Chapter 8: Across the Great River
Note: Okay, I'm very sorry, but on the previous chapter I mistyped GUANGling as JIANGling, I'm very sorry. They won't go to JIANGling, but GUANGling. Seriously, can't believe I made that mistake D: so anyway, they're going toward GUANGling, not JIANGling. Understand? Good, let's move on.
On the way towards Guangling…
Zhang Liao: ….hey.
Everyone: Hm?
Zhang Liao: Okay, we've gone so far here, and yet one question remains…who could have possibly kidnapped Cai Wenji, anyway?
Everyone: Hmm…
Xun Yu: Hmm…ah, I have multiple theories on that.
Jia Xu: What?
Xun Yu: I think, the first candidate would be Dong Zhuo.
Guo Jia: Dong Zhuo?! Ew, that's gross.
Xun Yu: Well, he IS gross. Since she was formerly in his vicinity before joining us in Wei, it's very possible he attempted to reclaim her.
Jia Xu: But if that's the case, why would he put up a challenge for us to rescue her? He would NEVER do that.
Xun Yu: Oh, yeah, right. Well, that brings up the second candidate: Liu Bei or Sun Quan.
Yue Jin: Eh? Why would they do that?
Xun Yu: Well, I know it sounds crazy, but it could be very possible that they are the one who kidnapped Cai Wenji in order to hold her hostage, and then give this quest to us to lure us so that they can capture us, or Lord Cao Cao.
Cao Cao: What! How dare they to use such delicate woman for such cruel purpose like that!
Xun Yu: Yes, I know. But then again, it's a mere possibility. We don't know who the actual kidnapper is.
Cao Cao: Hrmf…fine. Whoever the kidnapper is, we all have to focus on our utmost priority: to save Cai Wenji!
Zhang Liao: Oh yeah, about that…which of us impregnated her, again?
Everyone: …shrug
Xun Yu: ….it's still a mystery.
Jia Xu: Yeah. None of us ever slept with her, and yet…
Guo Jia: …the kidnapper said that one of us is the father. But no one is willing to admit it!
Yue Jin: Could it be a mere trick on the kidnapper's part? I mean, who knows if he actually lied about it?
Cao Cao: Well, all of this is still a mystery, but we have to prioritize rescuing her first.
Everyone: Aye.
Later…
Cao Cao: ….hm! Well, here it is! The Great River. Guangling is on the other side.
Zhang Liao: Ah, shit, here we go again…
Yue Jin: Huh, you said something about 'bad memories' in this area. Why?
Zhang Liao: That's because this is the place where I died! Even then, not in a beautiful way…goddamn Ding Feng…good think I already have Hu and 4 others…god, now I can practically FEEL that arrow in my crotch…
Yue Jin: Ouch.
Jia Xu: Sigh…I have already tried to tell Cao Pi NOT to attack, yet he went anyway…seriously…like father, like son.
Cao Cao: The hell do you mean?!
Jia Xu: Oh, you know, the last time you tried to attack using fleet-
Cao Cao: GAH! NO! DON'T SAY THAT AGAIN!
Jia Xu: YIKES!
Cao Cao: Huff…anyway, speaking of Cao Pi, I wonder how he's managing things at home…
At Wei…
Everyone is partying all day, ruining the palace in the process.
Cao Pi: drunk WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA! WHOOOOOOOHHHH!
Back at the Great River…
Cao Cao: Hmm…nah, he'll take care of everything well. Now, we must check the sign…oh! There it is! Hmm…"Now, all of you shall go through the fourth challenge. Hop on the Dragon Ship and cross through the Great River to go to Hefei. Good luck."
Yue Jin: Hm? That's it? Hop on the ship and go to Hefei?
Zhang Liao: Eh…no. I'm pretty sure there must be a lot of messy obstacles we have to face throughout the way…
Xun Yu: I think you're about right. Whatever it may be, we definitely have to be careful.
Cao Cao: Hmhm…okay! Now, about the ship….WHOA! Damn, that's one big-ass and extravagant ship!
Yue Jin: Whoa…hot damn! We could have easily won against Wu using THIS!
Jia Xu: Well, the question is whether it could withstand fire or not…
Cao Cao: Okay, that's enough chattering. Let's hop in! OOP!
Everyone: YAH!
Cao Cao: Alright! Now, Yu Jin! You shall take control!
Yu Jin: Aye, sir!
Yue Jin: Hngkh…prrrtt…
Zhang Liao: Hey, why are you laughing?
Yue Jin: No, it's just…you know…Eugene Yu Jin…
Zhang Liao: ….oh. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Yu Jin: HEY! Why are you laughing?!
Zhang Liao: GLKH! Eh, no, NO!
Yu Jin: Do you object to me taking control here?!
Zhang Liao: No, no, NO!
Yu Jin: Ah, good. Otherwise I would have thrown you into the river.
Zhang Liao: Gah, not the river…grrr…damn you Yue Jin!
Yue Jin: Eh? What? It was you who laughed, after all, not me.
Zhang Liao: But still-
Yu Jin: OKAY! ALL ABOARD!
And then, the Dragon Ship starts sailing through The Great River.
Cao Cao: Hmm, everything seems fine, so far. Anything weird, Eugene Yu Jin?
Yu Jin: Stop calling me that! Anyway, nothing suspicious is up ahead.
Cao Cao: Ah, good.
Jia Xu: Hmm…is it just me or that those ambush archers will suddenly pop up anytime soon?
Guo Jia: What do you mean?
Jia Xu: I mean, look at it. The walls on the either side are a bit foggy…it's never a good sign.
Guo Jia: Ah, you're worrying a bit too-
Suddenly, an arrow flew at Guo Jia. Luckily enough, Jia Xu was fast enough to duck Guo Jia to avoid the arrow.
Jia Xu: What?! OY, DUCK!
Guo Jia: What?! AH!
The arrow flew past Guo Jia and went straight into the water.
Jia Xu: Huff…man, that was close!
Guo Jia: Ouch…that fucking hurt, you know?! What's your problem?!
Jia Xu: You didn't notice?! That arrow was flying right at you!
Guo Jia: What arrow?
Jia Xu: Eh, umm…oh, goddammit! Where did it go?! Eh, um, it went into the water!
Guo Jia: Water? Seriously, you think that the archer was a Stormtrooper or something?
Jia Xu: But-
Guo Jia: Enough of your mindless paranoia, okay. We ALL know that you're overly paranoid.
Jia Xu: BUT- ehm…hey, Lord Cao Cao!
Cao Cao: What?
Jia Xu: Lord Cao Cao, we have to be careful. There are ambush archers hiding up there!
Cao Cao: Huh? Is that so?
Jia Xu: Yeah! One of them tried to target Guo Jia!
Cao Cao: Guo Jia? Hey, Guo Jia! Tell me, is that true?
Guo Jia: No, sir! He was hallucinating!
Jia Xu: The fuck-
Guo Jia: See, this is what you get for smoking too much weed.
Jia Xu: I don't smoke-
Just suddenly, another arrow targeted Cao Cao.
Jia Xu: Glk! MY LORD!
Cao Cao: AH?! turns around to see the arrow
Jia Xu: throws himself to Cao Cao to defend him from the arrow Whew…that was close!
Cao Cao: Ouch…what was that?!
Jia Xu: See! That arrow was flying right at you!
Cao Cao: Oh, right…well, good thing your interference didn't turn me into Dunny 2.0.
Just after that, suddenly a volley of arrows rained down the Dragon Ship.
Everyone: ACK!
Cao Cao: Gah, a volley of arrows! Everyone, TAKE COVER!
Everyone: AAAAHHHHH! runs around like maniacs
Cao Cao: I SAID TAKE COVER, NOT RUN AROUND LIKE MANIACS!
Everyone: ….oh. takes cover
Cao Cao: Alright. Tch, Yu Jin! You see anything ahead?!
Yu Jin: Ngh…no! My…lord! But, emh….what?!
Cao Cao: What is it?!
Yu Jin: Sir, there are rocks up ahead!
Cao Cao: Rocks?! Oh, dammit! Just when you think it couldn't get worse….
Yu Jin: ….sir! There's also a waterfall up ahead!
Cao Cao: …yeah. Okay, everyone! We're gonna have a rough time ahead! Brace yourself!
Everyone: AAAHHH!
Yue Jin: Wha, what is it?! After this arrow rain…
Jia Xu: Apparently after we're going through the rocks, we're gonna up against a waterfall.
Guo Jia: Aw, shit.
Yu Jin: Glkh! Okay, here goes!
After the arrow rain stops, the Dragon Ship then comes across the obstacles of rocks.
Yu Jin: Tch! Okay, brace yourselves! HYAH! does a sharp turn
Everyone: AAAAHHHH! gets thrown on the other side of the ship
Yu Jin: Gah, is everyone alright?!
Everyone: We're…alright!
Yu Jin: Good. Tch, I might broke some part or two back then…whoop, HERE COMES! HYAH! does a sharp turn again
Everyone: KYAAAAHHH!
Yu Jin: Tch! Argh, looks like the rear of the ship is broken.
Everyone: Huff…huff…
Yu Jin: ….oh well, here comes the grand finale! EVERYONE, HOLD TIGHT!
Everyone: Aaah!
Yu Jin: Hrmf…okay. BRING IT OOOOONNNN!
Then the Dragon Ship goes down a waterfall.
Everyone: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Yu Jin: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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.
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Everyone: Huff, huff, huff…
Yue Jin: …aaaggkkhhh….whew…I actually…I actually almost fell out the ship!
Zhang Liao: That's because you're so bloody small.
Yue Jin: Hey!
Guo Jia: Ergh, ermh…gah, I have the same feeling as when I'm drunk…but only worse…
Jia Xu: Goodness…ergh…I wanna puke…
Zhang He: throws up
Xu Shu: curls up in the corner of the ship
Yu Jin: Pant, pant….is…everyone….alright?
Xun Yu: Not exactly. But at least there's no significant damage…
Yu Jin: ….good. Huff…okay, going on.
Cao Cao: Owh…WHOAAAA! Man, that was frightening…yet sorta thrilling…hm, it might be good to try that again once we're finished saving Cai Wenji-
Jia Xu: My lord. Please…please don't.
Cao Cao: Oh.
Yu Jin: Huff…okay. Hmm…it seems that the stream down here is going faster. You have to hold tight.
Everyone: Aye.
Later…
Xu Shu: …hey guys.
Everyone: Uh?
Xu Shu: Is it just me, or…I smell like something's…burning?
Cao Cao: Burning? Now that's weird, since there's no fire around here…unless….widens eyes oh no.
Everyone: What?
Cao Cao: No, it can't be! Everyone, look around and look out for fire archers!
Everyone: Fire archers?
Cao Cao: Yes! You don't wanna Chibi to be repeated, don't you?! Xu Shu says that there's a smell of fire…we must definitely be careful.
Later…
Yu Jin: …sir, it seems that the stream is going even faster.
Cao Cao: Really? Well, that's good. It's bringing us closer to our destination, and away from those fire archers as well.
Yu Jin: Yes, that's true. But…
Cao Cao: But what?
Yu Jin: …sir, I'm seeing a suspicious red light ahead.
Cao Cao: A red light?
Yu Jin: Yes. And it's getting stronger…
When the Dragon Ship comes close though, it turns out that what's ahead of them is a giant ballista loaded with countless fire arrows, which then starts to fire at the nine.
Everyone: widens eyes AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Cao Cao: WHAT THE FU-
Everyone: runs frantically while trying to avoid the fire arrows AAHHH! AH! AH! OWH! AH! AAAHHH!
Yue Jin: AAAAHHH! NO! MY HEADBAND'S ON FIREEEEEEE! AAAHHHH! runs at light speed across the ship
Zhang Liao: GAAAHHH! MY MOUSTACHE! MY GLORIOUS MOUSTACHE! GAAAAAHHHH! a fire arrow strikes his balls GRWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Zhang He: AAAAHHH! YOU OKAY?!
Zhang Liao: I'M NOT! Aaarghhh….good lord, I don't wanna be Zhang He! AND MY BALLS! MY BALLS ARE ON FIREEEEE!
Guo Jia: HWAAAHHHH! GAH AH AH! OUWAAAAHHHHHH!
Jia Xu: Sigh…you know what, you'd better be grateful that you're already DEAD by the time we got this from Wu….
Xu Shu: continues curling up in the corner, miraculously avoiding any arrows
Cao Cao: GAH! Yu Jin, is there any way to speed up the ship?!
Yu Jin: I DON'T KNOW!
Cao Cao: Really?! Seriously, there gotta be some way…oh! A lever!
Yu Jin: A lever?!
Cao Cao: Yeah! Hmmm…'Pull in the case of re-enactment of a bad memory'…okay, I don't quite understand what that means, but this is already a bad memory enough, alright! pulls the lever
Yu Jin: What the- DON'T PULL IT!
Suddenly, the Dragon Ship transformed into an enormous robotic dragon, who then proceeded to dive down the water to douse the fire and then go up to fly across the sky.
Everyone: WOOOOOOOAAAAHHHH!
Cao Cao: What the hell….what, what is this thing?!
Yu Jin: As you can see for yourself sir, it's a transforming robotic ship.
Cao Cao: But that, that….THAT'S TOO OVERPOWERED! I mean, HOLY SHIT!
Yue Jin: Yeah…if we have ANYTHING like this, we could've leveled Shu and Wu in mere seconds!
Guo Jia: Whoa…hey! I can see my house from here!
Jia Xu: What? Heh. Hey, that's Wei down there! And that's Shu, Wu, Jin…
Zhang He: This is such a majestic specimen indeed!
Xun Yu: Whoa…hm, maybe we later should try to analyze this Dragon Ship and try to replicate it when we're finally back at home. This would be a deadly weapon.
Cao Cao: Heh, that's a good idea. Unfortunately, doing that would take lots of time. We can't affors to waste any!
Xu Shu: Hm?! AH! suddenly a bird flies right at his face
Xun Yu: AKH! You alright?!
Xu Shu: Ah…mostly…
Yu Jin: Hm! Sir, looks like we've reached our destination, Hefei.
Cao Cao: Ah, good. Moving down!
Yu Jin: Yeah. Brace yourselves!
Then the Dragon (Air)ship flied back down to the ground.
Everyone: WAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
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Cao Cao: Whew…man! What a trip! Okay, hop down everyone! WHOOP!
Everyone: HYAH!
Cao Cao: Whew…okay! Thanks for your help, Dragon.
Dragon Ship: flies back into the sky
Cao Cao: Hmm…oh the sign! Let's see…"At this point, I'm truly impressed by your amazing survival skills, or luck. Either way, congratulations on passing the fourth challenge! Now that you're in Hefei, you shall go to the Hefei Fortress, where your fifth challenge awaits. Also, keep in mind that you've already spent an entire day, meaning that now you only have 48 hours to save your damsel in distress. Good luck."
Zhang Liao: Heh…well, this place sure brings memories, eh Yue Jin?
Yue Jin: Yeah! A shame that Li Dian isn't here to reminisce it with us, though.
Cao Cao: Okay! Now that we only have 48 hours to do this, we have no time to waste! Let's go!
Everyone: Yo!
To Be Continued….
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