Chapter 7: Final Battle at Xiapi
Cao Cao: W-what the….who, WHO'S THERE?!
"MWAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU FOOLS! I SHALL CRUSH YOU!"
Guo Jia: AAAHHH! Hey, wait a minute….that laugh!
Jia Xu: Aw shit, it's HIM?!
Xun Yu: Seems impossible, but given what we've been through…
"ENOUGH! ALL OF YOU PESTS SHALL BOW DOWN TO ME!"
Then, a menacing red shadow appeared behind the throne.
Cao Cao: T-tch, come, YOU! I bet that you really are nothing more than a pipsqueak! B-b-bring it ON!
"HAH! THAT'S ENOUGH TALK FOR YOU!"
Then, the red shadow walked to reveal itself to the nine, with a very loud sound and a quake coming from each step.
Guo Jia: G-GAAAHHH! WHAT IS THAAAATTT?! No no no no NO! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIEEEEEE! I STILL WANT TO DRINK AND BANG SOME MORE-
Jia Xu: TO HELL WITH YOUR DRINKING AND BONER, OKAY!
Zhang He: AAAAHHHHH! I-i-i-i-it's LU BU?! hugs Zhang Liao
Zhang Liao: GAH! Get off me!
Yue Jin: AAAAHHH! LU BU?! NOOOO! I DON'T WANNA BEAT HALF-DEAD BY HIM AGAIN! WAAAAHHHHH! hugs Zhang Liao too
Zhang Liao: Oh, fuck it…
Yu Jin: Lu Bu or not, we'll beat its ass!
"WAHAHAHAHAHA! NOW, BEHOLD MY GRAND, MIGHTY FORM!"
…
Cao Cao: ….huh? Where is it?
Zhang Liao: Uhh…so?
Yu Jin: Hmph! Just as I thought, it's all talk and no action!
Guo Jia: ….what? So….
Jia Xu: Hmm…there might be some possibility that we were only seeing some sort of illusion.
Xun Yu: But….that's weird!
Jia Xu: Well, this ENTIRE THING is weird, whaddaya expect?
"Hey! Why are you common fools not noticing me?!"
Suddenly the nine heard a very high-pitched voice, and when they looked down to the source….
Cao Cao: …what the hell?!
….it turns out that the so-called "final boss" is really an adorable squirrel dressed up in Lu Bu's clothes.
Everyone: …..psrt….hmgkf…krh….kkkh…..
Final Boss: ….hey! Don't disrespect me or I'll crush you!
Everyone: ….prrrrt…..GWAHAHAHAHAHAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAA! GYAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAA! KAKAKAKAKAKAKAKAAAAAAA!
Cao Cao: Gwahaha, oh my….GOOODDDD! SERIOUSLY?! I mean, REALLY?! I know I wasn't serious about you being a pipsqueak and all, but LORD!
Yue Jin: HWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I mean, WOW! Looks like I won't have to worry about being near-death, eh?
Zhang He: What an adorable little critter you are! I promise I'll take good care of you!
Final Boss: WHAT! How dare you pests speak so lowly of me! I shall crush you! HYAAAHH! jumps to attempt to strike the nine
Xun Yu: WHOO! O-ow, watch out! Usually these critters turn out to still have immense strength to knock use out!
Jia Xu: You think so?
Guo Jia: Yeah! It ALWAYS happens!
Final Boss: TAAAKKKEEEE THIIIISSSS! lightly bounces off Cao Cao
Everyone: …BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!
Final Boss: Tch, GAH! Don't be happy just yet! I can still beat you! AH!
Cao Cao: picks the Final Boss up My, my…but really though, just what we actually have here? Some critter dressing up and pretending as Lu Bu?
Xun Yu: Seems so, sir. But given the things it did before it stepped out to reveal itself, I doubt it is purely aesthetic…
Jia Xu: Really? Maybe its true Lu Bu-esque power will reveal itself if we press some sort of trigger?
Xun Yu: Possibly. WHAT that trigger exactly is, we don't know. One wrong move and we're all dead…
Guo Jia: Hmm…ah, you know what, that doesn't even matter! We really only need to kill this critter and-
Jia Xu: You idiot! We infact need to CAREFULLY look for the RIGHT way to kill this critter. Because as said before, if we use the wrong way, there's a chance its Lu Bu powerup will activate and, well, we're fucked!
Cao Cao: Well, if we kill this thing FAST and HARD enough, I suppose we'll give no chance for it's Lu Bu powerup to activate.
Final Boss: Grrrhhh! CHOMP!
Cao Cao: AH! AWH! MY HAND!
Final Boss: That's enough! I'm gonna show you my true power! HYAAAHHH!
A red vortex appeared swirling around the Final Boss.
Cao Cao: W-what?! Oh shit, it seems NOW it's getting serious!
Zhang Liao: Fucking great.
….only for the Final Boss to remain the Lu Bu-costumed critter he is.
Everyone: sweatdrop
Cao Cao: …really? You know what, at this point I don't think that our challenge is even 'real'.
Guo Jia: But Cai Wenji's gone! That means it's gotta be real!
Jia Xu: You don't seem to realize his actual point here….
Final Boss: HRAH! THAT'S IT! punches Cao Cao
Cao Cao: Haha, that's cu- gets knocked out
Everyone: widens eyes AAAAHHHHH! LORD CAO CAO?!
Yu Jin: GAH! Lord Cao Cao, you alright?!
Cao Cao: ….ehhhh…grrrrkkhhhhlll….
Yue Jin: Oh, SHIT! Looks like it's just like me last time!
Final Boss: HYAAHHH! NOW YOU SHALL BE NEXT!
Everyone: AAAAHHHH!
Yue Jin: Gah…seriously! How can we stand a chance against it?!
Guo Jia: T-try stomping at it!
Yu Jin: I'm on it! steps on the Final Boss, causing a blood splatter on the ground
Everyone: …..
Yu Jin …hm?!
Suddenly, a red light flashed from beneath Yu Jin's foot, and when he lifted it, a massive red vortex appeared.
Everyone: W….WHAAA?!
When the red vortex subsided, it reveals that the Final Boss has turned into Lu Bu in his Fury Form.
Everyone: widens eyes
Fury Form Lu Bu: Grrrr…..
Everyone: Gulp. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Fury Form Lu Bu: GRAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! lifts crossed pike
Everyone: KYAAAHH!
Guo Jia: Shit, shit, SHIIIITTTTT! WHAT SHOULD WE DO?!
Jia Xu: S-shit! Try to hit him!
Zhang Liao: Okay! HYAH!
Fury Form Lu Bu: …..
Zhang Liao: ….fuck. AAAAHHHH!
Fury Form Lu Bu: GRAAAAHHHH! OKAY! THAT'S IT YOU VERMINS! I SHALL CRUSH ALL OF YOU! HRWAAAAARRRRGGGGHHHHH!
Everyone: AAAAHHHH!
Then, Fury Form Lu Bu unleashed a massive blast of red energy that caused the ice castle to crumble.
Everyone: WAAAAHHHHH!
Yue Jin: WAAAAHHH! WE'RE GONNA DIE! WE'RE GONA DIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIEIE-
Zhang Liao: SHUT THE FUCK UP! Gah, this is bad!
Jia Xu: You don't say! Seriously, is there any way we can beat this guy?!
Xun Yu: Eh, wait…..OH! The artifact!
Guo Jia: Ah yes, that's right! Where it is?!
Zhang Liao: Ehm, Lord Cao Cao has it the last time, I believe!
Guo Jia: Ah, great! HEY! Lord Cao Cao!
Cao Cao: …eh?! Um, what? Where am I? Who am I? Where are my precious booti-
Guo Jia: My lord, this is not the time to talk about your harem! We need the artifact!
Cao Cao: Artifact? For wha- notices the Fury Form Lu Bu …..the hell?!
Fury Form Lu Bu: GRWAAAAHHHH! strikes Cao Cao
Cao Cao: barely avoids the attack AAAAHHHHH!
Guo Jia: Where is it?!
Cao Cao: Eh?! Um….oh, SHIT! IT'S GONE!
Jia Xu: What do you mean it's gone?!
Cao Cao: IT'S GONE! I CAN'T FIND IT ANYWHERE!
Guo Jia: THE FUCK!
Fury Form Lu Bu: Hey, pssstt….taps on Cao Cao's shoulder
Cao Cao: AH?!
Fury Form Lu Bu: Looking for this? shows the artifact
Everyone: widens eyes
Cao Cao: ….what the….
Guo Jia: ….how…
Yue Jin: ….is that….
Zhang He: EVEN POSSIBLE?! gets smacked AH!
Zhang Liao: Dammit Zhang He, not in my ears!
Fury Form Lu Bu: Hehehehehe….now, since you're unable to win against me without this….crushes the artifact in his hand
Everyone: WAAAAAAA-! jawdrop
Fury Form Lu Bu: Hwahahahahahahaha…..
Cao Cao: ….no….NOOOOO!
Everyone: GRKH!
Cao Cao: Shit…..SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT! HOW IS THIS EVEN POSSIBLE?! We're now unable to advance and save Cai Wenji…NO! WE'VE FAILED IN OUR MISSION! HWAAAAHHH!
Fury Form Lu Bu: Hmhmhmhmh…mwehehehehehehehe….WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAA! Now, since all fo you are completely helpless, I now shall- huh?!
Suddenly, a bright blue light flashed from inside of Fury Form Lu Bu's palm.
Fury Form Lu Bu: Wha….what is this?!
Jia Xu: Huh….oh shit! Could it be?!
Fury Form Lu Bu: No….THIS CAN'T BE! WAH! WAAAAHHHHH!
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
A swirling blue vortex appeared around Fury Form Lu Bu, and when it subsides…
Everyone: …
It turns out that the Fury Form Lu Bu has turned into a giant Lu Bu snowman.
Everyone: ….prkgst, what….pfffttt….
Jia Xu: Just as I had already expected….
Cao Cao: Pffftt….BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA! Oh man, A LU BU SNOWMAN?! Oh god…SERIOUSLY! Those long ass feathers hanging down from a snowman….HAHAHAHAHAHAAA!
Zhang Liao: Whoa! What….what happened?! What caused this?
Xun Yu: Ehm…it just seemed that crushing that artifact in his palm had caused it's power to activate, causing it to turn into a snowman…
Xu Shu: You know, like me, Guo Jia, and Xun Yu earlier….
Yue Jin: goes up and pokes the Lu Bu snowman
Lu Bu Snowman: GRRR!
Yue Jin: AAAHHH! It's still alive!
Cao Cao: Really? Ah, I think it can't do harm, so no need to worry.
Jia Xu: …you sure about that?
Cao Cao: I'm sure! Unless if someone is idiot enough to melt it, we'll be fine. Still, I wonder if there's some way I can bring it home. Might be amusing. Haha!
Xun Yu: Hm? Hey, look! The back entrance's open!
Cao Cao: Really? Well, this must've meant that we've successfully passed through the challenge! Let's go!
Everyone: YO!
Outside of the Xiapi Castle
Cao Cao: WHOO! Man, FINALLY! I'm able to get myself out of that cold hell!
Jia Xu: Now we must look for the next sign…
Yue Jin: Hm? Wait, there is!
Cao Cao: Oh, right! Hmm, okay, let's see…"I'm pleasantly surprised to learn that all of nine have survived through the cold weather in Xiapi and passed the third challenge! Congratulations! Now, what you should do is to go straight to Guangling and wait for my instructions. Good luck."
Zhang Liao: Jiangling? Ah shit, bad memories…
Cao Cao: Well! You guys heard it! Let's march off onto Guangling! GO!
Everyone: YO!
To Be Continued….
A mysterious place at Chibi
Cai Wenji: ….ngh….what….
?: Oh, NOW you're awake!
Cai Wenji: What the….AH! W-w-what are these explosives?!
?: Ah, you better be careful. I'm not intending to detonate it at the moment.
Cai Wenji: What the…who, who are you?! Why did you do this?!
?: Hm? Well…it's not important to know who I am. And well, I did this so that I can see the…conviction your Wei friends really have to rescue you.
Cai Wenji: Huh? What do you mean?
?: Hahahaha…well, admit it, they all care about you, yes, but I'd just like to see whether they will go through all kinds of hardships to rescue a single lady…oh, and their baby you're currently holding inside your stomach.
Cai Wenji: What the…you bastard!
?: Hahahahaha! Well, I'd better go now to check their progress. It's alright…if you don't do anything funny, I won't hurt you. Well, given your space, I doubt you could even move at all! HAHA!
Cai Wenji: WHAT?! Huff…no! What, what should I do?! Hrmph…well, he did say that the father of this baby I'm holding is the one who will rescue me…but who? Hrmf, I suppose any guy is fine, really, but of course except for Dong Zhuo….shudder
Yo! So, I'm very sorry for not being to upload yesterday, there was a power outage for a very long time and a bit of writer's block, but I'm now able to complete this today nonetheless! :D As always, please leave a review and have a good day!