A/N: Would anyone like to see something from Finn's POV? After so much silence, he's suddenly become very chatty.

So many times life is unpredictable. You have good days, and bad days, and, in the end, all that matters is who is still there, by your side

Author Unknown

I found it hard to believe that, after all of this time, Finn doesn't own a suit. He had the one that he had worn to the Fabray's that night, the one that had once belonged to his father, but that wasn't enough for this. Though I'm sure that it would be a comfort to him to have something of his fathers, court is formal and requires something fancier.

I happen to have six suits, but nothing I own would come even remotely close to fitting Finn, so it was off to go shopping. Finn submitted limply to the entire procedure, clearly wishing he was anywhere but in this store, getting poked and prodded.

In an effort to make this as a painless as possible, I took all of Finn's measurements at home so as minimize the need for strangers to touch him. Still, it was just another reminder to Finn of what was coming with the trial.

Finn was very quiet in the store, though he did respond to my questions. Granted, it was in a monotone and with as few words as possible, but he was still talking. Both Carole and Dad had bowed to my superior fashion knowledge and allowed me to choose his outfit.

"Are you going to be in a wedding, Finn?" The employee who was helping us was doing his best to draw Finn out of his quiet misery. He already knew that it wasn't a funeral, since I had immediately steered Finn away from that section of the store.

"No."

Finn held his arms out at his sides so I could check the fit of the suit. It was a routine we had perfected over the last four suits that had to be rejected for one reason or another. Normally, I wouldn't be this picky with Finn's clothing (though far pickier with my own), but this was a special occasion. People would notice his clothing first, and you only get one first impression. I couldn't control what questions were asked up there, nor could I control how Finn responded to them. All I could do was make sure he was appropriately dressed and that I was there to support him. "No, I don't like the way that one hangs. We need to go up a size in the jacket."

I turned back to my 'maybe' rack, just in time to hear Finn announce. "I'm going to court. Someone might get the death penalty." His voice was chipper.

I squeezed my eyes shut. Why was it that Finn suddenly had to start telling people things like that, after so many months of silence on the matter? It was embarrassing to have him pop out with things like that to a complete stranger.

Really? Is that really why it bothers you? Because I think that embarrassment is the least of your worries.

Ok, no, it wasn't the embarrassment that got to me. What really bothered me about Finn saying these things was the look on his face when he did it. It was an almost gleeful look, something that made his eyes light up when he did it. Finn liked shocking people, and then watching them scramble for the right thing to say to him. Especially when he knew full well that there was no right thing to say.

Sure enough, the employee stuttered and looked at me for help. I shrugged at him, because I wasn't sure how to handle it either. "Umm…I'm sorry to hear that, Finn."

"Oh, it's ok. I'm hoping he gets death." Again, he was pert, like he was politely answering any other condolence.

It was…..honestly, it was a little cruel, which was something Finn had never been before. He knew that he was putting people on the spot like this made them uncomfortable, but he kept right on doing it. I grabbed the closest suit and brought it over. Using the clothing for camouflage, I reached over and pinched him as hard as I could in the side. He jolted, and I hissed "Stop it." at him.

His eyes narrowed, but he did shut up and take the suit I handed him. "Try that one, Finn."

"Fine." His tone was short, but I could deal with it. Cranky Finn was at least a known enemy, and could usually be soothed with a fair amount of ease and cola. Quiet, manipulative Finn was something different and I didn't have the time to puzzle him out.

Once he had disappeared back into the dressing room, I gave the employee a shrug. "Sorry about him."

"It's fine." He probably wanted to say more, or, at the very least, ask if Finn was telling the truth, but he didn't. He just moved on in a professional manner that I hoped to be able to emulate some day. "Do you want to stay with a white shirt under the jacket, or would you like a few samples of color?"

If it was up to me, I would add some color, but I shook my head. "No, I think white is more appropriate for court."

"I don't want to wear a black suit. I want a blue one instead." Finn was contrary and determined to take it out on me.

I don't play that game with him. "No. You will wear a black suit to show your respect for the judge and his position. This is not up for debate."

He shrugged, but he didn't bring it up again. At my command, he put his arms up, twirled and stepped from side to side. "I think this one is acceptable. Change back as long as it feels ok on you."

It still wasn't the best, but it did look good on him, and I could tell that he was done with today. Sure enough, he shrugged tiredly. "It's fine."

"Are you sure? Because this is well made and you should be able to wear it for at least 10 years." I was going to have to justify the expense to Dad and Carole somehow.

"I'm sure." He marched back to the dressing room, the very picture of dejected fury. How someone can manage to put those two opposing ideas together so smoothly is just another one of Finn's many mysteries.

I turned to the employee, who was probably thanking more then one god that we were leaving. "We just need a white shirt and a black tie and I think that we'll be done. Thank you so much for your assistance."

He nodded and gave me a smile that almost seemed genuine. "It was my pleasure to help you two. I hope everything goes well for you and your boyfriend in court.

It was the first time that an outsider had pegged Finn as my boyfriend. "Thank you, but he's not my boyfriend. Finn is my soon-to-be-stepbrother."

"Oh. I just assumed because of the way you were together." He colored slightly. "My apologies."

"It's no problem." Inside, though, I was in turmoil. If it was obvious to a complete stranger that Finn and I were together, it wouldn't take much for a trained lawyer to figure it out.

Finn reappeared, dressed in a ratty T-shirt and jeans. For the first time in a long time, he had refused to let me dress him this morning, instead choosing the most disgusting outfits he owned. He's starting to play these control games again, and it's only going to get worse until the trial was over.

It was easy to get irritated with him, but I have to be sympathetic, too. Between going back to Glee, and knowing he would be seeing Joseph again, and the trial, he was under an enormous amount of stress and handling it the best that he could. I paid, using the credit card that Dad had given me specifically for things like this, and handed Finn the bag. "Ready to go get some lunch?"

He softened slightly, though I could still see some tremors racing up and down his arms. "Ok. Thank you very much for helping us, Chad. You were awesome."

Sometimes he surprises me. Despite being in an utter temper snit, he had taken the time to get the employee's name, which I hadn't.

"Just doing my job. I hope court goes well for you."

"It will." Again, he pulled off the confident devil-may-care attitude that had nothing to do with his true feelings. "Thanks again."

He was tense when I patted his back, but he didn't shy away from my touch. "Let's take this out to the car, and then we can get some lunch. How does that sound?'

"Yeah." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close. "Thank you for taking me shopping."

I tried to lighten the mood during lunch by talking about Glee and what songs we might like to do. Finn was rather entranced with the idea of a mash-up of Journey songs, and participated happily in puzzling out which songs to use. I've long since suspected that Finn knows far too much 80's music, and this just proved it to me. "You need to learn some music from this decade, Finn."

"Like that Lady Gaga dude you love so much?" His eyes were laughing, even if his face was still.

He knew full well that Lady Gaga was a woman, but I didn't call him on it. Now that the hard part of the day was over and he had some food in his belly, his mood was improving. "Yes, exactly like Lady Gaga. Or Beyonce. Or even the Backstreet Boys. Something."

"You have your music, I have mine. That's why we have headphones." But he was grinning at me when he said it. "Can I have a bite of your wrap?"

I handed it over, pleased that he had calmed down. As bad as he can be sometimes with his sulking, Finn really has matured a lot from where he was this time last year. He doesn't fly off the handle like he used to, and I haven't seen him kick anything over since he came back. A year ago my pushing him on his musical choices would have earned a snappy reply, if not an outright shove, but he remained calm and collected. Maybe he would have been the same way if none of this had happened, but I somehow doubted it.

"Remind me again what happens at court." Hearing the story over and over had become a comfort to Finn.

"You don't have to be there every day if you don't want to. When it's your turn to testify, the prosecution will talk to you first. They can ask you whatever they want. You have to answer, but you can take your time. Don't let them make you upset or push you into saying anything you shouldn't. Answer the question they ask and don't add anything. You don't have to justify yourself for any reason."

"Samantha said to count to four before I answered the questions."

"Right. Remember, the prosecution is on your side. After they ask all of their questions, the defense gets a chance. They're the ones you're going to have to be careful of."

"Because they're on his side. Josephs." Finn always felt like he had to clarify that, as if I wouldn't know who he was talking about.

"Right. They'll have a chance to ask questions. They might even ask the same questions, but twisted a little to make you look bad. Make sure that you count to at least four for any of their questions. Then the prosecution gets a chance to do damage control by talking to you again, and then you're done."

He picked at his sleeve. "How long will it take?"

"I don't know, Sweetheart. It shouldn't be longer then a day, though." I tried to sound pert, even though I had my suspicions that it would be much longer then a single day. Finn was the star witness here, the only one who had been present for everything that happened. He was also the one who might fall apart on the witness box if pushed hard enough. Depending on how he performed, he was going to be gold for one side or the other.

Finn didn't want to shop once we had eaten, not even at the Game Stop or other places he enjoyed, so I went ahead and turned the car towards home. After 10 minutes or so of silence, Finn reached over and tugged on my sleeve. "Hey, Kurt?"

"What?"

"Do I look hot in my suit?" He grinned sassily, and I had to chuckle.

"You look hot in just about everything. That T-shirt, though? Finn, no. It looks like a family of moths have colonized the neckline."

He heaved a long-suffering sigh. "I know. But it's one of my favorites and there aren't any big holes in it."

That didn't make it any less of an atrocity. "What about if I bought you a new one, exactly like that one? That ones faded as well."

"But then it wouldn't be my shirt. It would be like mine, but not." His voice picked up a slight edge that told me to back off. He was tired and miserable and had performed admirably for a task that he hated today.

"Ok. Work on keeping your voice calm, even when you're frustrated, because that's something they'll look at in court." I kept my own voice steady and nonjudgmental.

"I am working on it." But he did soften the bite. "Can we hang out downstairs when we get home? I want to watch a movie."

'I want to watch a movie' was Finn-code for 'I want to make-out'. Unless, of course, some ridiculous action movie had just been released. Then it just meant he wanted to watch a movie. Not that he couldn't be swayed to the making out side of things, but I usually had to sit through 45 minutes of a terrible movie before it could happen. "I think we can make movie time happen."

"Cool." He braced both hands on the center console and leaned forward to give me a rough kiss on the cheek. Then he licked my jaw and laughed.

"Down, Rover." My skin tingled from where he had touched me.

He complied, though not without an overly dramatic sigh to let me know how mean I was. I rolled my eyes, but, inwardly, my body was thrumming like a live wire. Every time Finn did this, my heart started skipping beats. How far would he go this time? And what would the consequences be if things got pushed too far?

Because he was getting braver. More and more, he wanted to touch my body. Not in the obvious place, but he liked running his hands up and down my sides, or over my chest and stomach. He was also willing to let me touch his, though, again, I had to keep my hands away from certain places.

It's called a penis. Peeee-niiiis. You could even say groin if the word penis offends you so much. How are you going to convince Finn that his body isn't dirty and wrong if you aren't convinced that about your own? He's not stupid, and he knows that you're ambiguous.

I knew that. I was scared to push Finn, but he was just as frightened to push me. He hasn't said it, but I think he's nervous that he won't be able to read the signs that I want to slow down or stop, and he'll end up raping me, the way Joseph did to him. That would never actually happen, but I understand why he's afraid it might.

That usually left us in a holding pattern of getting each other incredibly frustrated, but nothing ever coming of it except one of us having to slink off to the bathroom for a little pressure relief. The other one (usually Finn) was left to take care of it on the bed. Then we would do something else and pretend that it had never happened.

Finn was looking at me differently today, which made my stomach clench in anticipation. He looked far more relaxed then usual, though there was still something that held him a little apart from me.

True to form, Finn headed for the fridge to get a drink as soon as we walked in the door. Our electricity has become sky-high from him opening that fridge door 1000 time a day, and then not actually taking anything out. He just likes looking at the food.

Still, he was hot on my heels as I went downstairs to hang his new suit up. I'm taller now, but he still seemed to loom over me when he leaned down to kiss the back of my neck. "Thank you for taking me shopping today. I know that you'll make me look good for the trial."

Compliments were the fastest way to turn me on, and his words had their desired effect. The way he kissed my skin, so gently that it felt like butterfly wings, didn't hurt either. I twisted so I could kiss him back, using my body to nudge him over to the bed. For some reason, making out on the bed seemed much….classier, then doing it against a wall. It probably wasn't, but I couldn't help but perceive it that way.

Finn is obsessed with my collarbones, something I'm more then happy to let him indulge in. Who would have thought that it would feel so good for him to lightly bite there?

I was so distracted by what his mouth was doing that I nearly jumped off the bed when his hand pressed down on my stomach, fingers splayed dangerously lower. He looked up, our eyes locked. "Can I?"

There was no doubt in my mind what he was asking. I was too startled and choked up to answer, so he tried again. "Kurt? Can I?"

What did I say now? Of course he could, and I wanted him to, but should I let him after what had happened last time? It was a tough choice, and the lack of blood flow to my brain wasn't helping matters any.

This isn't a matter for your brain. What is your heart saying?

I forced myself to search Finn's expectant face. In sharp contrast to the earlier incident, where he had been almost aggressive with his actions, he was shy and uncertain. This was an actual question, as opposed to him wanting to prove something to both me and himself. He was clearly nervous, but isn't everyone the first time? "Go ahead."

My voice squeaked, which let him know that I was as nervous as he was. He grinned and slid down, pressing his hand over the front of pants and against my erection. Other then that last time, no one had ever touched me like that. He kissed my lips again, slowly moving his hand back and forth, grinding in. He was very light at first, then harder as he gained some confidence. He kissed me again and again. "Is this good?"

He wanted me to form words? I could barely breathe, and my…my….my…..holy shit! Much to my horror, I came hard in my pants with only a few touches from him. Finn gentled me through it, easing up and dropping his head so he could kiss me. I was as...uh…yeah, I couldn't even think.

It must have been a good 45 seconds before I became aware of the fact that Finn was watching me with a worried look on his face. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. "Was that ok?"

I tugged his shirt until he was lying next to me. "That was perfect."

"I didn't hurt you? You're ok?" He had to know.

"I'm ok, and you didn't hurt me." I rubbed his shoulder until some of the tension eased out. "You're not like him."

That was the problem here. Even more then Finn seems to fear me doing something to hurt him, he fears that he'll so something to hurt or frighten me. He wants my first times to be wonderful, because his hadn't been. I wasn't afraid of that at all, but once Finn gets his mind on something, it can be very hard to change it.

His eyes searched mine, and I knew that he was trying to ferret out a lie. What he found must have satisfied him, because he broke into a natural smile. One arm snaked out and wrapped around me. The difference between today and the last time we tried this was amazing.

See? You worried and worried, and it was all for nothing. When Finn was ready, he was ready and the only one who could know that was him. No fuss, no drama.

Speaking of Finn…I gathered my courage. "Do you want me to…." I couldn't say what I wanted to, so I just kind of gestured down at his groin.

"No." It came out very quickly, but not harshly. "Not this time."

I hastened to soothe the trapped look back out of his eyes. "That's fine. You let me know when you want me to."

"Ok. Can I have the bathroom first, please?" He swallowed hard when he spoke, still looking discombobulated.

"Of course. Just throw out a wet washcloth for me. Warm water, Finn, not cold like last time."

The washcloth didn't appear for several minutes. Though, if what I saw in his pants was any indication, he had more pressing matters to attend to. Sure enough, when he emerged a few minutes later, he looked flushed and guilty, but in significantly less discomfort. He handed me the washcloth, which I no longer needed. Since the bathroom was now free, I could just go clean up in there. I grabbed a pair of pajama bottoms and crept off to deal with my shame in private.

Finn was already humming a song under his breath, looking inordinately pleased with himself. But, then, why shouldn't he? He had made me lose control of myself, while still sitting pretty.

Exactly. Believe it or not, this is what Finn needs. Right now, he needs this control of your sexual encounters. It proves to him that you won't resort to pressure or force to get what you want. It also proves that you're offering him control of your own free will, and that he won't be tempted to abuse that trust. For something this huge, I think you can put up with a little embarrassment and one pair of ruined pants.

I hadn't really thought of it that way, but it made sense. Still, I had to wince as I pulled my pants and boxer shorts off. I'm not a fan of bodily fluids of any kind, and semen has to be one of the worst. Cold, sticky, and it leaves stains everywhere. It's just repulsive.

Once I had done a quick clean-up and splashed some water on my face, I poked my head back out. "Finn? Do you need anything?"

He was already up and settled in front of the television so he could play some video games. It wouldn't have been that long ago that would have thought that Finn didn't care about what had happened between us at all, since he seemed to be moving on to the next thing so quickly, but now I know that that isn't true.

Actually, Finn's total focus on the game told me that he cared a great deal about what had just happened. A lot of the time when Finn appeared to be zoned out in front of a game, he was really doing a lot of thinking. It was almost like meditation, just with more explosions and turtle shells.

He had folded himself up in the swinging chair, but we've long since figured out how to both fit. I snuggled in and tucked my head against his neck. He didn't look at me, but he did rest his cheek on top of my head. "Do you want to switch to something else so you can play, too?"

"No, it's alright. You do your thing." I didn't push for him to talk about what had happened. He was going to get enough of that on Tuesday.

Close to an hour had passed and I was nearly asleep on his shoulder before Finn came out of his light and sound induced coma. "Are you ready to testify?"

That was right; I was going to have to testify as well. While Finn was the main witness for the prosecution, I was supposed to appear as well. I was the one who could testify to Finn's mental state right after he came back, because I had been the only one who knew him Before. The doctors and nurses that had taken care of him at the hospital didn't know that the quiet, fearful person they were seeing was miles away from the wild, outgoing guy that I had known a few months before. Carole and Dad were on standby to be called as well. It was a full family affair, just like something out of Jerry Springer.

I didn't let any of my turmoil show. Finn tends to take his cues off of the people around him, and my staying calm would help get him keep his cool as well. "I think so. I'm nervous, but how bad can it be? I'll just use your idea of counting to four before I answer anything."

"I'm kind of nervous about seeing them again. I don't want them to be mad at me or anything." He didn't look at me when he spoke. That was probably good, because there was no hiding the shock on my face. They had stolen him, killed Puck and both sexually assaulted him more then once and he was worried about making them angry by bringing them to justice?

It took some force, but I managed to make my face blank by the time he looked up. Whether or not I agreed with, or even understood, them, Finn's feelings were his own, and thus valid. If I jumped on him now, he would be afraid to bring things like this to my attention in the future. So I probed gently. "Are you afraid that they'll do something to hurt you?"

"No. I know that they can't do anything to me now." He rubbed his cheek against the top of my head, a sure sign that he was stressed out.

"Then what is it?"

"I don't know!" His voice tightened in a way that told me he knew exactly what the problem was.

It's a fine line to walk, this edge between helping Finn sort out his conflicting feelings and putting words in his mouth. He likes for people to be happy with him, and a lot of the time he would just agree with whatever you offered to get you off of his back. "Why don't you take a few minutes to think about it? You know I just want to help you."

Hearing for the millionth time that we're on the same side usually calms him down, and I felt Finn's body lose some of its tension. Without a word, he got up and switched games, putting in Mario Kart racing and handing me the second controller. This was his way of telling me that he wanted to be close to me, and play along side me, even if he didn't want to directly interact with me right now. This way, he didn't feel pressured by me looking at him and waiting for an answer, either.

"I don't want them to hate me. Lily only asked me to do one thing, and that was not tell anyone their names. But I did. If they had known that I would tattle, they would have killed me. I made a promise, and then you made me break it!" His voice was low, but held a hint of a snarl that made me back up a bit.

No, I hadn't. I had never pushed Finn to tell me more then he was comfortable with, even that first night when he had started talking again. I had been patient the entire time he wasn't talking, even when I wanted to just shake him until he spilled his secrets. Well, not perfectly patient, I made a few mistakes, but I think I did pretty well.

A year ago, I would have told Finn that. Loudly, and using a bunch of words that he had no chance of understanding. His inability to form a come-back that didn't involve him kicking things over and a temper snit would have proven that, once again, I was right and he was wrong.

What a difference a year makes. Now that I'm living with Finn, it's easier to see that he's perfectly capable of coming up with an answer if you're patient enough to wait for it. When he's pushed, though, he panics and lashes out.

So I try to give him some extra time to sort out what he wants to say instead of steamrolling over him. It's the reason I have Finn now and Rachel doesn't. He's never said that in so many words, but he does talk about how much he likes that I listen to him and don't tell him that he's an idiot like all of his girlfriends used to. I must be doing something right. Instead of screaming, I just fixed him with a level look. "Is that true?"

By asking him a question rather then telling him that he was wrong, I took some of the pressure off. He sighed heavily and dropped his head. "No. You didn't make me do anything. I broke the promise all by myself."

"No one should ever ask you to promise anything that makes you or someone else unsafe. If you didn't tell, then they would have hurt someone else. Ok? They were wrong to ask you to make that promise, and you shouldn't feel obligated to keep it." There was a deeper issue here, and I still wasn't seeing it.

"You think I'm really stupid, don't you?" He rubbed the back of his neck. "They were wrong, and bad, and evil. I should want them to burn in hell, and I really, really, do. I just don't want to be the one who sends them to jail. They weren't always mean to me, you know."

Like any abused child, Finn was still trying to find some positives in his situation. It had been terrible, but it had also been his life for four months. I had to remember that sometimes the only thing I had to do was offer some quiet support. This wasn't a problem that I could be expected to solve. "I know. But this is about more then just what happened with you and them. You have to think about the safety of every person in America. We both know that they hurt other kids, and probably killed them. You have a chance that they didn't."

"I'm tired of thinking about everyone else." I had never heard him sound so defeated. "Even if I have to. If it was just me, it would be ok. But they need to be punished for Puck."

They deserved to be punished for both Finn and Puck, and probably a thousand other things besides. Finn shifted so he could kiss my cheek. "Ok, I 'm done with the self pity now."

He has the most amazing ability to change emotions like that. Though I'm sure that his true emotions don't shut on and off like he would like me to think they do, he does tend to make a deliberate choice to be happy, which is cute and sweet, if not a little sneaky.

"I'm going to go to the trial, and I'm going to tell the truth. Even if they don't believe me, I'll know I did everything I could. Then when I see Puck again, he'll know that I didn't pussy out at the last minute."

I guessed that was one way to look at it. "You're going to do great."

He gave a humorless snort. "I guess we'll find out, won't we?"