, she slept without any nightmares.

Author's Note: I know that this wasn't a very eventful chapter, and a lot of it was basically just a summary of what happened when Daryl and Beth were alone together. That being said, I felt that it was necessary for the story. Beth took a big step...she finally talked to Maggie about what happened to her. Beth facing that, and actually telling her sister what happened to her, goes to show how much healing she has done. And I thought that the last part of their conversation, about your first time, was important. That's what sisters do...they gossip with each other, talk about boys, and talk about their first time. But this conversation was a little different than what a normal conversation about your first time would be. Maggie assured Beth that what happened to her doesn't count, and that she will have a first time. Beth needed that. She needed to hear that, and now she is finally believing that.

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