Chapter 6

Marlene McKinnon

I will not give in today. I will not give in. I. Will. Not. Give. In. Today.

I tell myself over and over again when I wake up at Saturday, so I gave in yesterday, but only once. It was I-hate-you-shagging not I'm-weak-and-I-need-you-and-always-will-be-here-shagging.

I snapped, he snapped, everyone snapped. We got detention; I needed some way to get all those emotions out. I even told him a couple of times during that I hated him, but he'd just laugh and… okay I'm not getting into details.

Surprisingly I'm the first one up. That … almost never happens. But it's Saturday, normal people like to sleep in. I'm used to waking up early just to sneak out of the Room of Requirement, or my sister's room, because sometimes she lets me stay there after she finds me broken in a random broom closet.

I sigh as I pull my robe over my head and stand up and slowly sneak down to the common room. Surprisingly seeing that Rem is also already up and sitting in the chair closest to the fire, reading a book.

"Rem?" I ask and raise my eyebrow as I sit down on the couch before him.

"Marlene? What are you doing up?"

"I could ask you the same,"

"I knew you would, asking so you don't have to answer, I know you Mars-lene, Marlene."

I thank him silently for correcting himself. No one calls me Mars. No One. Including Black. Or he'll be punished.

"Sorry," he says when I stay quiet.

"Don't apologize," I tell him, "I couldn't sleep" I add to answer his question. "What's your excuse?"

"Nothing," he answers after giving it a bit of thought. "I think you should go back to sleep though."

"Why?" I ask him and he looks away.

"You just should…"

I question him "Why?"

"Just because,"

"Why?" I demand.

"Marlene, you look tired just-"

But before he can finish the portrait swings open and Black climbs in, his hair is messy and his robe hangs a bit open around his body, exposing the – sexy, flawless, incredible hot – chest that I have seen so many times. He stops when he spots Rem and me.

"Hi," Remus says a bit awkwardly.

"'ello" Black responds and still stares at me.

"I see," I mutter and stand up, giving Remus a – too sad for my opinion – smile as he understand what he was doing here, waiting for him.

"McKinnon …" Black says, obviously thinking he needs to apologize, but he doesn't. He really doesn't. He should… but he doesn't need to.

"What?" I turn to look at him.

"I'm…" He begins, "… sorry…"

"For what?" I push

"You know it." He tells me and half rolls his eyes.

"No I don't. And I don't care and you don't mean it." I tell him and then turn to walk away from him.

– Hunting for Happiness –

I sit in my bed, curled up in what Lily calls a Indian position (I call it the feeling-bad-for-myself-and-being-a-baby-position), scribbling in my and Mary's notebook – Mary and I share this little green notebook, that we use to draw, write or whatever, then we only let each other see what we do (though there have been exceptions, I sometimes let Lily look at my drawings.) We made my oldest brother Max buy the notebook for us in Hogsmeade when he was on his fifth year and we on our first.

Right now I'm not drawing, I'm making a list what I should do to Sirius Black. I know its childish and whatever. But it makes me feel better.

So far what I've gotten, with my comments of course:

1. Murder him. (Well, McKinnon… Maybe that's too much)

2. Quit shagging him (I know I honestly can't do that, so that's a no)

3. Start shagging other people (Okay, honestly, that wouldn't hurt him, because he's told me a thousand times – not in words, but in action, that he doesn't care if I see anyone else… So it would be useless and would add to my "whore" mark)

4. Make him jealous (Seriously, I doubt that would work. Sirius Black doesn't do jealous. But it might be possible...)

5. Ignore. (I do that almost everyday, but sure, it gets him kinda worked up.)

"Marlene?" Lily's whispers and sits up in her bed. "You awake?"

"Clearly," I answer.

"Something wrong?"

"Nope." I answer but look down.

"What are you drawing?" Lily asks me.

"Nothing," I answer.

"Then what are you doing?"

"Making a list," I answer shortly.

"About?" Lily pushes.

"Things." I answer.

"Marlene –" she tries and I throw the book over to her bed,

"Oh, just read it Lily," I sigh and watch as her eyes scan over my so-called 'list'.

"Tell me that isn't a Sirius Black list," Lily sighs and throws me the book back.

"I won't tell you then," I tell her with a scowl as I close the book and put it on my night desk.

"Oh Merlin, Marlene-"

"Save it for me Lils. I'm hurt," I blurt out.

She suddenly softens "Why are you hurt Lene?"

"Because," I say and my voice breaks "I try to act like it doesn't bother me that he shags other girls, but it does and it's not the first thing I want to know when I wake up."

"Wait, when and how did you find out?"

"I've always known, but today… I woke up early went down to the Common Room, Remus was there, waiting for him to get back, Black walks in, his robe open, his hair ruffled. It's not hard to get."

"Oh, Marle-" Lily tried but I cut her off by putting my hand up.

"I'm gone to breakfast, and please don't come. I want to go alone."

– Hunting for Happiness –

I walk alone to breakfast, ignoring the looks other people give me, I know what they're thinking (because some of them actually do think them out loud); Marlene McKinnon, walking alone? Where are her friends, she usually never steps out from her comfort zone? Only if they knew.

The Gryffindor table is almost empty; Remus is there though, still with his book and picking at his bacon.

I decide I should suck it up and sit beside him.

"Hi," I tell him silently as I sit down.

He looks up from his book, closes it and puts it down on the seat next to his. "Hi…"

I grab myself some scrambled eggs and drop them on my plate.

"Marlene… are you… alright?" he finally asks after a moment of silence.

I don't answer; I don't feel like lying or breaking down. Remus is - and I will always have to remember that - Black's best friend. Not mine. He'll always choose him.

"Are the other girls not up yet?" he asks, ignoring that I didn't answer his first question.

"Yep, Lily's up though I think. Mary won't be up until one, Alice should be waking and who knows what Em will do, I don't know her anymore, she doesn't really hang out around us much now does she?"

"No one of us ever hangs out anymore," Remus points out and I nod.

"Sorry," I mutter.

"We don't… We don't blame you, you know that Marley?" It's weird hearing him call me Marley, he and James used to do it, he stopped it when we started our fifth year, Jamie still does call me Marley though, it's nice.

"I know Rem," I sigh "but doesn't mean I don't. Blame myself, that is."

"It's no ones fault that you guys got into this mess… Godric knows that it makes at least one of you feel better."

I know he's talking about Black and have to grit my teeth together not to tell him that isn't true, it does make me feel better too, just also worse.

"Just to warn you," Rem continues, "Padfoot will be down here in matter off minutes, he just went up to wake Prongs."

"Why did you leave, not wait for them?"

"Honestly, I'm a bit pissed at Padfoot right now."

"Because of me?" I choke out.

"Does it matter?"

"Please don't…" I try.

"Marlene you can't tell me who to be pissed at." Remus reminds me and I scowl but turn my attention towards my breakfast.

"Do you want me to pinch you when I see Sirius approaching?" Remus ask me and I chuckle.

"Don't care."

He pinches me and I look at him and he whispers, "Just incase." I then look up and see James and Black walking towards us.

"Morning," James greets us.

"Morning," I greet James back, hoping that Black will realize I'm not greeting him.

Black doesn't say a thing just plops into the seat beside Remus but suddenly jumps back up rubbing his ass – his very fucking sexy ass, that I may adore just a little bit – "Ouch" he exclaims and takes the book Remus had laid on the seat before and throws it into Remus's lap. "Why the hell would you put your damn book there?" He growls

Remus shrugs "Sorry"

And I can't stop myself from laughing and Remus grins at me.

Black turns to glare at me, ignoring Remus "You think that's funny, McKinnon?"

I nod between laughter's, "I believe I do."

"You're being awfully annoying with those mood swings of yours," He tells me.

"Why do you care?" I ask him, not laughing anymore. You too I then add in my head.

"I don't."

He couldn't have chosen better words, "I don't"… care. I don't care. And he never will. I stand up,

"Sorry, I have to leave," – is my silly excuse before I turn to walk away. Ignoring him failed. But I'll just try again, because Marlene McKinnon is not going to give in to what is easy anymore.

– Hunting for Happiness –

I ignore him all night as we all nine hang out together down at the Common room. Instead I try to make "idea" four work. But making one Sirius Black jealous is a hard thing.

He stares at me, telling me with his eyes to come and sit with him so he can tell me something. Probably tell me to come and meet him in the nearest broom closet. Not'gonna happen Black!

So I ignore him and instead I move myself closer to Remus.

"Hi," I tell him and pat on his shoulder, he once again closes his books to talk to me and gives me a short smile.

"Hi?" he questions.

"Feel like talking?" I ask him and he nods, of course he does – he's always up to talking.

"With you? Always Marley," he smiles proofing what I just said and I smile back at him and surprisingly my smile isn't fake.

"It's been long since we've talked hasn't it…?"

He gets what I mean, "It surely has." He knows I'm not just talking about talking just doing something, and when I say 'we' I mean all of us. "But can I ask you something Marlene…" he continues.

"Mhm,"

"Are you doing this to annoy Sirius? Talking to me right now?"

"Remus, I want us to be friends"

"I know that, but you want him to suffer too."

"Maybe," I agree and spare Sirius a glance, just to see that he's staring back at Remus and me.

The song on the radio changes suddenly and a well-known pop song starts playing.

"Oh I love that song!" Lily exclaims and James stands up right away and offers his hand to her,

"Care to dance?"

Lily bites her lips but sigh's "Only because I love this song."

And she stands up to dance with him.

"You guys dance too!" she tells us girls and Mary grabs Peter who is sitting next to her and Em and forces him to dance with her, he laughs and hesitantly spins her around.

"Em, lets dance!" Alice orders Emmeline and pulls her up to her feet.

I thank Merlin we're the only ones that are in the Common Room right now, because this is surely embarrassing.

I glance over at Sirius only too see that he's still staring at me.

"Lene dance with us!" Alice says and I curse her silently.

"Let's dance," I tell Remus and pull him to his feet "If you want that is," I smile and he nods silently before he follows me to where the others are standing.

Sirius sits on the couch by himself, staring at us.

When the song ends and another starts playing, we switch partners and James takes my hand and spins me around.

I laugh and smile at him as we sway to the music, "Are you okay?" he asks me silently before spinning me once again

"Yep" I answer.

"Ask Padfoot to dance,"

"No."

"Why?"

"I don't want to,"

"You do."

"Then you won't have anyone to dance," I tell him.

He laughs, "Lily, Em and I'll dance together, just don't leave him alone."

I sigh, "I'm not asking him."

James sighs as well and spins me again, "Then I'll ask him for you –"

I stop moving and glare at him. "Oh, James you've made me spin too much! I'm dizzy" I say loudly and fake laughter before letting myself collapse on the couch versus the one Sirius sits in.

He gives me a sign with his eyes to sit next to him, I scowl at him and stand up, he smirks – thinking that I'm gonna come and sit next to him, but I'm stronger than that.

"I think I'm off to bed," I tell the others and they all groan

"Oh, don't leave Lene!" Lily whines.

"Sorry, but I'm too tired," I tell them – but it feels like I'm not telling them … I'm telling him.

A/N: Like you might have seen I do favorite Marlene a bit and that's why her chapters are often the longest ones – or at least longer than Mary's … hehe. Anyways, hope you liked the chapter… I really liked Remus in this one, to me he always seemed like the really-friendly-good-to-talk-to-guy… hehe!

Anyways next up is Emmeline … woohoo… but not really. She is my least favorite character… though I do prefer her storyline the most I think… I'm going to try and update again soon, maybe on Sunday or Monday, but that shall only be done if I get any reviews! Hehe.