A/N: When I started writing this story, I figured it would be ten chapters long, at most. But it kind of got away from me, and so I find myself posting chapter 16 now. And it's not even the final chapter, in fact I have three more chapters planned after this one :)

As always, thanks for reading and reviewing, and I hope you'll enjoy this (longer than usual) chapter!

"…And so, my wife and I have decided to go our separate ways. This was not an easy decision, but it is the best one for us at this time in our lives. We ask that you respect our privacy and that of our family members in this difficult time." The camera zoomed in on the Florricks standing there looking grave while flashbulbs went off and reporters started shouting questions.

John pressed the mute button on the remote control and looked at Alicia's face. She looked pale and had dark circles under her eyes, but her gaze was clear and her look was one of determination. She didn't look away from the camera, her head held high, challenging the viewer to see the strong woman she was now, instead of the meek woman who had stood beside her husband in scandal six years ago. That's my girl, he thought, and was reminded of another night in a hotel room in another state, where he had sat and watched his girl give a great interview to Good Morning Chicago. Had that really been a mere week ago? He did a quick count and realized that yes, it had been only a little over a week ago. And now here he was again, sitting in a motel room and watching her on TV. Again.

So much had happened between then and now, and yet it felt so much the same.

Again, he wasn't there at an important time in her life. Again, he had left her to face the media alone. He felt like a giant dickhead all of a sudden. Never mind that she hadn't even bothered to tell him that she and Peter would go ahead and announce the divorce only hours after it was filed. He should have been there. He shouldn't have even thought of leaving Chicago, no matter how much he had missed riding his bike. How was she supposed to ever start trusting him if he up and left each time she needed him, for God's sake?

His hand reached for his phone, discarded on the nightstand when he'd arrived here after a long day of packing up and making arrangements. All of his belongings were now in boxes, waiting for the moving company to come pick them up tomorrow morning. He'd left the keys to his old apartment with the building manager, who had offered to oversee the loading of the boxes — he wouldn't even need to be present for that himself. So he was actually all ready to leave Columbus in the rearview mirror of his bike, now parked right outside the room. Why was he still sitting here, when all he wanted to do was call Alicia and tell her he was coming back tonight?

But his hand wavered before it even touched the phone, their last phone conversation playing through his mind. He'd screwed that up royally, not even asking about how her conversation with Peter and the kids had gone, accusing her of not trusting him and then telling her he was leaving her to face the immediate fall-out of the interview alone. If he called her now, on the heels of that press conference she'd just gone through, the best he could probably hope for was a polite version of screw you. Or maybe she wouldn't even be polite about it.

He sighed. Nah, better to stick with the plan. But there was no reason he couldn't leave here early in the morning, so he would be back in town by noon instead of tomorrow night.

§§§

"Mom? Are you okay?"

Alicia looked up from the glass of wine she had been staring at as if the answers to all her questions and worries were hiding in the depths of the burgundy liquid to find Grace standing just inside the living room, giving her a concerned look. Alicia felt like a terrible mother all of a sudden. Her daughter had spent the evening over at a friend's house while Alicia and Peter were making their announcement to the press. She must have watched the press conference on TV, must feel heartbroken now that it was more or less official that her parents were separating, yet there she was, asking if Alicia was okay.

"Mom." Grace took a few careful steps in her direction.

"I'm sorry, honey. It's been a long day." Alicia let out a heavy sigh and put the glass on the coffee table. "Come here."

Grace sat down, and Alicia pulled her into her arms, resting her own head on top of her daughter's. It had been a long day indeed. Alicia had spent the majority of it in the company of David Lee and Peter and his attorney, trying to work out the details of the divorce to everyone's satisfaction. When the papers had been drawn up and signed by both of them, David had waited until the last minute before court closed for the day to file them. That gave Alicia and Peter the chance to make the announcement themselves, before the news could be leaked to the press.

The press conference had been hell. Despite Peter's request for privacy, reporters had had no qualms about following them to their respective cars, shouting questions and taking pictures as they went. Alicia was pretty sure she'd seen Trent Davenport among them. In fact, she wouldn't be surprised if he had followed her all the way here and was now camped out on the sidewalk. She was so tired of being constantly watched. Would she ever get a chance to lead her life away from the spotlights again, without having to worry about mysterious sources leaking intimate details of her personal life to the press? Probably not, since she was a politician now… The thought of having to live like this for the rest of her life, or at least for as long as she was in office, scared her to no end, but she would have to find a way to deal with that. It was a good thing John was in Columbus though, so she couldn't be tempted to give in to her desire to seek refuge in his apartment, his bed, his arms.

"You want to watch a movie or something?" Grace asked, startling Alicia out of her thoughts as she reached for the remote control.

"No, honey." Alicia put her own hand on the remote control. There would be time to worry about her own life later. She needed to be there for her daughter now. "I would like to know how you're doing."

"Okay, I guess… I mean, nothing really changes, right?" Grace dropped her eyes to her lap and shrugged. "I've been praying for you to be happy again."

Alicia's heart wept and she had to close her eyes and swallow back tears. "I'm sorry honey, I've tried so hard to make it work with your father…"

"I know, mom. I don't blame you. And that's not what I meant." Grace's gaze came up to meet hers again. "I want you to be happy again, even if it's without dad. I know you haven't felt really happy since… Since the scandal. I want to hear you laugh out loud again, and sing. Like you used to when we were little." Tears pooled in her eyes and she wiped them away, still holding her mother's gaze. "I miss the old you." A trembling, self-conscious smile barely turned up the corners of her mouth.

"Grace…" Alicia trailed off and just sat there, stunned, as she tried to remember if she had ever really been like that, or if the mother Grace seemed to remember was an idealized version of her. "I don't know if I can…"

"It's okay, mom. You don't have to do it right now." Grace curled up against her again.

Alicia kissed her daughter's hair and sighed, wondering how Grace had grown up on her so fast. "Are you really okay?" she whispered.

"No, not really… But please don't blame yourself, okay?" Grace let out a sigh of her own. "Because I will be fine, mom. And so will Zach. Just give us time." She yawned. "I think I'm going to bed. I've had a long day too. Unless you want to talk more?"

"No, that's okay, sweetheart. I think I won't be far behind you, in fact."

After they hugged each other again and Grace had left the room, Alicia eyed her wine. But lifting the glass to her mouth suddenly seemed like way too much trouble. Until that moment she hadn't even realized how deeply exhausted and emotionally drained the events of the past week had left her. She closed her eyes and leaned her head back on the couch. She'd rest here for a little while before she would start up her laptop and look at every picture she could find of the gala, so she could try and figure out who could have taken that picture of her and John. She needed to know, because that person seemed to have access to very intimate details of Alicia's life, and she couldn't risk more of those details leaking to the press...

It wasn't long before Alicia dozed off — only to be startled wide awake again when a loud thunderclap ripped through the air, immediately followed by the sound of raindrops bombarding the apartment windows. A glance at the clock and the pain in her neck told her she'd slept for nearly two hours. The pictures would have to wait till morning, she decided. Her little nap hadn't done anything to take away her bone deep exhaustion. What she needed now, was sleep. She got up and dragged herself to the bathroom to change into her nightgown and brush her teeth.

But by the time she was in bed and switched off the light, her mind was fully alert again. She closed her eyes anyway and focused on the sound of the rain, determined to will herself to sleep. Minutes later, she turned onto her other side and sighed when she couldn't find a comfortable spot on her pillow to rest her head on. Turning to her stomach, she grabbed the pillow and fluffed it. Lying back down on her side, she closed her eyes again. The sound of the rain was starting to annoy her now, but that couldn't be helped. Turning to her back, she tried to do a breathing exercise she remembered from the few yoga classes she'd taken when they were still living in Highland Park. But her mind kept veering away from her breathing process to latch on to topics she really didn't want to think about now. Like how much Grace's words had resembled John's.

I want you to be happy again.

All I need from you is for you to be happy.

It sounded so simple. Just be happy. But to Alicia, it seemed that something was always standing in the way of her being truly happy. Especially over the past six years. Each and every time she had found some happiness, something had happened to force her to make a choice at the expense of that happiness.

So, stop making those choices.

If only it were that easy… Alicia turned to her side again, giving up on the breathing exercise with a long sigh. Opening her eyes, she looked at the rain streaming down the window.

Take the law firm, for instance. In the beginning, she had been so happy to finally have her own firm. But it hadn't been long before she and Cary were forced to start bringing in the very partners they had wanted to get away from. Not that she didn't like working with Diane, especially now that they were equals, but bringing in Diane had come back to bite her in the ass when Cary and Diane had decided to bring in David Lee without consulting her, effectively telling her that the firm wasn't really hers anymore. To be fair, she was the one who had chosen to run for office, so they may be right about her role in the firm, and of course they had needed the money David brought in now that Alicia lacked the time to bring in more clients… But that didn't mean she was happy about it.

When she won the elections, she'd felt happy again. But then John had left and everything had gone downhill from that moment on. And right now, she couldn't even remember why she had been so happy to win in the first place. Being in office meant submitting both her professional and her personal life to constant scrutiny of her choices, her actions, her words.

In other words, she would be stuck doing everything she could to keep other people happy, even if it was at the expense of her own happiness. Like she had been doing during her campaign. And, come to think of it, during the past two decades. That was the root of the problem, wasn't it? Everyone around her kept calling upon her to make them happy, so she never got around to doing the things that made her happy.

Alicia sat up, pulled her legs up and wrapped her arms around her knees. Resting her chin on top of them, she kept staring at the window as she remembered something else John had said.

You are not responsible for other people's happiness.

He may be right, but it didn't feel that way… Her eyes followed the rivulets of water running down the glass that were distorting her view of the outside world, and she suddenly started wondering if her view of the expectations she was constantly trying to meet could be just as distorted. Was it really the people around her who expected her to make them happy? Or was that just her? Was it really the circumstances that forced her to make choices she didn't want to make? Or was she making those choices because she thought they were what was expected from her?

What if she had made her choices based on what she really wanted? What choices would she have made?

Well, she would have started by divorcing Peter right after the scandal had come out. Tears choked up her throat as she allowed herself a brief fantasy of what that would have been like. It would have changed everything. She wouldn't have had to deny herself the chance to be with Will. He might even have been still alive right now…

On the other hand, there was no telling what would have happened between them, if they would have been able to make things work between them. So maybe the events that had led up to his death would have taken place anyway, just for different reasons.

Would she have run for office? Alicia sighed. If she was honest… No. She remembered when John had asked her that first night why she wanted to run. She hadn't been able to come up with an answer to that, had she? Looking back now, she realized that was because it had never been her choice to run, but a choice she had made based on the… encouragement… of other people. Eli. Gloria Steinem. Lemond Bishop. And everyone else telling her she should definitely run — or who had simply assumed she was going to run because Eli had just gone ahead and started her campaign without her. She snorted. Maybe he should have run for office himself…

But he hadn't, and she had. And she had won. There was no turning back now. Was there? No, she couldn't simply undo her campaign, her win. There were no do-overs in life.

Alicia's eyes opened and grew wide as she raised her head. Or were there?

She was divorcing Peter now, wasn't she? And even though Will was gone, she had found another man she wanted to be with. A man she had admitted to being in love with, if only to herself, even before she found out that he loved her, too.

What if this was her chance at a do-over? What if this was one of those moments where she could finally make a choice that made her happy? Of course, there was no guarantee that being with John would really make her happy in the long run, but shouldn't she at least try to make it work? Not because anyone else, including him, wanted her to, but because she wanted to?

And if it wasn't too late to divorce Peter, and to choose to be with John, then maybe it wasn't too late for her to choose to step down as the next State's Attorney either…

Her heart started pounding as she considered it. She hadn't taken office yet, and no one could force her to, could they? No. They couldn't. And Frank Prady would probably be more than happy to take her place. He would do a great job, too. The voters could probably care less, seeing as how close the race between her and Prady had been. So what was stopping her from making that choice?

Well, Cary and Diane, maybe… Would they still be willing to work with her if she asked to come back? And if they weren't, was that enough reason not to even try? No. She had started her own law firm before. She could do it again. Hadn't she just thought of how happy she had been when she had done it the first time?

A smile came on Alicia's face as she let her body relax and laid back against her pillow, thinking about all the possibilities her life suddenly seemed to have to offer. The smile was still there when she finally drifted off to sleep again.

§§§

John woke up to his phone vibrating on the nightstand. He groaned when he saw the time. 6 a.m. He'd finally gone to sleep at three, after watching two dumb movies while trying to convince himself that it really wasn't a good idea to head back to Chicago right away. Grabbing his phone, he saw an incoming text from Alicia. He frowned. What was she doing up so early? It was only five in Chicago…

When are you coming back? We need to talk.

John hesitated only a moment. Then he pressed the call back button and waited for her to pick up. "Hey," he said when she did.

"Oh — hi. I thought you'd still be asleep. I-I hope I didn't wake you…"

"No, no, that's okay. I woke up early." He was wide awake now, anyway, and it was early, so it wasn't really a lie. He sat up on the side of the bed. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just… Woke up early too. Couldn't get back to sleep." She paused. "We filed for divorce yesterday."

"I know. I saw the press conference. How did the kids take it?"

She sighed heavily. "Telling them was the hardest thing I ever did. Grace said she was glad we don't have to pretend anymore. Zach was… Well, not okay with it. He'll need time, I guess."

"And you?" John kept his tone neutral, but he was feeling nervous. What if she thought she'd made a mistake, regretted the divorce?

"I'm glad I don't have to pretend anymore." There was a hint of a smile in her voice, and John was glad to hear it. "So… When will you be back?"

"Around noon, I think." He glanced out the window and saw dark clouds and a few raindrops. "Or maybe a little later. Depends on the weather."

"That soon? I thought you said you'd be late."

"Yeah, but I figured I'd leave early. If I take the Interstates, it'll only take me six hours… Seven or eight if the rain gets heavy enough for traffic to slow down. Why?"

"I just…" Alicia was quiet for a couple of heartbeats, then she took a deep breath. "I-I really need to talk to you. I've done a lot of thinking, and…" she trailed off again. Just when John was about to say something, she exhaled and continued, "I don't want to do this over the phone. Just… Get back here soon, okay?"

"Okay. Will you be home?"

"No, I'm going to work today. But maybe we can talk after? Over dinner or something?"

"Sure."

"Okay, see you then."

The call ended, and John sat there for a couple of minutes while he tried to figure out what was so important that she couldn't tell him on the phone. Good news or bad news? He sighed. Only one way to find out, wasn't there? He got up. He'd better get going, before the weather got too bad.