Chapter 4: Xiapi Snowland, Part 1
Cao Cao: Gah…urgh…what….was that? WHOA!
When Cao Cao woke up, he noticed that he's woken up in a large winter land.
Cao Cao: W-whatt…what is this? The entire ground's covered in ice! WHOA! Huff…almost slipped there…walks across Hmm…I wonder what this place could be…oh! There's a sign up there! Let's see…'Congratulations! You've passed through the second challenge. So, you managed to pass thanks to the artifact you've gained from the first challenge, which brought you here to the third challenge in Xiapi. Now, after you defeated Lu Bu with the flood, the cold weather has caused the water to freeze, which caused the entire city to become covered with ice. Your challenge here is to go through various objects to reunite with the 8 others, and then team up to defeat the final boss inside the Xiapi Castle. Good luck.' Hmm…Xiapi Castle, eh? That's truly one terrifying looking castle…okay, here I go.
15 minutes later
Cao Cao: Hrmf…god, the blizzard is too strong! Well, it's not like that it's cold, I mean I attack peons using ice, but it's blocking my sight! …wait, someone's there! HEY! Argh, I can't see who it is…hope it's not a polar bear or something- OOF! looks up to see an angry polar bear
Polar bear: Grrr….
Cao Cao: Oh, you GOT to be kidding me! runs away
Polar bear: GRAWRRR! chases Cao Cao
Cao Cao: AAHHH! Huff, huff…oh, seriously! Polar bears in ancient China?! Come on, I was just joking! AAAHHHHH!
Polar bear: GRAAARRRGHHH!
Cao Cao: Huff…huff…shit! It's getting closer! What should I do…oh! Aha! Hmph! picks a rock and throws it towards the polar bear
Polar bear: AUWWW! falls
Cao Cao: Pant, pant…is it dead? approaches the polar bear
Polar bear: …..
Cao Cao: ….stomps repeatedly on the polar bear …..yup, he's dead. Okay, back on track.
A couple of minutes later…
Cao Cao: Huff…man, just how far do I have to go…huh?! Jia Xu?!
Jia Xu: Oh…hey, Lord Cao Cao…
Cao Cao: What the hell…Jia Xu, the fuck's with you?! You're covered in twigs and-
Jia Xu: Don't go further. I already know what you're thinking. Well, since I'm pretty sure we both have already read the sign, I suppose I should tell you what happened…
Flahback through Jia Xu's POV
Jia Xu: Argh…puh! GLKH! Argh…ah…MOTHERFUCKER! WHY IS IT SO GODDAMN COLD HERE?! Brrr….aacho! Hrmf…last time I remember we were running away from those crazy Yingchuan fangirls, and then Lord Cao Cao used that stone and then we're suddenly here…brrrr….tch, fuck. I'm not used to cold weather like this. I'd probably need to use my fire magic to heat me up. Hrmf…oh, the sign! Let's see…uh-huh…hm, okay. Though with temperature like this I doubt I could survive…shit…
Several minutes later
Jia Xu: Brrr….gah, I'm not going to survive with this kind of temperature! I need to heat myself…hmm…aha, maybe I can collect some firewood around here! chops down some trees
Later…
Jia Xu: Doo-doo-doo-doo-doo~ poked by something Uh? looks down
Squirrel: points at the firewood Jia Xu collected
Jia Xu: What? Piss off, critter.
Squirrel: continues poking Jia Xu
Jia Xu: Gah, what's your business? Go away.
Squirrel: climbs up Jia Xu
Jia Xu: Ah! Gah! Get off me! Huh?
Squirrel: yaps something while pointing at the firewood
Jia Xu: Uh…ehm…huh…okay, I don't speak critter but I guess you're saying that this firewood I've collected was your home, right?
Squirrel: nods
Jia Xu: …well, fuck you and your home! I need this to avoid freezing to death! I got an important mission here! REALLY important! So fuck off and stop bitching about your home!
Squirrel: gets angry, then attacks Jia Xu
Jia Xu: What the- AAAAHHH! You…goddamned rodent! GET OFF ME! STOP! STOP IT! AH! AWH! GAKH! AWAWAWAWAWAWAAAAAA!
The fight manages to last up until Jia Xu stumbles far enough to a side of a hill.
Jia Xu: Gakh…aww! looks down Ah….NO! Stop it! STOP IT! I'LL FALL!
Squirrel: pushes Jia Xu until he falls downhill
Jia Xu: WOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Back to present…
Jia Xu: …so now you know.
Cao Cao: sweatdrop
Jia Xu: Well, the morals? Never piss off a rodent.
Cao Cao: Ehhh…by the way, are you sure you're alright with all those twigs and branches covering your body?
Jia Xu: Eh, it's alright. Infact, they keep me warm in this extreme temperature.
Cao Cao: Well, if that's the case, we have to hurry!
Jia Xu: Right!
Later…
Cao Cao: Hmm…
Jia Xu: Found anything?
Cao Cao: Hmmh…nope, nothing interesting.
Jia Xu: Sigh…well, shit. Hmm…oh?!
Cao Cao: What's that?
Jia Xu: Look! Someone's there!
Cao Cao: Really? ….oh! Zhang Liao?! Oy, HEY! OVER HERE!
Zhang Liao: Hm? Ah! Lord Cao Cao!
Cao Cao: Glad to see you he- OH MY GOD! WHY ARE ALL THOSE WOLVES HERE?!
Zhang Liao: Oh, right…sorry for surprising you with this pack of wolves I brought here.
Jia Xu: How the hell did you manage to get them, anyway?
Zhang Liao: Ah…well, you see…
Flashback through Zhang Liao's POV
Zhang Liao: Argh…ehm…what…happened? …oh, right, after that fangirl attack, Lord Cao Cao used that stone, and we were all transported here…emrgh…., but gah! Why is it so dark in here?! And cold as well…I'm a bit worried…hrmgh….lights a torch …oh! That's the sign! …uh huh…okay….hm! Xiapi, eh? The place where Lord Lu Bu was defeated and I was recruited into Lord Cao Cao's army…hmm…okay, it seems like I somehow got transported inside a cave...okay, I need to hurry and get out of here and meet the others.
Several minutes later…
Zhang Liao: Huff…is there no end to this cave? Hmpsh…bumps into something Oof! What's this? It's big, hairy, and- ….oh no. moves the torch to reveal the object
Wolf: Grrrrr…..
Zhang Liao: widens eyes ….gulp.
Wolf: GRRRAAAAWWWWRRR!
Zhang Liao: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! flees
Wolves: chase Zhang Liao
Zhang Liao: Huff…huff…ah, shit! Now there's a whole pack of them! Gah, seriously, first Mt. Bailang, and now THIS! AAAHHHH! gets trampled by wolves WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Gah, ah….NO! Stop! IT! WAAAHHH! Shit, I gotta find a way outta this….think Wenyuan, THINK! ….oh! This branch right here! HYAH! uses the branch to attack the wolves
Wolves: whimper
Zhang Liao: Hah, hah, hah…now, do you bitches still dare to fight me now? Huh? HUH?! lifts the branch up
Wolves: Arf! stares at the branch
Zhang Liao: Hm? Hey, do you wanna fight me or not?! ….hey, wait…moves the branch left and right
Wolves: follows the movement of the branch Arf! Arf!
Zhang Liao: Hey…the hell? Hmm…throws the branch aside
Wolves: ARF! ARF! chases the branch
Zhang Liao: Whew….well, THAT was easy…oh well, better get going.
Several minutes later…
Zhang Liao: ….
"GRAAAAAAWWWWWRRRRRRRRR!"
Zhang Liao: Huh?! The hell was that sound?! …huff, now THIS is creepy. Hrmf…continues walking, then stops when he heard a wooshing sound AH! WHO'S THERE?! …okay, you've scared me twice now. You WILL reveal yourself! Go out! Don't keep me waiting! ….tch, there really is NO ONE there. There goes my precious time. Okay, keep going…
Several minutes later….
Zhang Liao: Good lord, how can the snow be this thick? I can barely walk across this thick snow…AAAHHH! OOF!
Suddenly, something flew right into Zhang Liao's face.
Zhang Liao: Argh, what the hell was- AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
Wolf: Pant, pant, pant….ARF!
Zhang Liao: What the….WHY ARE YOU BACK ON ME NOW?! I thought you and your fellow watery-mouth friends are already gone!
Another wolf: Arf! hands the branch to Zhang Liao
Zhang Liao: widens eyes The hell….so THIS is the reason why you came back to me?
Wolf: Arf! Arf! Pant, pant, pant…licks Zhang Liao's face
Zhang Liao: GYAH! Stop defiling me with your disgusting saliva! Only Lord Lu Bu's saliva can- wait, what?! Okay, okay, nevermind. Why in the hell would you still remain here? Go away! There! throws the branch again
Wolf: runs to catch the branch and returns it to Zhang Liao
Zhang Liao: What the fuck? Hyah! throws the branch again
Wolf: returns the branch to Zhang Liao again
Zhang Liao: …sigh…guess there's no helping it, huh?
Wolves: Pant, pant, pant…
Zhang Liao: Hrmpsh…alright, fine, you guys can go with me. I mean, who knows if you turned out to have some use later…
Wolves: ARF! ARF! ARF!
Zhang Liao: Alright, alright, save your energy later. Let's get going.
Back to present…
Zhang Liao: …so that's how.
Cao Cao: Err….well…wow. Ever since Mt. Bailang, those wolves kept giving me nightmares. Oh well.
Jia Xu: Hmm…by the way, regarding the mysterious scream you heard, you have any idea what that could be?
Zhang Liao: I…don't really know. It sounded like something a monster would spout out.
Cao Cao: Monster? Oh, come on, after dealing with bears, wolves, and squirrels, now monsters as well? I thought the only monster who dwells in Xiapi is Lu Bu.
Zhang Liao: I'm not exactly sure either. It seemed like the scream originated from that part of the hill on the way towards the castle.
Cao Cao: Hmm…I see. I'll make sure we have to be careful when we came across that part.
Zhang Liao and Jia Xu: Got it.
Around an hour later…
Cao Cao: Hmm…hey, did you guys hear something?
Zhang Liao: Eh? What sound?
Jia Xu: shrugs
Cao Cao: I…don't know. It sounds like a…singing.
Zhang Liao: Singing? Who the hell could be singing in the middle of snow like this?!
Jia Xu: Of course, no normal human being would do that. Unless, of course, if we're talking about-
"THE MAGNIFICENT ZHANG HEEEEEEEEEEE~!"
Cao Cao, Zhang Liao, and Jia Xu: GLKH! WHAT!
Zhang He: does a ballerina twirl in front of the three, then continues dancing accompanied with a bunch of squirrels
Cao Cao, Zhang Liao, and Jia Xu: look at each other and shrug alternately, not having any goddamn idea at what's going on
Zhang He: finishes the dance with a dramatic pose Ta~Da!
Cao Cao, Zhang Liao, and Jia Xu: …..
Zhang He: Ah, what is it my friends? Too astonished by my BEAUTIFUL performance?
Cao Cao: ….I…..I…
Zhang Liao: …what….
Jia Xu: ….was…..THAT…..
Zhang He: Hm, it just seems you are quite confused. Well then, let me clear out the darkness for you.
Flashback, from Zhang He's POV
Zhang He: Hrgh….brrr…ah! What…what's this freezing coldness?! Brrr….where…where am I anyway? After Lord Cao Cao transported us all using that weird stone thing…hm? A sign! ….oh, okay, got it! Hmm…Xiapi, eh? Never thought it will turn into a large snow land like this. I just hope Lu Bu won't suddenly show up and kill me….shudder
Later…
Zhang He: Huff…huff…oh my, I'm so tired having to walk across thick snow like this! Perhaps I could take some rest…whew…lies down and sleeps
30 minutes later
Zhang He: Ermgh….agh…what…what's this thing on my face….ermgh….wakes up
Squirrels: latching onto Zhang He
Zhang He: widens eyes ….WHAAAAA! What, what are these disgusting, filthy rodents doing to my BEAUTIFUL body?! Argh! Go! Go away!
Squirells: continues latching onto Zhang He
Zhang He: AAAAAHHH! Stop! STOP IT! OR I'LL SEND MY BUTTERFLIES TO EAT YOU! makes a dramatic pose
Squirrels: imitates Zhang He's pose
Zhang He: makes another pose
Squirrels: imitates
Zhang He: ….ohhhh. starts dancing
Squirrels: dances as well
Zhang He: Ooooohhh…HOHOHOHO! This is marvelous! In that case, please forget my previous rudeness…instead, LET US DANCE OUR WAY THROUGH TOGETHER~!
Back to present…
Zhang He: …and that's how I managed to gain these adorable critters to be a part of my very own dance group! BEAUTIFUL, isn't it?
Cao Cao: sweatdrop Uhh…yeah. Beautiful, right…
Jia Xu: Now this doesn't even make any fucking sense! Why the hell do these critters even like you?! One of them almost killed me by pushing me down a hill! And look at me!
Zhang Liao: Maybe that's because you're hated by almost EVERYTHING in the nature, heh.
Jia Xu: Oh, gimme a break! I'm no saint, I know, but how bad could I REALLY be to be hated by EVERYTHING?! Only Dong Zhuo could reach that particular level of bad.
Cao Cao: By the way, anything interesting you came across?
Zhang He: Ah, hmm…if I remember correctly I did come across a mysterious shadow lurking among the forests…it seems to be looking for, or chasing something. It looks like a human male, but I'm not really sure.
Cao Cao: Interesting…that means we have to be more careful around here.
Zhang Liao: Shadow of human male? Hmm…wait! Could it be that cryptozoology creature? What's it's name again….oh yeah, Yeti!
Cao Cao: Yeti? Come on, are you crazy? There's no fucking way a Yeti could live here! The closest thing we have to a yeti gotta be Lu Bu in his Fairytale DLC….
Jia Xu: Great. Bears, wolves, squirrels, monsters, and now yeti?
Zhang He: Ah, I don't think it could be yeti. After all, yetis are huge, right? The shadow that I saw were actually of normal size…short, even.
Cao Cao: Well, yeti or not, that means we have to be careful. All to save Cai Wenji. Okay, let's continue our expedition!
Everyone: YO!
To Be Continued…
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