Note: If you're a fan of my other stories, this is the moment you might be looking for. Ay, there's the rub.

Lillie woke up with a massive headache. She didn't know why―everything felt... off. Felt like she wasn't herself, like something had happened to make her whole person move a step to the left. What remained was a shadow of what she had been before, overlaid with a new template. She didn't like feeling like she'd become someone else.

She sat up, kicking the blanket off of her cot and sweeping her legs out over the edge. Stared at the wall opposite her in the small room, blinking wearily and rubbing her eyes. As her vision cleared she looked at her hands in front of her, watching them shaking in the dim light of the bunker.

What was wrong with her? It was unsettling, not feeling like herself. Hadn't felt right for a long time, now. She thought it was related to her regular vitamin injections; she'd not had one for several months, and President Eden had informed her that it was of no further concern.

"Put such things out of your mind, Lillie," he would say, chastising her. "You're healthy enough. You have no need for vitamins."

She'd tried not to think about it, but―it was growing harder and harder, every day. Lillie felt the fog lifting in her brain, coming out of sleep. Put her hands on the edge of the cot and began to push herself up, but paused. Something was definitely not right―

Her hands moved up the front of her jumpsuit and felt the front of her chest, confused. She was aware, to a point. Had been given the necessary education on human physiology. She understood what was different, but considered it odd; why would she be developing secondary sexual characteristics―now?

She was two months shy of her eighteenth birthday, and it was probably unusual that she hadn't gone through puberty yet. Though, she thought, it wasn't unexpected. She hadn't been concerned before, because she knew it to be inevitable. Shouldn't be concerned now, for the same reason. But―

But she knew the fluctuation of hormones could cause other problems, and that was something she should be concerned about. Lillie had been having thoughts; alarming and often preoccupying thoughts that felt good, but were not helpful.

She couldn't hide that she was blushing in embarrassment, when caught out in a daydream, rather than paying attention to the President's daily tutoring. She'd been letting her imagination run away into pleasurable corners, and it showed. Even thinking about it was embarrassing.

What she was feeling was something she didn't feel comfortable speaking about. Not to President Eden, not to anyone. Lillie had begun to feel like she would never understand what was going on, until she found a cache of holotapes of classic novels hidden away in her room.

It... helped, somewhat. She now understood that she was perfectly normal. The characters in the stories on the holotapes had feelings, like she was having. They would become distracted by thoughts about someone that they wanted to love―like herself―

Lillie's hands tightened over her new breasts. Sometimes she had thoughts about more than just the romantic love in those stories. She was perfectly aware of how her body worked; just, it was―was working against her better thoughts, a lot more frequently than was comfortable.

The blood in her face began to flood through her cheeks, unbearably so. Fictional characters were as close as she could come to acting out those feelings. It left her feeling very bothered, far too often. Unrequited... unfulfilled. Wanting.

And too distracted for her own good. "Are you awake, Lillie?" the President asked, startling her.

Lillie jumped in place and tightened her hands over her chest, squeezing the newly-formed fat as if to hide it. "Yes, sir, Mr. President," she mumbled, fighting her heart. Caught in illicit thoughts, again. It was too embarrassing for words.

Lillie dropped her hands from her chest and willed her heart to slow. She cleared her mind, stood up, and turned to the intercom with one hand on her heart. "I pledge allegiance―" she began, stammering a little.

"Have you slept well?" President Eden asked, interrupting her rather than joining her in recital.

"I―" she paused and blinked in confusion. "I slept well, thank you, sir."

"You seem a little flustered this morning," he continued, sounding concerned. "Are you ill?"

"N-no, Mr. President," she said, wringing her hands.

"Whatever is the matter, then?" he asked.

Lillie stared at the intercom light for a brief moment, her face filled to burst with blood. She didn't want to have this conversation―but it was always best to be honest. President Eden had repeatedly instilled in her the value of honesty, touting it as an American virtue.

She looked down at her chest again. "I..." she swallowed hard. "I was considering the effects of puberty, sir."

"Ah. I see." President Eden chuckled, and Lillie sighed. "It is, of course, perfectly normal―"

"I know," she murmured, and flushed again. She'd interrupted him―that was rude. "I'm sorry, sir," she said, immediately regretful.

President Eden didn't respond for a long moment, and Lillie stood there staring at the intercom with a building fear that she had gone too far. She'd never talked back to him like that; never felt so agitated that she would speak out of turn. What was wrong with her?

She was rubbing her eyes of tears when President Eden finally began talking again. He startled her, and she hiccuped out an apology. "I'm truly sorry, sir," she began, feeling her throat constricting.

"We will forgo the pledge today, Lillie," he said. "Come to the training room. I think it's time to test your ability, again."

She watched the light dimming and turned to make her bed, blinking back tears. She couldn't afford to make President Eden angry―everything she had was because of him―and he was the only friend she had in the world. There was no one else, because she had doomed herself to this existence.

...Well, there was always―her hands twitched against the fabric of the cover.

She supposed, if the President stopped being friendly, the only person she had left to consider was Colonel Autumn.

Lillie shuddered and made herself ready for training.

Without President Eden around, Colonel Autumn could be considered tolerable. Lillie knew this wouldn't be the case, today. When the President was minding her attempts on the obstacle course, it made her ten times more nervous. Colonel Autumn always picked up on that and made it worse, degrading her and acting as if he didn't want to be there. He made no effort to hide his distaste for her or for the President's calm rebuttals about his attitude.

If it weren't for President Eden, he probably wouldn't be supervising her. Lillie wished he would just go away; she could run the course on her own without his "help". Didn't need him there giving her difficulty.

And sometimes... she wondered if he was trying to sabotage her, being so mean. Wondered if he was deliberately working against the President. Which was treason, and President Eden would be well within his right to discipline him. Lillie felt a dark spike of glee for that. Then she felt guilt, because that was mean. Lillie wasn't a mean person.

Colonel Autumn was. Not her.

No matter why he acted as he did, she didn't wish him ill. Lillie was never rude to him, and she had nothing to gain from not following his commands. But―with the mood she was in today, she didn't know if she could bear to be in the same room with him. She was afraid she'd snap at him like she had the President―

Lillie was terrified of invoking the colonel's ire. He might react much more violently than he had, in the past. She breathed in and out slowly, then stepped into the training room.

When she approached Colonel Autumn she was acutely aware of his scrutinizing look at her, eyes sweeping across her chest. The visible effect of her new attributes on his face... she shuddered again, involuntarily.

This brought a raised eyebrow and a vicious glare, and Lillie flushed in embarrassment. God give her strength to deal with the man, today.

She leaned down and touched her toes, limbering herself up. Her hair was in her face, short wispy curls floating across her eyebrows. A sharp squeaking noise meant Colonel Autumn had ground his boot into the floor and was growing impatient.

Lillie kept her head down, letting the blood rush to her head. If she did that, he wouldn't think she was blushing, or something―and that look he'd given her the last time she blushed―

She didn't know what to think about that. It was―well, it was confusing, seeing him mildly irritated and then watching the parade of hate across his face before he'd ordered her to leave. Lillie hated him, in a way. He'd made her life difficult, and he'd had her dad killed―

Because of her, again. She breathed out and closed her eyes, fighting tears.

"Are you becoming acquainted with your kneecaps for any particular reason, Lillie?" Colonel Autumn snapped, testily.

Lillie stood up, feeling the dizziness from being upside down for too long. "No, sir," she said, quietly. "I am ready, now."

"Ah, Lillie," President Eden said, abruptly. "There is a matter I must deal with. Please, go on with your training. I will be with you as soon as I can."

She shot a glance at the intercom and swallowed her protest. Colonel Autumn looked to the side, one eyebrow twitching up in annoyance. He stood there watching her with his arms over his chest and a hateful look on his face.

"Run the course."

Lillie obeyed, moving to the starting point. She eyed the distance to the first obstacle, then pushed herself forward into a run.

It could've gone better; she misjudged the distance between the third and fourth obstacles―a stand of rocks with a simulated pile of irradiated barrels hidden behind it that she was meant to clear in a jump. Lillie jumped but caught her foot on the very edge of the furthest barrel, landing face first on the mat. This wasn't the first time that mistake had happened.

She groaned in pain before she peeled herself off of the slick material, blood dripping from her nose and down her face. It wasn't the first time she'd bled, either. All the pain... was part and parcel for her.

She sat up and breathed out, staring up into the corner of the room and blinking slowly.

"You are just absolutely useless," Colonel Autumn said, his accent drawling out into the quiet room.

Lillie turned her head, hiding a frown. She glanced at the intercom light again―

"The President isn't here, Lillie," Colonel Autumn barked. "When I talk, you look at me. Is that clear?"

She forced herself to meet his eyes, feeling her chin trembling. He was giving her the most horrible look―she lowered her gaze and wiped her face, her hands shaking. Wished the President would come back―

"What a pathetic excuse for a human being," he muttered. Lillie jammed her eyes shut and fought tears again. "Disrespectful, ignorant, and utterly useless. Why you bother trying, I'll never know."

Lillie breathed out shakily, wiping her face and making a mess of the jumpsuit sleeves. It's okay, Lillie, she told herself. It's no different than before―

"When a commanding officer speaks, you must respond!" Colonel Autumn yelled, furiously, and she heard his boots squeaking hurriedly across the floor. She opened her eyes just in time to see him barreling down on her, hands clenched into fists and eyes lit up.

She yelped, curling herself up on the mat with her head tucked into her arms, afraid he was going to hit her. It hadn't happened―yet―but, he was so angry, and he'd shoved her around, many a time―

"Disgusting." He stopped moving. She couldn't hear the footfalls, anymore. "Absolutely... disgusting."

His words sounded strange. Lillie looked out of the ball she'd curled into, her eyes filled with tears and face aching from the fall. Colonel Autumn had turned away, two fingers running a circle around his temple area. She couldn't see his face.

"Run the course again," he hissed. "Run it again, until you get it right."

Lillie uncurled herself and shakily made her way back to the starting point.