FAIL: Pronunciation: feil Verb.2) Neglect to do something. Example: You and I have been together for so long now, you may feel that I sometimes neglect you, or fail to tell you how I really feel.

CHAPTER EIGHT

I tried to leave the house alone the next few days, opting to stay at my old trusty friend, The Beverly Hills Hotel. I had hoped that three days would have given Edward enough time to move all his stuff out of my house. I hadn't broken down or had my good cry yet. I was holding strong, knowing that the minute I saw the closet empty of his belongings, it would be enough to send me into a meltdown.

I pulled into my driveway slowly, trying to see if there was anything different but, so far, no. I looked around in the garage and saw that some of Edward's equipment was still there and sighed, knowing that he was leaving it to me to get rid of. I walked into the house and not a thing was different. Curiously, I continued down the hallway and prepared myself for the empty closet. The bedroom, however, still looked the same.

I stood in front of the walk-in and took a deep breath, pulling the door open. I shook my head and turned on the light. Not a thing different. Not one item missing. I don't understand what was happening. I was clear, right? I gave the man three Bella-less days. He couldn't move one item out of this house in that time?

With no absence, I wasn't free to mourn and that was stressing. I could tell he hadn't been here since the mail had piled up and the answering machine was full. Did he just…go homeless? Taking only the clothes on his back with him? I needed to talk to someone and, unfortunately, I was about to cross enemy lines since the person I needed to talk to most was, in fact, Edward's sister.

I sat in front of Alice and Jasper's house for nearly twenty minutes contemplating my decision to come here. Alice was Edward's. In the event of a break up or divorce, he has the right to that relationship and I should stay the hell away. However, she did still kind of owe me for last year when she kept the fact that Edward was her brother a secret. That's right! She owed me.

I marched straight up to the front door and began to bang politely on the door.

"Bella!" Alice cheered.

I took a step back and appraised her. There was no malice or irritation that I was here on her doorstep after crushing her brother's heart.

"Why are you being so nice to me?"

"Uh…why wouldn't I be nice to you?" She asked, confused.

"You…haven't talked to your brother?" I cringed, taking a step back.

"Uh….no?" she furrowed her brow.

I let out a huff and mentally cursed at him. He was going to make me tell his family.

"We broke up." I could see Alice preparing herself to gasp, "A couple of days ago, and I know I shouldn't come here because he is your brother and he gets you in the divorce, but I just need a few minutes. You owe me a few minutes, Alice Whitlock."

"Minutes? You broke up with my brother and you think I'm going to let you go after a few minutes? Get your ass in here, Swan!" She shrieked.

I shuffled quickly through the door, feeling my ass about to be gnawed on by one crazy prego chick. The house smelled of chocolate chip cookies and my mouth watered for a taste, but I wasn't about to ask.

"What is the matter with you?" Alice smacked me really hard in the arm. I began to rub the hurt out, looking for some explanation that would not cause another swat.

"We…we weren't working. We've been fighting a lot more than you know and, in the end, it's not right for me to be with Edward when he is expecting me to be one thing and I'm not sure if I can be that one thing. Do I even want to be that thing? I should let him find that thing, that thing that will make him happy. He…needs a thing."

That made no sense and I could tell from Alice's expression, she didn't get it either.

"He…doesn't have a big enough "thing?""

"No!" I replied irritated, "I mean…yes…of course your brother has a big enough thing. He has a very great big thing that I will miss…greatly."

"Then…I don't understand."

I sighed and tried to start again.

"Your brother…is a great, great person. He is going to make some girl very happy someday…but that girl isn't me. I'm sorry, Alice. I wish…I could be that girl, but I'm not. And I'm going to miss you. Really miss you. You and even Rosalie have become the best friends I always wanted. I haven't really had a chance to mourn, because your dumbass brother hasn't moved his shit out of my house. Well…not completely a dumbass, I mean he is really great and loving and I gave him three days without me in the way, and I think that even a slightly intelligent person would have understood so, in closing, he is a great and loving dumbass."

Alice sat on the couch with her arms folded tightly across her chest, still looking unpleasant. Awkwardly, I found a seat in the chair across from her while she kept me in suspense.

"I still can't believe you broke up with my brother! We're supposed to be leaving tomorrow for Scotland."

"I…uh…already booked myself a place to stay and if your father won't help me with getting a tee time…I'll just have to bribe my way onto the golf thing." I paused. "I won't blame your father if he doesn't want to help me. I know he had high hopes for Edward and I."

"We all had high hopes for Edward and you. Don't worry about Scotland. I will get the tee time. We can…go together. Make it a girls golfing trip."

"But…I'm not sure we're allowed to be friends. You should side with your brother. Family solidarity and all that crap."

"Well, I choose to side with hope." She stated matter of factly.

"Hope?" I questioned.

"Hope that, when you do finally pull your head out of your ass, my brother will still take you back."

I scooted back, afraid she was going to smack me once more.

"I…can't do that to him. As much as I want to keep your friendship, I think it will hurt him to see you and me still friends and hanging out."

"Well that's just fucked up! So, not only do I lose my best friend, but now I get saddled with a mopey brother? I don't think so." She got off the couch as well as she could for being prego and pulled me up by the arm. I may have let out a pathetic whimper from her claws digging into my flesh. "Go home, Bella, and think about what you did. Our tee time is for eight am Sunday morning and you better be there. Stay somewhere else if you must…if you're just too cowardly to face Edward, but be there at St. Andrews or so help me, I will track you down and bundle you to Edward if I have to."

She pushed me out the door and slammed it shut. I stood there catching my breath, in shock and somewhat afraid of this new side of Alice. Did she just say she was going to bundle me? She must have had to reach way back to come up with a Victorian era form of torture.

I wanted her to be mad at me; she should be, but not like this. This was weird. I stumbled along to my car and sat in the driver's seat for a solid five minutes, thinking over what had happened. Alice just sent me to my room! Well, she sent me to my house, but it might as well been to my room with how she blasted me.

When I arrived home, I began tossing the items of clothing into the pink suitcase Edward had bought me. I knew I shouldn't use it since we were no longer together but, since he hadn't even done me the courtesy of picking up his stuff, I did. I laid in bed looking up to the ceiling with a hand on where Edward should be laying and I couldn't take it. I couldn't be in this bed without him. He had tainted my bed.

"Oh, Saint Agnes….you've been good to me, but I think it's time to let you go."

I sighed, looking longingly to my bed that had served me well, and pulled the comforter off to go and lay in the extra bedroom. After changing rooms, I found sleep fairly quickly, which was a good thing since I had an early morning flight. I had booked my first class ticket for seven a.m. the next morning and as for the hotel…well, somewhat turning back into the old me, I found a suite at the golf course itself. Apparently, this famous golf course that bio dad just had to put on his bucket list was also a hotel. So, for a mere two thousand dollars a night, I found my place of residence for New Year's.

I will admit, when I finally arrived at the St. Andrew's estate the next day, I was impressed. The grounds were beautiful but, as I got closer to the mansion, it finally dawned on me that the whole ground seemed to be covered in white. How the hell am I going to golf in the snow? I looked out and tried to catch a glimpse of the nut jobs, like me, who would golf at a course like this in the dead of winter and couldn't find a single one. I huffed and told myself to just wait until Carlisle got here. I'm sure he would have it all worked out. Carlisle had enough money to hire a village to plow the snow away.

I checked in quickly and the service was already far superior to the service I had been receiving at The Beverly Hills Hotel. However, I did have a little trouble understanding the Scottish since I wasn't particularly in tune to their accents. I sat alone in my room and looked out over the grounds. I was in a foreign country, in the middle of nowhere, all by myself.

I had to get out of this room before I became the woman with the yellow wallpaper. I walked down to the few shops they had in the hotel and found a golf shop. I figured now would be as good of time as any to purchase a golf club or two. I walked around aimlessly, looking at all the foreign objects and missing the good ole days of showing up to course and being handed one club to use throughout the whole course. I picked up a bright and shiny club thingy and tried to hold it as best as I could.

"Can…I help you with something, Miss?" A young man approached, and even he couldn't hold back a cringe.

"Uh…I've never bought one of these before…is this a good club to use?"

"Well, what are you looking to use it for?"

I looked at him, dumbfounded. What the hell was I looking to use it for? Cutting a cake? Obviously not!

"To golf with." I stated slowly.

He smirked and gave a short breathy laugh. "Okay, let's start off slower. What kind of golfing…." He looked at my expression, "You've never done this before, have you?"

"What gave it away?" I joked humorless. "The fact that I don't know what this particular club does?"

"More like, the fact that you're holding it like it's a purse. You're from California, aren't you?"

I looked at his name tag, "Well Colin, I don't know if I should be impressed or incredibly creeped out. How'd you know?"

"It's a gift. Well, Miss…."

"Swan…Hamilton…Hamilton-Swan." I replied, confused. "Sorry, still trying to figure that one out."

"Miss…Hamilton-Swan." He smirked.

"You can just call me Bella. I think if you're going to help me find the right club thingy then we're practically family, right?"

"Family? Well, I don't know. It might be inappropriate for me to ask you out if we were family."

I could feel my blush begin to light up my face. I was soo out of this game and it had been a long time since I was put up to bat. I was about to turn him down when I thought back to the number one thing on the list. The one thing I hadn't shared with anyone.

"I would have thought it would have been inappropriate because you work here and I'm sure it's probably against the rules to ask a guest out." I replied coyly.

"I won't tell if you won't." He winked.

Scottish men! Forward much?

"You help me find a good golf club for tomorrow and I will take you up on that request!" Just jump in there and do it. Cross number one off. Besides, it's not like I have to marry the dude.

Dude…

Homeless dude.

I shook away the memory and smiled back up at Colin.

"Sounds like a deal. But, I should warn you, this can be a very expensive sport and you'll need more than one club if you're really planning on golfing."

"Why? I'm not trying to win a tournament. I'm sure I'll hit the ball all the same no matter what club I use."

"Bella…why exactly are you taking up golfing?"

"It's a bucket list thing. My biological father always wanted to come here and golf. So…here I am and I plan on going out there tomorrow and hitting something around with this shiny looking mallet."

"You planned on golfing here?" He questioned.

"Yeah…my…I know this guy who said he would get me a tee time so…I'm just hoping he'll come through. I must be crazy golfing in the snow but I have to cross this off the list."

Colin stood there, chewing on his lip, with a look of doubt upon his face.

"Um…I don't know who this guy is, but the golf course is closed for the season. You won't be able to golf until March."

I stood there staring at him. I was sure my hand was heating up the club just hearing Colin tell me something very obvious. That's why I hadn't seen a person on the course. That's why this whole place seemed vacant, even though it was apparently world famous. I shook my head and breathed out.

"I…I'm sure he must have a plan. He's…very powerful and he wouldn't have dragged his whole family out here if he knew this place was closed. I'm sure it will all be fine." I replied assuredly, but I wasn't sure and I think that read on my face. "So…does this come in pink?" I asked, holding up the club.

The golf club unfortunately didn't come in pink, but Colin did help identify the gender of my clubs by adding these cute little golf club mitten covers that were made in pink with the design of the St. Andrews logo embroidered upon it. I didn't buy more than three clubs and a golf bag with all the accessories that Colin taught me all about. I'm sure after this experience is over with, I'll just end up giving the clubs to good will. I highly doubted that I would suddenly find an urge to take up this sport…if you could call it a sport.

Tomorrow night was New Year's Eve and the last thing I wanted to do was be alone on it, so I planned my date with Colin for then. Of course I was nervous knowing that Edward was probably nearby and there was a slight possibility that I would be running into him soon. I wasn't ready to date and I felt sleazy for doing so, but I just had to cross off that number one.

I had nothing else to do that evening while I waited for morning to come and with the morning came Alice. At least I would have one friendly face tomorrow. It was definitely wearing being in a foreign land without a friend. I spent the rest of my evening eating room service and watching movies until I passed out in an alcohol induced coma.

The phone ringing the next morning was the alarm I had forgotten to set.

"Hello." I croaked.

"Bella! Where are you?"

"Uh…um…what time?" I was unable to form a declarative sentence.

"It's seven-thirty. Why aren't you up? I thought we should have breakfast."

"Seven-thirty?" I groaned, stumbling to the floor. "Give me a minute."

I hung up the phone and, with the massive headache I had forming, a minute would definitely not be enough. By the time I arrived downstairs, to the lobby, I was certainly not looking my best with my new golf clubs slung over my back. I walked out the elevator and felt myself skid to a halt seeing my ex's mother standing there with my two friends. I slowly backed up and my butt hit the elevator door right as it closed, my clubs making a racket as they hit the wall.

"Bella." Alice cheered, seeing me.

All eyes were on me. I breathed out a sigh and slowly walked over to the group.

"Heeeyyyy." I greeted awkwardly. "Uh…are you all going golfing?"

The three exchanged looks and I saw out the corner of my eye, Carlisle standing in one corner with the boys and, yes, all the boys were there. I focused on the girls, trying to not see Edward, but it was clear as day that he was here, standing, watching me.

"Oh, sweetheart, they won't allow us to golf during this season. We're sorry." Esme tried to console.

I was disappointed but wasn't going to allow that to stop me.

"I'm not going to let a little snow stop me from crossing this off my bucket list. Thank you, for…trying to bring me here. I'm going golfing." I stated.

"Would you stop being so damn stubborn?" I heard Edward say. "It's twenty degrees outside. You'll get sick."

"That's none of your concern." I huffed, irritated.

I moved around the group and kept my eye on the prize.

"You don't even know what you're doing." Alice screeched, hobbling after me.

"Yeah, Bella. You need a cart at the very least. You can't walk these entire grounds." Rosalie added.

"I'll be fine."

The entire Cullen family fumbled out the front door behind me.

"Bella, stop!" A voice bellowed behind me.

I stumbled for a moment but stopped, because when Carlisle Cullen bellows at you, you do as you're told. I turned around and folded my arms across my chest, waiting for him to say something.

"I apologize. I didn't think this out. You came to St. Andrews and I'm sure your father would have been proud that you made it this far…" He started.

"That wasn't what was on the bucket list! It didn't say, go to St. Andrews and stare out at the golf course. It stated to come and play a round. I have to play a round of golf." I threw my brand new bag into the snow. "I went out and bought clubs and balls and I'm ready to play and get this over with, and I don't care if the skies turn black and fire and brimstone fly down upon me, I am not leaving here until I can cross that number two off my list!"

The whole group stared at me like I lost a marble or two and, feeling my heart pump as hard as it did, I wondered if maybe I had.

"Bella." Edward started to say.

"And you were supposed to get your crap out of my house!" I snapped. "Did you even tell your parents we broke up? Did you?" I screamed.

"I'm pretty sure they know…since I've been staying with them, but if they didn't know before, then they know now. Are you happy?" he yelled back.

I stomped my way over to him. "Go ahead and make me the bad guy. I didn't realize it was my job to send out an e-blast."

"With the way you're screaming you wouldn't need to send out an email. You could climb Everest and shout it out and everyone in the world would know." He snapped.

I was just about to scream a rebuttal back at him when we were both hit in the face with a snow ball. Instantly, we both snapped out of it to see who accosted us.

It was Esme.

"Would both of you stop acting like bratty children and shut up?" She barked.

Timidly, I wiped the snow from off my face and shoulders and stepped back from Edward.

"Now, we are supposed to be having a lovely holiday. I don't care who is or isn't with who. Both of you will get your act together and start acting like the mature adults I know are in there somewhere. Carlisle, take the boys to town. It's time for the girls to have a chat." She ordered.

I watched as all the men of the group shuffled off, leaving us still standing there in the snow. I walked over to my golf clubs and picked them up off the snow.

"Bella." Esme called after me. "It's too cold. We can come back in spring."

I looked over to her and she looked as sweet as the first time I ever met her. She looked like the mother I should have had.

"I have to do this." I muttered.

"We can come back." She replied softly.

"No. I have to do this now. I have to accomplish something. I have to know that I don't fail at everything I do. You don't understand. You don't know what it's like to wake up one day and realize that your whole life was meaningless and what little you do know is…wrong." I wept, "I don't know if I will ever know Eugene Hamilton, but I have to try…I have to do something…"

"I know. I know." Esme consoled me, pulling me to her. "You will finish this bucket list, Bella. But today isn't the right day to cross this off. Your father wouldn't want you out here in this weather. He loved you. He wouldn't want to see you miserable trying to finish something he could never start. Come inside with us and we'll come back again when it's the right time."

"How do you know he loved me?" I stammered.

"Because he was a good man and a good man always has his heart in the right place. He may have never been able to tell you but he did, Bella. He did love you."

And then I broke.

The mourning that I wasn't able to do for the loss of the relationship with Edward finally caught up to me and I broke down in the arms of the mother of the man I loved but no longer had. Esme didn't reject me or yell at me for leaving her son. Like a true mother through and through, she held me in the snow and allowed me to use her shoulder for my tears.

AN:

Thank you soo much for reading and reviewing! Your continued interest in this story makes my heart fly. Thank you!

Thank you to my wonderful beta, Robstenvampgirl! For her continued hard work on this story.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Story is mine.