It`s unrealistic to expect that you can bleach the trauma out of your mind. What treatment can help you do is learn how to cope with the experience, with the memories and to live in the present.

- Lisa Lewis

Finn's new therapist showed up the next morning at 10:00 on the dot. Carole had insisted that the new therapist both be a woman, and come to us rather then forcing Finn to go to her. The association had fought both, but there was no force on earth like a mother defending her child. Carole had really pulled out all the stops, finally threatening to take the matter to the media, where everyone could find out that they were denying a 17 year old kidnap victim proper services. She wouldn't, of course, because she would never betray Finn's privacy like that, but she must have convinced someone, because Finn had a specialist at the doorstep within a few days.

He knew that it was coming, of course. Carole had told him right after she made the appointment, explaining as clearly and gently as she could what the woman's job was, and that it didn't mean that he was a freak, or that he was crazy, just that he needed some help sorting things out, and this woman would be able to do that. That she was seeing a therapist herself, and that we would all be seeing one as a family very soon. She made no mention of his talking, or lack there of.

Finn had nodded, and stared blankly, and nodded again. He didn't like any of it, I could tell, but he wouldn't fight her on this. He would, however, drag his feet all morning so that he was still getting dressed when the woman arrived.

Even though I had been told in no uncertain terms that I was to make myself as scarce as possible while Finn had therapy, I still wanted to see this woman for myself, and make sure that she was good enough for Finn. So I planted myself by the door, making sure that I was able to open it for her when she rang the bell.

"Hi, I'm Dr. Hayden, you can call me Samantha if you're more comfortable with that." She extended a hand for me to shake, shifting the tote bag she was carrying to her shoulder. "I'm here to see Finn."

As much as I was prepared to hate her, I had to admire both the fact that she spoke to me as if I were a capable adult, and that she waited for me to introduce myself, rather then assuming who I was. She had to know the truth, of course, since she had been givin a basic overview of our family dynamics in order for her to get a feel for Finn to start with, but I appreciated her attempt to make things easy.

Finn finally appeared, staring at the woman as if he expected her to grow fangs and leap at him. I wanted to help, but Dad actually got me by the elbow and drug me from the room. "Kurt, you and I are going down to the garage for a while, period."

There was nothing I wanted to do less, but he wasn't letting go. "I have homework!"

He wasn't swayed. "It's August, but nice try."

Damn, I hadn't thought that one through. "It's an assignment for Glee. If I don't keep my voice in proper shape, then I'll be stuck in the background next year, too, and I won't get to fulfill my dream and I'll spend the rest of my life in Lima, Ohio, getting the crap beaten out of me."

His eyebrow rose, and I knew I had pushed it a little too far with the last part. I backed up and tried again. "What if Finn needs me?"

"That's exactly why you can't be there. If Finn knows that you're around, he's going to try to go to you. He needs to learn to trust Dr. Hayden. If he's that desperate, Carole will be upstairs."

As hard as I tried, I couldn't fault his logic. "Ok."

The garage was a total bust. Dad locked himself in the office with some books, and I wandered around, starting jobs and not finishing them, or just standing in the corner and using the toe of my ugly, heavy, functional boot to doodle in the dust. All I could think about was the fact that Finn probably needed me right now, and all I could do was stare at an old Honda that should have seen the junkyard 20 years ago.

Finally I took the spare key and slunk into the office. Dad's head shot up. "Did I lock the door?" He seemed genuinely surprised.

"Yes." I sat on the edge of his desk, wanting something from him, but not knowing what it was. "Can we go home now?"

"Not yet." He leaned back and sighed. "Carole specifically asked if I would be out of the hosue for this. She thinks Finn will be more settled and receptive if he's not worrying about me."

That was probably true, but it was sad that Dad didn't feel welcome in his own house. "I'm sorry he's acting like that. I've tried to get him to stop, I promise." I really had, but Finn would shut down completely whenever Dad was brought up. I couldn't stand seeing him just laying there with his eyes closed, or with his head dropped into his arms, so I eventually gave up.

"It's not your fault, Kiddo. It's not his fault either, but that's one of the reasons that Dr. Hayden is here. We have to figure out a way for us to live as a family, and for Finn to be comfortable sharing a house with me."

"Do you thinks someone…hurt him?" My pause was more then long enough for him to know what I was really asking.

"Yes. I've read all the same things that you have, and we both know that there are really only two motives for kidnapping: money or sex. Since no one asked for money, and he's still alive, I'm guessing they took him for sex. What I don't understand is why they brought him back."

That was about the only thing that I did understand. "Because he knew that you were looking for him. He knew that someone had seen Finn, and that we would be looking for him, so they ditched him. It won't work, though, we'll still find the guy who took him." I sounded desperate even to my own ears.

"It seems to me that, if we're talking about New Mexico, it would be easier to ditch a teenage boy, one who we all know could identify him from a lineup if nothing else, in the middle of the desert. It's a huge place and chances are they wouldn't find a body until it was too late to ID it, if they found it at all."

I hadn't even considered that. "Just because they took him, doesn't mean they would try and kill him."

They killed Puck. Why would you think that they wouldn't kill Finn, too, as soon as he became a liability?

Dad just looked at me, his eyes telling me that he was thinking the same thing. "I guess it doesn't matter, though. They brought him home, and he's here now. The other stuff is important, but that's what he has a therapist for. Our job is just to love him as best we can."

"But he's going to be ok, right? It'll be hard, and it'll take a while, but he'll be Finn again, won't he?"

"I hope so." He reached an arm out and I came to him, allowing him to give me an awkward, one armed hug. "I hope so." The last part was mumbled against the top of my head.

Because this was his first session, and because Finn's case was so high profile, he was going to be with this doctor for two hours, instead of the usual one. Then she would come twice a week, with the eventual goal being that he would be able to come to her office instead. Which was good for Finn, but meant that I had to sit and worry for twice as long.

We stayed in the office for over an hour. Dad went over the bills, and I compulsively cleaned, tutting every time I found a Slim Jim wrapper or carefully hidden Twinkie. "Dad, this stuff is disgusting. It clogs your arteries and do you know what sort of preservatives are in there?"

He gave a grunt and continued with his paperwork, unwilling to engage me in the same argument we had already had dozens of times. So I paced and cleaned and reorganized his manuels so that thing would be easier for him to find.

Finally, he agreed that it was time to go home, just in case there was anything he needed to hear before the doctor left. The ride home was quiet, each of us absorbed in our own worries.

As it turned out, though, there had been nothing to be concerned about. Finn had liked the doctor, and the pair of them were at he kitchen table, calmly working together. I'm not entirely sure why that surprised me, considering how positively Finn responded to any adult offering him attention, but at least he seemed content. Dr. Hayden looked up and smiled at us. "Look who's home!"

When he saw me, Finn's face lit up with a smile that had my heart clenching, but the look quickly faded when he saw Dad behind me. I could see by the doctors expression that she noticed, but she didn't say anything. Instead she smiled. "Hi, guys, welcome back. We had a really good session, and I have a few things for you to work on as a family. Finn, why don't you go grab you mother so we can get going. Kurt, Mr. Hummel, you can go ahead and take a seat."

I looked over the table, curious about what they had been doing. There was a McKinley High yearbook, open to the Glee club's page, scattered pieces of paper, some with words and some without, and various colored pencils and crayons. Whatever had been happening, it looked kind of fun.

Finn returned with Carole, again choosing to sit next to me as opposed to in his own chair. Dr. Hayden smiled at him. "Are you still alright with this?" At his nod, she continued. "As you know, I am Finn's therapist, and thus anything he tells me is to be held in confidence. The fact that he is less then 18 years old does not matter. That includes you, Carole. However, I am able to share things with his permission, which is what I would like to do now. This does not mean that he's giving permission for me to share everything, or to share anything past what we did today."

She flipped over a piece of paper. "Now, the first thing I always ask is for my patients to draw a picture of their family the way they see it. This is what Finn came up with."

We all looked at the picture in surprise. Dad smiled. "Finn, I didn't know that you could draw."

I hadn't known that either. Finn wasn't a prodigy, but it was very clear who each member of the family was. He had even drawn me in an outfit that I had put on a few days ago, right down to the color coordinated scarf. "This looks very good."

Once I got over the initial surprise, I found myself looking closer at the picture. Our house was in the background, so he must be considering it home, at least for now. He had drawn Carole on the far left, himself next to her, me next to him, then Dad on my other side. "So, Finn, the four of us are a family?"

He shook his head and touched the top of the picture, where I was just noticing two scribbles that looked like white crayon. I would have guessed that they looked kind of like clouds, but obviously they weren't. Carole craned her neck to look. "What are those?"

Finn looked to Dr. Hayden, who shrugged and looked back at him. I knew that he was wanting her to speak for him, since he gave me the same look, but, where I would have gone ahead and done it, she didn't. Instead she waited for him to do it himself.

And he was capable. He raised and lowered his hands a few times as he tried to think of appropriate gestures, then finally picked up a black colored pencil and labled one mark 'My Dad' and the other 'Kurt's Mom'. Then he used a finger to circle the blobs in with the rest of the family. Carole put a hand to her mouth, and even I had to admit that it was a touching gesture. Yes, we were technically a family of four, but our deceased parents would be with us in our memories, and that would color our current releationships.

"That's lovely, Finn." Her tone was warm and maternal and he smiled gently in response.

"So there are six in the family, 4 living, two dead?" Dad was keeping as far away from Finn as possible while still being seated at the same table. Finn's dark eyes studied Dad, but he didn't respond. Still, even eye contact was an improvement.

"Carole." Dr. Hayden's voice was soft, and I realized that she and Carole had had private discussions before today.

My stepmother nodded. "Finn? An adult just asked you a question. You know that I expect you to be polite and answer him."

It was a complete 180 from the tolerant behavior she had been showing, and Finn was obviously thrown for a moment. Carole gave him a moment, then tried again. "Finn, either be polite or go to your room." I could hear the strain in her voice, telling me how hard it was for her to do this.

Now he was shocked. Shocked, but not defeated, because he looked hard at all of us, saving a particularly dirty look for Dad, then stood up and marched down to the basement. He still wouldn't close the door, which meant it was entirely possible for to all hear him something over, probably my vanity chair. Carole sighed. "That was harder then I thought it would be."

"Of course it was. You want to make everything easy for him, but that isn't realistic. He's 17 years old, and it's not his job to control any relationship right now, particularly one with an adult he doesn't know very well."

Dad was shifting uncomfortably, probably feeling put on the spot in front of this woman. "It's really ok. I mean, he's trying to run things, but isn't that something to be expected?"

I seemed to have been forgotten, so I sat as quietly as possible so that no one would suddenly remember me and tell me to leave. This was fascinating, and I was as close to Finn as they were.

The doctor nodded. "It is, and it's normal for where he's at mentally right now. He doesn't trust you, so he feels like he has to be one step ahead of you, to keep himself in charge. But, at the same time, if he, at 17 years old, can manipulate you like he's been doing, how can he possibly ever trust you to keep him safe? He knows that he can't keep himself safe, if he could have, he wouldn't have been kidnapped in the first place. By taking charge like this, you present yourself as a strong presence. Even if it initially makes Finn nervous, he will feel more safe in the long run."

Dad nodded. "That makes sense."

"Like I said previously, I can not reveal anything Finn may or may not have told me during our session, but I'm going to offer some general advice. You, Burt, need to start being the source of good things for Finn. Right now, you're that scary guy who stole his mother away, then made him leave the only home he's ever known, move in with a brand new family, and share a bedroom and life with one of his schoolmates. Then he was taken, and his best friend killed within a few days of moving in. It's not your fault, but, to Finn, I'm guessing his feelings about you in general are confused with everything else that has happened."

"So how do I be a source of good things when he'll barely look me in the eye and would rather be punished then talk to me?" It was something I was wondering as well, but I pretended to be absorbed in Finn's drawing.

"I would start by getting something he loves. A box of special desserts or snacks, a new video game, something like that. You keep whatever it is, and he gets it by asking you. Period. He doesn't get it from his mother, he doesn't get it from his brother, he gets it from you. I'm not saying to withhold things he needs, like meals or clothing, because that will backfire, but anything extra good comes from you."

She looked at each of us, to make sure she had our attention, then continued. "Expect him to refuse, expect him to tantrum, expect just about everything, but it will help in the end. It will get worse before it gets better, and you need to be prepared for that. He has to understand that you will provide for him, and you will love him, no matter how unloveable he acts. If his case ever goes to trial, he'll need all the support he can get."

"Do you think it will go to trial?" As much as I wanted whoever had taken Finn to pay, I knew that none of us could handle that right now.

Everyone jumped, apparently having forgotten that I was still present. How they could do that when I was wearing a neon yellow jacket and sitting in my father's usual place was a bit of a mystery, but it had served it's purpose well. "I mean, after they catch him.'

"I really don't know anything about the legal aspects of Finn's case. I'm here in a therapeutic capacity, and may be called on to testify to his mental state later, but I don't know anything about the actual investigating that you don't. I'm sorry."

So much for that hope. "It's ok. I was just curious."

And scared.

Suddenly all of the attention was on me. "Kurt, does Finn talk to you?"

"No." No matter what I tried and now hard I wished, Finn was as resolutely silent to me as he was to everyone else.

"That's a bit unusual. Usually in cases like this, the person in question will choose one person to still speak to. If he does decide to talk to you, and he might just spontaneously start, do not make a huge deal out of it. He's already extremely nervous, and fear of everyone freaking out might keep him silent. Just act like it's normal."

"I can do that." If it stood the slightest chance of helping Finn, I would do anything."

She gave me a sideways glance, and I wondered if she could tell that I had once had a crush on Finn. Or that I still had a crush on Finn. If she could, she chose not to say anything. She just stood and offered her hand to each of us in turn. "I'll be back on Thursday, is it alright if I say goodbye to Finn?"

"Of course." Carole moved to the top of the stairs. "Finn, you can come back up now, Dr. Hayden is leaving."

He came, but with heavy, deliberate steps that let all of us know how pissed he was still feeling. When he crested the stairs, he gave Dr. Hayden a quick hug, but refused to make eye contact with the rest of us. She smiled gently. "Finn, work on the things we talked about, and I'll see you on Thursday."

Thumbs-up, and the tiniest smile I had ever seen. Then he wiggled his fingers in a quick goodbye and went back downstairs. Even without speech, his message was clear. The rest of us could leave him the fuck alone.

Dad and Carole exchanged looks. "How about we let him cool off a bit?"

Cowards. Finn didn't really want to be left alone, he just had to make his big stand and let our parents know how pissed off he was. His could blow up quickly, but his anger wouldn't last, and he wanted someone to come down and reassure him that it was alright, that our anger wouldn't last either. "I have laundry to do, but I won't get in his way."

Finn was sitting in front of the television, playing Mariokart and making low growling noises. It surprised me, because it was the first time I had heard him make any sort of noise when he was awake. I watched him for a minute, but he didn't seem to be aware that he was doing it. I approached him from the side, not wanting to startle him. He was wearing headphones, the music playing loud enough that I could hear it from where I was standing.

"Can I play?" Mariokart was about the only one of Finn's games I could stand, except for the musical ones. Of course, considering that most of the rest of his games involved shooting and extreme violence, it was about the only one of Finn's games that Finn could stand, either. He wouldn't even look at the boxes of the other games.

At his nod, I sat down on the edge of the bed, and picked up a controller. "Can I be Princess?"

He nodded, but he seemed distracted. Tired. I reached out and patted his back, trying to hide my disappointment when he flinched away. "Sorry. No one's mad at you, up there. You don't actually have to talk to Dad, or to any of us, just acknowledge that he's talking to you."

As soon as the words left my mouth, I regretted them. They were true, of couse, but Dad and Carole needed to be the ones saying them. That earned me an irritated grunt. Normally such a caveman type gesture would have horrified me, but Finn was actually communicating with noises. Not words, but a purposeful noise that was directed at me. "I'll just be quiet now."

Finn didn't make any further noises, but he did allow me to choose my player and the tracks we were going to race on, so he hadn't lost awareness of me. He won the first two times, but I beat him the third. "Best three out of five?"

He gave me a thumbs up. "Ok, if I win, you and I sit down with that sign language book and work for a while."

Finn pointed at himself and raised an eyebrow. "If you win? I don't know, what do you want?"

Good question. Apparently Finn either didn't know what he wanted, or didn't know how to communicate it, because he just shrugged, then smiled. It was a devilish smirk, one that made me a little nervous. "I ought to be very, very, afraid, right?"

Another happy nod, and I made a mental note to be sure to win. "Ok, but no cheat codes. I'm tired of being blasted out of the way every time I start to win."

One finger drew an 'X' over his heart and I nodded. "We start over, though, otherwise it's not fair."

Finn didn't seem as thrilled with that, but he eventually nodded again. I picked Princess again, and he played Bowser. I wondered if there was any significance in that, or if I was just trying to read too much into it.

It took nearly an hour, and all five games, but I squeaked out to victory. Barely. Finn looked insulted, but he was a good sport about it all and sat back, his hands held up in supplication. If I gave him a choice, he would screw around until bedtime, so I nodded quickly. "Ok, we start right now."

I dug the book out from under my desk without delay, pointing Finn to sit on the bed. He did without complaint, and I sat across from him, angling the book so we could both see it. "How about the alphabet?"

There were pictures as well as descriptions, so it was easy for me to imitate first 'A', then 'B'. "Ok, now you try."

He mimicked quickly. "Good. Now 'C', and 'D'." His fingers followed mine. See, this was going well. I led him through the alphabet, waiting until he could make the gestures perfectly. "Not so bad, right? That only took a little while."

Finn took the book and studied the pictures for a few seconds, then moved his fingers rapidly. I wasn't expecting it, so I couldn't follow. "I'm sorry, what?"

The gesture was repeated, and this time I understood. "Oh, I get it. Finn. Good job."

Another quick look and he made more signs. "K-U-R-T. Kurt. Yes, that's me."

His delight was obvious, so I turned a few more pages, looking for signs he would need for day to day. Things that would give us even the slightest idea what he might require.

By the time an hour had passed, Finn could tell me that he was hungry and thirsty, and that he needed the bathroom. He could ask for Carole and tell us he was ready for bed. He had shortened my name down to the 'K' sign, wiggled back and forth. I also made sure that he could correctly sign 'please', since he already knew 'thank you'. Refusing to speak was no excuse for poor manners.

It was also no excuse for the way he dressed, but I couldn't do much about that. Finn's surprisingly stubborn when he feels like it and he wasn't about to let me choose his outfits on a daily basis. Again, it was all about control. He took the book back one last time, and flipped though the pages. After what felt like forever, he located the sign he was looking for and repeated it to himself a few times. Once he seemed satisfied, I took the book and double checked what he wanted to say. "Sorry? Who do you need to apologize to?"

Mom. The sign came quickly. Then he thought hard for a minute, and reluctantly consulted the book again and spelled out B-U-R-T. The expression on his face told me how distasteful he found having to apologize to Dad, but at least it was a step forward.

"You don't have to, but it would probably be nice." I kept my tone as light as possible. "Do you want me to go with you?"

Please.

"Ok, let's do it now. I have to take a shower to wash the garage grime off of myself." I wasn't going to give him any chance to lose his courage. While interacting with my father, putting myself in a vulnerable position, was nothing to me, it was terror inducing for Finn.

I pushed lightly on his back, guiding him up the stairs. If I was confident, Finn would be confident. Hopefully.

Luckily, Dad and Carole were both still in the kitchen. I clearned my throat and they both looked up. "Finn has something he wants to say."

For a minute, I though he was going to choke, but Finn gamely signed at both of them. Too late, I realized that neither one of them had a clue what he was trying to say. "He's trying to apologize for his behavior earlier."

Carole nodded. "Thank you, Finn. Apology accepted." She turned to Dad. "Burt?"

"What? Oh, yeah. It's fine Finn, water under the bridge and all that." His eyes were downcast and his tone gentle, as if he was placating a rabid dog. None of us wanted to do anything that might spoil this moment.

I could tell that Finn didn't really believe him, but his body did relax slightly. Carole glanced over. "I'm going grocery shopping today, so if there's anything you want, it needs to go on the list."

He quickly scrawled 'Popsicals', then 'Doritos- Red'. Normally, those were things that weren't allowed in the house, but we had all been giving Finn whatever he wanted since he came back, so she just nodded. "Is steaks on the grill ok for dinner?"

Finn had to think for a minute, but he finally nodded. I suppose I should be creeped out by the fact that he never moved his hands or his body, or really even his eyes, but I could read exactly what the issues was without any doubt. He liked steak just fine, but he was afraid that Dad would do something to his meal. Watching him watch them, I wondered if Finn was ever going to get better, or if this was him, the way he would always be.

The sad part about all this? Well, other then the obvious, of course. You still love him. You can love him like this, and you could love him before. His soul hasn't changed, because it can't. That's how you know it's real.

There went the schizophrenia again. Things couldn't be real with Finn. If things were real with Finn, then he would actually be, you know, gay. Or at least giving some indication that he wanted to try something. Or maybe an indication that he still had a sex drive, at all. We had no privacy from each other, and I was sure that he wasn't jerking off in an open shower, with the bathroom door partially open.

Why not? You do.

I was capable of being both subtle and quiet. Finn was…ok, he had me beat in the quiet department these days, but subtlety was still beyond his reach. Besides, he could make noises, I had heard him the other night. He was just choosing not to. And since I knew full well that it was a little hard to control the noises that came out of your mouth while you were jerking off.

For you maybe. I think we've well established that Finn has some control issues, now haven't we?

Yes. It was just that I couldn't believe that Finn could be wound that tightly and- "Kurt." The voice was unexpected, and I jumped. "What?"

Carole was giving me a worried look. "You looked very spacy for a minute."

Everyone got spacey sometimes, but there was no way I could tell her that I was having an internal debate with the voice in my head, trying to listen to it explain all the reasons I should sexually pursue my traumatized stepbrother, her son. Yeah, not a good idea.

So I just shrugged and tried to smile. "I guess I'm just tired."

Her eyes called bullshit on me, and I got the impression that she and I would be talking about it later, but she didn't call me out in front of Finn and Dad, which I appreciated. "I think we should all have an early night tonight. Your father and I have talked it over, and we agree that you should have a special day tomorrow with Mercedes. Finn can go over to his teachers for the day."

Both of our heads popped up, and I was willing to bet that we were wearing identical expressions of joy. "Really?"

"Yes. You've been trapped in this house for too long, and I know you have a gift certificate that you're dying to use. Your father and I can handle things for the day, so take as long as you want."

"Thank you so much, Carole. You have no idea how excited I am." Facials and massages and cucumber masks and I wondered if they did that new treatment I had heard about, with the hot stones and….

"Considering you look like you're going to leap out of that chair and blast through the ceiling, I think I do. Go and call Mercedes before you hyperventilate. Finn, do you want to go shopping with me?"

He gave a very emphthetic head shake, then pointed at his additions to the list. "Yes, Finn, I get it. I will get you Popsicals, and the Doritos that come in the red bag, not the blue one." She leaned down and kissed the top of his head, and he shifted so she could kiss his cheek as well.

Then he turned and went into the living room, making little gestures to himself the entire time. Before it had happened, he talked to himself constantly, low soft mutters that were too soft for the rest of us to hear. The hand gestures seemed to be the new version of that. It was….ok, it wasn't normal, but it was kind of cute.

Dad looked after him. "I wanted to watch the game in there at three."

This was a golden opportunity. "So go watch. Maybe if I come up and sit with you, Finn will feel safer." Or maybe he would bolt like a deer, the odds were about 50/50.

"Thanks, Kurt. I know that hockey isn't really your thing and I appreciate you trying to make this easy on us." Dad was still watching the doorway, as if he expected Finn to come back through it.

"No problem. I'm going to call Mercedes, and I'll be back for the game." Hopefully she wouldn't already have plans.

She picked up on the third ring. "Hey, baby, what's up?"

"You, me, spa, tomorrow." There was a pleading note in my voice. I needed this trip, need some normalacy in my life.

"Definitly. Did you find someone to take your little shadow?" She had become strangely protective of Finn.

"Mr. Shuester's got him for the day. Finn's over the moon." At least that had worked out well.

"Do you think he'll be ok over there?" She sounded uncertain, possibly because she had had to listen to me crying about how badly it had gone the lat time I had made Finn leave the house.

"I think he'll be fine. He loves Mr. Shue, and he seems pretty excited about it." My voice projected a confidence I didn't quite feel. Finn would be fine, he would have to be. There just wasn't any other option.

"Great!" Her voice was too perky and shiney, and I could hear the lie in it as well. "So, I'll see you first thing tomorrow?"

"I'll make the reservations."