A/N: The love for this story never ceases to amaze me… Thank you all so much! I am very sorry that I made you wait such a long time between updates! I've been dealing with some issues lately, and that didn't leave much time for writing. I'm figuring things out, but the next update may be a while again.

But I promise you, I will not abandon this story. Or the other story, Conflicted Heart. So please, stay with me!

Now, to make up for my long absence… This chapter is extra long and juicy. Enjoy, and let me know what you think!

John ran downstairs, taking the stairs two at a time. He caught up with Alicia just as she reached the door that separated the lobby from the street. Grabbing her shoulder, he turned her around to face him and winced at the sight of her tearstained face.

"That was not what it looked like," he stated. "Ashley was just…" He faltered when he saw the flash of anger in her eyes.

"Spare me the lies and excuses." She pulled away from him, shaking off his hand. "I've heard enough of those from Peter to last me a lifetime."

John felt his jaw tighten. She was comparing him to Peter, of all people? But before he could say anything, she was talking again, resignation dripping from her voice.

"I'm a grown woman, John. I can handle the truth."

"What truth, exactly, are you talking about?"

"That you were already dating Ashley before you slept with me that first time. That she's the reason you came back from LA in the first place. I just wish you'd told me about her before we…"

"God damn it, Alicia, would you shut up and listen before jumping to conclusions?" John cut her off. They stared at each other for long moments before he felt calm enough to continue. "First of all, you're wrong. Ashley is not the reason I came back. You are. And second, Ashley is…"

"You expect me to believe that? That you came back for me?" She laughed bitterly. "Come on, John. You didn't even care about me enough to say goodbye when you left!"

"So? I was just a one night stand to you anyway!" he shot back. He knew she felt hurt, but her lack of trust in him hurt him just as much. Right now, he just needed to get that out. He'd worry about her feelings later.

"What?"

"Relax, John, it was just a one night stand," he sneered, quoting her e-mail. "You made it pretty clear that you didn't have feelings for me."

"Well, for your information, I don't just hop into bed with any man who comes along!"

"And you think I do?" He had a hard time keeping his voice down. Yelling at her would go a long way in relieving the tension that was building up inside him, but it wouldn't really solve anything.

"You're half-naked and there's a beautiful blonde in your apartment with you! What am I supposed to think?" She seemed to have no qualms about yelling at him.

"You could have just listened to my explanation instead of…"

"Stop it! Both of you!" came Ashley's voice from the stairs, shocking them both into silence. "Alicia, this is all a huge misunderstanding. I'm not interested in John. Or any other man, for that matter. I'm gay." John heard Alicia's sharp intake of breath at that last statement. "And you," Ashley continued, glaring at John, "Are an asshole for not telling her that right after I told you."

She had a point there. If he'd told Alicia about Ashley last night, when she asked what happened to his date, they probably wouldn't be in this mess. Then again, would she have believed him? She seemed hell-bent on believing the worst about him.

Ashley came down the stairs and strode to the door. "Now, I'm leaving and you two are going upstairs and talk this out before one of your neighbors calls the police."

"But what about your…" John started, but she cut him off.

"Don't worry about that. I'll take the L home." With that, Ashley stepped outside.

"Ashley, wait!" Before the door could close behind her, John stopped it. "You sure you're gonna be alright?" he asked when she turned to face him.

"Yes." She smiled. "I'm a big girl."

"Okay…" He sighed. "Just promise you'll call me if there's any news." He could feel Alicia's eyes on him as he said it. "I'll write up a press release as soon as I can."

"I will. Thanks. For… everything," Ashley said, then walked away.

John let the door fall back and breathed deeply, trying to calm down before facing Alicia again. He didn't say anything, just looked at her as she looked back and forth between him and the door, her eyes filled with questions.

"W-what was that about?" she asked.

"Trevor Rhodes had a heart attack this morning," John said, and watched Alicia's hand fly up to her mouth in shock.

"Oh my God!"

"Yeah. That's what I said when Ashley called me. Right after I left your apartment. And right before I rushed to the hospital," he bit out. "See, that's where I was all morning. And if you had just listened to your damn voicemail instead of immediately assuming the worst about me, you would have known." John turned his back on her and went upstairs, not looking back to see if she'd follow.

§§§

Alicia stood at the bottom of the stairs and watched him go, clenching and unclenching her hands as she debated with herself. Should she follow him upstairs or just go home? And if she stayed, should she apologize to him or should he apologize to her?

"Damn it," she muttered, when he reached the first floor and stepped onto the landing, still not giving any indication that he knew she was still there. This would all be so much easier if there was some sort of rulebook she could follow. You'd think that as a lawyer, she knew how to handle a heated argument by now. But this was completely different from arguing in court. At least the arguments in court were rational. Logical. There was nothing logical or rational about this. There was no clarity in this mess, except…

Except for the fact that if she turned and walked away, she would be doing exactly the same to him as he had done to her on election night.

"John. Wait," she said.

He froze, and she saw him take a deep breath before he slowly turned around and gave her a questioning look. Okay. He'd stopped walking. He was looking at her. So far, so good. Now what?

Alicia swallowed and cleared her throat, but it still felt constricted when she started talking.

"Listen. I'm… I'm not very good at this. I shouldn't have… It's just… I called you, and you were with Ashley, and I just… I don't know. I guess I… God, why is this so hard?" She shook her head in frustration and took a deep breath. "I-I'm sorry."

John didn't say anything at first, and she was beginning to think he never would, when he finally opened his mouth. "Alicia, I…" he started, before pausing and shaking his head. "I'm sorry too." He dropped his gaze to the floor and sighed heavily. He looked tired, almost defeated.

Alicia felt her shoulders tense up, dread pooling in her stomach. This felt an awful lot like he was telling her that he was sorry that things hadn't worked out between them...

"So." He looked at her again, and her breath caught at his nervous smile and the vulnerability in his eyes. "Do you want to—come inside?"

For a moment, she could only stare at him while her mind processed the familiar phrase. But only for a moment, because her legs had already caught on. She climbed the stairs and registered the expression of profound relief on his face when she reached him. Then her arms were around his neck and she was kissing him for all she was worth.

§§§

What was it with them and hallways, John vaguely wondered as he closed his arms around her and sank into the kiss. But then his thought process was overruled by a more primitive part of him, and sensations took over. The warmth of her lips, followed by the wetness of her mouth when she opened to let his tongue slide in. She tasted sweet and feminine. The wool of her coat felt soft underneath his hands and against his bare chest. The coat couldn't hide her beautiful curves, now firmly pressed against his body…

Because they were both only human, they needed air eventually. John reluctantly raised his head and inhaled sharply when he was struck by the beauty of her face in the afternoon sunlight coming in through the large ground glass panels that separated the lobby and staircase from the outside world. Her lips looked thoroughly kissed and curled up in a soft smile, her eyes were heavy-lidded and her hair slightly disheveled from when he had run his hands through it. He was glad the anger and sadness he had put there were gone now. How could she think he didn't care for her, when his chest ached with the love he felt?

Three words were burning on his lips, but he held them back. He'd almost let them out after her apology, when she was looking at him with those big, sad eyes. But he'd stopped himself and apologized instead. He couldn't let those words out. She didn't feel the same. Oh, he was sure she felt something for him that went beyond physical attraction, but she had all but told him this morning that Will Gardner still held the number one position in her heart. Still, he wanted her to know…

"John?" she whispered, interrupting his inner struggle. "Maybe we should go inside."

He didn't need to be told twice. He lifted her off her feet, making her utter a surprised little squeal, and gathered her in his arms to carry her up the second flight of stairs, straight to where the door to his apartment was still gaping open.

"Okay, you can put me down now," she said when he kicked the door shut behind him and started towards the bedroom.

"Why?"

"Because we need to talk."

"Is that really what you want to do right now?" He hoped with all his heart that she would say no. If they talked, he would eventually let those words out. If they did what he had in mind, there was a chance he would be able to talk to her without saying them afterwards. But of course he wouldn't push her to do anything she didn't want.

Alicia looked up at him, and something in his expression made her eyes darken and her lips part slightly. "We should," she insisted.

"I know. And if you really want to talk right now, we will." He managed to keep the disappointment out of his voice as he gently put her down on her feet, just outside his bedroom.

She hovered there for a moment, drawing her bottom lip between her teeth. The sight nearly made him forget all his good intentions. Then she smiled.

"Then again, I have heard good things about make-up sex..." she murmured, just before turning around and walking into the bedroom. She shrugged off her coat on the way, letting it drop to the floor.

Thank God. John followed her, closing the gap between them in two long strides. And then his mouth was on hers again, and her hands were pushing his shirt off his shoulders while his worked on getting her clothes out of the way.

CAUTION: THE REST OF THIS CHAPTER IS RATED M.
(If that's not your thing, please skip to the last two paragraphs for the cliffhanger.)

When Alicia finally stood before him in nothing more than her black satin lingerie, John forced himself to create a little more distance between them. He wanted to savor this, take his time with her. He may not be able to say the words to her, but he could damn well show her exactly how much he cared for her, so she would never doubt it again.

"My God, you are beautiful," he whispered, letting his eyes roam her slender curves. He slowly sank down on his knees, his hands sliding down her arms and coming to rest on her hips. Pulling her closer, he lightly kissed he stomach, making the muscles there quiver and jump. She gasped slightly and ran her fingers through his hair, and he smiled when she tugged him closer. He let his hands travel to her butt. The black satin of her panties was smoother than her skin, but not much. Getting up, he traced a path over her skin with his tongue, making her shiver as goosebumps broke out over her whole body.

John loved how responsive she was to his touch. The sound of her whimper when he sucked one of her nipples through the satin of her bra was one of the most satisfying things he'd ever heard in his life. His hard member twitched and throbbed in his boxers, as if begging him to rip of the lingerie and bury himself inside her. Patience, he reminded himself. This isn't just sex, you want to make love to her.

Trailing his hands up over her back he unhooked her bra and freed her delicious breasts. The garment dropped to the floor and Alicia arched her back, pushing her breasts forward for him to feast on. So he did, taking her nipple into his mouth again while his hands stroked her sides. He felt her hands grab his shoulders then, as she braced herself. That was his cue to begin kissing his way down again, from her breasts to her stomach and below. His hands pushed her panties down as he kneeled again.

He paused deliberately, savoring her musky scent, breathing on her, until he heard a soft, frustrated sound emerge from her mouth and one of her hands slid around to the back of his head, urging him to hurry up. He smiled up at her. Then he leaned in and licked along her folds once, slowly, gently. She cried out, her knees buckling. Getting up, he caught her and walked her backwards till the backs of her knees touched the bed.

"Lie down," he whispered, and she complied.

"Aren't you gonna take those off?" She asked huskily as she eyed his underwear. The tip of her tongue came out to lick her lips, and he felt himself grow even harder as he imagined what that tongue could do…

Pushing the image out of his mind, he shook his head. "Not yet," he said, and climbed on the bed, into her embrace.

They kissed again and Alicia's hands began exploring his shoulders, his back, his butt, and the sensation of skin on skin made him shudder. Then her nails came into play, lightly scraping his back as she wrapped her legs around him to pull him closer, and John nearly lost it. He pressed himself against her, hard, making her hum in appreciation. If it hadn't been for his underwear, he would be inside her now. Her hands pulled at his boxers, trying to make it happen. But he stopped her, grabbing her wrists and bringing them up to lie next to her head. She pouted.

"Not so fast," he panted, untangling himself from her. "We're going to take this slow."

She looked up at him, smiling wickedly. "What if I don't like slow?"

"Trust me, you'll like it," he promised, sitting up on his knees between her legs and taking another good look at her. He wondered if he would ever get enough of looking at her—especially when she was lying on his bed, her dark hair forming a stark contrast with the white sheets, her skin almost glowing in the sunlight that filtered in through the blinds. Her dark eyes, alive with desire. For him.

He fought back the words threatening to come out again, hoping that one day she would love him just as much as he loved her right now, right here.

"I do," she said softly.

He blinked in confusion. Had he said that out loud?

"Trust you," she clarified then, reaching up to cup his cheek with her hand.

"Good." He turned his head to kiss her palm. Then he put her hand back on the pillow. "Now, let me…" Love you… "…Make you feel good."

He started kissing and licking his way down her body again, teasing her until she was panting and breathlessly begged him to hurry up. But he took his time, lingering on all the sensitive spots he had discovered on earlier occasions and that made her moan and whimper. When he finally got close to her mound again she was twisting the sheets in her fists, thrashing her head and arching her back to make him hurry. He decided to tease her some more and skipped that part of her for now, moving on to her legs.

Her frustrated cry was music to his ears, because he knew the higher he drove up her need now, the better her eventual release would feel for her.

"John… Please… I need to… Oh, God, please…" She was shivering uncontrollably, her voice tight with need, by the time he had kissed his way up and down both her legs.

Deciding to take pity on her, he put on of his arms on her hips to hold them down and used the other to touch her where she needed it most. He slid two fingers inside her, and she clamped down on them. He held his hand still and lightly flicked his tongue over her most sensitive part.

"I love your taste," he told her, before repeating the trick with his tongue.

Alicia bucked her hips up, but he was still holding them down so she couldn't get far. He slowly moved his fingers inside her, his tongue and lips still teasing her, taking her higher and higher, until he felt her inner muscles start to spasm around his fingers. Then he sucked on her until her scream of pleasure echoed through the room.

Watching this beautiful woman come down from a powerful climax topped his list of favorite things to watch by far, but John didn't have time to thoroughly enjoy it this time. He had reached the limits of his control and needed to be inside her. Right now. He quickly lost his underwear and got a condom from his nightstand, covering himself with shaking hands. When he returned to her, she was still relaxing, her body lax, her eyes closed. Gently, he pushed her legs a bit further apart and took his position, his tip straining towards her core.

He entered her, and she opened her eyes and smiled up at him so lovingly that his heart missed several beats as hope surged within him. He couldn't hold it back any longer, so he went deep with one smooth thrust and crashed his lips down on hers to keep the words from spilling out. He felt her arms and legs wrap around him, pulling him tighter against her as she started to move with him.

John tried to keep his movements slow, to draw out the pleasure for both of them, but he lost that fight and his pace grew almost frantic. He heard Alicia cry out again, felt her walls clamp down on him as a second wave rolled through her body, and it was too much for him. He tumbled over the edge, holding himself rigid as he spilled himself inside her, hoarsely shouting out his pleasure to the ceiling.

He collapsed on top of her, making sure he landed on his elbows so his weight wouldn't crush her, and buried his face in the hollow between her shoulder and her neck. She stroked his back, and he shuddered against her and sighed in contentment.

And with the sigh, the three words he had fought so hard not to say came out after all.