So many times life is unpredictable. You have good days, and bad days, and, in the end, all that matters is who is still there, by your side

Author Unknown

Finn might not have liked cuddling when Joseph offered, but he certainly liked doing it with me. It had taken a few minutes for us to find the right position, one where none of his limbs were cramped up and I could still be close, but once we did it felt…right. It felt like I could do this forever, and not even miss the outside world.

Except that I had to keep one ear open for our parents at all times. Carole, at least, was good about knocking before opening the door, but there was always the chance that Dad might blunder down, or she would assume that we were sleeping and come down anyway.

But no one did. I hoped that the two of them were upstairs talking about what had happened at therapy today, as opposed to doing…other things. The horror of what might actually be happening up there made me shudder, which made Finn look over. "What's wrong?"

There was no reason for both of us to be burdened with that horrible mental image. "Just a cold chill."

He adjusted the blankets so I was covered up. "There you go. God, I hope they're not doing it up there. That would just be….ew."

His face made me laugh. He kept going before I could think of a reply. "I mean, probably not, because they're old and shit, and old people don't do it very much. Plus, we're in the house, and they wouldn't do that to us."

I didn't believe that, but I was willing to let him keep thinking that. "They're probably just talking."

"Sure." I could tell that he didn't believe it either, but we were both going to pretend. Luckily, though, he had let it go, and just relaxed against me. I stroked his back and shoulders as soothingly as I could, never going below the bottom of his rib cage, just letting him get used to the feeling of my hands on his body. He all but purred, resting one hand on my stomach and his chin in my shoulder. Every once in a while, he would shift up so he could kiss my lips or cheek, lazy and gentle. It was so incredibly sweet and I felt like all of my dreams were coming true.

Which was why it was such a shock when Finn had a screaming nightmare later that night, the first he had had since he got back. I shot out of bed and started to reach for him, but then pulled back. It was my fault that he was so upset. I had encouraged him to pursue something sexual with me, and that was stirring up old memories and trauma.

"Kurt?" I was the most pitiful whimper I had ever heard, the sound of abject misery in the dark. "Where are you?"

I came back to his side and stroked his cheek. "I'm here, Sweetheart. Are you ok?"

"Yeah." The shaking hand that was currently fisted in my pajama top belied his words, but I didn't call him on it. He coughed a few times, then laid back. "Can I have some water?"

"Of course." I grabbed his cup from the nightstand and took it into the bathroom, running the water until it got cold. From the doorway, I could see Finn still sitting up in bed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I kind of lost it, Dude." He rubbed at his eyes and yawned tiredly. "I think…I think there was a wolf. A big one with white eyes."

I wondered if the wolf was a metaphor for something bigger. Wolves were big, and sneaky, and hunters. Was Joseph the wolf? He had stalked and hunted Finn like an animal.

Or maybe Finn's been watching werewolf movies again. Do your dreams always make sense?

Good point. Finn was all but asleep by the time I made it back out, but he accepted the cup and drank deeply. "Thanks."

I took the cup back and returned it to the nightstand. "No problem. Do you….do you want me to rub your back?" I had been about to ask him to come sleep with me, but thought better of it at the last second.

"Yeah, that's good." From the way his eyelids were fluttering, I kind of doubted that he was going to last more then a few minutes. I sat on the edge of the bed, adjusting his covers, and stroked gently. He relaxed almost instantly. "You're the best."

"I am pretty wonderful." I'm not sure if he heard me or not, since his breathing had gone quiet and steady. I patted him for a few more seconds, but stood back up when it became clear that he wasn't going to wake up. Having at least 8 and a half hours of sleep a night was the key to clear skin and not getting wrinkles, and I had already lost quite a bit.

The next morning, Finn woke up before both me and the alarm, and took the opportunity to climb into bed and wake me up with a gentle kiss on the lips. Morning breath be damned, I pecked him back. "You're up early."

"Well, yeah. First Rachel's coming over, which might be really cool or it might kind of suck. Then, if your Dad gets off in time, we're going to go to the pet store and get my rat! This is, like, the most exciting day ever. Or maybe tomorrow, if your Dad can't come today."

Ug. Why did he have to bring up Rachel? I stretched out and tried to think happy thoughts to take my mind off of the horrors that were likely to be happening in just a few hours.

How about the fact that you have Finn and she doesn't? Does it get any more delicious then that?

No it didn't. I sat up and stretched again, working out all the kinks. Finn bounced eagerly. "I made you some breakfast. It's a cut up grapefruit and yogurt with fruit and that stuff that looks like hamster food!"

I squinted. "Do you mean granola?"

"Yeah, hamster food!" He looked so ridiculously pleased with himself that I had to laugh. "What did you make for yourself?"

"Eggs with cheese and bacon. I ate them upstairs, though, because otherwise you nag." He handed me the tray that I was just now noticing on the dresser. "I drank milk and orange juice, though, so it was totally healthy. Oh, and my toast was the kind with the little crunchy bits in it, so that was healthy, too."

"Your definition of 'healthy' is a bit skewed. But thank you very much for making breakfast. Do you want to snuggle again while I eat?" I was desperately hoping that he would agree.

"Sure." He grabbed the big pillow off of his bed and arranged things so we were propped up side by side. He didn't appear to be suffering in the slightest from his restless night, and I told him so. He shot me a confused look. "What do you mean?"

Had he been that out of it last night? I shot him an incredulous look. "You don't remember having a nightmare last night and waking me up?"

"No?" His eyes searched mine, trying to figure out if I was kidding him or not. "I'm sorry if I woke you up."

I leaned against his shoulder. "It's fine. If you need me for any reason, I don't want you to hesitate. You really don't remember telling me all about the white eyed wolf?"

One eye squinted. "I remember the wolf. Kind of. But I didn't know that it was a dream, and I don't remember waking up."

"That's probably for the best." He had thoughtfully broken the grapefruit into sections, so I offered him one. He nibbled delicately, his eyes distant. I probed lightly, trying to figure out what was wrong. "Are you feeling ok?"

"Yeah, I feel ok." He yawned lazily.

"Are you nervous about Rachel coming over?" I would be nervous about having to deal with her face to face, and I didn't have the issues that Finn did.

He squirmed, and I knew I had scored a direct hit. "Uh-huh."

"Don't be. She won't hurt you, and, if she tries, I'll kick her ass." That declaration earned me a smile. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Maybe just at first. If it goes ok, then you don't have to stay or anything, but could you just be my wing man for a little bit?" He looked so worried that I knew I couldn't have denied him anything, even if he hadn't been mine.

"Of course. You do remember that we aren't telling anyone, though, right? About us, I mean." As thrilling as being able to rub it in Rachel's face might be, I had to show a little restraint.

"Right. I mean, I want to see her, and I'm super excited, but I'm kind of nervous, too. It's almost like Christmas or something." He was jittering nervously, and it was making it hard to eat. I stilled him by feeding him another piece of grapefruit.

If I was going to face Rachel Berry, I was damn well going to do it looking fantastic. "Finn, did you take your shower already?"

His eyes narrowed. "No. Why, do I stink?" He smelled himself quickly.

"No, you smell fine. I just need extra time in the bathroom today, so you're going to have to skip your shower, or there won't be time. Rachel is coming at 10, right?"

"Right." He leaned over and kissed me one more time. "You, uh, have fun doing whatever it is you do in there. I'm going to go play some video games."

"Alright, Cowboy, I appreciate it." The look he gave me was unusually fixed, and I smiled nervously. "What?"

"You call me that. Cowboy, I mean. You always called me that." His voice was strange, and I couldn't tell if he was happy or not.

"I do. Do you have objections to that nickname?" I hoped not, because it was how I always addressed him in my mind, but I was willing to change it if he wasn't happy.

His lips moved, forming the nickname. "No, I like it. It's just kind of weird, because I've never really had a nickname before, probably because my name is so short. Except Quinn would call me 'stupid' sometimes."

"Bitch." The word came out before I could check it, but Finn didn't seem to mind in the slightest.

"It's ok. I mean, I am pretty stupid. I can't do algebra, or remember stuff for history, or even tie my own shoes half the time. But that doesn't matter. I know how to stay alive, and I know to never give up, and those things are just as important. Maybe more. Because I can learn algebra or how to tie my shoes eventually, but once you give up, it's over for you."

And he thought that he was stupid. "You're right about all of that, Finn. There's nothing wrong with your intelligence, no matter what anyone says." I kissed him on the cheek, wondering even as I did it if I was moving too quickly. I had never kissed him before, always letting him take the lead. He stiffened, but settled almost before I could blink. "That's good." His voice was barely a whisper, and I'm not sure if he intended to speak or not.

I tickled his ribs lightly, my fingers slipping underneath his shirt. "I'm glad. Now up so I can make myself gorgeous before Rachel gets here. I will not have her seeing me looking anything but my best."

He grinned. "Ok. I'm going to go upstairs. Go do your…stuff."

I spent an extra long time in the shower, putting on my facial mask for extra glow. I considered touching myself, but decided against it for now. Ever since what had happened on the day we went to the police station, I was a little afraid that Finn might burst in at any second. Him seeing my with my dick in my hand was not exactly taking things slowly. Since he still got nervous if doors were locked, I couldn't even count on that keeping him out.

It took a while for the mask to set, so I washed and conditioned my hair, singing softly to myself while I did it. "I think it's gonna be alright. Yeah, the worst is over now. The morning sun is shining like a red rubber ball."

The words weren't true. At least I didn't believe them to be. We still had a trial to get through, and our junior year of high school and the very beginnings of a sexual relationship. But, just like Finn had said, we had hope, and we had the will to survive and that counted for an awful lot.

With those thoughts still swirling around in my head, I rinsed myself off and stepped out of the shower. A quick peek into the bedroom revealed that Finn was nowhere to be found, probably still off killing zombies, so I slipped into my bathrobe and sat down at the vanity to do my face up. My fingers closed on the tube of concealor, but then I remembered the way Finn's fingers had felt trailing over my nose and cheeks. He liked the freckles, which was a point in their favor. Reluctantly, I let go of the tube, opting for just sunscreen instead. They would probably want to go outside and some point, and it literally took minutes for me to start to burn.

Once face matters were attended to, I chose a brand new outfit (not that Rachel would have any idea if the outfit was new or not. Please, have you seen how that girl dresses?) and examined myself critically in the full length mirror. Why yes, this look did say 'bitch, you better behave yourself around my man because I will not hesitate to claw your eyes out. Also, don't I look great in red?' A quick check of the clock revealed that it was 9:45, so I was right on time.

With a satisfied grin, I crept up the steps, barely feeling like I was touching each one. My extreme stealthiness might have been why Finn didn't hear me coming, which was probably what led to him not getting off the phone immediately. He had one hand cupped over the receiver, his body pressed as close to the phone itself as he could get. "No, behind it." There was a pause while whoever was on the other line spoke, and his head shook. "I don't know. I don't know. I have to go, Kurt's coming up soon. Bye." He turned and saw me standing there, and his eyes went wide with shock.

I was trying to control my own surprise. "Hi, Finn. Who were you talking to?"

He looked down and mumbled into the kitchen tiles. "Officer Ready."

The police officer from New Mexico? "How come? Did he call here or did you call him?"

"I called him. I, uh, remembered something he needed to know." His lie was obvious, but, judging by his red ears, I was willing to bet that it came from shame instead of an actual desire to hide things from me.

With that in mind, I stepped gently. "Oh. Do you want to tell me about it?"

"Not just now." He didn't sound very hopeful about it, though.

There was no need for that. I had already promised him that I wouldn't force him to do anything he didn't want to, and that included talking. Not to mention that I had no desire to stress him out further when I knew that Rachel coming was going to be hard enough for him. "Ok. Maybe you'll feel like telling me later."

"I guess. Maybe when we snuggle tonight." Apparently, in Finn's mind, snuggling was going to become part of the nightly routine, just like brushing teeth and changing into pajamas. Not that I had any objections to that. Nope, not at all.

"Only if you want to. Now, do you have any plans for today, or are we just going to play it by ear?" To be perfectly frank, I had no idea what sort of things Rachel might enjoy doing, (other then Finn of course, and that wasn't about to happen) and I had very little desire to learn them, either.

"I don't know. I don't know how long she wants to stay, so I'm not sure what to do. Maybe we could watch a movie. Not a musical, though, just a regular one."

I scratched his back lightly. "I'm almost certain that Rachel Berry doesn't realize that movies come in the non-musical variety, but it's worth a try."

He chuckled "That's not true. We watched Harry Potter one time. But, yeah, usually there's singing." His head tipped towards the door and he took a steadying breath. "I think she's here."

Maybe. I didn't hear cloven hooves, and the refrigerator magnets hadn't rearranged themselves into a pentagram, but I did feel an uncomfortable prickling at the back of my neck, the sensation made worse by the ringing doorbell. I put on a happy face. "That she is. Go open the door."

Finn did so, all of his nerves seeming to vanish and a soft smile lighting his features. Usually all I got was that smirky half grin, even though his natural smile was gorgeous. Why was it that Rachel could get him to smile and I couldn't?

My train of thought was interrupted by Finn flinging the door open, revealing all five feet of Rachel Berry, and the two foot tray she was clutching. She shoved it into my arms and gave Finn a tight hug. "I missed you."

"Missed you, too." He was clearly telling the truth, even though he made it sound like he was just talking about the time she had been away, instead of the time he had. "How was France?"

Her jaw dropped, and I realized that I should have called her before this, just like I had with Mercedes and clued her in to what she could expect from Finn. His refuge was denial, and it was going to take a while before he could open up to her and even acknowledge what had happened to him. It had taken over a month for him to open up to us, and we were family. He still didn't say much to Mercedes, though suspected Tina had been told more then she was letting on. Rachel didn't stand a chance in prying any of his secrets out of him. I tried to catch her eye, but she wasn't looking in my direction.

"France was fine, but I wanted to talk about you." She was wavering now, frightened by his oddly calm demeanor.

"How come? Lima still sucks and New Mexico wasn't much fun either. I'd rather hear about the Lube. Was it fun?"

"The…oh, I think you mean the Louve, Finn. The museum? Didn't you learn about this in your language class?" She was making that overindulgent face that both Finn and I saw right through.

"Louve? That's how you say it?" Finn's face fell. "I'm guessing it doesn't have the sort of stuff I thought it did."

"If you're implying that I was in some sort of kinky French sex museum, no, it doesn't. The Louve has the Mona Lisa and other beautiful works of art in it."

"Oh. How was the Mona Lisa chick? Does she really stare at you no matter where you're standing?" He seemed so genuinely interested that Rachel was mollified.

"She does. But I really wanted to talk about you and what-"I tapped my foot sharply on the floor and our eyes finally met. My glare was fierce enough that it shut her up instantly. "But we'll have plenty of time to talk later. I baked you my special sugar cookies for you, your favorite kind. I even used the pink lemonade frosting"

"Awesome!" Finn took the tray from me and helped himself to a cookie. He swallowed it in one gulp and set the remaining cookies down on the table. "Can I get something for you to drink? You, too, Kurt." His manners were kicking in a little late, but at least they were kicking in.

"Iced tea please." I knew that Finn could make it exactly how I liked, with the correct amount of Splenda and a quick twist of lemon. He nodded at me.

"Just water. I have to keep my voice in shape for this upcoming year. Anything but water can coat my vocal cords and cause problems."

Was I imagining the smug look she shot me? I grabbed a cookie and made a show of licking it slowly; making sure that she could clearly see the upraised middle finger that was propped against the back of it. Now a smirk twisted her features, and I was thankful that Finn had turned his back to get out drinks.

She knows, baby boy. Maybe not that Finn's picked you over her, but she looks at you and she sees her competition.

She and I had also agreed that we wouldn't fight in front of Finn, and now we were breaking that promise less then two minutes after she arrived. The problem was, I didn't know how to fix it.

You being here is like waving the red flag in front of the bull. If you leave, she won't feel as threatened, and she'll be less likely to upset Finn. Don't go far, but don't hover either. You've had Finn all to yourself for months; let her have a few hours.

Except I had tried that with Quinn, and it had nearly resulted in Finn having a nervous breakdown. What if Rachel did something similar?

She won't. Finn's stronger now, more accepting of what's happening. He won't let himself be pushed into another breakdown.

I had to trust in that voice, since it hadn't led me wrong yet. I gave Finn's shoulder a quick squeeze and grabbed my iced tea. "Thank you, Finn. Rachel, it was nice seeing you, but I'm afraid I have things to do. Cowboy, when you're done with…whatever it is you're doing, you know where to find me."

If he had given even the smallest indication that he wanted me to stay, I would have swallowed my pride and done it, but he just nodded and pushed the cookie tray towards me. "Take some cookies, at least. They're really good."

I accepted a few, more to gall Rachel then because I actually wanted them or needed the calories, and retreated back down to the basement. This was for Finn. I was willing to come down here instead of staying upstairs because it was what was best for him. I was doing this for Finn. I was…..God I was irritated. Why did making things right for Finn always have to hurt so much?

Because you love him. You want to be able to make everything easy and ok for him, but you can't. All you can do is love him and pray that he eventually becomes strong enough to make it ok for himself.

My inner musings were interrupted by Finn calling down the stairs. "Kurt! We're going to watch a movie! Do you want to watch with us?"

I couldn't tell if that was a covert call for help or if he was just being friendly, but I wasn't going to look a gift horse in the mouth. "Coming!"

Much to my surprise, the movie wasn't a musical. Rachel had actually chosen The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, which she had brought from home. Finn was sitting in the middle of the couch, so I sat on his left, snaking my hand in between his back and the cushion, trying to gauge his tension. He seemed alright. Rachel was ignoring me in favor of tying to explain the plot of the movie to Finn, like he was too stupid to follow along on his own.

"Rach, I know." Before everything that had happened, Finn would have sounded frustrated with her. Now he just sounded amused, as if this was no longer worth being upset about. "I've read the book, I know what happens."

"Really?" She looked dumbfounded, as though the thought of him actually reading anything was something she couldn't quite comprehend. Honestly, I was surprised, too, but at least I was able to hide it.

"Well, Mom and I did. When I was little she used to read to me every night, a chapter from a book. Then, when I could read, we would take turns. I've read all of the Narnia books."

I know that Finn didn't mean it, because he hated the thought of hurting anyone's feelings, but his words caused a sharp pain somewhere near my heart. My mother had read to me, too, every night until she got too sick to keep going. Then I had read to her, always hoping that, one day, she would be better enough to take over and do it herself. Only that had never happened.

"Well, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. You know I'm here to help you with any of your problems." That was about as subtle as Rachel got, which might have still been a little too much for Finn to grasp.

"Sure." His tone gave no clues about whether he got it or not.

The previews started, and I suddenly realized that this was the position that Rachel and I always found ourselves in. Me on one side, her on the other, Finn in the middle. He was our tug toy, the one thing that was both desperately wanted. The problem was, he was the only thing I wanted. If I could have Finn, I would be fine with giving up all the solos, and the prestige (well, not that the Glee club had much, but still), and the damn ability to make myself heard. Rachel wanted Finn and everything else as well. That was why she would never be happy.

Kurt, I need you to dial down the bitch, ok? You already have Finn. There's no reason in the world for you to keep fighting Rachel for him.

Only I didn't quite feel like Finn was mine, yet. I had no idea what it would take to make me feel that he was, but it hadn't happened yet. I didn't want to force Finn into anything, but I just…I don't know. Maybe I just needed a chance to get used to the idea.

As the movie progressed, I noticed that Finn was leaning ever so slightly towards me. It wasn't enough that Rachel noticed, but I certainly did. I touched his hip lightly, trying to acknowledge that I was here, and that I understood his gesture.

Abruptly, he stood. "I gotta pee. Can I get anyone a refill?"

I handed him my glass. "Wash your hands before you do it."

He rolled his eyes. "I always wash my hands, you nag. Rach, anything?" She shook her head and he took my glass back to the kitchen.

She looked after him, her eyes troubled. "He's very different now."

My stomach sank. I had actually thought that Finn was doing well. He was laughing a little and being socially appropriate, even asking a few questions. But she saw something different.

Of course she does. Her last memories of Finn were happy ones, with the group planning for Regionals, and eventual victory. When she looks at Finn, she remembers that boy, the one that's gone now. When you look at him, you remember how he looked there on the front porch, so exhausted and beaten that he could barely stand up. You see all the progress he's made, she sees how broken he still is.

I leaned my head back against the couch. "What did you expect?"

"I don't know." There was no anger in her voice, just confusion. "I have no idea what to expect, or to do. I though that as soon as I saw him, I would just feel the music, and just know what to do for him, just like I always do, but I didn't."

As much as I wanted to snort derisively, I got it. Both she and I felt like we knew Finn inside and out, and it hurt to find out that neither one of us knew him at all. At least we didn't now.

"No one knows what to do for Finn right now." I didn't want to do it, but I made myself keep going. "It's good that you came at all. At least you're trying, instead of treating him like he's contagious with something. And we have a shot with him. I mean, he's still here, and you'll figure out what he needs again."

When she looked at me, I saw something in her eyes that I had never seen there before, but that I had seen reflected in both Finn's eyes and my own. It was an adult look, one that said that you no longer believed that everything would be magically be ok. It was a grown up look on a girls face, and it was sad. "Yeah, I'm sure I will. You know, you haven't done much to help matters."

That stung. My voice tried to rise, and I forced it to stay a strained whisper. "What is that supposed to mean? I've been here all summer, taking care of him! You were prancing around Europe!"

Her eyes blazed, and I found myself shrinking back. Her voice, when she spoke, wavered between furious and pathetic. "That's right, Kurt. I was in Europe, crying myself to sleep every night because I thought Finn was dead. Every single night, I prayed that they would find him, and that he would be alive, and that someone would let me know what was happening. But no one did. He was here for almost 6 weeks, and you didn't even bother to call."

"I couldn't! I know you want what's best for Finn, but he needed his family." The words sounded like a cheap justification now. At the time, I had been able to convince myself that I was just trying to surround Finn with his family, the people that he loved the best, but that wasn't the entire truth. The truth was that I had wanted Finn all to myself.

"You still could have called. We might not have been together, and we might never be together again, though I'm guessing we will, but he's my best friend regardless. How would you feel if you had to spend over a month wondering if Mercedes was in pain, or frightened, or suffering in any way, or even dead and rotting in a shallow grave? Then it turned out that she and I had been giggling and painting each others toenails the entire time?"

The thought of losing Mercedes, my first and sometimes only friend made my head ache. "Finn and I weren't exactly painting each other's toenails. We were doing fun things like going to therapy and learning sign language because he wasn't talking."

That's weak, even for someone as good at self-delusion as you are. Accept that you were thoughtless, apologize, and move on. This is a fight that you aren't going to win.

"Rachel, you're right. I was wrong and horrible to keep this from you and I have no real excuse. I'm sorry."

Her mouth opened like she was intended to keep right on going, but nothing came out. Finally, she nodded. "That means a lot to hear you say that."

Was it really that easy? A simple admission of my guilt, and a heartfelt 'I'm sorry'? Had I known it was that easy to silence Rachel Barbara Berry, I might have used it way sooner.

Anything else we might have said was cut off by the sound of Finn opening the refrigerator. He couldn't hear our voices from the kitchen, but sometimes he was sneakier then he got credit for, and he would be bothered if he knew we were talking about him.

"Tea with Splenda and lemon." Finn handed it over and resumed his place on the couch, picking back up on the movie without further comment. Rachel looked at him out of the corner of her eye, finally reaching out to rest a hand on his knee. He covered it with his own, never looking away from the screen.

A brief jealousy flickered through my chest, but I pushed it away. If Rachel was such a threat that even touching her would cause Finn to fall madly back in love with her, then, screw him, I didn't want him anyway.

Brave words.

Yeah, I got it. But Finn wasn't holding her hand; he was just resting his on top of hers. That was ok, wasn't it? While I was fretting, he poked me gently with a finger, getting the sensitive skin between my hip and ribcage. When I glanced over, he smiled at me. I couldn't help but smile back. Maybe I needed to quit being so insecure.

When the movie was over, Finn sighed happily. "I love that movie. It's, like, my third favorite of the books, especially the White Witch."

Rachel smiled. "Really? I always felt bad for the kids. They had this wonderful life, where they were kings and queens, and then they were just shoved back into being children again. It had to be crushing."

He shook his head. "Maybe. But they had a second chance to do everything over again. They wouldn't have made the same mistakes in England that they made in Narnia, so things had to be better for them, right? Anyway, they made it back in the end. Right, Kurt?"

I thought about it. "I can see both sides. If I could be myself from even two years ago, to have the wisdom and maturity that I do today, I could have avoided a lot of stress and heartache. So I could see where having the intellect and wisdom of an adult while still being a teenager might be beneficial. On the other hand….Finn, they were royalty! Servants and fancy clothes and people bowing and scraping at their feet! If I could have that, I don't know that I could ever give it up."

He cocked his head. "You would give up your family? Because that's what Lucy and Edmund and Peter and Susan did. They had parents, and even though the parents didn't know that they were gone because of that weird time warp thing, the kids would have known. And anyway, they weren't really adults either. They couldn't get married or have kids or anything, because incest is gross and shit. Would you really want to go your whole life without ever having a boyfriend? Rachel, would you?"

She shook her head, and even I had to concede the point. "I guess. But Finn, the crowns! I would stomp though a field of puppies for just one crown. Or even to have my tiaras back."

Wisely, neither he not Rachel chose to comment on that one. Instead she gave him a sly look. "You know Finn, there's a musical version of this movie."

Finn can be warned a million times, and still fall right into Rachel Berry's traps. "Really? How come you didn't bring that one?"

"Because I don't own a copy. It's not a Broadway musical, of which I have no chance of getting my hands on either, and I refuse to tape some amateur performance. Anyway, the show itself isn't important, just the songs. I was thinking that we could perform a medley in Glee. You are coming back to Glee, right?"

Hook, line, and sinker. Now Finn would fall all over himself to make her happy, just like he always did. Sure enough, he gave her that shy little smile. "Yeah."

"Good. Though, of course, I didn't have any doubts. Now that we're upper classmen, we will be the rulers of the school, instead of the lowly peons."

Yes, because going up a grade was going to magically raise us up the social ladder. Where was this girl's brain? All junior year was going to bring us was more slushies. Though, as long is the slushies didn't come with a side of dumpster dipping, I figured I would be alright.

Finn cleared his throat nervously, and I knew that he would kill me if I told him that he sounded exactly like my father when he did that. "I'm not going back to school. Just Glee."

"Oh, honey, you can't do that." Her tone was so gentle and pitying that it made me want to shake her until that ugly Scottie dog fell off her sweater. "Glee is a school activity, and you have to be in school to participate. You either have to do both or neither, and we both know what you'll pick."

Obviously, she had no idea what she was talking about. Two weeks ago, when that had actually been the choice he thought he was going to have to make, he was willing to give up Glee. Rachel didn't know Finn anywhere near as well as she thought she did.

No, Rachel just doesn't understand how traumatized Finn actually is. She's seeing him at his best, in a safe environment. To her, there's nothing that can't be fixed with a song. But that's only because nothing terrible has ever really happened to her. If it had, and don't you dare wish that it would, she wouldn't be so quick to think that he can be fixed with a few songs.

I opened my mouth to defend Finn, but he didn't need me to. "That's not true. I can not go to school and still do Glee! Quit treating me like I'm stupid and I have no idea what's going on!"

Before all this had happened, Finn would have yelled and kicked something. Right after he got back, he would have signed angrily and cried. Now, he did neither. His voice was hard, but not loud. He wasn't going to be mean, but he wasn't going to let anyone, including Rachel Berry, push him around.

Our baby is growing up, Kurt. He's growing up.

Rachel knew that she had pushed Finn too far, and hastened to back up. "Finn, don't shout. I'm not treating you like you're stupid; I'm just trying to understand. Explain to me, calmly and patiently, how it is that you can not be a student at McKinley High, and still be a member of the Glee club." She took a breath and continued without giving him a chance to respond. "Calmly, Finn. There's no reason for you to get all crazy over a simple misunderstanding."

Ooh, not a good thing to say. Ever since Finn had had his mini-breakdown, where he had been threatened with institutionalization, he was incredibly sensitive to anyone even suggesting that he was even the slightest bit mentally disturbed. The muscles in his jaw twitched, and I saw his pulse throb in his throat.

This would have been the point where I lunged for Rachel's throat, but Finn is capable of showing amazing restraint at times. He just took a deep breath and held it, leaning his head back to stare at the ceiling. He counted to 10, his lips moving slightly with each number, then looked back at us both. "I'm still a student of McKinley High. I just won't go to class with everyone else. They're going to have a tutor come to the house, because I never finished last year, so I can't be a junior this year anyway. It's called Homebound learning and Ms. Pillsbury said I could do it."

"So, what you're saying is, the only time we'll get to see each other is during Glee?" She sounded crushed, but I wasn't buying. Oh, she was crushed, all right, but it didn't have anything to do with Finn, not deep down. What was crushing her was that her plans for this amazing school year were being ruined before they had even begun. I had very little doubt that she would amend them, though, and make them better then ever. Finn was her first choice, but he was essentially interchangeable with any other boy in the school. Rachel tried, but she was out for Rachel first, and everyone else a distant second. Very distant.

Finn shrugged. "No. But you can come over and see me here, or I guess I could go to your place. It'll be ok."

Now Rachel was the one trying to take deep breaths and stay in control. She wasn't used to being told 'no', especially by Finn. "It won't be the same, though." There was definite whine in her voice.

His eyes went hard. "Of course not. Puck's dead, how could it be the same?"

She gasped, one hand rising up to cover her mouth. I barely restrained a gasp of my own. Finn so seldom brought up Puck that I was never sure what to do when he did. Just like before, there wasn't any real grief behind the comment, just a strange flatness. The only time he had been at all upset about losing Puck was last night, when he had cried a little. He was obviously waiting for a reply, though, and she nodded. "You're right, Finn. Things will be very different this year without him."

"It's ok. I mean, things always change. They have to, otherwise life wouldn't be cool. But tell me more about the Narnia musical." The abrupt subject change was Finn's way of forgiving her and asking her forgiveness in return. Awkward, granted, but, then, Finn was often that way.

For someone who was frequently a moron when it came to reading social cues, Rachel actually got it this time, and went off into a long discourse about the music, even singing a few songs, while I pretended not to be interested. Say what you will about Rachel Berry, but the girl knew music.

She stayed for almost another three hours, and the mood in the house gradually settled into a companionable relaxation. Rachel let the matter of Finn going to school rest, and just concentrated on telling him about France and casually singing a few songs with the three of us. Finn's voice had a raspy quality that it hadn't before, probably from lack of use. I knew Mr. Shue was working with him, trying to get his voice back in shape, so I ignored it. Plus, there was something kind of sexy about it.

Finally Rachel's phone rang (Defying Gravity- naturally), and her fathers called her home. I was surprised to notice that it was nearly 5 in the afternoon, and that I had not only managed to get through an entire afternoon of Rachel Berry, I had actually enjoyed parts of it. Best of all, I had only contemplated killing her four times! It was a miracle.

Then I glanced over at Finn, and I had to amend my previous thought. The best part of today was seeing how happy Finn was to see Rachel. As much as I disliked the thought of the two of them being together as boyfriend and girlfriend (and that's not just me being a selfish jerk- the two of them bring out each others absolute worst traits), they were obviously deeply attached to each other, and Finn was going to need all the friends he could gather to lend him strength for the upcoming trial. Rachel squeezed him tightly, and, after a pause, hugged me as well. I hugged her back, surprising myself. "Thank you for coming, Rachel."

"Yeah." Finn was nodding. "You can come back by any time. Just call first, in case Kurt and I have plans."

"Do you have a cell phone? Your old one is disconnected." She pulled out a small spiral notebook in the shape of a golden star and a pink pen, waiting for the string of digits.

"Uh, no. I'm getting new one soon, though. But you can call the house phone." He rattled off the number.

"My cell as well." I never thought that I would be giving Rachel my number, but I guess a lot of things had happened in the past six months that I thought never would. "I'll be sure to pass any messages on to Finn."

"Thank you. Finn, I'm going to try and get the music for the Narnia musical, so we can run through a few of the songs. You need a little work on hitting that high B again, you've lost a little range. But, overall, you're definitely developing a more mature sound."

It wasn't possible for Rachel to do anything without offering some constructive criticism. But at least she was learning to coach it gently and ply him with compliments as well. "Yeah, Mr. Shue and I are working on it."

"Well, I won't take up any more of your time. My fathers are wanting to take me out to dinner and to get a few items of clothing to finish my back to school shopping. Bye boys!"

The thought of the damage to fashion that that girl was doing with her father's hard earned money was almost enough to make me cry. But, as well as things had gone today, I just didn't think that I was up to having to deal with trying to convince Rachel that pantsuits were unflattering on everyone, and that included Heidi Klum, or that it was possible to find a sweater that didn't have an animal appliquéd on it. Anyway, I had my own clothing shopping to do tomorrow with the girls. Finn and I are going to get a few things together next week, but he's just not capable of holding up during a 7 hour shopping spree.

Finn walked her to the door, ever the gentleman. If I strained, I could still hear their voices, though the words themselves were indistinct. I leaned closer, but I still couldn't hear them.

What I could hear, though, was Finn thundering back down the steps, considering that he made all the noise of a herd of small elephants. He gave me a brilliant smile. "That was fun!"

"It was, wasn't it. But it looks like it's going to be too late for you to go rat shopping today." Thank Prada. Despite what I had told Finn, I wasn't particularly excited about having a rodent in our room.

"Yeah, well, your Dad isn't home, so we couldn't go anyway." His face scrunched adorably. "What do you think that we're having for dinner?"

"Good question. I'll give him a call and see what he wants to do." Hopefully it wouldn't involve greasy take-out.

Finn nuzzled up against me while I made the call. That wasn't unusual. He was much less shy about touching me when he thought I was distracted by something else. He kissed the back of my neck, making me shiver. While he did that, he used his fingers to trace circles on my hip. I hated to push him away, because he was actually taking some steps forward, but if he didn't stop soon, I was going to end up moaning like a bitch in heat on the phone with my father, and there was no way that that could end well. "Easy, Cowboy."

He backed off instantly, looking hurt. I twisted to kiss his shoulder through his shirt. "Not when I'm on the phone. After, ok?"

"Ok." Even though we both knew that he wouldn't. Showing affection was for when I was distracted or at night when we cuddled before he went to his bed. Anything else wasn't going to happen.

Sure enough, by the time I had confirmed that Dad was caught up at the garage and Carole working late, leaving us on our own for dinner; Finn had lost interest in touching me at all. I didn't push it, though. Everything was still so new, and, if I was being honest with myself, I wouldn't have been ready if he were to suddenly decide to do something like stick his hand down my pants. "How about we just have soup and sandwiches. Prada knows that you've probably eaten two pounds of cookies this afternoon."

"Dude, her cookies are the most delicious things in the world. Too bad she usually just gives them to the stupid old homeless. But, yeah, soup and sandwiches is fine. Is chili a soup?"

I had made chicken chili a few weeks ago, and Finn had shocked all of us by loving it. Chicken was so much better for you then beef, and if Finn liked it, I'm sure that no one else would be able to tell the difference. "Of course it is. Do you think that you can handle making a small pot for us while I make the sandwiches?"

"Yes. I don't light things on fire any more, you know." Again with the hurt.

"I know. You're actually a very good cook." He was, too. Lily had taught him well.

We made dinner in silence, with me caught up in thinking about how my life had suddenly changed, and Finn humming softly to himself. I hated to spoil his happiness, but I had to remind him about tomorrow. "Cowboy, you do remember that I'm going to be at the mall all day tomorrow with Mercedes and Tina, right? Back to school shopping?"

The blank look on his face told me that, no, he didn't remember. "I thought you and me were going back to school shopping together." The disappointment in his face made me feel ill.

"We will. Finn, sweetheart, you can't possibly think that it will only take one shopping trip to fulfill my back to school needs, do you?"

"Uh….no?"

"You and I will have our day, but tomorrow is a girl's day out. Are you ok with that? Because I can change our plans."

"No, it's fine. But you won't be able to come to the store and help me get my rat. It's just going to be Mom and me and your dad."

Aw, look! What Finn means is that it's just going to be the real family. Mommy, Daddy and the son they've both always wanted. You, Kurt, are no longer needed.

That wasn't true! And just to prove that stupid voice wrong, I was going to let the three of them go and not make a fuss about it. "It'll be ok. I know that you're rather….limited when it comes to a flair for decorating, but I think I can trust you to choose the rodentia that will be occupying the room. Do not bring home one without hair, though. That's my only request."

"Rat with hair, right." He gave me the puppy look. "Is it because you don't want to go somewhere with me?"

I gave him a quick squeeze. "No. It's because I made plans with the girls first, and I have to honor that commitment. Ok?"

"Ok. Because I don't want you to be ashamed of me."

I couldn't believe that Finn thought I would be ashamed of him. "I could never be ashamed of you."

"Oh. Good." He stood up and came over, offering me a kiss. "You'll wake me up before you go, right? You won't just leave?"

I softened. "Finn, the three of us are leaving at 4:30 in the morning. We're going all the way to Cleveland, and we'll be there all day. I probably wont' be back until close to 10 or 11 at night. Are you sure you want me to wake you up? Wouldn't you rather I just call about nine?"

"No. I don't want to wake up and you be gone. I want you to wake me up, even if it's early. Besides, I have to give you a kiss before you go. So, you know, you'll have good luck." He sounded so ridiculously proud that I had to give him another kiss right now.

"I will wake you up tomorrow before I leave, if it's that important to you."

He leaned his head against my shoulder. "Promise?"

"Promise."