A/N: I have been getting quite a few PMs and reviews asking whether or not this fic will end up slash. About 50% seem to want it and 50% don't. The unfortunate truth is….I'm not sure. I've never had a fic where I've been so back and forth about it, and every time I make one choice, the next chapter changes things. So, I know this isn't what anyone wanted to hear, but I don't know either.

Also, where I can I get transcripts for Glee episodes. My coydog ate disk five from season one, and I need those episodes for my other fic.

I was amazed as people must be who are seized and kidnapped, and who realize that in the strange world of their captors they have a value absolutely unconnected with anything they know about themselves."
— AliceMunro

Before he could start, Finn pointed at the light. "Off."

I understood that. Some things were better said in half light, or none at all. I flipped it off and scooted back against the headboard. Finn settled in next to me clutching Wolf to his chest. "I, uh, I don't know how to start."

"I tend to find the beginning works well." I smiled at him to let him know I was kidding, and offered him a spot under the blankets. It was really too hot for two people to be that close, but I thought he might appreciate the comfort.

He snuggled closer. "I didn't really want to go with Puck, but I didn't want to stay home either. I was so pissed off." His voice was almost amused, as if he couldn't believe how foolish he had been.

"I know, and I'm sorry. I know that I was being really stupid, and desperate, and I know that it's all my fault that you were out there and that you got hurt." I was desperately trying not to cry, because Finn wasn't crying, and if he could get through this without tears, so could I.

Finn shook his head. "No. I mean, yeah, that was pretty creepy, dude, but it wasn't just you. It was everything. You and Mom and your father, you were all this cool family and I just…wasn't."

Something slippery churned about in my stomach. "What do you mean?"

He sighed, and the words came tumbling out, faster and faster. "Mom thought you were so cool, and you two were going shopping and going to the spa and doing all this stuff that she and I didn't do and she was so happy, and it was always Kurt, Kurt, Kurt! Kurt cleans up after himself, Kurt gave me a makeover and now I'm all hot like Stiflers mom, Kurt can cook." His voice rose until he was almost yelling. "Then your Dad wanted us to move in and no one even told me about it! They told you, but they didn't tell me. No one asked if I wanted to move, or share a room, or anything. No one cared, not even Mom." His voice broke again and he started to cough.

I gave him my water glass and let him drink what was left in it. It had never occurred to me that Finn felt so deeply about all of this. I remembered how jealous I had been of Dad paying attention to Finn, so why was it so shocking that he felt the same way about Carole? She was all he had, literally the only parent he had ever known, and I had poached her right out from under him.

Apologizing again would be stupid, so I reached out and stroked his arm. "I didn't realize you felt like that. You should have said something to me."

He shook his head. "You were really happy, and I know your Dad was happy, too, because you liked her so much and weren't being all jealous like you were before. And Mom was really happy, and I wanted her to stay that way. If I made a big deal out of it, then they might break up and she would cry."

In other words, in Finn's mind, it was ok for him to be miserable, as long as everyone else was happy. I'm not sure why that surprised me, since he had done that before, multiple times. "I wish you had said something, though."

He coughed out a laugh, the sound dry and brittle. He just wasn't used to using his voice any more, and he was having trouble now. "Yeah, well, I do too."

"Let me get you some water. Or do you want something else? Some caffeine might help you keep your focus."

"Ok." He wiped at his eyes, even though they were dry. "Don't get Mom."

How could he read my mind like that? I had been planning on sneaking up the stairs as soon as I was out of his sight. "You're sure you don't want her?" At his nod, I sighed. "Ok, I'll get you a soda and keep our parents out of it for now."

Thanks. My heart sank a little when he signed it as opposed to speaking, but I didn't let it show. Finn had come this far, and I had to trust that he would still be speaking when I got back.

I grabbed two Cokes and a Gatorade out of the fridge and raced back downstairs, praying that this wouldn't end up being one of those dreams I had been having lately, where everything magically fixed itself.

Finn was still in my bed, still resting that stuffed lion over his lap, his dark eyes watching me. He grabbed one of the Cokes and drank deeply. I waited until I thought I would go insane, then tried prompting him. "So you left the house that night…"

"Right. P-Puck and I were supposed to hang out, but I mostly just wanted to bitch. But then I thought we could get pizza at the bowling alley and I could bitch at the same time. Sometimes I'm pretty smart."

"He wanted to bitch, too, and complain about the baby. I mean, about Beth. He wanted to keep her really bad. He even wanted to keep her without Quinn, and be a single dad. I though it was a bad idea, but I didn't say that. Cause, you know, he's my bro, and bros stick together, even if it's a bad idea."

"We went to the bowling alley, but all the lanes were full, so we were going to get a burger instead and come back later. I wanted to just go to McDonalds, because it was closer, but he was wanted to go to White Castle, and it was his car, so we had to go." His voice was fading, and I couldn't tell if it was because his voice was giving out, or that he was getting to the scary part of the story.

I didn't want to push him too far, so I stroked his shoulder again. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to. You can have a break any time."

"No. I can do it." He blinked a few times and took a deep, calming, breath. "We were almost to White Castle when we saw this lady on the side of the road, trying to flag us down. Puck didn't want to stop, but she was holding a baby and I told him he had to. I mean, dude, it was a baby!"

For a few seconds he stalled, caught up in the memories. "If I had listened to Puck, he would still be alive."

"It's not your fault. There's no way you could have known what was going to happen." I was still stroking, and now he leaned into my touch. My mind was whirring at a million miles an hour. There was a woman involved? But Finn had chosen a man from the lineup. What sort of woman would help someone commit murder and kidnapping?

"I know that with my brain, but not with my heart." It was such a simple, profound statement, that it made my tears break free. I hoped that he couldn't see it in the dark room.

"Anyway, we pulled over and she was thanking us and telling us she had a flat tire and she couldn't get it fixed and she was so worried that no one would stop. She had the baby all wrapped up in a blanket so it wouldn't get too cold. But when we got back to the car, there was a man in there, sitting in the passenger seat. She said that her husband was a par-, para-, pag-, that he couldn't walk." He stopped again and shook his head, as if he was trying to clear it. "By that time my spidey sense was tingling, and I think Puck's was too, because he was kind of jerking his head back at his truck. Then the guy pointed at me and I might have said something I don't know because there was this noise, like the whole world was ending and fire and Puck's head…it just kind of gone. I mean, literally gone. And I was screaming and the guy jumped out of the car and he grabbed me and he was a liar, Kurt, he could walk after all and he pushed me in the backseat before I could figure out what had happened and I was still screaming and he had the gun right in my face and I didn't know what to do and he was saying that he would shoot me if I tried to run."

The last few sentences came out all in one breath and he had to stop so he could breathe again. When he finally spoke, he was calm, almost detached. "That was really stupid of me."

He seemed to be waiting for me to say something, or maybe he was just checking that I hadn't fallen asleep and was still listening to him. Like anyone could sleep after what I had heard. "What was stupid?"

"Everything. Puck and me shouldn't have stopped; we should have just called 911. We should have left when we saw that man in the car, and I should have run like hell. That's what everything I looked up since I got home said. That, even if they tell you they'll kill you; it's kind of hard to hit a moving target. We weren't that far from some stuff, I probably could have made it."

"But I didn't run and I was so busy staring at the gun that I wasn't even looking at the lady any more, and she had one of those shock things that she hit me in the neck with and I don't know happened after that. I guess she knocked me out."

If I understood him correctly, she had tasered Finn. In the neck. She had put a taser to the side of his neck and shocked him. That close to his brain, she could have easily killed him. What if Finn had had a bad heart, or epilepsy? She didn't know anything about him and he could be as dead as Puck right now.

"See? I have a scar from where she did it." He pulled down the neck of his T-shirt, and pointed at two small, round, scars. I had seen them before, but assumed that they were freckles.

Finn was breathing funny; now, soft whimpers and rough gasps, and I gave in to my instincts and wrapped my arms around him, letting him nuzzle into my neck, seeking the comfort of another person. I ran my fingers up and down his back, barely scraping the skin. "It's alright. You made it, and you got home. You're safe here with me. I won't let anyone hurt you, and I won't let anything happen to you now."

"I know." He pressed in even closer. "I don't know where we were when I woke up, but it was light out and we were in the car. The baby was laying on the floorboards. It wasn't real, just a doll. That was why she was keeping it wrapped up, not because she thought it would be cold. The woman had a water bottle and she was trying to get me to drink but I wouldn't. Then the guy looks at me and says 'look kid, I don't care if you drink or not, but you're ours now, so you'll have to give in eventually."

The more he spoke, the lower my stomach sank. While Finn himself might have been a random victim, the kidnapping had been exceedingly well planned. They had known that most people would stop for a woman, especially one with a baby in her arms. The kidnappers had worked together to first kill Puck, then subdue Finn. It was…honestly, a little too practiced.

He's not the first person they've grabbed. They did it so well because they've done it before. What happened to those other people? Were they boys? Girls? Younger then Finn, even?

The thought was too terrifying to dwell on. "What happened then?"

"We drove for two days. I would have run when we stopped for gas, but one of the sat with me the whole time, with that shock gun thing on my neck. They wouldn't even let me out to pee; I had to do it in a fucking water bottle. It was humiliating and I knew Puck was dead but I kept thinking that I needed to do something to help him. The woman kept trying to feed me, but I wouldn't touch anything, even the good stuff like French Fries."

He coughed again, and I could tell that his voice was getting rougher and rougher. He was tired, but he soldiered on. "You want to know the funny part? I knew that he wasn't going to kill me right away. If he had been planning on doing that, he would have done it in Lima. Plus, that guy kept looking at me in the mirror and smiling in a really bad way."

I didn't think it was possible to feel even more sick and disgusted, but I did. Finn was watching my face, though, and I knew he was looking for those feelings. Subtlety sometimes escaped him, and I knew he wouldn't understand that I was disgusted with that man for doing what he did, not with Finn himself. So I just concentrated on looking concerned and neutral, nodding in an attempt to keep him going.

Finn shook his head. "I tried opening the door on the highway, because I thought even if I jumped out and got smashed in the road, it would totally be better then whatever they were going to do to me. But they had the baby locks on the door, and I couldn't open it."

"We drove for at a day and a half, all night, too. She was really pissed about that. She wanted to stop at a motel and they had this big fight about how they shouldn't have gone so far to get me and it wouldn't have mattered if they had gone all the way to Lima or just somewhere in the middle, like Colorado. So I told them that they could leave me somewhere, like a gas station or even on the side of the highway. He got really mad and leaned over the set with the stun gun again. He didn't touch me with it, but he pulled the trigger and made the blue light jump so I would know he was serious. I didn't say anything after that."

I could see why. Finn pushed away from me, settling back into his previous position against the headboard. "I didn't want to make him mad, so I kept making myself fall asleep. I thought if I was sleeping he wouldn't bother me."

That explained Finn's sudden ability to fall asleep when he was stressed out. It was his only way of protecting his mind from everything that was happening. I nodded. "That was smart."

He shrugged. "I did try and run when we got to their house. They had the sort of garage that's attached to the house, and they pulled all the way in and closed the door before he let me out, but I thought I could get out the side door. I bulldozed him, just like in football practice, and I was able to knock him down. But when I made it to the door, it was locked, and too heavy for me to break open, it didn't have windows or anything." His head cocked to the side as he thought. "Actually, there weren't any windows in the garage at all. All the windows were filled in with, like concrete or something. So I just kept slamming into the door and I hurt my shoulder but I knew I wasn't going to get out any other way. Except, you know, I wasn't going to get out at all."

Again, he stopped, and again I prompted him to continue. "What did he do when you did that?"

Now tears had formed in his dark eyes, and when he spoke, his voice was so wounded that it made me want to cry as well. "He laughed. He stood there watching me run around like…like a chicken with its fucking head cut off, and he just kept on laughing. Then he turned over to Lily and he said 'well, look at that, honey, he's got some spirit after all. I was starting to wonder.' The he looked at me and told me that I could run around all I wanted, and I could scream all I wanted, but no one was going to hear me, and I wasn't going to get out. Then he took Lily inside and just left me in the garage. It was really hot in there."

I was trying to keep track of everything he was telling me, so I could repeat it all to the police later. "Her name is Lily?"

Finn nodded. "What was his name? Do you know?"

"His name is Joseph. I don't know his last name, and I don't know where his house is." Obviously he knew what I was trying to do.

"Ok. What happened after that?"

He shrugged. "I kept banging on the door, and the windows, and I even tried to get the garage doors back up, but I couldn't. There was a button on the garage wall, but you needed a code to make it open. Finally I couldn't breathe because it was so dirty and hot and I just sat down. I didn't want cry, because I knew he was going to make fun of me, but I couldn't help it." He sighed. "Lily came out and gave me some water. I wasn't going to drink it, because I thought it might be drugged or something, but I finally did. She was really happy about it."

My stomach was rolling at the thought of Finn, overheated and terrified, sitting on the floor of a locked garage in the middle of the desert. "That you took the water, you mean? Not that you were there?"

That threw him, and he had to think about it. "She was happy that I took the water. She said that it would be easier if I cooperated with her, and that I needed to trust that they wouldn't hurt me. Then she went back inside so I would have time to think things over."

Unbelievable. They had killed Puck, grabbed Finn and driven him across the country, and now they were holding him prisoner, and they wanted him to trust them? Finn kept on, apparently unaware of my mental battle. "But I think she was happy that I was there, too. When I was there, Joseph kept bugging me and not her. I think that made her happy, but she really didn't want to hurt me, I swear."

I wasn't so sure about that. "Did she? Hurt you, I mean."

"Not like he did." His eyes were dark and turned inward, and I was terrified that he was going to sink back into that depressive state again.

"Ok, ok, I'm sorry. Why don't you tell the story your way?"

"I sat there for a really long time before Joseph came back out. He pointed at me and asked if I was going to behave myself now. I told him I was, so he brought me in the house and said he was going to show me my room. But it wasn't really a room room, not like I have here. It was even smaller then the one I had at my old house and it just had a mattress on the floor. Oh, and a bucket. That was it. No blankets, no windows, no anything. Then he said that I needed to stay there until they called me, so I went in and laid down and he locked me in. The room was so short that I kind of had to curl up to make my legs fit."

I couldn't believe that he had taken it all so calmly. "You just let him lock you up?"

Like you would have done anything different. Please, Kurt, you're nowhere near as tough as you like to pretend you are. You would have shut down long before you even got to the house.

He shrugged. "What would you have done? I was locked in the house anyway, and I would rather be locked somewhere that they weren't. I mean, if I was locked in, that meant that they were locked out. Plus, I was scared."

"Good point. What happened then?" I had to keep him moving, to stop him from dwelling on what had happened.

"I went to sleep. I thought if I could do that, then I would wake up and find out that everything was ok again. I would be at home, and you would be picking the movie for us to watch. I really did want to come home and watch with you, I swear."

Honestly, I had all but forgotten about our aborted movie night. "I know that you did."

"I don't know how long I was asleep, because there wasn't any clock or anything, but I heard the key in the lock, and Joseph was standing there again. I didn't know what else to do, so I just sat there and watched him. He was…he was really nice. He sat down on the floor next to me, and asked me if I was feeling alright, and if I was hungry or thirsty. I said no, even though I was both. He kept saying that he wanted me to be comfortable, but I just wanted to go home. Only I didn't say that, because I thought he would be mad. Then he looked at my bed and he asked what had happened to the sheets. I told him that there hadn't been any, and he said that Lily had made a mistake, and he would make sure that I got some sheets and a pillow. He acted like he really cared about me." Finn stopped there, and looked at the wall, his fingers tightening on the plush lion until they were buried deeply into its mane. "Do you know what he said then?"

I had thought that it was a rhetorical question, but he seemed to be waiting for me to reply. "No, I don't know what he said."

"He smiled at me, like we were two guys sharing a secret, and he said 'I'm sorry about that, Son. Sometimes Lily forgets things, and she must have forgotten to put clean sheets on after our last guest left.' Someone else had lived in that little room, and he was gone now. That was when I knew that I was going to die. Maybe not that night, or even in a week, but I was never going home again."

The utter hopelessness in his voice, even though he had made it out after all, made me reach out and wrap an arm around his shoulders. Our height difference, even sitting down, was enough that it was an awkward hold, but he seemed to like it. He spoke better when we weren't making eye contact, so I looked down at his hands instead, and he kept going. "I told him that it was ok, and he asked me if I needed anything again. I told him that I wanted the bathroom, but he wouldn't let me go. He just pointed at the bucket and said that he was sorry, but that I would have to use that until he could trust me. Then he left and locked the door again. It was really dark, cause there were no windows and I just sat there for a long time, but I was bored and I finally went back to sleep."

His voice was cracking again, having been used more in the past half hour then it had been in the preceding six months. He coughed a little to try and clear it. I patted gently, but he pulled away. "We can stop if you want. You can stay here with me if you would be more comfortable."

"No. I need to finish. I couldn't really figure out how long I had to stay in that room, but Joseph would come by every once in a while. Maybe it was every day, or maybe it was a few times a day, but he was there a lot. He brought me a pillow and two blankets, and he made sure I had food and always had water. He even brought in a little nightlight and a book so I could have something to do and I wouldn't be in the dark all the time."

"He was nice to you." I tried to keep from throwing up.

"Kind of. But even when he was being nice, he was being mean. Like, he would bring me food, but it would be too hot or too cold, or really salty. I could still eat it, but not enjoy it. Or the book he brought me? It was called Room, and it was about a little boy and his mother who were trapped in a she'd because she had been kidnapped, like 10 years before. And even though he would come to the doorway and open it so I could see out, he would just stand there and look at me until I wished he would go away because it was so scary."

He leaned towards me. "Could you rub my back again? That felt really good."

"Sure." I traced my fingernails up and down on his spine. "How's that?"

"Good. So, it was like that for 12 days. I know, because he opened the door on the twelfth day, and he told me that I could come out if I behaved myself. He was holding the taser, so I didn't try anything. He made me stay in front of him and just gave me directions. When we went by the back door, he pointed at the alarm system and told me that if I tried to run, the alarm would go off and he would catch me before I could make it down the driveway. Then he would break my legs and I would never have another chance."

His muscles were shivery under my hand, and I knew that he was gearing up to tell me something terrible. "He let me go in the kitchen, and told me that I could have anything I wanted out of the fridge. I was feeling really nervous and kind of like I might blow chunks, but I thought he would mad if I didn't take anything, so I got a Sprite. Then Lily came in and smiled at me and she said 'Hi, Finn, do you want to come in and watch some TV?' That really freaked me out, because I hadn't told her what my name was."

"I kind of shook my head and all I really wanted to do was go back to my little room because at least I was safe there, but Joseph pushed me over to the couch and said 'Come on now, Finn, you don't want to be rude, do you? We TiVo'd this just for you.' So I sat down on the couch in between them and watched what they had taped. Do you know what it was?"

"No." For some reason, Finn seemed to think that I could read his mind, or that I had actually been present when all of this had happened. "Tell me."

"It was you guys. You and Mom and Burt, all on TV and all begging for whoever had me to send me home. Mom was crying, but you and Burt weren't. And I was sorry that I had been such a jerk, and that I thought that Mom didn't love or want me any more, because she did. Lily and Joseph were watching me, and I kept crying and asking them to take me home, but they wouldn't. Then Joseph pointed at you and said 'so, that's your brother? If I had known that was hanging around that shithole town, I wouldn't have bothered with you. Do you want me to let you go, Finn?'. Of course I said yes. Then he said 'ok, I'll let you go. But if I take you home, I'm going to take your brother instead. Do you want that?' and I said no. Then he said if I was too much trouble, he would take you instead. I really wanted you to be safe."

"But you shouldn't have had to sacrifice your safety for mine." I was crying now, the guilt becoming overwhelming.

Finn shrugged. "I was already caught. He wouldn't have let me go home, no matter what he said. I couldn't be safe, so had to make sure that you were. Anyway, Joseph looked at me and he asked me if I was going to behave myself from now on and I said yes. He was smiling really big, and it was freaky as hell. Then he asked me what I would do to keep you safe?"

I didn't want to hear this. I knew exactly where this was going, and it was somewhere so dark and twisted that I couldn't bear it. But I had to. Finn had borne it all, frightened and alone, and all I had to do was hear about it later, in my own safe warm bed. He sighed, his back moving under my hand. "I said that I would do whatever he wanted me to. So he smiled at me, only it was a bad smile, like the wolf in the story when he knows he has Little Red Riding Hood in his claws. So he stood up and said fine, that if I was that concerned about you, I should be willing to make sacrifices and then he…he…."

Finally his own tears started to fall, rolling down his flushed face. I smoothed his hair back and made comforting little noises that weren't words at all but something deeper. My heart wavered between wanting to help him out by making a few suggestions, and understanding that he was already humiliated enough. So I watched the numbers tick by on the bedside clock. 2:48, 2:49, 2:50….By the time 2:55 rolled around I took pity on him and gently prompted. "Did he hurt you, Finn? Did he make you do something you didn't want to? Something sexual?"

He nodded slowly and my world broke apart. "He asked if I knew about sex, and I told him I did. Then he asked if I knew about how men had sex and I said yes, because, you know, there are only so many places that you can stick it. And he asked if I had ever had sex and I told him yes. He laughed when I told him that, and asked if I had ever gotten a blow job, and I had to say no. He thought that was even funnier, and asked if me having sex had been with a prostitute then, and I said no, that it had been my girlfriend, even though it wasn't. Finally he sat down next to me and said 'well, Finn, that's a pity, because I like a little experience, but I'm sure you can figure it out."

Finn's voice was getting tinier and tinier. "Lily was watching me, and I wanted to ask her for help, but I knew that she wouldn't help me. She was on his side and there was no one on mine. Then Joseph grabbed my shoulder and told Lily to start on dinner. He said that he was going to take their new boy upstairs and give him a lesson." He stopped and looked up for a count of 10. "Lily touched my back when I walked by her, just like you're doing now. I think she was trying to tell me that she was sorry."

Rage burned behind my eyes. "That doesn't make her any less guilty. She let him do what he did, and she's as bad as he is." Finn couldn't actually feel bad for her, could he?

How about you listen to him and quit the commentary? You told him not 8 hours ago that you would listen to him, no questions asked. The last thing Finn needs right now is you judging him for what he went through.

"No, she's guilty, too. But I don't know if she's the same amount of guilty as he is. I mean, he made her do stuff, she never did it by herself." That cute little furrow had appeared between his brows again, and I was starting to suspect he was rather conflicted on the issue.

"Ok, I'm sorry. It just frustrates me to think that someone hurt you." I kept looking down, biting my lips so that I wouldn't blurt out how much I loved him.

"You're a really great guy. Anyway, he took me upstairs to their bedroom. It was really nice, and had a bathroom in it and a waterbed and actual windows. Joseph let me look around for a few minutes, and then said that I could take a shower. I didn't really want to, but it had been a week and there was no air conditioning in my room so I was pretty disgusting. He finally looked at me and said 'Look, Finn, this is going to happen whether you clean up or not. So don't think that you refusing to take care of yourself is going to change anything.' I took the shower, and when I came out he had clean clothes for me. Jeans and a T-shirt with the Cheshire cat on the front. No shoes, though, and he had taken the ones I was wearing. I put the clothes on, so he wouldn't see me naked, even though it didn't really matter. I mean, I was stuck, and he could see me naked whenever he wanted me to. Then he sat down on the side of the bed and said that it was time for me to have a lesson and I had to get on my knees." He shook his head again. "Do I have to tell you what happened or do you get it?"

"I get it." Actually, I would rather he didn't tell me the details. Just knowing that it had happened was terrifying enough.

"Ok. When he was….done, I was still sitting there on the floor, trying not to throw up. He sat down next to me and patted my back. You know that he actually told me that I had done a good job? He asked if I was sure I had never done it before, or even had it done to me. He was laughing, like we were buddies. Like you and I might tease each other about stuff. Then he looked at me and asked me if we could talk, man to man. I said sure. He stood up and said 'Look Finn, you seem like a smart boy to me. Do you understand why I can't let you go?'

I tried to imagine what it would be like, to see someone die, be kidnapped and driven cross country, only to be locked up and sexual abused, then told my life was over in the space of a week. How had Finn managed to survive? "What….what did you say when he said that?"

"I said yes. I mean, it wasn't like I expected him to let me go anyway." Finn yawned deeply. "Can I tell you just a little more tonight and go back to bed? I'm tired."

He was swinging wildly back and forth between wanting to tell the entire story, and wanting to sleep. "Whatever makes you comfortable, Cowboy." I didn't want to push, but I was afraid that if I let Finn stop, he wouldn't start again.

"When I told me that, he smiled at me and said that I could stay with them, and be part of their family. It would be a new start, and I could even pick a new name if I wanted. But I didn't want to. So he picked Jeremy, and I said that that was fine. When he took me downstairs, Lily was making steaks for us all. She even asked me how I wanted mine to be done. Then, when she was finished, I got to sit down at the table and eat with them, as much as I wanted. Joseph told her that I had agreed to stay with them, and that my new name was Jeremy. They never called me Finn after that, not once." He dropped into a moody silence after that, kneading at the blankets.

Thanks to my research, I was able to see that they had used a classic ploy on him. The five days spend in that dark airless room had broken him down, made him entirely dependant of them. The provided his food, his water, his light, even companionship. In some twisted way, he was grateful to them, no matter how scared of them he was.

Actually, it sounded like every act of violence or terror was followed by an offer of kindness. They killed Puck and grabbed him, but they also offered food and water. They locked the garage doors on him, but didn't leave him in the overheated space. Joseph imprisoned him in a small room, but he didn't starve him. He even brought Finn a book to read. Even the molestation had been followed up by more freedom and a nice dinner, the nicest he had had so far. It all sent Finn the message that if he let them do things to him, he would get rewarded for it.

I thought that Finn might just stop right there, and be done for the night, but after an incredibly long pause, he started to speak again. "After dinner, they let me watch TV again. I sat on the floor, away from them so that Joseph couldn't touch me, and watched CSI. When he saw that, he gave me that wolf smile again, and told me not to count on anything like that happening in real life. He said that no one knew who they were, and they had no connection to me, or Ohio, so no one would suspect them. I told him that I knew that, even though I was still hoping that someone would come over and recognize me, or at least know that I needed help. But no one came at all. I guess it's hard to have friends over when you're keeping someone prisoner in the back room."

"I can see where that would put a damper on ones social life." I whispered it to him, and was gratified to see a tiny smile in response.

"That night, Joseph told that because I had done so well, and been such a good sport, that he would leave the door to my room open if I wanted. Only, he was going to have to make sure I didn't get up and wander around, because we didn't know each other that well, not yet. So he brought out these handcuffs. They weren't, like regular ones that just had a little chain, though. These had a really long chain between them, like, this long." He held out his arms to demonstrate.

About three feet, then. Before I could consider the implications of that, Finn was talking again. "I didn't want to let him do it, but I didn't want to make him mad at me either, so I let him put the cuffs on. They hurt, and, when I laid down, it pulled my one hand way up over my head, but at least I could see out. By the next morning, my wrist was all bruised up. But it was worth it. At least I wasn't all caged up like a rat."

And you wondered why he had suddenly become so claustrophobic. Being locked in a closet for a week, then restrained to a three foot radius would do that to you.

"It was kind of a pattern after that. The more things I let Joseph do to me, the more things they let me do. After a couple of weeks, he was only chaining me up at night, and letting me walk around the house during the day. But only when they were both home or he was home and she wasn't. If it was just Lily, he still chained me up. I think he thought I would hurt her and make her give me the code to the alarm."

"Would you have?" I would have. If I had to kill that woman to get free, I would have done it and not felt at all bad. But I wasn't Finn. I didn't have his gentle, good, naïve nature.

"Dude, you don't hit a girl. Plus, I don't think she would have told me, even if I did threaten her. I think that she was a prisoner like I was."

That didn't make much sense. "I thought you just told me that she was allowed to leave the house. If she could leave, she wasn't a prisoner."

He shrugged. "At the end, I could leave, too. There's a lot of ways to make someone be a prisoner, Kurt."

It might have been the most profound thing to ever come out of Finn Hudson's mouth. "Sorry, continue on."

A sad, funny, smile quirked at his lips. "You know what happened then, Kurt. Do I really have to say it?"

"He made you have sex with him." If Finn wouldn't say it, I would.

"Yeah. You can't tell anyone about this part, ok? Not even Mom or your Dad." His eyes rose and stared deeply into my own.

I held up a pinky, and he curled his own around it. Of course, if it came down to it, I would tell someone. I had to. A crime had been committed against a child, and that man needed to be charged with it. Then I had to suppress a laugh at the irony. All I had wanted to know was the kidnapper's name, and, now that I knew it was Joseph, I couldn't bear calling him by it. I was so creeped out by the familiarity that Finn did it with, that I couldn't bring myself to do the same. Superstitious, yes, but a necessary evil if I was going to make it through this night with my sanity intact.

There was another silence then, and I thought for the second or third time that Finn had stalled out and wasn't going to tell me anything more, despite the sacred pinky promise. Finally he pressed his face into the lions tawny body and mumbled something that I couldn't make out. I rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the tension there. "What, Finn?"

He turned his head very slightly, just enough for me to hear him clearly. "I said, I got hard. Even though I didn't want to, and I definitely didn't want him to do what he was doing. That's the part you can't tell anyone. Because they'll all think I'm…" He stopped.

"Gay?" I was about to reassure him that he wasn't, when he shook his head.

"No, not gay. I just don't want them to think that I'm a pervert, that's all. That, you know, I liked him doing that."

I didn't have the heart to tell him that, in Lima, Ohio, being gay and being a pervert were pretty much considered the same thing. So I went with mindless comfort instead. "It doesn't make you gay or a pervert, ok? The human body is designed to like being touched, and when someone touches you in a sexual way, your body reacts. It doesn't mean that your brain or your heart liked what was going on, just that your body did."

He nodded. "I get that. I mean, my heart didn't really like what I did with Santana either, but my body liked it a lot."

Ew. I was glad that he wasn't feeling badly about himself, but did I really need the mental image of him and Santana going at it? I think not.

"Joseph liked that, that I was all excited, even though I wasn't. He kept saying that he knew I would like it eventually, and telling me that it was so much fun when we were both into it." His head cocked a little as he thought. "I think that it made him feel better to see that he was getting me hard. I think it made him feel less like a rapist."

So Finn did understand that he had been raped. "He should feel like a rapist."

"Well, yeah, I know, but I think that that's what he thought. Or something. I don't know. I just know that he was a lot happier when he thought that I liked it. And I wanted to keep him happy. Even though I knew he was going to kill me eventually, I didn't want it to be right then."

"After he did that, things got weird. He started acting like I was his boyfriend. I mean, he'd ask me what I wanted for dinner, and let me do whatever I wanted in the house. He stopped chaining me up, except at night. It was almost like he wanted me and Lily to be friends, like we were a family. He brought me an X-box and about a hundred games for it. When he came home from work, he wanted me to greet him at the door, and, when I did, he would smile at me and want a kiss. He even made up little nicknames for me, like we were in love. Boomer, Moose, Bear, all kinds of stupid little things"

I made a mental note to never call him, or anyone else, by any of those names. Then something nagged at the back of my mind. "Where was Lily when all this was happening?"

"I don't know. Sometimes she was there, and sometimes she wasn't, but even when she was in the room with us, it was like she wasn't there at all. I think she felt bad when she looked at me, not because I had taken Joseph away, but because she knew how unhappy I was. She was unhappy too. Except…" He stopped and his brow furrowed deeply.

"Except what?"

"Except, I think that she would rather it be me then her. Sometimes, when it was just the two of us, she was really nice to me. She would call him and ask if he would stop at McDonalds and bring home a milkshake for me. No real reason, just because. Or she would show me how to cook and bake stuff. But when he was around, she could be mean. He made her be that way."

I didn't think that I believed that. No matter how bad things were between her and her husband, it was no excuse for her to drag Finn into it. She could have told him and Puck to leave when they approached her, could have released Finn during a rest stop, could have let him go when he husband wasn't home. No, I think Finn was right, that it came down to him versus her, and she would choose herself every time.

Finn kept staring at the comforter. "Sometimes, when it was just us, she would lean over and pat my back and she would say 'I'm sorry, Jeremy. I wish it didn't have to be this way. I wish I could let you go home.' But, even though she was being nice, she still didn't call me Finn. She knew that I wasn't leaving."

"How was she mean to you, then? Did she hit you?" I was starting to think I knew what had happened, but I wanted to hear him say it.

"No." His voice was dark and, when our eyes met, I knew what he was trying to tell me. He knew that I knew, and hastened to fix things. "He made her. He said that, in case anything happened, in case they got caught, they both had to be guilty, not just him. That way she wouldn't start thinking about opening her stupid mouth and screwing it all up. She wouldn't have done it if it wasn't for him."

I wondered what sort of rabbit hole New Mexico was, where it was ok for a woman to rape a 17 year old boy, just so she and her husband were equally guilty. "I'm sorry, Finn."

He picked quietly at the blanket. "I though it might feel different, since she was a girl and everything. I thought that I might like it more, but I didn't. I hated her and I hated that I got hard and I wanted to die."

He took a deep, shaky breath. "There's more. They, uh…." When his voice broke this time, I knew that it wasn't from overuse. "They took pictures. Of what they did, I mean. My picture could be on some perverts website, and I didn't want to!" Now he was crying, soft little whimpers that he covered up by pressing his face into the pillow."

I tried to get him to turn towards me, so I could hold him properly, but it was like trying to maneuver wet carpet. He didn't want to be comforted like that, so I settled for rubbing his back instead. Finn didn't push me away, so I considered it a win.

Normally I would sing when I was unhappy, but, try as I might, I couldn't think of a song that was appropriate for finding out that your crush had not only been brutalized the way Finn had, but that his abuse might be on display for everyone in the world to see. But the silence was too overwhelming, so I finally chose an old favorite.

"When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me.

Speaking words of wisdom, 'Let it be'

And in my hour of darkness, she is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom, 'Let it be'"

His body relaxed slightly under my hands. Not much, but I was willing to take what I could get. I patted gently, keeping the beat of the song I was singing. When I was done, Finn still hadn't looked up, or even broken the rhythm of his muffled sobs, so I started over again. All those years of singing through two hour long showers had worked, and I could keep this up all night if I had to.

By the third run through, though, Finn had settled down and was no longer breathing in jerking, heaving gasps. Now he was so quiet that I thought he might have fallen asleep. I stroked the nape of his neck, which was now damp with sweat. "Finn?"

The dark head turned without hesitation, his eyes bleary and bloodshot. "What?"

"I just wasn't sure if you were awake or not." I kept stroking, losing both Finn and myself in the rhythm. He closed his eyes, though this time I knew he was still with me, going over things in his mind.

Finally he looked at me again. "Well? Aren't you going to ask?"

There were about a million things I wanted to ask, and I had no idea which one of them Finn might have picked up on. "Ask what?"

"How I got out. I already told you that I thought I was going to die, weren't you listening?"

"I was. How did you get out, Finn?"

"After he…you know, he started letting me leave the house a few times. I think he knew that I was starting to get crazy with nothing to do but play X-box and watch TV. It sounds fun, but it sucks in real life. He said that I could go for a ride in his car, but not to ever talk to anyone, and not to get out. He had the baby locks on again, so I couldn't have gotten out if even if I wanted to. If I did, he would break both of my legs and cut my eyes out. Then he would come back and get you to be my replacement." I was getting the impression that I was almost superfluous now, that Finn was mostly talking to himself.

"You have no idea how cool it was to be able get out and breathe fresh air, even if he made me keep the car windows up. He said that if I was good, and didn't make a scene, he would get me a reward."

He stopped for a second, his eyes narrowing. "You know, I don't think he would have broken my legs and all that. I think he was just trying to scare me. But I didn't think that then. So I kept my head down and let him drive me around town. I didn't even look up at any of the other cars, because I didn't want him to think that I was trying anything. I was crying, but he acted like he couldn't see it."

I still didn't understand why Finn hadn't tried to get help. Even with the doors locked, he could have tried to lunge out the driver's side; he could have rolled down the window and screamed for help, he could have pitched such a fit at a red light that someone took notice. He could have done a lot of things to help himself, but he hadn't done anything.

It's called learned helplessness, and he's been showing it since he came back, too.

"We didn't stop anywhere, and he finally said that he would take me to McDonalds since I had been good. I told him what I wanted, and he said to just sit there and look down when we ordered. I was scared, so I did it. I thought about telling the lady at the counter what was wrong, but, even if she believed me, Joseph would get rid of me before the police could figure out where I was."

Sound logic. "What happened then?"

"We go the food and I ate it in the car. Then we went home and he let me play X-box for a long time."

Response-reward, response-reward. That man trained Finn like a dog.

"After that, he started taking me out more and more, almost every day. He even let me get out at a gas station a few times. I thought about telling asking the employee there for help, but when I tried, I couldn't make my voice work. I just kept hearing him telling me that he would kill me, and kill you, too if I did anything."

"W-what changed?" Maybe it wouldn't be Finn who had the nervous breakdown, maybe it would end up being me.

"I'm not exactly sure what the day was, because all of the days were kind of the same, but someone actually came to the door and started knocking. We were watching a movie, and it scared the crap out of all of us. Joseph grabbed my arm and told Lily to stall them. Then he leaned over and whispered that it was a few friends of his who knew about me, and that they wanted to share me. He actually asked me if I was ok with that, or if he needed to get the taser back out. So I told him sure, I wanted to meet his friends. He put the handcuffs back on me, and told me that he would come back and get me in a minute."

For as dumb as he could sometimes be, I had to admit that Finn had played his captors with rare skill. He hadn't been totally destroyed by anything they had done to him, and he had managed to even keep on their good sides by playing along. I doubted I could have done as well.

"That was stupid, too. I mean, just going along with him. Maybe the stupidest thing I had done since not running away when he tried to take me in the first place. You know why?" He didn't even wait for me to answer, just plowed ahead. "Because it wasn't his friends, it was the police. There was something about his car, and they were asking questions about me."

So the man who recognized Finn from the gas station had saved his life after all. "Could you see the police from where you were?"

"No. I didn't know who it was at the door, so I just kept sitting there and waiting to be part of the gang bang that he had promised." Finn noticed my flinch and reached out to pat my hand. "It's ok, it didn't happen."

No, the promised gangbang hadn't happened. But he had been raped, and abused by more the one person, and probably multiple times. But if Finn could be tough, so could I. "I'm fine, Finn, you keep going."

"Anyway, Joseph had closed the door on me, but I could still hear it when he and Lily started fighting. He was screaming that it was the cops at the door and she had done something to bring them here. She was screaming back that he was the one who insisted on taking me out of the house, and if he had just left me at home, none of this would have happened. He hit her then, I heard it. And when they finally came and opened the door on me, her face was all swollen here." He reached out and traced my cheekbone.

"I was scared that they would be angry with me, too, even though it wasn't my fault, so I pretended to be asleep. But, really, I didn't have my eyes closed all the way, so I was kind of watching them. They both just stood there in the doorway and looked at me for a long time. Finally Joseph said really soft 'you know we can't keep him now. It's too risky.' I was hoping that Lily would stick up for me, or at least tell him that they could just leave me somewhere, but she didn't. She just sighed and said 'I thought it might work out this time.'

"Then she said 'should we do it tonight?', and he said no, because I would get suspicious and might fight back, and anyway, he was afraid that the police were still hanging around. He said we would do it tomorrow evening. Then they just walked off. They were talking about killing me, and it was just like they were making plans to go to a movie."

"You must have been scared." It was an appallingly stupid thing to say, but I couldn't think of anything else. I don't think it really mattered what I said to Finn, anyway, just that I said something to indicate I was still listening.

"Yeah. They hadn't closed the door, so I thought if I could get out of the handcuffs, I could break a window and run for it. That's why my wrists were all bruised up like they were. But I couldn't break them. All I did was make myself tired. When Joseph came to let me out the next morning, he actually smiled at me and said that he had decided that he wasn't going to share me with his friends after all, that he was going to keep me for himself, and wasn't I lucky? Then he wanted me to show him how grateful I was, and I wanted to bite his damn dick off, but I guess I was still hoping that I would have a chance to run, so I didn't."

He took a deep breath before continuing. "He kept me right at his side the entire day, making me do whatever he wanted. Then, once it started getting dark, he said to put my clothes back on, because all three of us were going to go on a camping trip in the desert. I think he knew that I was suspicious, because he kept the handcuffs on me, even when we were in the car, and he didn't usually do that. But when we got to where he wanted, you know what we saw?"

"What?" It was so much easier to pretend that Finn was just telling me a story that he was making up as he went along, rather then describing how he had looked death in the face twice and walked off.

"There was a boy scout troop camping there. It's so flat in the desert that they would have been able to see us for miles, and hear a gunshot if they tried that. So Joseph turned the car around and parked it in a restaurant parking lot. He was really mad and he kept looking at both of us and asking what we should do now, because the police were going to come back, and I had to be gone by then. Finally Lily looked at me and said, 'just take him home, Joseph. He won't tell anyone what happened, will you Jeremy? You're a good boy.'" I was nodding and I told him that I wouldn't tell anyone what had happened. Joseph didn't want to, but Lily kept saying that they were out of time, and they had come so close to having a disaster last time that it might be better to just let me go. Then Joseph looked at me and said 'what do you think, Jeremy? Would you like to go home?' I said yes, and he said that I would have to do something extra special for him first, and I said I would do whatever it was." He paused. "I don't want to talk about that any more. Anyway, he decided that he would take me home."

"But he didn't want to just leave. He used to watch CSI with me all the time, and he didn't want anything that could trace back to him. So he stopped at a Wal-Mart and bought me new clothes, even underwear, and put them in the car. Then, on the way, we stopped at one of those truck stop places, and he told me I had to take a shower and get really, really clean, so there wouldn't be any evidence on my body. Then he had me put on the brand new clothes and throw away the ones I had been wearing."

That explained why the police hadn't found any real evidence on Finn's clothing, nor semen or other evidence during the rape examination. I had been right, it had happened, but his captor had been clever enough to figure it out how to fool with the evidence.

"When we started getting close to Lima, Joseph said that I had to lay down in the seat, so no one would be able to see me. It hurt to lay like that, because I'm so tall and he wanted me to lay there forever, but it was worth it. He wanted me to give him directions to your house, but I got confused, because, you know, I have trouble with my lefts and rights, but we finally found it. He pulled up, and he sat down next to me and said 'Jeremy, you're getting an opportunity that I don't give other people. If you open that big trap of yours and say even one word, I will kill your father, and I'll rape and torture your mother to death. And that pretty little brother of yours? I'll take him to be your replacement, and I'll make damn sure he suffers more then you ever did. Then I'll leave you alive, so you can live with that for the rest of your life, knowing that it's all your fault. Now, are you going to say anything about Lily and I?' Of course, I said no, so he let me get out of the car. He said to count to 10,000, then knock on the door, so he and Lily would have plenty of time to get back on the highway. I did, but when I knocked on the door, no one answered."

Guilt made me feel like vomiting. I had been sleeping at Mercedes' house, warm and safe while Finn sat alone on our porch. "I'm sorry."

"S'ok. I mean, it wasn't like you knew what was going on. I could have gone over to a neighbor, I guess, but I didn't know any of your neighbors, and I didn't know who would be nice. I thought that you guys would come home really soon, so I just sat there. Then it got dark, and I was scared to move. I fell asleep, and, when I woke up, I heard a car pulling up. I thought that maybe Joseph and Lily were coming back, but then it was you!" His voice rose with delight. "And I wanted to tell you that I was glad you were there, and that I was sorry for being such a douche hound before, but every time I tried to open my mouth, I kept hearing him say that I shouldn't say anything, and I got nervous. But it didn't matter, because you knew what to do." Finn smiled at me, and I forced my face into something that hopefully looked happy and not horrified. "Then, you know the rest."

"I do." I shifted over so I could hug him so tightly that he grunted in surprise. "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me all this. Do you think you can tell Dad and Carole tomorrow?"

He sighed. "I don't know."

"Well, do you think you can talk for them, even if you don't tell them everything? You have no idea how happy it would make your mother."

"Yes. I already know what I'm going to say to Mom. I wanted to talk to her before, but I couldn't make myself do it." He smiled. "But then I was able to talk to you, so I can talk to her, too, now."

I smiled at him. "I live to please. Do you need anything else? Something to drink? A snack?"

"No." He yawned hugely. "I'm ready for bed."

A quick glance at the clock revealed that it was almost 6 in the morning. "You can stay here with me if you want, or go back to your bed. But I'm ready for bed, too."

"Can I stay with you? It's ok?" He sounded so hopeful that, even if I hadn't secretly wanted him to sleep with me, I would have had trouble telling him no.

"Sure. Get your own pillow, though."

It was just a few steps across the room when you have legs like Finn does, and he was back in seconds. He snuggled up on the bed, his back pressed against mine. I reached backwards in the dark and touched his hip. "Finn?"

He made a little grunting noise. "How come you did decide to talk to me tonight? Not that I don't want you to, but you've been home for a while. Why now?"

Even in the dark, I could see his shrug. "Dude, you asked me to. I knew that Joseph was in jail, and you said you would listen."

In his mind, it really was that simple. Finn stretched out lazily and was asleep in what felt like a space of a few breaths. My worries and horror about what Finn had revealed to me should have been enough to keep me awake, but a warm body snuggled against mine was surprisingly relaxing. I never crawled into bed with my father, even when I had been little, so I was unused to the sensation of sharing with anyone. With surprising ease, I fell into a deep sleep myself.