The quiet after the storm. This was how to describe the DEO after the battle. Everyone was back unharmed, mostly. It was two in the morning but no one was really sleeping. It was more like resting. The battle was too fresh to shut the minds and relax.
Alex was near Kara in one of the room in the med bay. She was sitting rather uncomfortably in an office chair, eyes closed, trying to rest. Her shoulder hurt less than before thanks to the pain meds she had recieved but her headache was still there. The agent had been sitting there for nearly two hours, waiting the moment her sister would wake up. Alex opened her eyes after a long moment and looked at Kara, lying in a half fonctioning sun bed. She didn't need the whole treatment after all. Alex let her eyes wonder and detail the suit the young woman was wearing. That dark blue jumpsuit that was so different than her joyful super suit. And the lack of cape. That cape that was making Supergirl so more impressive when it was bellowing behind her. This outfit was not something Kara would normaly like. It was too dark, too tight, too scary. The perfect opposite of what Supergirl should be.
Alex's observation was cut short when Kara awoke with a barely audible gasp.
"Kara." Alex called standing up too quickly, causing her to wince as she grabbed her right arm in pain
"Is anyone dead?" Kara asked sadly.
She remembered.
"No." Alex started, comforting. "Everyone is fine."
"Your shoulder...and your head." the young woman said guilty and almost crying
"I'll be fine. And you will be too." the agent assured softly.
But nothing Alex could say could wash the guilt out of Kara. How could she feel otherwise? After all she had said, all she had done. So Kara began to cry. She tried, at first, to retain the tears and the sobs. But soon, the hiccups couldn't be contained anymore and tears fell, rolling on her temples.
"It was so horrible, Alex. I was so bad. Every bad thoughts I've ever had... It just came to the surface and I couldn't stop it." Kara said over the sobs, hiding her eyes with one hand. "I didn't mean any of it. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for what I've done."
"Kara." Alex called, making her sister look up. "You're my sister, and I love you. No matter what." she assured, keeping herself from crying.
After a short moment to compose herself a little, Kara sat on the table, facing her sister with still teary eyes.
"What about J'onn and... Oh my God, Astra!" she said, putting a hand on her mouth as her tears began to come again
"They're fine. No one saw J'onn and Astra hasn't awoken yet."
"No..." was all the young woman could say before crying again.
But this time, Alex was there to comfort her properly. The agent wrapped her arms around her sister, ignoring the shouting pain in her shoulder.
"It's alright. You're gonna be ok." she soothed
"I couldn't stop it." Kara sobbed, burying her head in the crook of Alex's neck
"I know. It's not your fault." Alex assured, rubbing her sister's back with her good hand.
The two stayed like that for a moment. After a while, Kara started to calm and her heavy crying transformed into a silent sobbing.
That was until Adam entered the room. The young man had waited all this time for his girlfriend to wake up. He had been held out of the room despite his many protests, Hank claming that it wasn't safe until they could be sure Supergirl was herself again. The wait had been unsustainable. Seeing Kara, the woman he loved, lying uncounsious on some kind of steel table lit from under by a yellowish glow. So Adam had been wandering in the DEO after finding that staying with Astra felt awkward. When he had seen the young woman awake, a smile had crept on his face. It wasn't fully happy though. Some sadness was trapped in his features.
"Hey." Adam said simply entering the room, causing the two sisters to split.
But when Kara saw the young man, the guilt was too strong and the tears fell again. Seeing Adam in front of her, smiling, made her sick. How could anyone smile at her like that?
"Get out." she said low and shaky
"But...Kara?" Adam questioned, confused, as he walked closer to her, offering a reassuring hand.
Alex was speecheless, and, when Adam made his move, Kara shoved her on the side.
"No!" the young alien exclaimed, jumping off the table. "Get away from me!"
Using her super-speed, Kara ran out of the room, creating a wind of speed on her way. She only stopped when she found where Astra was recovering. The young woman closed the door behind her and rested her forehead on it, sighing.
"Well that was a quick entrance."
Kara spun around with a gasp of surprise, only to find Doctor Hamilton standing next to a monitor.
"I-I'm sorry. I'm gonna go." Kara said quickly
"No, stay. I'm done" the doctor said softly. "And she needs you more than me."
Kara glanced at the lying form in the room. She was ashamed of herself. But seeing the look on Hamilton's face, she decided to stay.
"How is she?"
"She probably lost her powers but she'll be fine."
Tears threatened her eyes again as she sat on the stool besides her aunt.
"How could I do this?" Kara wondered to herself
"You didn't." Hamilton assured, on her way out. "Supergirl would never do that." she added with a shy smile.
SSSSSSSSS
Hours passed. Kara had locked the door and ignored the faces looking inside through the glass wall, mainly Alex's and Adam's, and sometimes Hank would walk by. No. Kara was only focussed on her aunt. It had been three hours since the young woman had woken up and the night was probably almost over. For the hundredth time in thirty minutes, Kara looked at the screen monitoring Astra's heart. The beep was steady and strong. But she was still uncounscious. Kara hung her head with guilt and closed her eyes, thinking about all she had done and all she had to apologize for. It was a very long list.
"Kara..." a weak voice called from the sun bed, causing the young woman to snap her head up in surprise
"Aunt Astra." she breathed out. "I was so afraid you wouldn't wake up."
"You do not defeat me that easyly." the general joked, sitting up with a groan of pain
"I am so sorry." Kara said, eyes wet
"No." Astra begged before taking her niece in a hug. "No, don't be."
Kara accepted the embrace right away, remembering of her mother's arms around her, and cried harder. For a brief moment, she was on Krypton again.
"It is ok." Astra comforted, stroking gently Kara's hair. "It was not you."
"But I knew what I was doing." the young woman countered, pulling out of the hug. "It was like I wanted to do those horrible things."
"It was only because the drug made you think that was your wish. Your sister explained to me. The red kryptonite affected your brain chemistery. You could not fight it." the woman assured, taking one of her hands
"Because I wasn't strong enough." Kara concluded
"No, because you did not have a choice. You were drawn to the darkness buried very deeply into your soul. Everyone has this darkness. Some can just access it faster than others." Astra said, looking right into those blue eyes she knew so much. "But you... you chose to bury that darkness so deep that even without a filter, you could not resolve yourself to kill. Just imagine what I would have done under the influence."
"It doesn't make it right." Kara sobbed. "I hurt everyone around me. How am I supposed not to feel guilty?"
"Unfortunatelly, you will feel guilty until you forgive yourself. You have to take your time, but I promise, you will be alright." Astra smiled, brushing the tears on Kara's face with her thumb.
After a moment, the tears stopped falling and Astra tried to stand up, but had to support herself on the sun bed quickly as a grunt of pain escaped her lips.
"Why am I sore like that?" she asked confused
"You lost your powers fighting me." Kara admitted, sheepish
"I am...I am human?" Astra questioned with aprehension
"Just for a few days. It isn't permanent."
Astra took some time to let the news sink in, and, when she looked up in front of her, she recognized Adam sitting on the ground, his back against the glass wall, waiting. The kryptonian figured Kara hadn't and didn't want to speak with him. Which was a mistake.
"He must have been waiting for quite some time." she stated, facing carefully her niece
"I-I can't. After what I did... I can't forgive myself."
"You know, forgiving yourself often comes with other's forgiveness." Astra started with a soft smile. "Go talk to him." she added.
Kara gave her a look filled with fear and doubt.
"I will be fine." she assured.
And after a few second and a heavy sigh, Kara finally found the courage to open the door. Surprised, Adam stood up quickly. The two stayed still for a moment, looking at each other. Adam was concerned, hopeful and impatient; while Kara was worried, ashamed and scared. Eventually, slowly, the young man closed the distance between them and cercled his arms around Kara. It took her second to reciprociate, but then, the embrace only grew tighter. Kara needed to feel this love and this comfort. Astra was right. She needed people's forgiveness.
"Why don't we go to your apartment for a very early breakfast." Adam proposed with a small smile
"Adam... I can't." Kara started with defeat, causing insertitude and confusion to crawl on Adam's face. "I have to much on my mind after... after what I did to you."
"But Kara-"
"Please. We will talk, I swear. But just...not right now." the young woman pleaded
"Ok...Just let me know when you're ready." Adam said before leaning forward for a kiss.
But at the last second, Kara turned her head and the kiss ended up on her cheek rather than her lips. She hung her head and stared at the floor while Adam looked at her, disappointed, before going home.
SSSSSSSSS
Hank had been stuck in his office. As a director, he had to do a lot of paper work and tonight's mission required a lot of it. Sighing, he put down his pen and rubbed his face with both hands. Despite the fatigue and the pain in his thigh, Hank wasn't able to find sleep. Not a lot of people could after what had happened. A knock on the door made him look up.
"Enter." the director said automatically, before agent Vasquez walked in the office and sat directly and without permission
"Sir... I have to talk to you." she annonced, nervous
"Go ahead."
"It's about...the green alien that fought Supergirl tonight." the agent added, not very daring looking at Hank in the eyes.
The director leaned back in his seat, guessing where this was going.
"I'm listening." he pushed after clearing his throat
"I saw you, sir." Vasquez finally snapped, staring at him. "I saw you when you joined me and agent Danvers. You came limping from behind a car right after the alien did just the same." she paused, leaning forward, angry. "I think you have some explaining to do, sir."
"Yes." Hank sighed. "Yes I think you're right."
The director stood and locked the door under the intense observation of his agent. When he turned around to face her, Vasquez was already on her feet, ready to defend herself if needed. Taking the time to be apreciative of his office being the only work room with real walls, Hank put his hands in front of him, indicating he meant no harm.
"I am a green martian." he admitted carefully
"But...How?" Vasquez asked, incredulous.
J'onn transformed into his true form and let the sight speak for itself.
"A shapeshifter." the agent breathed out in shock. "Should I be worried?" she questioned unsure
"No." J'onn assured, shifting back into his human appearance. "I am not a threat. Many years ago, the real Hank Henshaw died and I took his form to continue his work." J'onn explained, leaving some details for later. "Now, should I be worried, agent Vasquez? Did you tell anyone?"
"No, sir." she promised. "Who else knows?" Vasquez wondered still a bit upset
"Only Supergirl and agent Danvers. I need you to keep this a secret. I can't risk for this organisation to fall into wrong hands."
"I will." the agent stated, figuring that after saving everyone by fighting Supergirl, J'onn deserved more than her trust.
SSSSSSSSS
Kara felt weird walking around the DEO. She was back in her normal suit, thanking mentally her sister for bringing it after she had optionned for the jumpsuit. But every single agent around her was staring as she walked past them. Some seemed relieved but the big majority were throwing glares at the young woman. Kara could understand. They had more than the right to be upset with her. She was upset with herself after all.
"Alex." she called hesitantly as she walked in her sister's office.
The agent caught her attention as she groaned from the cot installed in the room. Sitting up slowly before opening her eyes, Alex looked at the guilty and concerned face staring at her. The agent smiled gently and patted a spot on the cot next to her. Kara sat without a word and only opened her mouth when she looked up.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, trying to focus the conversation on her sister
"Tired of the headache that never seems to leave me. Just a small concussion. Nothing a good night of sleep can't cure." Alex reassured
"I think you'll need several." Kara joked with a half smile. "I'm sorry about before." she added after a few seconds. "I just couldn't take it."
"It's ok. I understand." the woman said as she put a soft hand on her sister's knee. "Kara, I know you probably don't want to talk about it so soon but-"
"No, we have to." the kryptonian interrupted. "I want to." she added earning a meaningful look. "Ok, I'm not really enthusiastic about it but I trully want to make it up to you." Kara admitted
"You don't need to because I've already forgiven you. But we still have to talk about what you said because I feel like there was some truth in it." Alex confessed. "And I really need to make things clear between us."
"Me too." Kara smiled shyly.
A rather long silence settled between the two women. It wasn't uncomfortable, on the contrary. It allowed the sisters to think about where to begin and since neither of them wanted to sleep, it was the perfect opportunity. During those few seconds, Alex crawled back on the cot until she could rest her back against the wall, and brought her knees to her chest. Kara did the same and, as Alex rested her head on her shoulder, she felt every single emotion related to love she had been missing the past few days. Alex trusted her, even after all she had done. Kara had never doubted her sister would forgive her but it was still comforting to see it really happening.
"Did you really feel trapped and resented when we were growing up?" Alex finally asked, her head still on her sister's shoulder
"A little." Kara started, staring at the wall in front of them. She could hear Alex's heartbeat rise as well as the guilt inside of the agent. "I mean I felt trapped for a long time and only stopped once I became Supergirl. It was easier with time but I guess I've always wanted to do more, to be more." she paused, thinking of how to aboard the next part of the problem. "But I only felt resented the first two months or so after I arrived."
"I'm so sorry." Alex said, her eyes becoming wet
"Alex, I need you to understand that what I'm about to say is the truth and how I experienced my first months on Earth." Kara started, looking right in the agent's eyes and earning a slight nod. "When I saw you for the very first time, when your parents introduced me to you, I was terrified."
"Why?" Alex asked gently, not very expecting it
"Because you were the first person I could possibly be friend with and I really wanted to be right for you. I mean, I came to your house, slept in your room and was loved by your parents. I could very well understand why you wouldn't talk to me for a week. I came into your life without permission and ruined all your habits as an only child."
"You didn't ruin anything, Kara." Alex sweared as she straightened to face her sister. "Well, you might have disrupted me a little." she added with a smile, earning one in return
"I have to ask... Were you threatened by me?" Kara asked suddenly serious and scared
"Yes, I won't lie." Alex started, staring at the floor. "I told you this before. I didn't know how I could possibly compete with you. I was scared that, with all your powers and you being an alien, that my parents would choose you over me. That's why I started to work harder and faster." the woman admitted, taking Kara's hand in hers, noticing the tears starting to fall on both of their faces. "But very soon, I realized that you weren't doing anything to distance them from me. You were just trying to fit in in a very awkward way, always smiling with that light in your eyes and always seaking comfort at the same time." Alex said on a more joyful tone. "How could I not fall in love with you? Sisterly speaking of course." the agent joked, making Kara laugh through her tears
"I love you too." the kryptonian said, wrapping Alex in hug.
The woman returned the embrace instantly and kissed Kara's cheek before pulling back.
"I'm glad we talked." the young woman stated, wiping some tears off her face
"Yeah... It seems those sessions with Lichtfield served you well. You're like almost a shrink now." Alex chuckled
"Oh my God, I have to apologize to him too!" Kara exclaimed suddenly a little panicked
"Don't worry. I think he already forgot since he marked an apointment for next week." the agent reassured, causing Kara to sigh with relief
"Could we go to your place and sleep a little? I'm exhausted."
"My place?" Alex wondered with a slight confusion
"I don't really want to be alone right now. And there's still some things I have to clear up with Adam before I can feel comfortable in my apartment."
"Ok." Alex accepted with a soft smile.
AN: Thanks for reading!
A lot of talking in this chapter. The next one will probably contain a lot of discussion as well. Don't forget to review or send me PM! It's always fun and constructive to know what you think.