Tribulation: Syllabification: trib·u·la·tion Noun.1) A cause of great trouble or suffering. 2) A state of great trouble or suffering. Example: her time of tribulation was just the beginning.

CHAPTER THREE

Alice, Rosalie, and I sat on bar stools in the kitchen at Horizon's, peeling the potatoes for tomorrow's Christmas Eve dinner. We had barrels full and this was looking to be the best Christmas Eve in the history of the soup kitchen. Angela had done wonderfully at Swan Enterprises and worked her butt off at not only spending the money allocated wisely, but she spent many hours going around to various places searching out donations. She really knew how to stretch the dollar. She stretched the dollar so much that we would probably still be peeling potatoes come next Christmas Eve.

It had been a week since I had met with Carlisle Cullen's private investigator and, since then, every single phone call ring would drop my heart into my stomach. But alas, it never was this Jason guy. I nearly sliced off a chunk of my finger the moment the phone rang this last time and it caused concern for Alice and Rosalie.

"What is going on with you? You are jumpy and fidgety, your mind is not on the potatoes." Alice complained.

"I didn't realize that my mind had to be on the potatoes." I retorted, holding my bloody finger close to my chest with a paper towel wrapped around it.

"When you try to poison the food by adding your own special ingredients, then, I'd have to agree with Alice that maybe your mind should be a little bit more on the potatoes." Rosalie smirked.

I sighed and flopped back down to my stool.

"Okay, there's…something that could change my entire life and I am waiting for the phone call to tell me my future."

Rosalie and Alice both stopped their peeling and looked over to me.

"Are you pregnant?" Rosalie whispered conspiratorially.

"WHAT? NO!" I shrieked, "Ew!"

"Ew? Hey, some of us happen to think that pregnancy is a wonderful and beautiful thing." Alice replied, rubbing her growing stomach, "In fact, I really doubt you would want me to tell your future niece or nephew that you found her or his very existence, ew."

"First of all, that thing is not related to me and, secondly, you should be thankful for that."

"That thing!" Alice screeched.

"Okay. Okay. Enough." Rosalie stood up and held her arms out to pause our debate. "If you're not pregnant, then what is it?"

I cringed because I wanted to talk to someone about this and, honestly, who better than my two closest girls, but I was also worried that they would begin peppering me with a whole lot of questions that I didn't have answers to.

"It can't be that bad." Alice tried to comfort me.

"It's not bad…it's just really confusing and scary, and I feel so lost and undecided."

I waited for a minute to gather up the courage I needed and both of them gave me the time to find it.

"Edward asked Carlisle to help me find my biological father. He has this investigator that we met with over a week ago, and now I am waiting for what could be the biggest event of my life. Any moment that phone could ring and he'll tell me a name and that name could change my life."

"Bella…why didn't you tell us? My god, your brain must be in absolute chaos." Alice walked closer and set her potato slicer down on the counter.

"I don't know…I thought talking to anyone would just stress me out further. Ever since I found out…since Charles, in a fit of an outburst let me know that I wasn't his, I haven't stopped thinking about it. It's with me every single day. I walk down a street or go to a store and every man of a certain age, I can't help but wonder if that's him. What if he lives down the street from me? What if he is someone I've known my whole life? Will he like me? What if he has known about me but didn't want me? I can't help but think of every possibility and how horrible this could all turn out."

"That's not possible. Of course he's going to like you." Alice consoled.

"You don't know that. He could have moved on with his life after the affair with my mother, and he could have a whole family out there already and throwing me into the mix could cause him problems." I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook off the impending tears, "Besides, I still haven't decided if I really am going to meet him. Just because Jason Jenks gives me a name, doesn't mean that I will actually muster up the courage to find him."

"Of course you're going to find him because, Bella, having that name sit there in the back of your mind will just cause you further grief. And besides…you never struck me as a coward." Rosalie raised a challenging eyebrow.

"Of course I'm not a coward. If Edward and Emmett hadn't broken us up during the great Blue Box fight of twenty-twelve, I so would have whooped your ass."

"Oh really?" Rosalie stood up with her potato slicer. "Wanna another go?"

"No! No! No!" Alice scolded. "Not again."

"Calm down, Alice. We're just fucking with each other."

Rosalie and I both shook our heads as Alice breathed a sigh of relief.

"It is a lot to take in. What if he's…famous? I mean your family did run in some elite circles." Rosalie speculated.

"God, I hope not. I think I've had my fair share with famous people. Jacob Black alone was enough to last a life time."

"What if he's a convict? Locked up in some prison cell somewhere." Alice added.

"Geez, thanks a lot. Like I didn't have enough to worry about." I replied dryly.

"Yeah, Alice, what the hell is the matter with you? You don't say something like that to her. At least I tried to make my guess glamorous."

"Glamorous. Serial killers can be glamorous too." Alice defended.

"Okay, enough of the murder mystery books. I highly doubt I'm related to a serial killer…although wouldn't that make for a great story? Long lost daughter reunited with her stabby happy dad, to follow in his footsteps, she begins with her annoying ass friends."

"All right, all right. No need to get violent. Besides, I imagine the fate worse than death for Bella would be to have a bio dad that had absolutely no fashion sense." Alice laughed.

"I've gotten better." I pouted.

I had gotten better. Now mind you I didn't shop at Wal Marts or Targets, but I had given up Barney's unless it was for a special occasion. I had downgraded my closet severely, especially after Edward had moved in and took up a lot of my closet space with suits he no longer wore. Don't even get me started on the many fights we had about that.

"I wouldn't worry about it until there is something to worry about. Up until a year ago, this man had no effect on your life and, until you know more about him, I wouldn't let him ruin your Christmas." Rosalie went right back to peeling her potatoes.

"That's true, but I guess that's easier said than done." I sighed, looking longingly to my phone once more.

The screen lit up and my ring tone went blasting like it was a prayer answered. I noticed the number came up as unknown and, once again, my heart dropped into my stomach as I scrambled to answer it.

"Hello." I gasped.

"Miss Swan. Jenks here. I have news. You should…bring Mr. Cullen with you."

"Mr. Cullen…Edward?" I wondered why he would need Edward there when he told me the news. We had already had the DNA test ran so I know he wasn't related to me.

"Yes. I will be at Cullen offices until six or I can meet with you tomorrow."

"No! I mean…we'll be there. I'm leaving now." I jumped up from my chair and hung up the phone.

"I have to go…I need to find Edward. I…I…"

"Bella, let me call Edward. He can bring the truck back here and pick you up." Alice put a hand on my shoulder. My whole body trembled with the nerves far worse than what I had already been experiencing the past week.

"I don't know if there's enough time. He said he would only be there until six. Why would he need to see Edward too? Why can't I meet with him on my own?"

"Bella, I'm calling Edward right now. You shouldn't drive in this condition. You're nervous and getting into a car accident is the last thing we all need." Rosalie was already dialing while Alice still tried to comfort me.

"Don't worry, Bella. I will call my father and make sure he waits for you, okay?" Alice reassured.

I could hear Rosalie in the background talking with Edward, but I couldn't make out the words. I believed my ears had become deafened by the blood rushing to my head. I felt my mouth go dry and my hands wouldn't stop their trembling until I made a conscious effort to roll them into fists.

What was I about to hear? Images ran through my mind of this man. What would he be like? Everything I had waited for the past year was about to come clear for the first time.

I tried to pick back up my potato slicer, but Alice quickly took it out of my hands.

"I don't think this is the best idea. I don't need you losing a finger next time."

"I can't just sit here and wait. I need something to occupy my brain."

"Edward's on his way. Should be here in five." Rosalie announced.

"See, everything is going to be okay." Alice walked over and grabbed a bottle of water and handed it to me. "Why don't you go and get your stuff so you can leave the second he gets here?"

I nodded and went over to the offices and grabbed my purse. I walked back to the kitchen and told them I would wait for Edward outside. They both wished me luck.

I stood out on the sidewalk, watching people pass me by and, once again, I couldn't help but wonder whose life I was about to change for better or worse. Edward didn't take long and I could tell he must have burned rubber by his timing.

"Let's go." Edward jumped down from the truck, "What happened to your hand?"

I looked down at the forgotten bloody paper towel and pulled it away to see that the cut had stopped oozing.

"Potato catastrophe." I shrugged.

Edward shook his head and sighed. "I'll drive."

Maybe that's why Jenks would ask for Edward to come as well. Maybe he was concerned I would be too mental to drive. That's just stupid, why would he care about such a thing? Unless, Carlisle requested it.

"What's going on in that head of yours? You can talk to me, Bella." Edward asked since I hadn't said a word to him since entering the car.

"I'm…wondering why Jenks would ask you to come along. I don't understand. We already know I'm not related to you and…it just doesn't make any sense."

"My father probably told him to include me."

"Why?"

"Because…he knows that you may need someone you trust. This is really important and I can be there to help support you during this."

I looked out the window and tried to focus on the passing scenery and not the questions swirling around in my head. I could feel an impending headache and I had nothing to take for it. With the Los Angeles traffic being so horrendous it took us twenty minutes to go five miles. Every minute felt like it was going to be my last, but we finally made it to the broad, vast building and it was only moments after we found ourselves in Carlisle's outer office.

Jeanette didn't even have a chance to greet us before Carlisle took over for her.

"Come in…I will…leave you two."

I was thankful for the privacy that Carlisle was allocating us. However, something seemed off about him as well. Even Edward looked at his father curiously.

"Mr. Jenks, what have you found?" Edward inquired.

I took a seat on the leather couch across from private investigator and took a deep breath in.

"Your father…after reaching out to your mother's closest friends and interviewing many, many sources, I have come in contact with a woman by the name of Elise Hamilton. Your father was Eugene Hamilton."

"Was?" I muttered.

"He passed away in two-thousand and six. I'm sorry."

Edward took a hold of me and brought me to his chest. "Bella, I'm so sorry."

I stared over Edward's shoulder to the tall windows that overlook Los Angeles and thought how stupid I was to ever think that anyone of those people out there was my father. It all seemed just so preposterous of me to just assume that he was still alive. I had imagined a thousand different scenarios but this was one that I never even thought of.

"I have his widow's address here if you would like it…"

"Just go." Edward snapped. "Thank you, but we need you to leave."

I didn't hear anything more until the door closed behind Mr. Jenks. It wasn't his fault that my life was so fucked up. Edward shouldn't have snapped at him like that. He was just doing his job after all.

Edward let me go and I returned to sitting on the couch in the usual manner.

"Bella…talk to me."

I could sense he was worried since I hadn't shed a tear or said one word, but I think I was experiencing something greater than he could imagine.

"What do you want for dinner tonight? I'm kind of feeling like Cuban. I could really go for some roasted pork." I replied, jumping off the couch.

"Uh…" Edward looked confused. "That's sound good but…we should talk about this."

"You don't want Cuban."

"I know what you're doing, Bella. It's okay to be upset. I am here for you."

"That's great. So Cuban?" I pushed.

"Bella. Talk to me." He reached out for my hand and pulled me toward him. "It's okay, I'm right here and I know that this hurts. I am so sorry, baby. I know how much you wanted this."

"I don't want to do this." I stated strongly, "It doesn't change anything. My life is no different from before. I am still the same Isabella Swa…"

I couldn't even finish my name because, deep down inside, I knew I shouldn't be Isabella Swan. I should have been Isabella Hamilton. I would never know who Eugene Hamilton was. All I had was some widow and I couldn't imagine a future for me because my past was lost.

"God dammit!" I screamed picking up the first thing I could see and throwing it. "Why did you do this to me? I didn't want to have to talk about it. I was perfectly fine ignoring everything I just heard. Damn you, Edward!"

I walked over to the window and stared down at the cars, wiping an annoying tear from my cheek.

"Just once, I would like something in my life to not turn out shitty. Just once! And yet, how can I not think that maybe I am still paying for my past sins? When will my karma restitution be paid? How is it possible that I got screwed over twice with fathers? One who never wanted me and another who never will even know me." I turned back to him and walked back over to the table and snatched up the paper that Jenks had left, "I just wanted to be happy and all I get is some stupid paper with some woman's name written upon it. So tell me, when do I get my happily ever after? Why am I doomed to live some shitty ass tragedy? "

Edward came quickly over and caught me before I could hit the ground.

"This isn't karma, Bella. This is…just shitty. And I know you feel like you will never be complete until you know him, but you already are complete. Knowing one person or another doesn't define you. I know you wanted to know him and you had this fantasy that he would make you feel wanted and whole, but you don't need him to make your life fulfilled. I will always love you. My family will always love you. You have a brother that loves you. Find hope in those around you and please believe that we will all be here for you."

I sniffled and couldn't press pause on the tears that continued to mar my face, but I wasn't able to comprehend Edward's words because I still felt cheated.

"Take me home." I whispered.

Edward nodded slowly and kissed my head before helping me up. This time, when I looked out the window of our car at the pedestrians on the sidewalk, I felt bitter for the lives that everyone seemed to have but me. I finally turned away and closed my eyes to block it all out.

Edward didn't push me to have dinner with him. He didn't question my resolve to spend the rest of the night in bed. However, he didn't leave me either. He didn't press me further to talk or try to say anymore to make it right. He didn't even push me to eat. He just let me sleep and sleep.

The next day was Christmas Eve and we were supposed to be going to the soup kitchen around noon and then my brother's dinner after, but I didn't want to go anywhere. I just wanted to be left alone with Saint Agnes.

"Do you want me to cancel?" Edward asked at eleven.

"You should go…the kitchen always needs you."

"They need you two."

"No…they don't."

"Well, I'm not going to go without you." Edward declared, taking off his jacket.

"No. Please go. You'll make me feel really crappy if you don't go. I don't need you here babysitting me. It's not like I'm on suicide watch. I'll get over this. I'm great at getting over things. It's like a gift." I muttered.

Edward sighed and then put his coat back on. "Okay, but I think we should still go your brother's tonight. Emily and he are expecting us."

My only reply was to snuggle down further into my sheets. Edward, sensing a losing battle, told me that he loved me and then left for the soup kitchen.

I stared out the window to my garden for what seemed like hours with the name Eugene Hamilton bouncing around in my head. Even though he was dead, I still wondered what he was like. Who he was. I felt like this part of my life would never be closed until I found out.

Without even thinking, I rolled out of bed and quickly changed into clean clothes. I grabbed the piece of paper that sat next to my bed and was determined to search out Elise Hamilton. I had no idea whether she would be at the address that was written on the paper since it was Christmas Eve, but I didn't care. I needed to know.

I made the drive to this cute perfect little suburb outside of Los Angeles and inspected house after house until I found the one. It was a small one story house painted blue with a white door. I parked my car on the street and, with determination, I trekked across the street to the front door.

I knocked on the door, feeling no fear or nervousness that I thought I would have had. I believed all my feelings had left when I learned that my father wasn't alive.

A woman with one white streak in her dark hair opened the door and, instead of saying hello, she looked me over and sighed.

"Isabella Swan." She pulled her door open wider, "Why don't you come in?"

"You…know me?" I asked baffled.

"Yes, I have been waiting for this. I knew that someday it could be a possibility."

"How? I…" I shook my head, completely unprepared for this scenario.

"Come in, please."

I looked her over once more and then walked through her door. I looked around curiously at the home and found it to be in excellent condition, everything in its place and not a speck of dust or dirt anywhere. The couches had on that cheesy plastic covering and I noted the lack of television.

"Your father…my husband, I fear you must know he's is gone."

I nodded my head.

"He really wanted to meet you." She said.

"Then why didn't he?" I snapped. "If he knew I existed, then why didn't he?"

"You weren't even of age when he passed. He knew that any contact with you would not be welcomed by your father, Charles. He was waiting, but he feared that you may reject him or Charles would try to strike at him. Charles came to Eugene many years ago and threatened him with legal action. Eugene was just waiting until the day when Charles could no longer have custody over you." She sighed longingly, "But then he passed, and I think that was his greatest regret. My Eugene was a very cautious man and, even though he never knew you personally, he knew you."

She walked over toward her kitchen and grabbed a pitcher of water from the refrigerator with a couple of glasses.

"So, he was a coward. Couldn't even find it in him to find me. To tell me."

"Yes. He was." She stated.

She took a seat and poured us water while I stood still in my spot. I was so angry that I didn't want to share a glass of water with this woman.

"Eugene…met your mother at the country club she attended. He was a caddy for the greens and your mother…well, he said that she was something. You have to understand how scandalous this all would have been if anyone found out that your mother was sleeping with someone so below her. She never told Eugene that you were his, but he knew. Your mother and father, Charles, had their share of marital discord. It wasn't a secret, according to Eugene, that they had their issues and weren't sleeping with one another. When she found out she was pregnant, your mother seduced your father so he wouldn't divorce her and he would believe that you were his. When Eugene tried to confront your mother, she denied him and threatened that if he told anyone, she would ruin him. I don't think Eugene was ever the same after that."

I listened as this woman I had never met spun a story about my mother and it made me think of how much I was like her. When I believed Edward was homeless, how many times did I worry someone would find out about my friendship with him because I believed he was below me? This story told me more about myself then it did of any of the characters in it.

"I don't have much from Eugene but I kept some things I thought you might like to have if you ever did find your way here." She stood up and went over to the antique accordion desk and lifted the top. She pulled out a small bundle and walked back over and handed it to me. On top was a picture of the man who was my father.

I could no longer deny the need for a seat so I slowly sunk into the plastic covered couch and marveled at the man looking back at me. I had his eyes and his smile. It was like nothing I had ever experienced.

"How did you know him?" I asked softly.

"I met Eugene just a few short years after this. We worked together and shared common interests. I'm sorry to say that both of us are ruled by our fears and that made us compatible and able to understand one another."

"What was he afraid of?"

"Life. He wanted to see the world and to experience different things, but he was always afraid of getting hurt physically or mentally. He longed to do so much, but could never gather the courage up to go and do it. It took him ten years before he would agree to marry me and, even then, it was a small court house wedding with our reception only attended to by a couple of people. His life consisted of work and home. He died in a car accident, which I guess is rather ironic for how safe he always was. Sometimes, I wonder if I had been brave then maybe I could helped him have a more fulfilling life. I guess I'll never know."

She looked out the window and seemed lost in her memories. I looked back down at the picture and couldn't imagine living the life he must have had. Ruled by his fears, he was unable to live. I moved the picture aside and found an old musty copy of Around The World In Eighty Days by Jules Verne.

"That was his favorite book, but he never read out of that copy so he had a paperback version that used to sit on his bedside table. That copy, I know was something he cherished. I know he would have wanted you to have it."

I was never much of a reader, so I doubt I would actually ever open the book much, but it was pretty with the inlaid gold detail on the cover. It would look nice sitting on my desk next to the dictionary Edward gave me.

"I also included some of the articles he had written. I thought you might like to see his work." She added.

"Work? He was a writer?" I asked.

"For a monthly journal. He wrote various articles on the histories of. He was a huge history buff and made a decent living writing about it."

"My boyfriend used to write for a newspaper." I stated offhandedly.

"Do you like to write, Isabella?"

"No. Not particularly."

"Well, I hope you find…something you're looking for in there." She gave me a small sad smile.

I gathered up the small pile of all that was left of my father and stood back up.

"Thank you…for meeting with me."

I walked toward the front door and Elise followed me.

"Isabella." She called after me before I walked out, "He loved you…you should know that. He…was proud of you."

"Proud of me? I was seventeen when he died, there wasn't much to be proud of."

"He knew of your academic accomplishments and knew you were going to be something."

I laughed ironically, "Well, I guess he was wrong."

I turned to walk back down the short path and I heard her say one last thing.

"Don't make the same mistakes. Don't be afraid of the world and all it's possibilities."

I sighed and gave her a short nod before leaving for good. I didn't have much. I would never truly learn anymore about my father then what was stated here today and that pierced my heart. I sat in my car looking over the stack she had gifted me and I opened the old book and thumbed through the pages absently. With resolve to shut this part of my life, I flipped to the end and saw on the last page something written upon it. A list.

The list wasn't labeled, but I could tell that this was some sort of bucket list. Things Eugene wanted to do before he died and, as I read over the list, it wasn't hard for me to know that he never did a one of them. I felt saddened for his life and how depressing it must have been to have dreams and never find the courage to go after them. And then a thought occurred to me. A silly, probably stupid, thought. I could succeed where he couldn't. I could help his dreams come true. It was such a silly thought, but it was the only way I could maybe find a way to be closer to him, to know him. I was about to set out and do what Eugene Hamilton could not do for himself.

I read the first item on the list and cringed. Somehow, I don't think Edward is going to find my little expedition all that great.

AN: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I also wanted to say thank you to all the new comers to the story. I have been reading your comments on Lottery of Life and enjoying them.

On a side note, every definition comes from Oxford dictionaries online.

Thanks to my wonderful beta, Robstenvampgirl for taking the time to help me out with all my stories.

Character credit to Stephanie Meyer. Story is mine.