Kili felt a bit better after letting all the emotions come out. He was relived they knew about his past, but he was hoping they would have never found out. If people found out they always treated him differently. They pitied him, and he didn't want Fili and Thorin to be good for him because of pity.
As he was sitting on his bed, he kept thinking about how his bed seemed empty without his brother there. He wanted him there, but after all Fili did for him he had no idea how to ask him for anything more. So he just lay down quietly and sobbed himself to sleep, completely out of control of the emotions filling him.
Fili couldn't sleep, he felt empty. He needed much more, much more time with Kili, much more of Kili's attention, much more of him in his bed. His heart was going wild thinking about the pain his mother let the boy go through. He wanted to kill both her and the man who hit and hurt his brother. After some time he decided there was no chance he would go to sleep, so he got up and headed for the gym.
Hearing the muffled sobs from Kili's room he stopped dead in his tracks. He waited in front of the door for some time, but the desperate crying wouldn't stop. So he did the same thing, he walked in and forced the boy into his arms. He didn't want to be there, just being close to him was a huge temptation, and Fili was unsure if he could control his emotions. But Kili needed him, he needed him as a brother, and Fili was slowly dealing with the fact that being a brother is the only thing he could count on. As he held the boy and gently rubbed his back, Kili looked at him surprised and accepted the comfort.
"You're the best brother in the world." Kili gently murmured.
"No I'm not." Fili replied. "But I'm going to try to be the best brother just for you." Kili gently chuckled hearing that.
"You're a perfect brother." Kili whispered.
"I'm not so sure, but whatever you say so bro." Fili replied and pulled him into his warm embrace. "So no more crying, I'm here for you."
"I just can't handle this all." Kili's voice was shaking.
"You don't have to. Just take it as it is." Fili noticed.
"It's not that easy." Kili replied.
"It really is that easy. The past is behind you, you're safe now and I'm going to take care of you." Fili gently told him.
"Thank you." Kili gently looked up at him, his eyes full of adoration and warmth.
"You're welcome." Fili stared into those eyes feeling transfixed by the emotions clearly visible in his brother's eyes. "Try to sleep." He gently told Kili and closed his eyes and rested his head on the pillow. He knew if he drowned into those deep brown eyes, he would be exactly the opposite of what Kili needed. Kili needed safety, and finding out your own brother wants to fuck you, might ruin the perfect brother picture.
Kili was a bit disappointed Fili wanted to sleep, but he knew he could not count for his brother to share the same affection he had for him. He could not count for his brother to want to be with him, not like a brother but as a boyfriend. He desperately wanted him, but being inexperienced he decided it was better not to try anything. He had a feeling deep inside Fili would reject him both as a lover, and as a brother. Revealing his guilty dirty secret would ruin everything.
Being next to his brother was so warm and comforting, he soon dozed off in the strong arms of his beloved brother.
Thorin wanted to wake Fili up early to talk to him, but found his room and bed empty. After a longer moment he decided to check in Kili's bedroom, and to his surprise he found both boys snuggling together and holding on tightly to each other. He briefly crossed his brows looking at them, but decided to retreat for now and talk to Fili later.
Just after breakfast Thorin got a phone call from Gandalf and promised to stop by the school on his way to the office. He ate breakfast alone, thinking about the boys sleeping together peacefully. Kili made him really worried, his reactions were unpredictable and he was extremely fragile. Thorin was considering school and general wellbeing of this boy to be a bigger issue than anticipated. The boy needed help, and Thorin had no idea what kind of help. Maybe Gandalf was the right person to talk to.
Arriving at the school Thorin couldn't stop thinking about his stupid sister, what she made the boy suffer was unthinkable and slowly he was concluding the damage done to the boy was extreme.
Gandalf was waiting for him in the office and told him to sit down, as he was closing the door.
"I'm very glad Thorin you found the time to meet with me personally." Gandalf began speaking.
"I'll always find time for old friends and pressing issues like my youngest nephew." Thorin dully noticed. "How bad is he?"
"Oh boy, I wouldn't say bad. Different is a better word." Gandalf noticed enigmatically.
"And you're speaking in riddles again." Thorin noticed. "Just like in the good old days."
"I've known your father very well. And I know your family history including the sad facts connected with your sister." Gandalf spoke gently. "You've shielded Fili from her and her problems, but you didn't manage to save Kili. The boy has been through a lot of traumatic events, some of which we might never fully comprehend."
"I know already part of it, but you're right the boy is hesitant to talk about his past." Thorin admitted.
"All the information you gave me on the boy, the documents from his old school and foster family clearly suggest the boy has a form of ADD. However I've been thinking a lot about him. He shows signs which might indicate ADD, but I'm not convinced that is the real problem." Gandalf spoke confidently.
"ADD has a wide spectrum of symptoms, but the basic is attention deficiency, short focus periods and lack of ability to control body movement. He doesn't have the three most basic symptoms. He's slightly hyperactive, but he can focus and do a set task. He has problems which are unavoidable in huge schools and without specialist care, meaning no one had enough time to properly observe him and diagnose him accordingly. But providing the right guidance and care he might develop properly." Gandalf continued.
"So what's really wrong with him?" Thorin asked curiously.
"I think he's got a subtle version of FAS. It's a syndrome caused by overuse of alcohol or drugs during pregnancy, and he's got the classic symptoms." Gandalf finally told Thorin. "Don't get me wrong, it might influence his behaviour and his aptitude, but it didn't diminish his intellectual capabilities."
"Meaning?" Thorin asked.
"Meaning while doing the average knowledge test for his age group he received a low result, but I've also asked him to do a standard IQ test, and the result was astonishing." Gandalf specified.
"What do you mean astonishing?" Thorin was clearly surprised.
"Borderline genius." Gandalf specified. "His score was the highest I've ever seen. His aptitude in many fields is beyond that of a well educated adult. His main strength is mathematics and logics. He will probably always have problems with literature and reading as such. He will have problems with many other fields, but nothing stands in the way of him becoming a great lawyer, accountant or businessman like yourself."
"So it's again my sister's doing." Thorin gasped feeling a huge burden fall onto his shoulders.
"You can't blame yourself for what she did. You took care of her at your best ability and you couldn't prevent what happened." Gandalf assured him.
"So what can we do to help the boy?" Thorin focused on reality and tried to push the past behind him.
"Most people have no idea about FAS, so a standard psychologist won't help. I only know about this syndrome due to a friend who specialized in this field." Gandalf began speaking. "Bilbo was a PhD student specializing in FAS, however several years ago he changed his career to writing, and he stopped his medical practise. He said meeting so many kids he could never help enough broke his heart."
"So is there anybody else we could turn to?" Thorin insisted. "Money will not be an issue here."
"The only person I truly believe can help is Bilbo, and he doesn't care about money. But he does have a dept with me." Gandalf smiled. "I'll visit him tonight and talk him into it."
"And that will make me in your dept." Thorin immediately noticed.
"Not quite. I'll consider helping this boy the final pay off I have towards your family. I wouldn't have funded this school without your father's help. I should have helped you more with Dis when she started going astray. I have many regrets and this is my way of setting the score even." Gandalf summed up firmly.
"To make things even easier, Bilbo lives just three houses away from you and his nephew is a student here at my school, so you may call it luck but I think it's more like destiny." Gandalf noticed with a smile.
"I'm going to expect your phone call about this psychologist, and if he disagrees please give me a name of another person I could contact." Thorin asked calmly.
Thorin returned home with a heavy heart. He knew he made many mistakes in the past and he should have stopped Dis when she was younger. He should have been more effective as a brother, and he should have been able to save Kili from what happened to him because of her immaturity and addiction.
He noticed Fili's car in the driveway, and when he came in there was nice smell coming from the kitchen. He approached and to his shock he saw the youngest cook dinner, while Fili was sitting at the kitchen table chopping vegetable according to Kili's instructions.
"Hey you're just in time for lunch!" Fili told Thorin with a huge smile.
"Smells great Kili!" Thorin smiled at the shy boy running around the kitchen clearly focused on preparing something delicious. "Fili I need your help for a minute." Thorin asked the older boy.
He guided him outside into the garden.
"So what do you need help with?" Fili asked.
"We need to talk about Kili." Thorin informed him.
"Did you talk to Gandalf?" Fili immediately asked.
"Yes, I have and he suspects that Kili doesn't have ADD, but instead he has a rare syndrome called FAS." Thorin told him straightforward.
"What's that?" Fili asked suspired.
"It's a syndrome caused by alcohol drank during pregnancy. Gandalf is going to arrange a meeting with a specialist for Kili, but the situation isn't hopeless. He said that Kili's case is not so severe, but that doesn't mean we're not going to have any problems with him." Thorin began explaining. "According to Gandalf the mood swings, the difficulty with dealing with emotions are all classical symptoms of FAS, and they might never subside. They might also escalate into depression, aggression or inclination to addictions."
"So the way he is, it's not his fault." Fili noticed.
"He's really trying hard, especially after he met you." Thorin told him. "In Alaska he wasn't as calm as he is now, it might be the stress of changing location, but also it might be your influence."
"I think he's very scared of rejection." Fili immediately noticed.
"I agree." Thorin admitted. "He's trying really hard, so I hope I can count on you. He needs all the support we both can give him."
"Of course I will help, he's my only brother." Fili replied firmly.
"I'm scared I'm asking a lot from you, you're young yourself, but you have a very good influence on him." Thorin told the boy. "I'm just worried about one thing."
"What is that uncle?" Fili asked suddenly worried.
"Why were you sleeping together tonight?" Thorin asked the one question Fili wasn't expecting.
"He cries at night." Fili told him. "I've been with him from the first day, when I'm there he calms down and goes to sleep."
"Just makes sure that stays between just the three of us. And don't make it a habit." Thorin looked at his nephew firmly.
"I'll be there only if he needs me." Fili replied truthfully. Deep inside he knew he would break that rule if Kili needed him. Somehow pleasing Kili was higher on the list than angering Thorin.
"Let's go back inside." Thorin told him and went back into the house.