Ch.33

They were on the far side of the property behind the house, slowly walking the perimeter, the same route Beth usually took on her walk. Maggie was beside her, her shoulder nearly touching Beth's as they walked. As soon as Daryl had left and Beth had finished her breakfast, Maggie had grabbed Beth's hand and led her outside, but neither of them had said a word to the other.

"How're you doing?" Maggie finally asked, casting a glance in Beth's direction.

"I-I'm alright," Beth said quietly.

"You don't have to lie to me, Beth."

"I'm not lying, Maggie. I'm alright," Beth said, looking at Maggie as she walked. "Daryl and I talked last night, and I'm alright."

Maggie let out a soft sigh before grabbing Beth's hand and starting to pull her back towards the house. Beth knew that Maggie was going to do this. She was leading Beth away from where everything had happened, away from where all of those men had died. But Beth didn't want to avoid what had happened. She needed to see.

"Stop, Maggie."

"What?"

"We're not goin' back to the house."

"Beth…"

"I need to see where it happened. I don't want to avoid it…I can't avoid it. I need to see."

Maggie looked at Beth for what seemed like forever, and Beth felt the loosening of Maggie's hand around her own. Beth gently pulled her hand free from Maggie's grasp, allowing her arm to fall back to her side.

"You don't have to come with me, but I'm goin' to see where it happened."

"I'm going with you," Maggie said shakily. "I'm coming with you."

Beth knew exactly where it had happened. Nobody could miss it. There was no way to overlook the deep crimson staining the grass. And the grass was still bent, pushed down from the weight of where the bodies had fallen. And while Maggie stopped a few yards away, Beth kept walking.

She slowly knelt down beside the crimson puddle that was her responsibility. The grass that was flattened here was because of the gun she had fired, because of the bullet that she had put through Eric's head. She reached out a hand and tentatively ran her fingers through the grass, the blood having dried overnight. Scanning the area she realized that something was missing.

"Where are the bodies?" Beth asked, looking over her shoulder at Maggie.

"I don't know, Beth. I think Rick took care of them."

"Did he bury them?"

"I don't know," Maggie said, shrugging her shoulders before crossing her arms over her chest.

Beth looked back to the puddle, a small frown forming on her face as she thought of the life she took. "I want them to be buried…all of them…even Eric."

"W-what?" Maggie asked, and Beth could hear the shock in her voice.

"They were bad men, Maggie. Eric was a horrible man. And I know that he did things to me, and that he did things to other women, and that if he were still alive he would still be doing horrible things. I-I know that if he were still alive and he had gotten his way yesterday…" Beth trailed off, closing her eyes momentarily as she took a shaky breath.

"I know that if things had gone differently yesterday, that if I hadn't killed him, and he had ended up killing everyone else, I know what would have happened. I know that I would be in the house right now, but it wouldn't be with you or Daryl or Rick or anybody else…i-it would be with Eric. I know that he would be doing horrible things to me again, and that he would just keep on doing them…" Beth said, trailing off again.

She heard the soft crunch of the grass as Maggie slowly walked over to her, kneeling down beside her. She felt as Maggie gently rested a hand on her shoulder before wrapping her arm all the way around her, pulling her close in a weak, but comforting embrace.

"I want them to be buried, Maggie. I know that they were all horrible men and that they did terrible things. And I'll never be able to forgive them for what they did to me; I'll never be able to forgive Eric for what he did to me. But they still deserve to be buried, Maggie."

Beth waited for Maggie to say something, but she didn't. Beth didn't know if Maggie was thinking about what Beth had said, or if she just didn't have any words to say. But Beth was assuming that Maggie was completely lost as to why Beth would want to bury them, why she would want to show them some semblance of mercy.

"If we just set them out in the woods, leave them for the walkers, what kind of people does that make us? Doesn't that make us just as bad as them, just in a different way? Doesn't that mean that we've lost our humanity?" Beth said quietly.

"Y-yeah, I guess it does," Maggie said after a long moment. "I'll talk to Rick later, tell him that we want them buried."

"Thank you," Beth said, releasing a breath that she hadn't even realized she had been holding.

"Beth, can I ask you something?" Maggie asked, sitting down and motioning for Beth to do the same.

"Yeah," Beth said, moving from a kneeling position to a sitting position.

"What happened after the rape? How did Daryl react?"

Beth looked down. "After it happened, it was like I didn't feel anything, like I was too numb to feel anything…i-it was like I was empty. Daryl…he made sure that I was alright, he did his best to make sure that I was alright. And I know that it couldn'tve been easy to do, because I didn't give him anything to go on…I barely spoke. And he practically had to force me to eat."

Maggie took a deep breath, and Beth knew that she contemplating whether or not to ask her next question. "How did the two of you escape?"

"Daryl."

It was a one-word answer, and Beth knew that it would leave Maggie with more questions than it answered, but it was the truth. Daryl was how they escaped. Daryl was the only reason that Beth still wasn't with those men.

"But how did you actually get away, because there were only two of you…but there were a lot of them…"

"Eric brought me back to him after he got finished with me," Beth said sadly. "Told Daryl that he'd be back soon because he wanted a second round with me, and that the others wanted their turn, too. And I could've just run, Maggie….I had my chance to run, but I didn't. Daryl had his hands tied, there was nothing he could do…but me, my hands weren't bound; I could've ran."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because it seemed pointless. He'd already taken everything from me…there was no point in running."

Beth was surprising herself. She was talking about what had happened to her, but it didn't hurt. She didn't feel that pain that she had felt every other time she had talked about what had happened. She felt relieved, like a weight was being lifted from her chest.

"Then how did the two of you get out of it if Daryl's hands were tied?"

"Eric had a man tie my hands before he left. But somehow Daryl got his hands untied. He killed one of the men just as another man was coming to get me. But he killed him, too. Then he cut the ropes from my hands and started running, pulling me with him. They chased us, but they were drunk. They were in the middle of the woods, laughing and being loud and touching me," Beth said with a sad laugh. "It was like they weren't even afraid walkers would hear them. It was like they thought they were invincible, like nothing could happen to them. But we got away from them, and Daryl found a cabin that we stayed in for the night…

"He found a first aid kit and cleaned up my cuts and scrapes as best as he could. Tried to get me to drink some water, but I wouldn't. Then when we found that house in that neighborhood he played a game with me."

"A game?"

"I wanted answers…wanted to know if you guys had been in that town, if he had seen any sign of you. He told me that he'd only answer my questions if I took a bite of food."

Maggie laughed quietly. "That was smart of him."

Beth nodded. "He was good to me, Maggie. Ever since the prison he's been good to me. He's had to deal with a lot when it comes to me, and for some reason he's put up with it all. I-I know that I haven't been easy, that I've been really hard to deal with at times, but he's been there through it all."

"He cares about you, Beth…more than I've seen him care about anyone else."

Beth shrugged her shoulders. "It's just because we've been through so much together. We've kind of been forced to grow closer to each other," Beth said quietly. "He made me realize that what happened to me wasn't my fault, and that it doesn't make me weaker. He said that it makes me stronger, that it makes me a survivor."

"He's right," Maggie said simply. "What you've gone through…most people would've given up. They wouldn't have kept fighting. They just would've let it consume them. But you've overcome it."

"Maggie?"

"Yeah?"

"Can I ask you something?"

Maggie nodded slowly. "Of course you can."

"What is it like to have sex when it's with someone that you love? Because all I know is what it feels like to have sex when it's taken from you, when you don't have a choice and it's being forced on you."

"It's amazing," Maggie said, smiling. "It's like you love that person so much that you want to be with them completely. You're willing to make yourself vulnerable to them because you trust them, you know that they won't hurt you."

"Does it hurt?"

"If you're a virgin it can, but you overlook the pain because it just feels right. You know that you want to be with that person, and that you'd do anything for them…and then the pain gives way to pleasure. And it's the most amazing feeling in the world to be with someone like that."

"Will I ever get that? Do you think that someone will ever be able to love me and will want to touch me like that after what's happened to me? Daryl keeps telling me that I will, but I don't know if I believe him."

"You should believe him," Maggie said, putting her hand under Beth's chin and carefully bringing Beth's face to look at her. "He's right, Beth. You'll get that someday. You'll find someone, and if they really love you they won't judge you based on what happened to you, because it won't matter to them."

Beth looked down again, still not sure if she believed what both Maggie and Daryl had been telling her. She didn't see how anyone would want to touch her when somebody else's hands had been all over her

"Eric was right," Beth whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"I still have marks…" Beth said, lifting her shirt slightly to reveal yellowish bruises and scars marking the skin over her ribcage. "And I don't know how anyone would want to touch me if they knew that these were still here."

Author's Note: So this chapter was all Maggie and Beth. I thought we needed a chapter of just the two of them. I think that this chapter makes an important point on Beth's character: she's good, every ounce of her good and innocent. She killed someone, but she's still good. She wants the person who made her life a living hell, she wants the person who took so much from her to be buried. It shows that she's been able to keep her humanity despite everything that's happened to her, and I think it shows just how strong Beth really is. This chapter also gave us a little more insight into Beth's relationship with Daryl. And, sadly it turns out that Eric was right...Beth still has marks from her attack, some of which will go away, but others, the scars, will be there for the rest of her life.

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