Chapter 2: Beginning of a Journey
The nine candidates: waking up and finds the letter …hm? What's this? opens the letter
Cao Cao: Dear Gentleman of Wei,
Guo Jia: You all seemed to be so confused by the sudden pregnancy of the woman named Cai Wenji…
Jia Xu: …and the fact that she, and all of you don't know who the father is.
Xu Shu: Well, let me make this clear for you, and the 8 others who got this letter…
Xun Yu: …one of you are the father, and her true love. Only one of you who can save her…
Zhang Liao: …by going through the various challenges I put out just for the nine of you.
Zhang He: The one who managed to go through all challenges is her true love.
Yue Jin: I'm currently holding her at Chibi. However if you fail in saving her within 72 hours….
Yu Jin: …she'll die by the explosives I have set around her.
All nine: I'll explain the details once you're set on your journey. Good luck. widens eyes
"CAI WENJIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!"
Immediately, the nine ran to her room, and predictably, it was empty.
Everyone: NO!
Cao Cao: Huh, you guys too?!
Guo Jia: Wait, why are you all here?
Jia Xu: Because of the letter!
Xu Shu: Oh, you got the letter too?
Xun Yu: Yeah!
Zhang Liao: Seems like everyone got that letter, huh…
Zhang He: Really, who could've done such horrible thing?!
Yue Jin: Maybe it's those goddamn Xiongnus again!
Yu Jin: This can't be! Huff…
Cao Cao: Now, stay calm, everybody. We need to think with a cool head, okay?
Guo Jia: But this is bad! She's kidnapped again after only a year or so here!
Cao Cao: I know! Which is why we have to prioritize finding her at all cost. So, miscalculations could be potentially dangerous! We need to stay calm and think about this thoroughly!
Jia Xu: Hm? Hey, here's a letter on her bed.
Cao Cao: Really? takes and opens the letter Hmm…'Hahaha, I knew that you nine would immediately run to her room to check on her despite my letter outright saying that I had already taken her hostage.' Well, shit!
Guo Jia: It's alright, just continue reading.
Cao Cao: Okay, okay. 'Okay, now I shall explain the rules. On your way, you shall find multiple signs telling you where to go. At the destinations, you have to go through the challenges and obtain an artifact that will help you later in your journey. REMEMBER: If you do not obey the signs, you WILL be in the world of pain.'
Jia Xu: Ouch.
Cao Cao: 'Now, onto the prohibitions. One, you're not allowed to bring your weapons. You have to fight your way through using the artifacts you have collected. Two, only the nine of you can go. The rest have to stay. And three, you're not allowed to ask help from ANYONE, and you have to fight your way through on your own. If any of you disobey, the explosives will be set off.'
Xu Shu: Kyah! That's scary!
Cao Cao: 'Well, I think I shouldn't waste any time here. Hey, the clock is ticking, after all. I shall bid you good luck. Farewell.' ….okay, NOW we have to be real serious. Gentlemen, this is a really important mission. We can't screw this up, or she'll get the consequences! You understand?!
Zhang Liao: Ugh…that is definitely an unpleasant sight.
Zhang He: Ah! To see her die in such an unbeautiful way…
Cao Cao: We know. Sigh…listen, we all know this is sudden, we all know this is absurd, but we have to put our top priority here. We have to save Cai Wenji at all cost, regardless of who the kidnapper and what it's motives are.
Yue Jin: Yeah…
Cao Cao: And besides, one of us is the father of her child. We don't know yet who it is, but that being said, there's always a possibility of us being the father, and would you let your child die as well?!
Yu Jin: No! Absolutely not!
Cao Cao: Exactly! Now, listen to me carefully. We are Cai Wenji's last hope. Only we can save her right now. We shall get to her, no matter what the cost! LET'S GO, GENTLEMEN!
Everyone: YOOO!
So, the nine set out on their epic journey to save Cai Wenji. However, on their way through, they were met by Cao Pi, who has just woken up.
Cao Pi: Hm? Oh hey dad, where are you going?
Cao Cao: Hm? Oh, son! Here, I now give you the full responsibility of taking care of this kingdom while I'm gone, got it?
Cao Pi: Hm? Wait wait, what? Where are you going? Why?
Cao Cao: Look, we have an important business here. You shall take control while we're gone. We don't have time to explain, okay? Okay, bye.
Cao Pi: Wait, what the hell? I still don't understand. But wait a minute, FULL control of the kingdom? Hmm….
Outside the Wei palace
Cao Cao: Huff…so, where should we go to now?
Guo Jia: I think we're supposed to look for signs, right?
Cao Cao: Yeah, the signs. Hmm…I wonder where it could be…
Jia Xu: Hmm…oh gee, I wonder if THAT could be the one? points at a huge sign which reads 'READ ME! READ ME! READ ME!'
Everyone: sweatdrop
Xun Yu: W…where the hell did that come from?!
Zhang Liao: I suppose it just suddenly appeared in a single night?
Yue Jin: With the sign blocking our entire view of Luoyang, I'm surprised we didn't notice this sooner.
Yu Jin: Yeah, well let's just read what's on it!
Cao Cao: Okay, okay. Hmm…'Great. Now that you're finally out of the palace, you're gonna heed my command. After getting out of Luoyang, head immediately towards the Hulao Gate. I'll tell you the details once you get there.'
Yue Jin: Hulao Gate? Hmm…isn't that the place where we fought Dong Zhuo?
Guo Jia: Yeah! And I suppose we still remember the time where we fought against you two, Jia Xu and Zhang Liao.
Jia Xu: Right. And, oh yeah, that phrase…how it goes again?
Zhang Liao: DO NOT PURSUE LU BU!
Xu Shu: Yikes! Gee, I'm so terrified at to having to hear that phrase ever again…
Zhang He: Are we going to have to fight him again?! AH!
Cao Cao: Hey! Huff…well, whatever comes ahead, we have to brave them so that we can save Cai Wenji! We don't have much time! Let's go!
Everyone: YO!
3 hours later
Everyone: Huff…huff…
Zhang He: Oh my GOD! I feel like I could die from this!
Jia Xu: My goodness, what a sissy.
Guo Jia: But you're panting as well!
Jia Xu: Shut up! You too!
Yu Jin: Could you two just stop bitching at go on already?!
Yue Jin: Well gee, you sure are great Yu Jin, you don't look at least a bit tired.
Yu Jin: Hmph. The lack of discipline makes your body weak.
Cao Cao: Okay, now, let's see here. Hmm…'Congratulations! Now you have finally come to your first challenge. Now, this place is widely known as 'the place of your nightmares' thanks to the man known as Lu Bu. Now, your challenge is to get out of this place safely. Good luck.' Hmm, that's all?
Xun Yu: Yeah, kinda weird, don't you think? I mean, it's not like there's any dangers or anything…
Cue Zhang He being smacked by something in the background
Zhang He: AAAHHH!
Everyone else: turns around Huh?! What's that?
Zhang He: Ouch…that hurts so much, I feel that I'd die in the next single hit!
Then, a terrifying red shadow rises behind Zhang He, though he doesn't notice it.
Everyone: Errr….
Zhang He: Hm? What?
Zhang Liao: T-there's s-s-s-something…
Zhang He: Behind me? turns around
Lu Bu (?): GRAAARRRRRR!
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! IT…IT'S LU BU!
Cao Cao: EVERYBODY, RUNNNNN!
Everyone: WAAAAAHHHHHH!
Lu Bu (?): RAAAWWRRRR! I'LL KILL YOU VERMINS!
Zhang He: KYAAAHHHH! GUYS, WAIT FOR MEEEEE! EEEPPPP!
Cao Cao: Huff…huff…seriously, we have to face Lu Bu now?!
Guo Jia: As if that wasn't bad enough, our escape is blocked!
Jia Xu: Dammit! Tch, so does this really mean we should face him?!
Lu Bu (?): THERE YOU ARE! I'LL MAKE SURE YOU WON'T ESCAPE THIS PLACE ALIVE! HYAH!
Everyone: WHOA!
Guo Jia: Shit…he's in his Rage Mode!
Jia Xu: One hit and we're droppin' like flies.
Xu Shu: What should we do?!
Xun Yu: Maybe we should try hitting him!
Jia Xu: You fucking nuts?! We'd die in less than a millisecond!
Xun Yu: But how could we know if we don't try?!
Zhang Liao: I'll try! Hyah! attack passes through Lu Bu
Everyone: widens eyes
Yue Jin: It's a hologram!
Yu Jin: Then how the hell it could hit Zhang He earlier?!
Jia Xu: Maybe because he's such a sissy?
Lu Bu hologram: HYAH!
Everyone: WAH!
Cao Cao: Okay, you know what, screw logic! We need to find a way of getting out of here!
Zhang He: But how?!
Yue Jin: I'll try!
Cao Cao: What?!
Yue Jin: Hey! You cockroach motherfucker! Come and get me!
Lu Bu hologram: GRRR!
Yue Jin: Whoops! Missed! Haha!
Lu Bu hologram: You annoying fucker! Hyah! GAH! TAKE THIS!
Yue Jin: Yip! Whoop! Yah! Hahaha, too fucking slow, sir!
Lu Bu: GRAH! YOU SHALL PAY FOR IT! HYAH!
Yue Jin: MISS! MISS! MISS! HAHAHAHA! All you can do, little bi- grabbed by Lu Bu –oooookkkaaaayyy….
Lu Bu hologram: Who's the little bitch now, huh?
Yue Jin: Errr…..AAHHHHHH! punched
Zhang Liao: AAAHHHH! YOU OKAY?!
Yue Jin: Aeiheyushudguhdurbyurhjsgyerfeyudvjendrkdmo…..
Lu Bu: GRAH! I'LL DESTROY THE REST OF YOU!
Cao Cao: EVERYBODY, RRUUUUUNNNN!
Everyone: AAAHHHHH!
15 minutes later
Guo Jia: Pant…pant…shit, what are we gonna do?!
Jia Xu: Yue Jin is 99% dead, and Lu Bu is at 99% rage…
Zhang Liao: Hm! Hey, I have an idea! Xu Shu!
Xu Shu: Huh?! What?
Zhang Liao: Use your musou to get us away from Lu Bu!
Xu Shu: The fuck! The hell am I supposed to do some shit like that?!
Guo Jia: Maybe you need this! throws a musou wine to Xu Shu
Jia Xu: The fuck? Why in the hell are you carrying wine around?!
Guo Jia: Why? Obviously so that I won't be bored later.
Jia Xu: Tch, you're hopeless.
Guo Jia: Okay, you know what, drink it!
Xu Shu: But I have never drunk before!
Guo Jia: JUST FUCKING CHUG IT!
Xu Shu: Sigh…okay, I'm ready. Farewell, my innocent days! drinks wine WOOOOOOHHHH! Immediately grabs the other 8 and runs on the speed of light
Lu Bu (?): HUH?!
Everyone: WOAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
In an instant, they escaped Hulao Gate, successfully passing through the first challenge.
Everyone: WAAAHHH!
Cao Cao: Huff…huff…
Guo Jia: Whoa…DAMN! That was quite a trip…
Jia Xu: But we still have to look at the guy himself, though…
Xu Shu: Ahahahahah….oooh, I see the world spinning! Spin me round round, baby right round like a record baby…hahahahahaha…blegh…faints
Guo Jia: Hey, HEY!
Jia Xu: Well, it's his first time, you know…
Zhang Liao: Regardless, I think it's fortunate that we finally managed to escape.
Everyone: YEAH!
Zhang He: But…Yue Jin…
Yue Jin: Ahahahaha….I'm a LITTLE bitch, alright! I don't drink enough milk…but I guess you should look at Zhuge Dan for an ACTUAL little bitch, I mean he's a dog and shorter than me! Heheh, hehehehehe….
Everyone: sweatdrop
Cao Cao: Okay, err…despite the…casualties all of us managed to go out of there safe and sound. Now, we only need to look for the next sign…hmm…
Xun Yu: Hm? Hey, over there!
Cao Cao: Hm! Right! Hmm…'Congratulations! You have managed to pass through the first challenge. Now, the next thing to do is to go to Yingchuan and wait for what's instructed there. Good luck.'
Guo Jia: Yingchuan? Whoo! You hear that, Xun Yu? We're going back to our hometown!
Xun Yu: Yeah…now I'm kinda homesick…
Jia Xu: Let's get going, then.
Cao Cao: Alright, you heard it. Now, we shall march onto Yingchuan! Let's go!
Everyone: YOOO!
To Be Continued…
Well, as a note, you may check the Three Kingdoms map to understand the route I'm using for the rest of the story. Please leave a review and have a good day!