The drive to school was in traffic so they both listened to music on the way, and Fili was surprised that Kili would choose the same songs he liked best. As they were arriving at the majestic old building Fili noticed Kili go very pale and very silent. He was slowly realizing how fragile the boy was, and he couldn't help but wonder what kind of traumatic events would make a person so prone to stress.
Contrary to what he predicted entering the school and going to the headmaster nobody really paid any attention to them. Some students waved at him, but no one stopped him to talk.
"So this is the younger Durin!" Gandalf smiled widely seeing both boys come into the office. "I've heard a lot about you from your uncle so not to cause you any more stress than necessary could you please sit down and take a look at those tests and later we're going to sit down and just talk." He smiled at the student warmly. "Fili, I think Mrs. Frombork is free at the moment, so why don't you go and practise your German while Kili takes his tests, and come back let's say in an hour and a half."
"If you need anything I'll be just down the hall." He told Kili reassuringly and hesitantly walked out.
Kili was really hesitant but after a moment he collected himself enough to get started with the papers.
"Hey Fili!" Aragorn one of Fili's best friends stopped him at the corridor. "Who's that kid?" He asked curiously.
"My younger brother." Fili admitted hesitantly.
"He doesn't look anything like you, but he does seem alike to your uncle." Aragorn noticed.
"Yeah, I'm the odd one in the mix." Fili admitted shyly.
"I wouldn't want to be nosy, but why haven't I seen him before?" Aragorn asked.
"It's kind of complicated."Fili admitted. "He lived with mom, and now uncle has taken custody over him."
"Your mom?" Aragon seemed even more puzzled. "But I thought your mom disappeared ages ago. I suggest you get your story straight with your uncle, because people will start asking bizarre questions."
"Thank for the advice." Fili admitted. "Will you please keep this between us?"
"What are friends for?" Aragorn replied with a smile.
Fili later spent an hour talking with Mrs. Frombork, he was good in German so it was just a regular conversation about modern affairs, and not a typical lesson.
When he came back to the headmaster's office he decided to wait on the armchair in front of the office and play on his phone. He knew Kili had problems with conversations, so his presence might cause the boy to shut down again.
He heard a muffled conversation from behind the door, so he decided to just patiently sit out. After a longer while the headmaster peaked into the corridor and asked him to join them.
"I'll arrange a schedule for Kili starting next Monday." Gandalf told him. "I suppose you're not coming to school till the end of the week Fili?"
"Yes, uncle decided it would be best if we spend some time together." Fili admitted.
"Good, I bet that's the best option." Gandalf told the boy. "I trust you will take care of Kili on the school premises and possibly with some schoolwork?"
"Of course, I'll do anything to help him." Fili answered with a smile.
"You might regret that promise later." Kili mumbled barely audibly.
"Don't be so pessimistic Kili! You'll fit in just fine." Gandalf encouraged the boy warmly.
"Can we go home, or is there anything else we need to discuss?" Fili asked seeing Kili really pale and nervous.
"You may go. I'll e-mail the schedule on your e-mail by Friday." Gandalf replied and both boys said their goodbyes.
"Let's go!" Fili gently pushed Kili out of the office, scared the boy with faint or throw up again.
As soon as they made the way out, Kili's face went back to normal. Although he did became even more quiet than normal.
"Talk to me." Fili asked quietly as they got into the car.
Kili played with his fingers and refused to look at Fili.
"What kind of tests did they give you?" Fili gently tried again, trying to focus on the road.
Kili clenched his fists and remained silent.
They didn't talk at all, all the way, as soon as they drove into the drive way Fili had decided he had enough. He reached and grabbed Kili's hands and forced him to look at him.
"I don't understand why you don't want to talk to me." Fili told him. "But I'm here for you, and I'll always be here."
Kili looked at him with tears in his eyes.
"Fine, I'm letting you go." Fili gently released his hands and got out of the car.
After a few minutes Kili followed him into the house.
"I'm ordering some Indian food, would you like something?" Fili asked him from the kitchen, and Kili just nodded as an answer.
Kili went upstairs to his room and didn't even look back. Fili was really worried but decided to give him some space.
After less than half an hour he came upstairs to check on his brother. He found Kili on the bed. The boy was shaking and it was evident he had been crying. He looked up at Fili with eyes full of tears, and with such despair and agony that Fili's heart stopped for a second.
He didn't hesitate; he just walked up and pulled the boy into his arms embracing him tightly. It scared him the boy was in such pain, and he desperately needed to know he wasn't the reason for such a reaction.
"Talk to me please." He gently whispered to the boy holding him closely.
"I can't..." The boy mumbled.
"You can't what?" Fili insisted.
"I can't handle this!" Kili finally spoke up.
"Why not?" Fili insisted.
"I can't handle school! I can't handle living here! I can't handle you!" The boy sobbed holding onto him. "I'm a hopeless idiot! I don't belong here!"
"Why can't you handle me?" Fili gently whispered in shock. The boy looked up to him and his eyes were full of fear. He could see Fili was really worried, but he didn't notice any anger or impatience.
"I don't deserve a brother like you." Kili whispered. "I'm an imbecile! I don't deserve to be here."
"I have no idea about you deserving something or not deserving something, but I'm perfectly sure this is the right place for you to be." Fili gently replied. "It's your blood right to be here, and this is your home from now on. I don't think you're an idiot, nor that you don't deserve a brother like me. I'm not perfect you know." He told the boy calmly thinking about his problems dealing with his own emotions connected with the boy.
"You're perfect." The boy whispered as an answer.
"No, I'm not. I can be really selfish." Fili answered calmly. "I can get mad; I become stubborn about stupid things. I hate art."
"I don't deserve a brother like you. You're too good to be true." Kili answered in whisper. "You tolerate my mood swings, my crying, you're here for me even though I don't deserve to be here."
"You're just worried and insecure." Fili declined his words. "We won't ever ask you out, you're place is here with us."
"If I make mistakes like mom did, uncle will kick me out as he did with her." Kili whispered terrified.
"Did she say that he kicked her out?" Fili asked gently rubbing his back, and the boy just nodded.
"He would never do that. She ran away because uncle cut her from the money and sent her to rehab. He sent her to rehab when she was pregnant with me, but she hated him because of it. She left me and ran away. No one ever kicked her out." Fili explained slowly with pain in his voice.
"You were luckier than I was." Kili noticed immediately.
"Considering what happened to you, yes I can clearly see I was more lucky having uncle." Fili replied slowly. "Now you have not only uncle but also me. And I'm going to take care of you, no matter what you do or say."
Kili looked up to him, tears no longer pouring from his eyes. "I really don't deserve you."
"Well I guess we both deserve to eat something warm for dinner, so maybe we could go to the dining room?" Fili gently suggested.
Kili sat right next to him while eating the slightly cold dinner. "Do you often order food?" He asked a bit surprised.
"When uncle is out – yeah that's what I usually do." Fili replied. "Mrs. Cavenaugh comes in two times a week on Wednesdays and Saturdays and cleans the place; she usually cooks dinner then as well. But the other days I eat lunch at school and uncle at the office. Uncle often goes out for business dinners like tonight, so I had to manage on my own."
"Why don't you cook?" Kili asked after a moment.
"I can't." Fili admitted hesitantly. "Thorin sometimes cooks dinner, but not every week."
"Do you think I could cook dinner for us tomorrow?" Kili gently asked.
"You can cook?" Fili asked surprised, and the boy just blushed a bit and nodded.
"Fine, we'll go to the supermarket and do some shopping, and you can cook lunch or dinner." Fili told him reassuringly. "If you cook something edible I'm going to love you! I hate this takeout food."
"But this food is really good." Kili noticed surprised.
"Not if you eat it four times a week all year round." Fili noticed grimly.
"I get the idea." Kili smiled at him.
"You know what, after all these emotions I feel like a swim; would you care to join me?" Fili gently suggested.
Kili went a bit pale but he just couldn't refuse such a gentle request from his brother. So he just slowly nodded.
"Do you have a problem with swimming?" Fili immediately noticed the reaction.
"I'm not very good at it." Kili whispered.
"Are you scared of water?" Fili immediately asked the first thing that came to his mind. But the boy just shook his head and didn't say what his problem was. "I'll come and get you in ten so get ready!" Fili gently told him and rushed to his room.
When he came to Kili's room nearly fifteen minutes later the boy was sitting on his bed dressed in swimming trunks and a t-shirt. He didn't look enthusiastic at all, and the sight of his brother made him draw a breathe deeply. Fili immediately assumed it was stress, but in fact Kili was simply transfixed with the vision his brother presented. Fili with clothes on was dead gorgeous. Fili without clothes on was the hottest thing Kili had ever seen. His muscles were perfectly toned, clearly he trained a lot. He was buff and well-built. There was trail of soft blond chest hairs on his chest, and on the side Kili could see a part of a tattoo. He had never considered the fact that Fili, so calm and composed, would have a tattoo anywhere on his body, not to mention a huge tattoo on his back. He was beautiful, was the only though going on in Kili's head. The scale of Fili's beauty made Kili cringe and regret the idea of going to the swimming pool.
"Come on, let's go." Fili insisted and pulled out a towel from the wardrobe and threw it at Kili, and without even looking back he turned to leave the room. Kili gasped again seeing the whole tattoo. It was a dragon, going up Fili's arm and taking almost half of his back.
Kili hesitantly followed him, still unsure how to deal about the pool. He'd seen the pool on the tour, but he didn't particularly like swimming. But the real problem was undressing in front of anyone.
Kili just stood there and watched Fili confidently jump into the pool, and do two laps. Fili swam towards him and asked "Why don't you come in?" Kili could sense the eagerness in his voice. Feeling his eyes on him Kili slowly came up to the pool.
"Can I stay in my t-shirt?" Kili asked hesitantly and Fili just smiled and nodded. Kili approached the pool and sat on the edge just next to where his brother was standing waiting for him.
"Stop thinking!" Fili suddenly grabbed him and pulled him in. Kili yelped and wrapped his arm around his brother's neck.
"So are you scared or not?" Fili taunted him gently.
"I'm just not comfortable." Kili mumbled.
"Can you swim?" Fili asked gently rubbing his back.
"A bit." Kili answered.
"Let's make it more than a bit." Fili looked at his brother tentatively. Being this close was disturbing for him. Instead of ideas about teaching his brother how to swim, he liked the close proximity there were in. His whole body was aching to push the boy into the side of the pool and kiss those lips.
Unbeknown to him Kili was thinking about the same thing. Kili wasn't all that scared of water, but he loved being this close to Fili. He wanted to snuggle into his neck, and feeling his body under his fingers. Those muscles were firm and his skin was smooth. He looked up and caught his brother staring at him; they just looked into their eyes deeply. Fili was transfixed with the deep brown eyes of his brother. He liked looking at him, and was surprised the boy would look at him with so much warmth and emotion. He desperately wanted to kiss him, but he knew it was all wrong. He was too young and too much his brother.
"Hey! So how do you like the pool?" Thorin suddenly walked in the room, and Fili immediately looked away and slightly eased the embrace.
"We're fine!" Fili replied covering up the fact that Kili wasn't at all comfortable. "I'm going to teach Kili how to swim."
"Give me fifteen minutes and I'll join you both!" Thorin yelled as an answer and went to change his clothes.
Kili had a moment to compose himself before Thorin came back. He swiftly got out of Fili's arms and tested the depth of the water.
"Aren't you uncomfortable in that t-shirt?" Fili asked gently.
"A bit." Kili admitted.
"Why don't you take it off?" Fili asked curiously. "Don't be shy!" And before Kili could even react Fili grabbed him and in one move forced the t-shirt off him. What he saw made him gasp for breathe. Kili's stomach was gently covered with hairs and he could see the muscles, firm under his skin.
Fili just stared at him, thinking about how attractive the boy really was.
"What happened to your back?" A question from Thorin startled both of them. Kili just hung his head and blushed madly. Fili not understanding what Thorin had meant went around Kili to take a look at what his uncle was staring at.
Kili's back looked horrible. He had a huge scar going from his left arm towards the middle of his back. There were many smaller scars leading up his back. Some looked like burn marks, while others were similar to whip marks. Kili just yelped under their inquisitive stare and turned around so that they couldn't see it.
"Who did that to you?" Uncle Thorin got into the pool and swam closer to both boys. Kili just hung his head and didn't reply ignoring both of them.
"There is nothing to be ashamed of." Fili gently told him, knowing lack of self confidence was one of Kili's main problems.
"Did you mother do that?" Thorin asked perplexed with the scale of the boy's injuries. The boy just shook his head and kept looking away. Both men could easily see the tears gathering in his eyes.
"Tell me who did that!" Thorin firmly demanded, trying to remain calm. Hearing the insistence in his voice Kili just started trembling and it was evident he was on the verge of a break down. Fili seeing that the boy would attempt to run stood right behind him and gently starting rubbing his arms, signalling he would not let him go anywhere.
"My father..." The boy gasped after a longer moment.
"Your father?" Fili was surprised. "You actually know who your father was?"
"And you don't?" Kili was really surprised with the tone he heard in his brother's voice.
"We never found out who Fili's father was." Thorin confirmed what Fili had suggested. "Your mother was partying too much to remember all the men she slept with. Or she was too drunk or stoned to remember."
"I remember my father from my childhood, but I have no idea what his name was." Kili slowly explained. "We lived with him for a short time."
"What do you remember about him?" Thorin's eyes became narrow.
"He lived somewhere in Mexico. He was tall with dark hair and brown eyes. I think he was a drug dealer." Kili slowly told them. "We left that place when I was small. They used to fight a lot, and mom decided to leave."
"Do you know his name? Or at least the location?" Thorin asked firmly.
"I don't remember much, just the pain." Kili noticed.
"If I could get my hands on him I would skin him alive." Thorin said in a voice thick with emotion. "Beorn said the same thing." Kili noticed.
"The past is far away." Fili gently rubbed his arms, and took his brother into his arms. "You're safe here."
"This is your home. And you have no reason to hide your scars, we accept you the way you are." Thorin reassured the boy trying to ease the tension.
"I don't deserve to be here..." Kili suddenly broke down and began crying.
"I've already told you, it's your blood right to be here." Fili firmly reassured Kili. He hugged the boy tightly and stood patiently as the boy was crying his heart out on his strong arm.
"No one is ever going to hurt you, and if anyone tries I'll personally kill him." Fili told Kili decisively.
Kili looked up at him surprised. "Are you serious?" Kili asked still with tears.
"I'm dead serious." Fili replied.
"And if he fails, I'll finish the job." Thorin noticed. "We're a family with long fighting traditions, and we protect people close to us."
"I really don't deserve to be here." Kili whispered to them.
"Let us decide that for you." Thorin was firm and hugged both boys.
After some time in the pool both boy decided to go back to their rooms and rest for the night, and Thorin said he wanted to swim a bit more.