Well. This has been a long time coming. I hope you like it.
CHAPTER FIVE
School was over – for good, no less – and yet the tears and goodbyes felt strangely anomalous to their reality: the performance, now only a week away, meant they had yet to truly part from Azusa or the other students, at least for now.
Mugi had booked a villa for them to practise. The beach was cooler than it was at their summer retreats but the surrounding forest was a spring wonderland this time of year. Mugi walked them through the trees to a large black van, a yellow fold-out canopy protruding from the roof. In the back, a mini-fridge, tea kettle and stereo system sat opposite a quilted bench, and beneath the canopy, to Mio's unprecedented joy, were three battery-powered Roland amps, probably worth 30,000 yen each, as well as a drum kit and battery powered keyboard.
"Mugi..." Mio murmured. Mugi just smiled that smile at them.
"I thought we could practise and have fun at once," she said.
It was push-pull for sure, but after a picnic, tea and a pretend hunting expedition on the part of Yui and Ritsu (capturing an "Azu-nyan" who was holding hostage a "Dangerous Queen") the girls finally settled down to play. For about an hour they practised as normal but then a pensive Azusa finally turned to Mio.
"Mio-sempai, it's time," she said.
"Chocolate!" said Yui, fists clenched before her in conviction.
"Why would it be time for chocolate?" sighed Azusa. "I mean that it's time for Mio to stop saying 'make cake'."
"Kawaii. That's right," said Yui. "Time to rip that band-aid off, Mio-chan."
Mio could already feel herself blushing. "Right. I guess... I guess I have no choice."
Mio set Elizabeth down and trudged up to the microphone, foregoing her bass for the time being to focus on her singing, and waited for everyone else to assume their places.
"We'll just do the chorus since that's the most important part," Azusa said. "Is that okay, Mio-sempai?"
"That's fine," Mio said, her voice wavering. She took a deep breath and released it slowly. The music started up and she leaned into the mike, eyes squeezed shut.
"Juliet," she sang, "when we made... made..."
She slumped in defeat.
"It's okay, Mio-sempai," said Azusa, "perhaps you didn't give yourself enough time."
"That's right, Mio-chan," said Mugi. "You need a run-up."
"A running jump," said Yui.
Mio stared at her. "What?"
"We'll count you in this time," said Azusa.
"Wait a moment," Mio said and walked over to the side of the van to retrieve Elizabeth. Perhaps if she focused on playing rather than vocals she would forget about the content of the lyrics. Ritsu tapped her drumsticks and this time they began from the start of the second verse. Mio felt her anxiety building all the way through until that taboo lyric was dangerously close. It's a meaningless phrase, Mio told herself. Don't you use those words separately all the time? Just imagine they're not really together. For everyone's sake, imagine they're not together.
"Juliet. When we..." Mio felt the blood rushing to her face. It was no use: the nerves came right up and choked her. The song carried on without her and she shook her head forcefully. "I can't," she cried. "I just can't say it..."
Behind her Mio heard a deep, hollow clatter. When she looked she found the drummer's stool empty, drumsticks abandoned and rolling along a tom. Mio let Elizabeth drop to her side and looked around. She saw Ritsu's back, retreating from them, and unhooked Elizabeth from around her neck, setting her on the ground.
"Ricchan..." Yui murmured in confusion.
Mio gave chase. The ground was leafy and the twigs snapped beneath her soles, so there was no chance Ritsu hadn't heard her, but she neither stopped nor sped up as Mio approached. She just kept stalking away until Mio finally caught up, touching her on the arm. Ritsu pulled away from her.
"Ritsu, what?"
"Would you get over it?" Ritsu snapped. They stopped walking, at a stand-off in the foliage.
"Excuse me?" Mio blurted.
"You're acting like a kid!"
"Who is?!"
"You are!" Ritsu said, looking wounded. "Are you really that ashamed of me?"
"Ritsu..." Mio said softly. "I'm not ashamed. I just—"
"Just what?"
Mio hesitated. "It makes me uncomfortable."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
"Well figure it out," Ritsu yelled. Mio looked at her shoes, clenching her fists tightly. She felt like crying.
"If I'm such a child, then so are you," she retorted. "Why didn't you kiss me?"
Ritsu stared at her. "What?"
"Back then! Why wouldn't you kiss me?"
Ritsu's eyes widened and she scrambled for an excuse. "Because... because it just... it made me itchy! I told you that!"
"What if it were Mugi? Would you kiss her?" Mio demanded.
Ritsu wrinkled her nose in confusion. "Huh? Why would you ask me that?"
"I don't know," Mio yelled tearfully. She covered her face in embarrassment. As soon as her fingers touched her cheeks she realised she truly was crying, and knowing the fact set her off completely, sobbing into her hands. Ritsu watched her, feeling helpless but hurt, and cast her eyes to the floor. For a time the only sounds were the chatter of birds and the whisper of trees, the rustle of the long grass and Mio's normally sweet singing voice as it came out in hiccoughs, hitching in her throat.
"You know," Ritsu said quietly. "You and Nodoka really drove me nuts sometimes."
At the sound of her voice, Mio regained a little of her composure. The tears ceased and she peered at Ritsu through her fingers. "Really?"
"Really." Ritsu laughed in a conflicted, almost sad way and avoided Mio's gaze. "You're jealous of Mugi. I'm jealous of Nodoka. We're yelling at each other over weird stuff in the middle of nowhere. What the hell are we doing, Mio? What are we? What is this?"
"How should I know?" Mio said. There was neither fire nor venom in her tone. The sun warmed the ground and Mio really looked at Ritsu, carefully, with an open heart. She looked so troubled, so worried that something she said or did would break one or both of them. No-one else ever saw this Ritsu, the Ritsu left behind when the fireworks stopped, when all that was left was a restless silence in a smoky, lonely night. The breeze ruffled her hair and the collar of her polo shirt was sticking up on one side. Mio felt a rush of desire to take the fabric between her fingers and smooth it down, to take off Ritsu's headband and run her fingers through unruly brown bangs.
"You make me smile."
"Is that it?" Ritsu said indignantly.
Mio chuckled despite herself. "I can't explain it well, but when I think of you making someone else smile... my heart hurts," she said shyly. "What about you?"
Ritsu shrugged uncomfortably. "You're cute," she mumbled. "Ever since we were little kids I've wanted to be around you all the time. After high school, girls grow up and think, let's get boyfriends. When can I move in with Mio and how will I get her to stay with me instead some dumb guy? That's all I think about."
"I'd like to move in with you," Mio said honestly. At the words Ritsu looked like a weight had been lifted from her. Mio wanted to tell her she was an idiot for ever having thought otherwise but kept it to herself. Nervously she asked, "What do you want to do about… us?"
Ritsu blushed. "I want to… only if you want to," she rushed to amend.
"I want to," Mio blurted, then went beet red.
"Right. That's good," Ritsu said bashfully. She rubbed the back of her neck. "So how do we go about that exactly?"
"Maybe…" Mio thought about it. "Maybe carry on as we were, I think. Except whenever we feel like we want to do something, we don't hold back."
"You hold back?" Ritsu asked. She looked genuinely surprised.
"Mm," Mio said. Her blush was now starting to spread down her arms.
"Are you holding back right now?" Ritsu asked. "What do you want to do?"
A long, awkward pause followed as Mio tried to formulate a response to that question; her gaze drifted from collar to hair, hair to collar; to ear, to lips, to neck…
Whack. "Ow!"
"Don't put me on the spot!"