Nyota fixed her jaw to the side and sighed down at her cooling drink. She went to the longue for company and a distraction but found neither.

The small den was bustling with action. Crew meet ups, awkward first dates and mediocre acts monopolizing the stage, kept the atmosphere loud and lively but did nothing to stop her brooding.

He was doing it again, that annoying tick of his. Instead of meeting a problem he had head on, Spock would throw himself into extracurricular ship tasking. Nero and Khan had given him no shortage of work activities to undertake on the Enterprise's reconstructions. The same proved to be true with Krall as the ship had to yet again be made over.

" He loves that damn sensor array more than life itself." she grumbled into her tea mug, ignoring the Andorian who was currently murdering I will always love you in drunken, stilted standard.

Karaoke night was the best thing to happen to this place for the bar's business but the worse thing to happen to her ears since being stationed onto the Yorktown. Having pitch perfect hearing definitely had its disadvantages.

She winced as the crooning alien approached the bridge of the song, going for volume rather than tone quality as he belted the verse so loudly that a number of patrons around Nyota groaned and covered their ears.

Nyota bit her lip until the worse of the high notes were over before clapping politely along with the rest of the crowd. The Andorian security personnel bowed graciously and reclaimed his seat with his equally inebriated date. She looked away as he or she,...Nyota couldn't be sure, gave the singer a thorough, thankful kiss.

As...stomach churning as the display was she wished that Spock had that same sort of flame for her. If Spock gave her even half the attention he gave the chief science officer's station, Nyota she would be the happiest woman in the universe!

She wasn't striving for that happiest though, being happy and secure would do just fine. She wasn't looking to compete with the sensor array, the ship's reconstruction or New Vulcan for that matter. What she wanted was to be special and singular to Spock all on her own and not simply when he had to save her life or thought to be around her.

Nyota uncrossed and recrossed her legs on the barstool and chided herself for still mooning after him. Bouncing her feet in the air as she eyed the toe of her boot Nyota could hardly blame herself though. They had been making great progress together and it was to the point that she was nearly ready to have that conversation; the one where they discussed New Vulcan and all the details there in.

A PADD dedicated to researching the planet and its conservation efforts sat on her nightstand, keeping her company as she poured over everything she could get her hands on. She had a plan to propose but she never suggested anything without a good foundation of understand to back her.

There was also the aspect of their physical relationship but admittedly Nyota was holding off on it because she feared finding herself in her present situation of nursing a hot chai in a bar like some teetotaler out for a good time. She didn't want to give him that part of her and feel once again taken for granted. It was enough she had her heart out on loan to him.

Still staring down dejectedly at her foot, Nyota didn't notice the next act coming up on stage or the hushed murmurs the crowded bar were hurriedly whispering to each other, until a very deep and very familiar voice spoke into the mic and made the hair on the back of her neck rise up on end.

" Good evening." he said nonchalantly, taking a seat on the chair propped up on the stage for any acts requiring it. The crowd answered back excitedly, wondering what good luck they had come across to have a Vulcan and a commander at that, take the stage.

" Do you take any request?" a woman slurred loudly from the back.

" No." he said with a slight lift of his brow, setting the audience into a teetering fit of laughter.

" Oh God...what is he doing?!" Nyota whispered aloud, trying and failing to disappear where she sat. As if sensing her anxious presence, Spock's eyes found hers and held her gaze as he nimbly went to tuning his lyre. " I have been told it is an Terran custom in many cultures that one serenades another when they wish to express their affection."

Nyota's stare went wide as she took in what he was about to do. Or at least what she thought. Someone else in the bar must have been thinking along the same lines as they hollered up towards Spock with her speculation. " You're going to sing?"

" No." Spock answered with the same deadpan expression as before, much to their amusement. " I am however going to play an accompaniment to the one that holds my affection."

Many of those awed while others clapped in support as Spock dipped his head towards her. " Nyota, if you would please join me in a duet."

Oh god oh god oh god I am NOT here for this she chanted as the crowd grew louder and cheered her up onto the stage. Once she reached him, she glared at Spock and spoke none too quietly. " I'm going to kill you."

Spock merely cocked the corner of his mouth up in a crooked smile and gave his ka'athyra an experimental strum. " With so many witnesses?"

" I need your signature." she said plopping down the PADD on his desk.

" What is this?" he asked picking it up for inspection.

He was already reading it over as she began to explain. " It's temporary transfer papers for us to deploy to New Vulcan for aid and conservation."

Spock's face snapped up in surprise as he paused in his reading. His eyes darted across her face as he swallowed down some emotion that she couldn't identify. " You...wish for us to go to New Vulcan?"

Nyota smiled and took a seat across from him as Spock continued to give her that puzzling expression.

" Yes, I do. It's just for two weeks, if it's approved. We'll be assigned bio studies of the planet's flora and fauna at best but most likely because everyone wants to do that we'll get our second or third suggested position of aid disbursement or generator construction."

Spock blinked down to the PADD and back to her face. " I find myself at a lost for what to say." he admitted.

Nyota smiled softly and gave a playfully shrug. " Say whatever you need to. Say whatever you're thinking or feeling. I want to talk to you about it. It's not a done deal until we agree and signed it after you've combed over my paperwork with that fine tooth comb of yours anyways."

Spock tilted his head and narrowed his eyes a bit. " Are you insinuated that I am overly fastidious in my proofreading and copyediting."

Nyota smiled coyly from the other side of the desk to which Spock huffed softly through his nose at her teasing. " One of us has to be…" he jabbed back and her surprised laugh broke some of the tension between them. His humor while dry was very much present and playful.

Nyota bit at her lip and spread out her hands in front of her as she spoke more on the proposal. " If we went, we could consider it a trial run for more charity work there and other places when we receive shoreleave. We could also think about it as a look to the future...where we might want to live when we're not on active duty.

Spock nodded and she continued slowly on.

" I am able to think about what's best for you when you take time to think about what's best for me. You staying here away from your people when I know you feel compelled to be there isn't what's best. On the same note, your freeing me to seemingly do whatever I want while you let some stranger or relative what you have to do is not what's best for me."

She leaned forward in the chair and took a hold of his hand. " I want you. I don't want to be without you."

" Nor I without you, Nyota but I felt that this burden was not yours to bear."

She shook her head solemnly and gives his hand a squeeze. " If we're together, that's just a part of being a team. We're only as strong as the other and being away from New Vulcan reconstruction has weakened you."

Spock's shoulders drooped slightly and Nyota tries hard to send him reassurance through her hand on his.

" Look, I've thought about it, been thinking about it, what if it was Earth that was destroyed instead of Vulcan? How would I feel if there were ten thousand of us left to put everything back together on a strange, new place? How every scrap left of Earth would be more precious to me than latinum and how every baby would be one more reassurance that my existence means something and my people continuing on matters."

A flare of emotion singed her hand as sorrow, connection and gratitude welled within him. Spock stayed silent but within Nyota could feel the sharp edge of the tempest warring inside him. She squeezed his hand and caught his gaze for what she had to say next. " There would be a lot of things I would what to do for the preservation of Earth culture and humanity, lots of myself that I would sacrifice but giving up the man I want to be my husband so I can have full blooded human babies wouldn't even be on the list."

Spock swallowed roughly and looked down with his guilt and remorse burning sharply at her hand. She held it to her mouth and lightly kissed the back of it. Cradling his hand to her face, Nyota leaned into it coughed to clear the emotion burning at her throat. " I love you and even if I were the last woman alive, I would still want you to be the father of any children I had. It doesn't matter how little human or how much Vulcan you are, you're all mine Spock."

The Vulcan in question sighed softly as his eyes slid shut. The hand she placed at her face was tugging gently at her mind, wishing to share his thoughts. Nyota nodded her head and obliged him by guiding his hand along her face.

She blinked and opened her eyes to a body too large and foreign to be her own. The colors around her were heavily saturated and the gravity was so light it felt like she my float away. Spock's perspective she thought idly as she saw herself in the strange spectrum light Vulcans perceived.

The vision of herself was smiling up at her. She was happy because they had formal bonded. He was more in her mind than he had ever been and immensely pleased to be there. As a newly bonded couple they had been called to the fulfill the population initiative and raise offspring on New Vulcan. The vision of her reluctantly agreed because she was loved Spock to a fault in this regard.

She bedded the vision with less enjoyment than would be had if either one had been ready for parenthood. Once with child there was one small measure of joy in that they were growing as a family but then new trouble was on the horizon.

She blinked once more and the scenery before her changed into the lush desert of New Vulcan. She was at her side, frowning at the land before them. Nyota spoke up at herself, complaining of the heat even as her loneliness for human companionship beat at her from within the bond.

The physicians' visits were grueling as the gravity's weight upon her. Her wife was unhappy. Every appointment was bravely met but ended with tears as the doctor's told her in not so many words how she was unfit to bear Vulcan offspring. This pained him in more ways than one.

Prejudice for towards her biology and alien nature was heaped upon her by those who knew nothing of her. Feelings of rage and empathy were brought up on her behalf because in her eyes, or rather his, she was absolutely perfect. She could not argue her emotional affinity as logic but she tried her best, not letting any slight towards her wife go unchallenged but still her Nyota's confidence wanned.

Conditions on the planet, while perfect for himself, were tolerable but uncomfortable for his bondmate. Pregnancy further complicated matters as she often times grew overheated and fainted from her condition.

Another blink had a vision of Nyota with two kid playing algebraic games with her make up on the walls as she groaned in exasperation. She loved her family but she longed for the days of being host to a number of people who appreciated her. She missed working at her station, she resented the Vulcans who deemed their family untouchable and she grew more bitter as arrangements for their children's bonding could not be found. Even more her bondmate, Nyota was drifting away from her. She longed for the life she once had too and it was all because of her that she was unhappy. She had asked her for so much but had little to nothing to return the favor.

" I hate you, Spock." the angry vision of herself said up at her face. " I hate you!"

She blinked once more and they were back again in his office with Spock withdrawing his hand with a slight frown to his face. Nyota rubbed into the sockets of her eyes with her hand and exhaled with a chuff. " You certainly have a morbid imagination."

" I have rarely been viewed as an optimist." he replied evenly, waiting for her to pick over his thoughts.

Nyota stood and brought her chair around to his side of the desk. She sat herself heavily into its seat and exhaled once more. " Spock, none of that you imagined was real."

" It has a distinct possibility of being reality if we were to officially bond." he rebutted. He was irritated but not at her. Thoughts of her displeased with him worried Spock immensely. His hands fidgeted slightly in his lap until she caught and stilled them. " It would have a possibility if we allowed it to happen. Tell me Spock, what do you want?"

" I want to be with you. I want to bond with you." he started timidly. " I would also be agreeable to having a child or children."

" Ok good, I want those things too." she agreed soothingly, rubbing her palm over the back of his hands. " I very much want those."

" I also want to remain a part of Starfleet and have the same for you as well." he said, staring down at the floor. " We have our commission. We both have been offered a position at the academy at the mission's end at the very least."

" Hmm." Nyota hummed mildly with a nod of her head. " Who said when any and all of these things had to happen?"

His head perked up as his eyes snapped up towards her in curiosity. " Clarify?"

Nyota smiled and lovingly patted his leg. " You are the most pious man I know when it comes to your commission as a starfleet officer and the Vulcan way. I find it admirable and extremely irritating at times." she chuckled.

Spock gave a slight tilt of his head and a quick lift of his eyebrow. " I hope you find me to be the former at the moment."

She snorted and pushed him in jest on his shoulder. His body stayed firmly in place. " Spock did it ever occur to you that you should talk to me about our future?"

" I have tried before to discuss the matter." he huffed defensively as she scoffed at him.

" No you didn't."

" I have. I began to before we initially docked here at the Yorktown."

Nyota shook her head and put her hands in the air. She splayed her fingers out to tick off her points one at a time with the opposing index finger. " You didn't lead off with hey I want to stay in Starfleet. You didn't say I would love to get married to you! You didn't come out with Nyota you make me the happiest Vulcan alive but I feel guilty because I'm one of the few Vulcans who are alive and I shouldn't be happy according to depression. And you definitely made it clear that you were going to leave and possibly have kids so how the hell was I supposed to read any of the other stuff out of what you told me?!"

Spock huffed at her as he opened his mouth to refute her claims but snapped it back shut with an angry click of his teeth. " I do not like it when you are so logical."

She smiled and hummed towards face with a cat with the canary grin. " You do though. You find it hot."

" What I find 'hot' is not currently up for discussion." he pouted, amusingly. God, pouty Vulcans were so cute. Who knew an indigent alien could be so adorable?

" Com'ere." she crooned and Spock leaned into her with a growly snort. " You're right, we're not discussing your turn ons but we are talking about how you're going to stop making unilateral decisions."

" It was not my intent to leave you out of the matter. You left our quarters midway through and we docked shortly thereafter." he hummed along her shoulder. From the way he was sniffing her hair and rolling his head against her, made it seem like he was taking their physical 'break' pretty hard. She pitied him. Somewhat.

Lifting the heavy strands of his bang, Nyota wetly kissed at his forehead. His brow moved beneath her lips as she placed another between them. " Spock, when were you thinking about bonding to me formally?"

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat as she watched him consider how to answer her. " Soon."

" How soon is soon?" she questioned. He wasn't normally so evasive. The male could give her times down to the second and here he comes out with soon?

She could feel him counting within his head, time spent in her company as well as Vulcan years versus standard Terran ones. " Within two standard years."

She hummed happily at the vague but somewhat clearer answer and kissed below his eye. His lashes kissed her back as he blinked involuntarily at the touch. " See that's not so hard!" she teased him, as he sat stiffly in his chair. " Why are you so serious?"

Spock licked at his lips and shifted again. " We do not speak of it."

" Oh God, this is something Vulcany, isn't it?" she groaned, flopping back against her chair with whine.

" I do not know what you mean by ' Vulcany' but it does pertain to the ways of the V'tosh." Spock sitting upright.

Oh no he's getting his lecture mode ready she thought drearily as he gave her his full attention. Before he went on for half an hour as to why he couldn't tell her what he wanted to tell her Nyota cut him off. " Look does this 'thing' you all don't talk about change anything about us other than becoming bonded by marriage?"

Spock blinked, thinking over her question as if it were written in the air. " By its definition no. By tradition it is used to determine the time in which we are married. We are after all already bonded."

Nyota smiled at his matter of fact behavior about their status and scratched under his chin. He hated it as much as it loved it, taking a hold of her wrist but allowing her to continue all the same. " Then why all the smoke and mirrors? If it's just a wedding tradition, then why not save it for the day?"

Spock's eyes darted back and forth across the room as he fitfully sought to answer her. " To not know of its implications would be jarring for you…"

" What then? Am I going to be put on the spot to sing?" she joked, trying to lighten the mood with memories of days before.

" No, it is something...it is shameful for V'tosh...we do not speak of it."

Nyota rolled her eyes threw up her hands in defeat. " Okay I need to know about this things about Vulcans for whatever reason even though you are telling me no Vulcans speak of it. Great because that makes sense."

" I do not hesitant to be difficult Nyota. It is a matter that I myself find highly disturbing." he said in sincerity. " I wish for you to know but I…"

As he bowed his head Nyota grabbed his shoulders and lowered her head to be level with his. " Ok, sweetie, if you can't talk about it why not write it out? And then once I've read it, you can delete it? Shoot you can burn the PADD for all I care just as long as we're not keeping secrets that ought not to be secret."

Spock looked as if he might protest further when shook his head and retrieved a PADD from his desk. Nyota leaned back in her chair as his fingers danced across its surface, typing rapidly as he could. He spent a few more minutes reviewing his work before he edited and revised it to his liking.

When Spock extended it for her review, Nyota smiled and readily set into reading it. The first few seconds he watched her read skim over the sentences with no changes in her expressions. As Nyota drew closer to the second paragraph however, her eyes had grown as round as satellite dishes. By the third paragraph, her jaw dropped and she gasped in surprise. " Oh. Ohh...OH! Oh my God!"

Spock sat nervously in her seat as she reread the last three statements before continuing on. At the fourth paragraph she laughed and shook her head at him, pointing down at the sentence below. " No…" she said in disbelief.

" Yes." he nodded, earnestly.

" Naw." she replied.

" Most assuredly."

" What? Really? Death though? Did some virgin male make this up to finally get laid?"

Spock sighed and made an oddly human gesture of running his fingers through his hair. " Would you believe me to fabricate such a ridiculous story or jest about such private matters?"

" You're right." she said looking back down at the PADD. She nibbled at her lip and shrugged as she felt his eyes still studying her for whatever conclusion she would make. " Well, maybe it will be fun?"

His brows furrowed and he tilted his head in dismay. " I would hardly consider madness to be 'fun', Nyota."

She made a face and scratched at her scalp while glancing towards the window. He wiggled forward on his seat, watching her every move like an anxiety ridden puppy. " You would still bond with me knowing this?"

Nyota rolled her eyes and gave him a radiant grin. " Baby, I'd still bond with you if went crazy every week. I would just think that I'm married to a Klingon instead of a sensible Vulcan gentleman."

Spock smiled lightly and extended two fingers towards her own. She eagerly met them and he sighed softly in relief. " You truly do not mind."

" No, you nut, I don't. I love you." she smiled, curling her fingers around his. " Just...don't be so sure that whatever problems we encounter would be too large for us to overcome. I want to be with you, I've been with you for over 5 years and while they haven't all been sunshine and lollipops, we made it through the rain, still in love and still together."

He blinked down at her and gave her a curious look.

"What's that about?" she asked warily, uneasy about the smile tugging at his lips.

" I am gladden to have gained your consent in our relationship in this regard as I have been struck with madness at this very moment…"

" Spock, what the...Wahh!"

" Computer lock door." he ordered as he lifted her up by the waist and set her neatly on top of his desk. " I mustn't be seen in my condition." he mumbled, nibbling at her neck.

Nyota pushed her hands against his questing mouth and giggled loudly. " Oh my God, stop it!"

His fingers went to her hair and drew her in for a kiss she had years ago once thought beyond Vulcan logic to do so. He groaned into her mouth and pull her along his long frame. She laughed against his lips as his amusement tickled at her side threw her arms around his neck. It seemed that if all the would do was kiss, Spock was going to make it a very frequent and very thorough activity.

He drew away with a sleepy looking smirk and murmured against her lips. " I have wanted to kiss you thusly since you entered 17 minutes earlier."

Nyoa playfully tugged at his hair which rewarded her with Spock jokingly snapping his teeth at her with a chuff. " My goodness, the madness brought on all this? What ever will I do? My alien boyfriend's gone berserk!" she quailed mockingly.

She faked swooned inside the band of his arms as he pulled her closer with a sinister sounding snarl. Oh he was really feeling amorous she thought mirthfully as she felt his fingers tracing where his eyes were lingering.

She remained looking fainted until he left a ticklish trail down the side of her neck which set her off into a fit of giggling. " I believe you mean alien fiance." he amended to her amusement.

" If you're correcting me, you can't be all that crazy." she chuckled as he nipped at her hands pushing him steadily away.

" Must I show you how delirious I am with you?" he intoned, with his hands at her waist. His fingers were moving in such a way that if there were not cloth between him and her skin, she was sure she would be the one going mad. He liked touching her and he brooked no arguments in letting her feel just how much.

Nyota puckered her lips to the side and looked off to the other, humming as she thought about it. " Hmmm, maybe." she hummed tilting her head towards him with a knowing wink.

A lascivious look of mischief flashed over his face as Spock raised a hand between them. " That can be arranged." he whispered hoarsely, placing his fingers along her face. " Before I start however...thank you."

Nyota's eyebrows buckled towards the middle as his face came close once again with a chaste kiss to her cheek. " Thank you for what?"

" For everything." he rasped. The buzzing tingle his fingers left on her face expanded and she gasped against him as he took her mind as only a Vulcan lover would.