Chapter 6: Xiapi Snowland, Part 3
Cao Cao: ….hm! Look over there! It's the Xiapi Castle!
Jia Xu: Holy shit…how in the hell it can suddenly turn into something like THAT?!
Zhang Liao: I know right…looks like an evil overlord's ice castle.
Jia Xu: You mean like the one Lord Cao Cao made at Tong Gate?
Cao Cao: Ah, no, this is clearly more majestic…and a lot spookier, too.
Zhang He: Let it goooo~ let it goooo~
Jia Xu: Goddamit Zhang He, don't start singing THAT in here!
Zhang He: But why? I was trying to light up the mood-
Jia Xu: Your mood is TRASH, okay! And besides that shit is outdated!
Cao Cao: Okay, okay, that's enough. We need to go.
Everyone: Aye.
Later…
Cao Cao: Hrmf…ah, it turns out that we have to climb this wall to go to the castle.
Zhang Liao: But how?
Yu Jin: We should just use this ice giant as a step-up for us.
Cao Cao: Really? Well, it is the most viable option.
Yu Jin: Okay. Hey!
Ice giant: Grr?
Yu Jin: Come on, get your lazy, cold ass moving over there or I'll give it some heating!
Ice giant: Yikes! Grrrllll….
Yu Jin: Ah, good. Let's go!
At the top
Cao Cao: Hoop! Hmm….huh? Hey, guys….
Everyone: Hm?
Cao Cao: Why…are there three snowmen over there?
Jia Xu: Snowmen? ….huh, weird indeed.
Zhang Liao: Something tells me those are no ordinary snowmen….
Jia Xu: You think so?
Zhang Liao: Yeah, I mean…what the hell are three snowmen doing in a place like these? There's no way someone would randomly make three and leave it like that…
Yue Jin: 'Someone'? We six are the only ones here right? Oh! Which means…
Zhang He: …Guo Jia, Xu Shu, and Xun Yu! RIGHT! Those three were here and built these snowmen!
Jia Xu: But why would they though? Maybe to guide us? Hmm…
Cao Cao: Well, whatever it is, we need to check it to see anything helpful. Hmm…touches a snowman
Snowman (?): Hm?! MMM! M MM MM!
Cao Cao: Eh?! WHOA!
Everyone: AH!
Yu Jin: Lord Cao Cao, what is it?
Cao Cao: That…that snowmen was talking to me!
Jia Xu: Talking! Tch, let me see….
Snowman (?): MM MM! M M MM M MMM!
Jia Xu: WHOA! He's right!
Zhang Liao: What did it say?
Jia Xu: I don't know…it was more like mumbling…AH! Wait a minute! That means someone's trapped within these snowmen!
Cao Cao: Trapped within snowmen? That's kinda weird…
Jia Xu: I know…we have to find a way to melt these…
Yu Jin: I'm on it. releases a fireball upon the snowmen HYAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!
Later, it turns out that the three people trapped in the snowmen were actually Guo Jia, Xun Yu, and Xu Shu, who later ran around panicking due to being on fire.
Guo Jia, Xun Yu, and Xu Shu: WAAAAHHHHH! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOT! HOTHOTHOTHOTHOTHOT! WAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAWAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Everyone: WHAT THE?!
Several minutes later
Guo Jia, Xun Yu, and Xu Shu: flopping over in the ground to douse the fire Whew…man!
Cao Cao: So it is you three, after all!
Guo Jia: Hm? Oh, Lord Cao Cao!
Xun Yu: We're so relieved to see you again!
Xu Shu: Yeah, yeah…hehehe…
Cao Cao: Okay, okay, know what, let's skip the formalities. How did you guys come here? And why were you snowmen?
Guo Jia: Oh, right…about that…
Flashback, through Guo Jia, Xun Yu, and Xu Shu POV
Guo Jia: Oh no…what should we do?! They're gone!
Xun Yu: No way...after that light, they just disappeared?!
Xu Shu: This is bad! Hm, wait! Maybe they've already gone to the next destination?
Xun Yu: But they're gone! We can never know for sure!
Guo Jia: Despite that, Xu Shu's got a point…okay, now what, let's exit Yingchuan and try to see if there's anything helpful!
Xun Yu and Xu Shu: Okay!
Outside of Yingchuan…
Guo Jia: Pant, pant, pant…
Xu Shu: Huff…ah, turns out I'm right! That's the sign!
Xun Yu and Guo Jia: Really?
Guo Jia: Hmmm…"Now, for all the Yingchuan natives, since the other six have already passed the challenge, now you three can head for the next destination, Xiapi. This is the place where you fought and defeated Lu Bu using flood attack, which thanks to the cold weather has caused the entire city to be covered in ice. Later, reunite with the others and head towards the Xiapi castle to defeat Lu Bu. Good luck."
Xun Yu: Xiapi? Covered in snow?
Xu Shu: Hmm…uh-oh. Guys.
Xun Yu and Guo Jia: What?
Xu Shu: Xiapi is…over there, right? points towards the Xiapi ice castle
Guo Jia: Hmm…WHOA! What…what the hell is that?! I certainly don't remember that back when we fought Lu Bu!
Xun Yu: Well, the sign did say that now the entire city is covered in ice…but it also caused the castle to turn like THAT?
Xu Shu: Gah, now I'm scared…
Xun Yu: I know. Shit, who knows if we later suddenly get a certain ice queen singing-
Xu Shu: AAAHHHH! NO! NOT THAT! WAAAHHH!
Guo Jia: Ice queen? You mean like Wang Yi in her Fairytale DLC?
Xun Yu: Sorta…except million times worse. And…Xu Shu?
Xu Shu: Hwaaaahhhh…no! No no no no NO! I ask anything but that! ANYTHING but THAT! WAAHHH!
Xun Yu: What the…sweatdrop
Guo Jia: You know, you can't exactly blame him.
Xun Yu: I know, but…
Guo Jia: Okay, you know what, let's just skip this useless chitchat. Let's go to Xiapi, or we won't be able to save Cai Wenji! Hurry!
Xun Yu: Okay, okay!
Later, at Xiapi…
Guo Jia: Oh, BRRR! Man…it's so cold here!
Xun Yu: It IS snowing, idiot. What do you expect?
Guo Jia: I know! But, brrr….you or Xu Shu don't seem to be cold one bit.
Xu Shu: Heh, luckily for me I have a warming hood, hahaha.
Xun Yu: And hey, it's your fault anyway for exposing your chest like that. What are you, an exhibitionist?
Guo Jia: Haha, well, sorta…hey, this is vital for attracting the ladies!
Xun Yu: Sigh, whatever you say. Hard to believe you obey your dick more than basic logic.
Xu Shu: Hm? Hey guys, look!
Guo Jia: Hm? The castle! Well gee, this is surely very spooky, alright…
Xun Yu: I know right. I mean, imagine what could be living inside THAT…
Guo Jia: A sort of an icy evil overlord? Haha. Oh wait, that's kinda who our lord is. Hmf.
Xun Yu: Except that he's more 'overlord' than 'evil'.
Xu Shu: D…d-do you guys think we should enter it?
Guo Jia: Of course! The other guys must have also read the sign and head here as well, so we have to head there first so that they won't be confused!
Xun Yu: You think so? Hmf, alright.
Xu Shu: G-g-guys, please guys, I think we should wait for the others first.
Guo Jia: Oh, for the love of Nuwa! What is exactly are you afraid of?!
Xu Shu: I mean, just look at it! I don't think we can stand a chance against…anything…that came out without the help of others!
Guo Jia: Fucking god, where did you learn to become such a pussy?! Look, we WILL win against anything that might come out, even if it's a freaking yeti! You understand, little bitch?
Xu Shu: Aaaahh! Uh, um…a-alright…
Guo Jia: Good! Geez…never thought that Yingchuan could produce such a spineless sissy…
Xun Yu: …and a brainless boner, as well.
Guo Jia: Goddammit.
Later…
Guo Jia: WHOO! Okay, now…hm?!
Xun Yu: What is it?
Guo Jia: Look up there. There's something glowing up there…
Xun Yu: Really? Hm. Mysterious.
Guo Jia: I suppose I should go to check it.
Xu Shu: Hm? Whoa, whoa, Guo Jia, you sure?
Guo Jia: Well, hell yes I'm sure! Why did you object?
Xu Shu: I mean, I'm afraid if it's actually something like-
Guo Jia: Oh, for the love of Orochi, Xu Shu, your constant worrying is obnoxious! Sometimes I wonder if you can even go through a single day without worrying if someone put a bomb on your toilet! Just let me go and do my job, dammit!
Xu Shu: stands frozen
Guo Jia: Okay, just wait up here. goes up
Xu Shu: continues standing frozen
Xun Yu: Uh, umm…Xu Shu? You alright?
Xu Shu: ….eh, umm…Xun Yu?
Xun Yu: What?
Xu Shu: No one…would put a bomb on my toilet…right?
Xun Yu: Good god. facepalm
On the top
Guo Jia: HOOP! Gasp! Whoa…what's that?
The source of light came from an ornamented stone, similar to the one they received after passing the first challenge.
Guo Jia: Whoa…oh right, the second artifact! Good, we'll need this later. hops down
Back at the bottom
Guo Jia: WHOOP! Hey, guys!
Xun Yu and Xu Shu: Hm?
Guo Jia: Look at this!
Xun Yu: What? Wait, it's the second artifact, right?
Guo Jia: Yeah, of course! Gee, it certainly looks great, alright! rubs the stone
Xu Shu: Huh? Hey, don't rub it!
Guo Jia: Why can't I?!
Xu Shu: Because, I'm afraid it might-
Guo Jia: Oh really? Well I'm afraid you won't shut the fucking hell up everytime I do something!
Xu Shu: That's not my point-
Suddenly, the stone flashed brightly.
Everyone: WHOAAAAAAAA!
Back to present…
Guo Jia: ….and the next thing we know is that we turned into these snowmen. Then you came along and melted us.
Cao Cao: ….huh. I see. Let me look at the artifact.
Guo Jia: Here.
Cao Cao: Hmm…so, from your experience, it seems that this artifact has the ability to turn you into a snowman?
Jia Xu: Sorta lame, if I say.
Zhang Liao: Not so. I mean, you SAW what it did to those three, right? The snow as so strong that they couldn't even break free.
Jia Xu: …huh. You got a point.
Cao Cao: Well! Now that we're all complete, all we have to do now is to march onto the castle to defeat our final adversary and move on to the next area. Let's go!
Everyone: AYE!
At the castle steps…
Cao Cao: …hm! The castle is up there! Let's go!
Jia Xu: What the…my lord, are you serious?
Cao Cao: What?
Jia Xu: I mean…look at the steps! It's gonna take forever to get to the castle with this many steps!
Cao Cao: Really? Hmm…maybe we can use the ice giant again? Yu Jin!
Yu Jin: I'm on it! Hey, you!
Ice giant: Hrm?
Yu Jin: Go up the steps.
Ice giant: Grrrlll….steps a bit, which caused the steps to crumble
Everyone: widens eyes
Cao Cao: ….oookkkkaaayyy….
Jia Xu: Well, that means the ice giant can't come with us, lest he destroys the entire steps.
Yu Jin: Hmph, fine then. Hey, you!
Ice giant: Grl?
Yu Jin: Listen, you have to stay and wait here until we finishes dealing with our enemy up there. If you dare to disobey….
Ice giant: Arl! Grl! Grl! Grl!
Yu Jin: Good. Well…in that case we have no choice.
Jia Xu: My goodness…I think I'm gonna die…
Guo Jia: You're not alone…gods, if you think you're gonna die, I think I'm gonna die earlier than you.
Xun Yu: That's because your boner is bigger than your intelligence.
Guo Jia: Will you stop bringing that up?!
Cao Cao: Alright, alright, that's it. It may be tiring, but we have to go through it! Remember, all of this are a test to see if we're worthy of Cai Wenji's love! If we can't pass, then our worth as a men is non-existent! WE WILL CONQUER WHATEVER THE KIDNAPPER WILL THROW AT US! YOOOOOO!
Everyone: ….
Xun Yu: ….my lord, please don't be too fiery. You'll melt the snow.
Cao Cao: Ah, my bad. Well, my point is, DON'T BE A LAZY ASS! GO UP AND GET MOVING!
Everyone: YOOOOO!
Later….
Cao Cao: …..wooh! Man, what a climb!
Jia Xu: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! My fucking god…I think I'm gonna die…
Guo Jia: Me too. Shit….
Xun Yu: Aaaahhh…..I'm exhausted too….fuck….
Xu Shu: immediately faints
Zhang Liao: You advisers are a spineless bunch, indeed.
Jia Xu: Not our fault, tough guy! Gah…
Cao Cao: …hm. This castle is quite….ah….
Zhang Liao: Menacing?
Cao Cao: Well, I was gonna say 'terrifying as shit', but I suppose that term could work. Well, then…how are we gonna open the door?
Yu Jin: Hmm…hey, there's some sort of a lock here.
Zhang Liao: Maybe we're supposed to insert some sort of a keystone in it?
Cao Cao: Keystone….hey, wait! ….maybe we could use this artifact Guo Jia found?
Zhang Liao: You sure?
Cao Cao: Of course! Look, the shapes match. Okay, I'll just have to put it in here, and…WHOA!
The lock shined brightly, and the massive door opened.
Cao Cao: ….whoa….
Zhang Liao: That DID work, after all!
Cao Cao: Haha, of course! What do you expect from the Hero of Chaos, heh? Okay, takes the artifact from the lock Let's enter!
Inside the ice castle
Yue Jin: Whoa….man…this is…this is cool! Ehm, no pun intended.
Zhang Liao: I know. The inside of this ice castle is very majestic, indeed.
Jia Xu: Really…this is clearly not the same Xiapi Castle we once fought for back then…
Cao Cao: …hm? Hey, look at that! points at the throne inside the room There's something in there!
Guo Jia: What?
Cao Cao: Hmm…oh! It seems to be the third artifact! walks to take it
Xun Yu: Huh?! My lord, don't take it! Everytime you see an important plot point being put so openly to take, it's usually a trap! Don't take it!
Cao Cao: Gah, nonsense! I mean, what are we gonna do aside from taking it?! And besides, you say, 'usually', right? takes the artifact anyway
However, suddenly a halberd fell from the sky, which very nearly hit Cao Cao's hand. When he's still shocked, a magical wall suddenly appeared around the throne, which prevented anyone from taking the third artifact. After that, the entrance door is locked down with chains, and the entire room began to glow red.
Cao Cao: W…w-what's happening?!
Xun Yu: Sigh…told you.
"So….you Wei buffoons have finally appeared, at last!"
Everyone: G-gasp!
"Heh…I know that all of you are here due to a mission…unfortunately, your quest will end here!"
To Be Continued…
Well, that's it. Please leave a review and have a good day!