Equanimity: Syllabification: e·qua·nim·i·ty Noun.1) Mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation. Example: she accepted both the good and the bad with equanimity.

CHAPTER TWO

Being mentally drained from the night before, I woke up on Sunday to a surprising calmness. I looked over at my clock and saw that it was still early. Edward was already out of bed and gone. On Sundays he liked to get an early start with his food truck. It was completely normal and, yet, I missed him. Especially today.

I sighed and shook my head, thinking over yesterday's events. I berated myself for ruining a perfect and important moment for Edward. I knew it must have taken courage to ask me to marry him and, if I had any courage whatsoever, I would have said yes outright. No conditions. No worries for the future.

I should have said yes.

Oh Bella, you can't say yes. It would be completely wrong for you to do so. I would be stealing his future away. I rubbed my temples before flopping back down to my pillow. My bed was a safe haven from any problems.

"The forecast says there is rain on the horizon. The perfect day to stay in and study, don't you think?"

Edward's voice had me popping back up from my pillow.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

With a tray in his hands, he came over and sat down on the bed.

"I'm here to help you study. I decided to take time off so you have the ultimate study buddy. I already went through your study guide and made a schedule for the next two and a half days." He handed me his chart from off the tray. It was color coded and had every hour accounted for. Even meal and potty breaks were scheduled.

"Geez, seems you've forgotten to schedule in sex." I replied dryly.

"No, I didn't. I allowed for a fifteen minute break every four hours. It's up to you what you want to do on these breaks." He winked.

"Wow, fifteen whole minutes!" I exclaimed, "Can I study in the nude so I won't waste any of my precious fifteen minutes disrobing?"

"As long as you don't find it disruptive."

I scowled. "You do know that this schedule is a tad overboard, right?"

"Bella, you have two days to comprehend this material so you can pass your class. You are in luck that I happened to be one of the best tutors when I was at school. You listen and work with me for the next two days and you will pass your class. But, I need you to be one hundred percent on board with me."

I stared down at his color coded schedule and, already, I felt defeated. I knew Edward was an intelligent person and anyone in my position would be happy to have this kind of dedication, but being tutored by Edward made me feel…inadequate and stupid. I knew that if I was going to commit to his vision, I would need to set my ego aside. Easier said than done.

I sighed and looked back up at him, "Lucky me."

"All right, first of all, I want you to understand that I am not going to be your understanding boyfriend who will hold you and pat you on the back when you're frustrated. I am going to be a hard ass. I'm not going to allow any whining or complaining. I don't want to hear you say that you're stupid and, worse of all, I'm not going to give up on you so at no time are you allowed to quit on me." He stated adamantly.

I sat there staring at him like he just went out of his mind and then it reminded me of something.

"Mr. Cullen, I have missed this game. Wherever is your ruler?" I asked innocently. I started to crawl towards him on the bed and he instantly leaped up and off.

"Stop it, Bella. If you want to role play, we can do so later at…" He looked down at the schedule, "Twelve fifteen."

"And what if I don't stop? Will I get a detention?"

"I have way more will power then you. You can shake those at me all you want. I won't give in." He replied, waving a hand at my breasts. "Now eat your breakfast. Everything on that tray is brain food."

I looked down at the tray and noticed for the first time that this was unlike normal Edward breakfasts. Edward usually made eggs and pancakes and bacon. The whole kitten caboodle. This breakfast looked like it was missing its caboodle.

"What is that?" I asked abandoning my teacher student fantasy.

"Half a grapefruit. A bran muffin with peanut butter and a glass of orange juice."

"Brain food? As appetizing as this all looks, unless it's going to literally grow me a brain, I think I'll pass."

"Would you just eat the damn food? I need you focused and your next meal break won't be until twelve-thirty." He noted.

"Would you stop? I am going to eat when I am hungry. I am going to sleep when I'm sleepy, and I will pee without asking for a hall pass."

Edward sighed and sat back down on the bed looking defeated.

"Bella, I really want this for us. This…degree isn't just about you. This is everything that we have talked about since I've known you. I know how much this means to you and so it means a hell of a lot to me to. You're going to have easy classes and hard classes, but when it's all over and you can finally walk across that stage with a diploma, all the sacrifice, all the hard work, all our fighting, it will all be worth it. Please. Please let me help you."

I sighed and looked back over to my sad little breakfast.

"All right, Major Hard Ass. Where do we begin?" I gave in and picked up the brown muffin.

Edward smiled and, excitedly, he jumped back up and ran toward the hallway. I heard a strange sound as Edward dragged something across our hardwood flooring. My mouth dropped when I saw him cart in a full on wipe off board.

"Someone went a little overboard this morning." I taunted.

"How am I supposed to explain myself adequately if I don't have the proper medium? Isn't this cool?" He geeked out on me. "Plus, we could use it as a prop after."

"Prop?"

"You know, just in case you find yourself unoccupied around twelve fifteen." He smirked.

"Oh, you've had your chance with me, Mr. Cullen. I'm afraid you missed that train."

"We'll see about that."

Our study session went mildly good. I will admit that Edward really did have a knack at explaining things. However, when he felt he explained something too much, he would begin to lose patience, which may have led to the argument we had around noon that caused my fifteen minute break to be spent in solitude.

Edward used it as an excuse to go and make us our lunch, but I think he was trying to get away from me for a few minutes. I let him go and decided to shower instead. I didn't know if this tutoring thing would be a good idea after this course had finished. I wasn't about to sacrifice my relationship for a stupid prerequisite chemistry course that didn't even interest me.

It made me positively angry that I was forced to take a class that I would never use and was a waste of my time, all for the sake of being "well-rounded." I didn't want to be well-rounded. I just wanted to be happy and proud of myself. I wanted to know that I could accomplish something and Topics of Modern Chemistry stood in the way of that.

My brain was overloaded with chemistry and here I was on my "break" as Edward so designated, still thinking about it. I should be thinking about something else, something more important, like this interview I had with the private investigator Edward hired. Edward scheduled it for after my test on Tuesday. I knew he thought he was doing a nice thing by waiting until after my test, but part of me wished we could have done it today, so that this guy could already get started. I hated having to wait. I hated having to remain calm and act like it wasn't the biggest thing to be happening in my world.

The water ran over my body and it was the only form of relief I could find for the mounting headache I was causing myself. It wasn't until there was a knock on my shower door that it occurred to me that I might have been taking longer than the allocated fifteen minutes.

"Just…forget about me for lunch. I will forgo eating if I can have a decent shower, and don't give me any crap about that stupid drought." I huffed.

The shower door opened. I gasped in surprise that Edward was standing there stark naked.

"Fuck the drought."

He entered quickly and pulled me into a strong kiss. I was so in shock, but I wasn't sure what I was in more shock of. Wasn't he just upset with me and my lack of focus? And then on the other hand, Edward had been harping on me for weeks about the California drought and how I could contribute to the cause.

My back was up against the shower wall as he lifted me up easily and slid straight into me.

Why the hell was I thinking of droughts?

Edward's teeth let go of my lip and moved on toward my neck.

"So…much…better than studying." I panted as he pushed into me over and over. My hands could feel his back muscles flexing as he worked to bring us to that perfect moment.

"Fucking now. Studying later." He grunted. "Need you focused."

I nodded my head wildly, hoping he wouldn't stop. I brought his mouth to mine and continued to kiss him, but then something occurred to me, "So you're not mad at me?"

And then he stopped.

"Bella, do you want an orgasm or would you rather we hash this out? My dick can take a number. Your princess can abdicate her throne…" He asked, looking directly in my eyes.

"It's a queen, not a princess." I corrected.

It was stupid but, hey, if guys got to name their dicks, I got to name my clit.

I could still feel every inch of him inside me as he waited for my answer. I could also feel my clit queen screaming at me for my finale and wondering why the hell I would bother him when we had such a good thing going.

"You're right. You can continue fucking me now." I pushed up a little, but my legs slid down his ass due to our wet bodies.

Edward set me back down on the ground and I started to protest, "Hey, less talk, more rock."

Without a word, he spun me around, keeping a firm grasp so I wouldn't slip, and ordered for me to hold on to the wet bar. He bent me over and pushed back into me.

"Anymore protests?" He asked.

I shook my head furiously and he started back his pace. There was only one thing in the world that could make me forget about a headache, a chemistry test, and my questionable past. The feeling of Edward's fingers as he dug them into my thighs. The sound our bodies would make as he crashed into me over and over only to be drowned out by my many expletives.

"Come on, baby. I'm almost…" I could hear him trying to refrain, waiting for me.

"Fuck!" I chanted, trying to quicken our pace.

"Come on, baby, I want to see your fucking cunt filled with my cum."

"Oh, fuck me!" I screamed, finally feeling my orgasm as it hit with full force.

Absently, I could hear Edward yell out himself as he pushed into me farther, but I was done and spent. I waited for him to pull out to flop down to the tiled bench in the shower. I closed my eyes while my breathing and body came back down to earth.

Edward sat down beside me and pulled me toward him, leaving a kiss upon my head.

"Damn, I was worried I wasn't going to be able to get you off in time."

I smiled, "I noticed. It's usually only for emergencies that you bring out dirty Edward."

When it came to vulgarities, I cornered the market in that respect. You wouldn't find Edward using obscenities or dirty talk in our everyday language so, whenever he did, my god, did it have an effect on the queen.

I laid there against his chest with a happy little smile on my face. "I could go for a nap right about now."

"Absolutely not! Come on, we've already wasted enough time." He replied, pushing me off to stand.

"Wow, wasted? Nice to know that our sex life is a waste of time to you." I huffed.

"You can act offended all you like, Miss Swan, but it's not going to keep us from chapter four. I gave you one hell of an orgasm so…I think you could, at the very least, get dressed and back to work."

"Well, at the very least, can I wash your spunk out of my pussy or should I just have it leaking all over the bed while we study?"

"Don't be disgusting." He admonished.

"Disgusting? Hey, these are your swimmers up in here." I quickly covered my privates and whispered, "If I were you, I wouldn't let them hear you speak so disparaging of them."

"You're absolutely right, Bella." Edward dropped to his knees and wrapped his arms around my thighs, "My poor babies, I apologize immensely. Now, please, swim on and do god's work."

My eyes practically bugged out of my skull and I quickly untangled myself from Edward's grasp.

"No! No, god's work." I began hopping up and down with my legs spread, "Free Willy! Free all the Willies!"

Edward shook his head with a smile and stood back up.

"Hurry up! You're late Swan and Mr. Cullen can be a real hard ass when it comes to tardiness."

I smirked, "Hard ass? I could think of something else that's hard on Mr. Cullen."

"Now!" he ordered.

With an obnoxious sigh, I finished washing up and prepared myself for entering back into the ever so exciting world of chem. It was a tiresome two and a half days to say the least. Edward even thought it would be a good idea to drive me to my final so he could quiz me in the car. But it didn't make any difference, because today wasn't just the day that I take a test. Today was the day I would find out if this investigator really could track down my biological father.

"Bella, are you even paying attention?" Edward asked.

"What? Uh…what was the question?" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked over to him.

"What are you thinking about?"

"What do you think?" I sighed.

"Oh…honey, it's going to be okay. You are ready for this test. You are going to kick some major Ucla butt."

I shook my head, "First of all, please don't call it Ucla. It's U.C.L.A. You sound like a hipster…I can't be seen with a hipster."

Edward laughed and turned into the parking area in front of the building for my class.

"Secondly…I'm not even thinking about this test. I can't stop thinking about our meeting afterwards. What if this guy can't find my dad? I know that this test is really important to you…you've put in so much hard work and you've had to deal with probably the most unfocused student ever but…there is something else that's much more important to me, and that's what I'm focused on."

Edward's head softly hit the back of his head rest, "I knew I should have waited to tell you about that. Please, Bella…everything will be fine. I promise you…if it takes ten investigators, we will find him."

"You don't know that. I don't even have a clue to start with. Grandfather already told me before he died that even Charles didn't know who my biological father was. I'm like a needle in a world sized haystack."

"That's what these investigators do, though. They can take even the smallest information and find answers. This guy works for my father and he is ex-CIA. He has contacts and government training for this. Try and focus on the chemistry. It's one test and then you're done for winter break. No more studying until spring. You and me celebrating our first Christmas together…"

"We were together for Christmas last year." I reminded him.

"No…you were mad at me last year and found forgiveness. This is our first real drama-less Christmas."

I gave him a small smile, thinking back to how far we have come in a year. I gathered up my book bag and leaned over to give him a kiss.

"Thank you for…not giving up on me."

"Never." He vowed. "Good luck, Bella. I will be right here to pick you up when you're done."

I nodded my head and trepidatiously stepped out of the car. I entered the class and could feel the loom of doom that hung over the room. Every student was quiet and focused as they took out their materials. I walked to sit down at my normal seat and waited while the professor sent around the exam. He explained the time requirements and wished us luck.

I stared down at the exam for a whole minute before picking up my pencil.

Focus, Bella! Edward said everything would be okay, just do this shit and get out of here. The sooner I could leave, the sooner we could make our appointment. I breathed out once more and started.

There are things that happen when you are taking an important exam. You look down at the material and it might as well be written in Sanskrit for all the good it will do you. That usually happens when you know you haven't studied enough. Secondly, you take the full amount of time for the test, because you constantly second guess your answers. Everything must be a trick question, right? Or…what happened to me, I practically flew through the exam and when it was finished I wondered if maybe that was a little too easy. Maybe I just fucked it up because there is no way that I should have nearly twenty minutes of my allotted time left, but I didn't want to be the first student up and out of my seat, so I waited.

I tapped my pencil anxiously until another student gave me a look of death so I changed my focus on biting my fingernail. I exhaled when I saw a student get up finally and approach the professor. I even waited for good measure for another student to finish before I jumped out of my seat to leave.

"So…how did we do, Miss Swan?" The professor asked me.

"Well…I'm…rather nauseated and…no offense, but I've had so much chemistry rammed down my throat the past couple of days that I really hope I never have to look at you standing by a blackboard again."

Dammit, Bella! So not a good thing to say to the man who holds your future in his hands. The professor looked at me oddly for a moment and then smirked.

"No offense, but I hope I don't have to see you behind one of my desks again." He retorted.

"Well…you know how to make us both happy, sir." I replied with a cringe.

"Get out of here, Swan. The next time I see you, it better be far away from this building."

"Thank you, sir. I sure hope so." I gave him a small nod and left the Department of Chemistry building.

I walked out to the curb and didn't see Edward in sight. It was only a few moments I had to wait before he came driving up.

"Have you been waiting long?" Edward asked anxiously.

"I completely bombed…I just signed my name and turned the test in. I've been waiting here for an hour."

Edward's face instantly drained of blood and he tried to swallow the lump in his throat.

"It's…okay, baby." He tried to console me.

"I'm screwing with you, Edward…I finished the test, but I can't promise I passed."

"Don't do that to me. You know I'm an old man over here." He replied, clutching his chest.

"You're thirty-two." I pointed out, "Which, yes, seems like an eternity from my age, but I doubt you need to worry about a heart condition at this point."

"So when will you find out?" He wondered.

"Not sure, a couple of weeks. I think they usually send out the grades online right before New Year's, just in case you want to ring in the New Year with a resolution to kill yourself."

"Don't be so morbid. I doubt you did that bad."

I looked out my window and hoped he was right.

We drove toward downtown and it wasn't until we were in front of Cullen Media Group's high substantial building that I became confused.

"Why are we coming here?" I asked.

"I told you that this guy works for my father."

"Oh…I guess I just thought…we would be in a more intimate setting."

"There's nothing to worry about, Bella." He replied.

"Did you tell your father what I'm doing?" I asked.

Edward furrowed his brow and then spoke cautiously, "Was this something I was supposed to keep secret?"

"No…I guess not. I just…never mind." I tried to shake it off.

"What is it, Bella?" He pushed as he parked our car in a special designated space.

"It's nothing."

"Just tell me." He demanded.

"I don't know if I want everyone to know. I don't want to have to answer questions that I don't even know the answers to. I just wanted to keep this to us until I found out something. I don't want people asking me every day if I've heard anything. It will drive me crazy."

He turned off the car and we sat in silence for a few minutes.

"I'm sorry, Bella…I didn't think…"

"It's okay. I…I'm just scared. Really scared."

He nodded, sympathetically, and took my hand, "It will be okay."

I waited for a second before gathering my courage up. "Okay, let's get this done."

We both got out of the car and located the elevator. Edward flashed some sort of badge near the numbers and hit the top floor. I had never been to this building. Thinking about the Cullen Media Group had never been on my radar. The elevator went all the way to the top with no stops and we walked into a pristine modern office.

"Edward." The young receptionist greeted. "I haven't see you around here in a long while."

Why was I getting the feeling there was some flirtation going on up in here?

"Hi, Jeannette. It has been awhile. I would like to introduce you to my girlfriend, Isabella."

I questioned the name change, since Edward rarely introduced me as Isabella, but I didn't say anything out loud. That conversation could wait for another time. The young girl overcompensated greatly with her welcome towards me and I tried to reciprocate, but I don't think I did as great of a job at faking as she did.

"Is my father here?" Edward asked.

"Of course, in and waiting." She beamed.

Edward took my hand and we walked toward the sturdy doors. I had always seen Carlisle in social situations so it felt weird to see him in his work habitat. Immediately upon seeing us, he ended his phone call and stood up from his desk with a great big smile on his face. It's amazing how different from Charles he was. Just goes to show you that you can be powerful and wealthy and, yet, you don't have to be a douche.

"There are my kids." He greeted us with arms wide open.

I couldn't stop my cringe as I thought about the dirty images I once had of this man.

"Awe come on, Bella. Just because you didn't say yes to my son's proposal, doesn't mean I don't think of you as one of my own. You will be one day." Carlisle teased.

"You told him?" I accused Edward.

"I…I..." Edward shook his head.

"No, of course not, but when you have as many kids as I do, somehow things always get back to daddy."

I cringed again, trying to stop images from flooding my mind, and Edward caught me and puffed out his chest, all superior. He loved throwing the Carlisle Cullen situation back at me every chance he got.

"So, I have set you up with Jason Jenks, he is our best. If anyone can help you out, it's him." Carlisle told us.

"Thank you…for doing this." I expressed.

"It's not a problem. Anything." Carlisle picked up his suit coat, "I have to get to a meeting, so feel free to use the office."

"Thank you, dad." Edward called out.

"Can't wait to see you two at Christmas. I know your mother has a great one planned this year."

I breathed out a sigh and sat down on the couch looking out over the city. I could see Swan Enterprises and that reminded me that I needed to call Michael and see what we were doing this year for Christmas. It was the plan to spend Christmas Eve with Michael and his fiancé Emily and then we would head over to the Cullen house for Christmas Day.

Edward was just about to say something when Jason Jenks walked in. This man was all business and, even if Edward hadn't told me he was ex CIA, I probably could have guessed it by his mannerisms.

"Let's get started. So you have no name…no idea who your father is, correct?"

Edward sat down beside me and took a hold of my hand.

"That's correct."

"Miss Swan, I can't promise you I will find him. However, I haven't ever failed before so give me a few days to see where we stand."

I nodded nervously.

"I understand."

"I will call you the moment I have anything." He stood back up.

"Wait, don't you need to…know stuff? Isn't there something I can tell you that may make it easier?"

"I already know everything I need to about you. I have your file." He stated.

"My file?" I inquired.

"Yes. I have every bit of information on you and your family that there is."

Okay, that's creepy.

"It's okay, Bella. He knows what he's doing." Edward reassured.

I nodded and this Jenks took it as his cue to leave.

"Well, what the hell was the point in coming here if he already knows everything." I huffed.

"I thought you would want to meet the man in person. He's the best, Bella. Only the best for you."

I laid my head on Edward's chest and allowed the beating of his heart to calm me. I hated feeling so helpless. Out there was a man who may not even know I exist. In a few days…weeks…months, however long it took, he would soon know who Isabella Swan was. I sure hope that finding him was the right thing to do.

AN: Thank you for taking the time to read and review! It's much appreciated. I hope you enjoyed the chapter!

Thanks to my wonderful beta, Robstenvampgirl for taking the time to help me out with all my stories.