"You're always you, and that don't change, and you're always changing, and there's nothing you can do about it."
― Neil Gaiman, The Graveyard Book

The ride home was awkward. Finn had revealed things on the stand today that he had never told any of us before. Not only that, he had actually lied about some of them, like about telling us that Joseph had never struck him. I wasn't sure how to deal with that. Did I let the lie continue, or should I acknowledge the truth? Did it really matter?

"Nodes." Finn spoke suddenly, and it made us jump. "The things on the Tasar are called nodes. Not stick things. Nodes. I don't know why I didn't remember that." His voice was musing, as if he was hardly aware he was speaking out loud.

"It's alright, Baby. Everyone knew what you were talking about, and that's what matters." Carole did her best to comfort him.

"But it made me sound stupid. If I sound like I'm stupid, people won't believe me."

"Of course they will. I didn't know that they were called nodes, either. As long as you get your point across, you're fine. You were very believable."

"I hope so, since I was telling the truth." He gave me a quick poke. "Do you have my Sour Patch Kids?"

I reached into my messenger bag and pulled out the package. "Right here." So they were a bribe, big deal. If anyone deserved a bribe, it was Finn.

"How would you like having Kurt stay home tomorrow so we can have a family day?" Dad shot us a quick look in the rearview mirror.

I expected Finn to jump at the chance, especially since me staying home meant that Finn, too would get a break from his homebound tutoring. But he shook his head, looking very disturbed. "Tomorrow's Thursday. Thursday I work at the garage, and then I have Glee. I don't want to stay home and do nothing."

Dad was surprised. "You don't' have to stay home if you don't want to. I just thought it would be a nice break for you."

"Do you not want me to go because of what I said today?"

"What? No. You didn't say or do anything wrong, so why would I not want you to go?" Dad looked over at me, but I had no idea what the issue was, either.

Finn shrugged. "Because now everyone knows what happened. Before all they could do was guess, but now they have it in my own words, so there's no guessing left. I thought that maybe you would be embarrassed because they know."

"I'm not. I'm proud of what you did today. You stood up and did what a lot of adults couldn't. Heck, I probably couldn't have done what you did. You hung in there, and you didn't let him push you too far off course. That man makes a lot of money by tearing people apart on the stand, and you held your own. That's something to be proud of, Champ. And if anyone at the garage says anything to make you uncomfortable, you let me know and I'll take care of it."

"I will." It was a lie and we all knew it. Finn had already snitched on someone today, and he wasn't eager to repeat the experience. Luckily, I know all of the guys at the garage, and I couldn't think of one of them that would deliberately hurt Finn like that. "But I don't want to miss work or Glee. I already missed because of the trial and I don't want it to happen again."

"Good work ethic. It's fine if you would rather keep to your normal schedule. We can do something as family this weekend." Again, Dad caught my eye, and I again shrugged. I couldn't tell him what was going on with Finn when I didn't understand it myself.

"I want to go bowling. And eat the pepperoni pizza while we're there." He nodded to himself.

How interesting. The bowling alley was where Finn and Puck had been going the night it all happened. By recreating that night, and having things happen the way he had originally planned, was he hoping that he would be able to change what happened with him and Puck? Or was him wanting to go back to some of his old hobbies a good sign, one of further healing?

Kurt, Finn has a therapist. Actually, Finn has two therapists. Let them analyze his every move. Your job is to kiss him and get in his pants. Personally, I think that you have the much more desirable job.

I couldn't argue with that logic, so I fed Finn another Sour Patch Kid. He smiled and put his hand on my thigh. With everything that he had talked about today, I had been expecting a regression with our sexual relationship, but he seemed to be taking it in stride.

"But right now, I want to go home and have a nap. And have ice cream for dinner?" He shot me a look and a sneaky grin when he asked it. I couldn't believe it. Finn was actually playing his mother. He knew that he would be denied nothing right now, and he was using it to his full advantage.

"Absolutely." She was blithely unaware of the manipulation happening right behind her. "For tonight, you can have whatever you want."

My phone vibrated against my hip, telling me I had a message. I eased it out and glanced over the display. Rachel was asking how Finn was holding up, and if he was in position to talk. I offered it to him, but he shook his head and cut his eyes up front.

Understood, he wanted some privacy from our parents. I texted back, letting her know that he would call as soon as he could.

Finn gave Carole a quick kiss and bounced down the stairs. "I'm napping, don't bother me!" He thumped halfway down the stairs before swinging a U-turn and coming back up. "Except for Kurt! He can come bother me if he wants."

We all stifled laughter. Dad smiled. "He's going to be ok."

Finn was already undressed and in bed, the crumpled suit thrown on the floor. I pointed at it. "Pick it up, Finn." He rolled over and waved a hand at me, telling me that he would do it later. "Or maybe you would rather I never put out for you again."

It's amazing how quickly Finn can move when properly motivated. The suit was off the floor and hung crookedly on a hanger within a minute. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. He knew that it was a manipulation, but he was fine with it. I pushed the phone into his hand. "Call Rachel and let her know that you're ok."

"Ok." He took a deep breath and dialed. "Hey, Rach….Yeah, I did a good job….No, everything is true….Rachel, don't cry, it's alright. I'm fine, I promise…No, I'm coming to Glee tomorrow…Ok, me too. Bye."

Trust Rachel to make it about her and her feelings, rather then Finn and his. I took my phone back and sat on the edge of the bed. "Do you want me to sit with you, or do you want to be left alone?"

"Whatever. I'm tired and I don't want to do any sex stuff right now, so you don't have to. I know that you have homework." He flipped onto his stomach and snuggled up to his pillow.

I wasn't surprised (though certainly disappointed) that he didn't want to do anything. He needed time and space to process what had happened today. "Do you want me to rub your back?"

"Yeah, that would be good."

I patted gently until he fell asleep. At least he pretended to. I know Finn, and I know how he breathes when he's asleep. For whatever reason, he was going to fake it for right now. Whatever. I stoked his hair once. "Good night, Finn. I love you."

No reaction, but I knew that he heard me. Sine he had specifically said he wanted me to come down, I stayed with him. Mercedes had brought my schoolwork, so I sat and worked my way through it. Finn's own work was untouched, but that was a battle for another day.

Close to a half hour passed before Finn rolled over and cracked one eye open. "I'm not asleep, you know."

I had to smile at him. "I know."

He huffed. "So why did you pretend I was?"

"Why did you pretend you were?" I turned the question back on him. I wasn't irritated, only curious.

"I wasn't. I was just closing my eyes for a few minutes so I could think. It's not my fault if you quit talking to me."

Well, that made about zero sense. But Finn often didn't. "I'm talking to you now. What's up?"

He put out an arm, and I took the invitation to snuggle up close. His heart was beating faster then usual, though he didn't seem stressed out in other ways. "Do you think I did a good job today?"

"I think you did a fantastic job. You didn't let him confuse you, and you were honest and clear. Everyone believed you, Finn. He's going to go to jail."

"Or get the death penalty." He shook his head. "I could probably stop that from happening, if I wanted to. But I don't want to. I want him to die, just like Puck did."

"I know." While I thought that Finn was probably serious, I don't know if he's thought it through.

"Do you think that makes me a bad person? I mean, I'm hoping that another human being dies. That's kind of sick." He rolled over again and stared at me.

Ms. Manners didn't exactly give out advice for a situation like this. "I don't think so. I think you have every right to be angry and to want him off of this planet. He's lost his right to be a part of the human race."

Big mistake. Finn propped himself up on his elbows and studied me. "How bad do you have to be to do that? If you kill someone, are you not human any more."

I faltered. What had I really meant? My answer had been off the cuff, but Finn wasn't going to let it go. "That's a little extreme." I spoke slowly to give myself more time to think.

"What if it was more people? Or if you torture them first? I could torture Joseph. I've thought about it a lot I can tell you about it."

I was sure that if I gave the slightest indication, Finn would be willing to describe those thoughts in slasher film detail. "I'd rather you didn't. But I guess I don't know what I meant by what I said."

"No, you don't." His voice was open and friendly again, though his pupils were massively dilated. "And that's good. That's the way it should be."

It was times like right now, staring into Finn's inky black eyes that I most strongly felt the change in him. Probably 75% of the time these days he was just like his old self. Silly, gentle, clumsy. Same old Finn.

But the other 25% could range from overly anxious and refusing to leave the house to these dark and frightening moods that struck down like tornados. I pressed closer and tucked my face into his neck. It was less to comfort him and more because I couldn't stand to look directly at him any longer.

He must have known, because his body relaxed against me. "I'm not mad at you. I'm not mad at Mom, and I'm not mad at your Dad, and I'm not mad at Puck. I'm mad at Joseph, and I'm mad at Lily. I'm sad for everyone else."

We were veering back onto more stable ground. "Are you sad for yourself?"

"Yeah. I'm sad because they took away who I used to be, and they took away something that they didn't have the right to. I'm not as sad for me as I am for Puck and the other people, though. At least I survived."

"Do you think about them a lot? The other people, I mean. I know that you think about Puck a lot." Again, these could be things better discussed with his therapist, but the fact that he had brought them up had to mean something, didn't it?

"Uh-huh. I mean, sometimes I'm just curious about what their names were, and if they liked football, or if they had girlfriends. You know, the sort of shit you wonder about when you see graffiti on the bathroom walls, or random people on Facebook."

I couldn't ever recall being interested in the artists of bathroom graffiti, but I could see where he was coming from. "I guess. Sure."

"But then I would think about where they came from, and I know that they're all dead now. And it makes me wonder if Joseph did everything to them that he did to me. Or if they knew that they were going to die. Because I knew that I was. Then I felt sad again."

"I would be sad, too." It seemed like an incredibly stupid thing to say, but it was the only thing I could think of, and he was staring at me like he expected something.

"They identified some of them, you know. They compared the pictures they found at the house to the John Doe's that they had found, and they think they have matches. But there are a lot of people in those pictures, and we don't know where they are now. Maybe he let some of them go, just like he did to me. Probably not, though. He probably killed them."

Then he gave himself a visible shake. "Did you want to stay home from school tomorrow? Because I could tell your Dad that I changed my mind."

Leaping from topic to topic like that is another one of Finn's tricks. It keeps him from having to focus to deeply on things that scared or upset him, and it kept us on our toes. "A day off would be fun. But we can have a day off any time." I walked my fingers across his collarbone, more to give myself something to do then for Finn's benefit. " This weekend, I want you and I to spend the whole day together. We don't have to do anything that you don't want to, but I want it to just be us."

He dropped his head and peeked up at me. "Aren't you hanging out with that Blaine dude this weekend?"

I wasn't and he knew it. I hadn't made any clear plans with Blaine at all. But Finn saw him as competition for my affections, and thus as the enemy. Hopefully once Blaine actually came over, and Finn saw that he was just a friend, things would settle down. It was no different then him hanging out with Matt or Artie. "Nope. Blaine and I haven't made any plans at all. Why, did you want me to invite him over?"

"If you want to. But I want it to just be us."

"That's all you have to say, then. Do I ever not listen to you?" I don't know why Finn is so bad about expressing his opinion. It's not something that's new since the Wrights, as much as I would love to blame them for every one of Finn's problems.

"You listen to me. That's why I'm with you." To him it was that simple. Finn asks for very little, and demands very little from us in return. All he wanted was too be loved. Luckily, his personality makes that an easy thing to do.

"I picked a new song for Glee tomorrow. That's why I didn't want to skip it."

"Really. What's the song?" This time last year, I would have had a pretty good guess. Finn loves classic rock, especially Journey. He's not a fan of Broadway, or anything that requires holding long notes or a lot of breath control. But now I had no idea.

He shook his head and smiled mysteriously. "It's a secret. If I tell you you'll rush over to your laptop and YouTube it when you don't think I'm looking."

Damn he knew me too well. "Point taken. Did Mr. Shue help you with it?"

"Uh-uh. Rach did." He must have seen my dirty look because he gave me a quick grin. "I kind of had to have her do it. There's a little talking part in it, and I needed someone to do it. It's a cool song. Really different then what I usually do."

"Are you nervous about going to Glee tomorrow?" I punctuated my question with a quick pat to his shoulder.

"A little. No one is going to tease me or anything, but everyone's going to look at me different. No one's supposed to know what happened in the courtroom, but everyone is going to. I want things to be like they were last year, when Puck was still alive."

"I know. I wish I could make that happen." But I couldn't. If I had learned anything from my therapist, it was that nothing I could have possibly done would have changed the outcome of that night. It wasn't my fault, it wasn't Finn's fault, and it wasn't Puck's fault. Which was exactly what he had told me a few minutes ago. He was angry with the Wrights and sad for everyone else.

"Other people at school will say stuff, but I don't care about them." He was trying to sound brave, but I could tell that he was worried. If I had learned nothing else, it was that words hurt, usually more then blows did. "Mr. Shue doesn't have a last period, so he said I could come in before school gets out. That way I don't have to see anyone else yet."

He was going to have to face them eventually. Even if he never goes back to school (which I doubted would happen, he's already bored and climbing the walls at home.), Lima isn't very big. He's going to see the same people at the gas station, and the mall, and when we go out to eat as a family. But I appreciated Mr. Shue trying to make this a little easier on Finn.

"That's kind of him. Can I have a little hint about your song? Tell me what it's about."

"Secrets. That's the only hint I'm going to give you." He snaked a hand out and ruffled my hair, messing it up. I reached out to smack his hand away, and he grabbed me, pulling me over in a wrestling move. I went limp, because I trusted him not to hurt me.

Finn's strong and I don't weigh much, so it was a simple matter for him to actually lift me up and set me back down so I was straddling his body, sitting on his stomach. His hands remained resting on my thighs, or eyes locked on each other. Finally he broke the silence. "I do love you."

"I know." I wasn't sure what else to say, so I kept my mouth shut.

"I do want to be with you. You know, like in a sex way. You know that, right?" He looked so worried, as if I was going to reject him after all this time.

"I know." I took both of his hands in mine and squeezed them. "You're doing fine."

"Ok, I just wanted you to know and not get all frustrated and mad."

Frustrated? Yes. Especially when his hands were still on my legs, the thumbs rotated dangerously close to places they didn't need to be. His stomach rose and fell steadily, rocking my body along with it. But mad? Never. "I'm not. It won't be good until we're both ready, and I'm willing to wait."

"Ok." He shrugged. "I think I really do want to go to sleep now."

This time he was serious, and he ended up sleeping through dinner entirely. He did emerge around 9, bleary eyed and groggy, and eat a grilled cheese, but nearly ended up face planting in the plate before he gave up and crawled back into bed. I gave him a kiss when I came down at 11, but he never stirred.

The next morning, I was a man on a mission, hunting down Rachel outside of her first class. She gave her hair a quick toss. "Hi, Kurt. What's up?"

"So, Finn told me that you've been helping him with a new solo."

Rachel is talented in many ways, including acting. When she's on stage, she is utterly flawless. But off stage? Her face is an open book. Sure enough, she blanched. "Yes, I have. Did he sing it for you?"

"No. He wanted it to be a surprise. Why? Is there something wrong with the song?"

"Nooooooo, not exactly." She was making a face like she had swallowed a bug. "It's just very different for him. And honestly? The song is a little creepy."

"But he's going to do a good job with it?" I don't care how creepy the song was (and really, how creepy could Finn get?), as long as he got the boost to his self esteem that would result from a good performance.

"He's going to be fantastic." The warning bell rang, and she grabbed my arm before I could turn away. "Kurt, wait!"

I stopped and she dropped her hand. "People are talking about him and what he said at the trial. Is it true?"

"He didn't lie." The words came out harsher then I intended them to, and I had to soften my voice. "Sorry. Yes, he told the absolute truth. However, I have no idea what sort of rumors are flying around. What are people saying?"

She looked down. "That he was….assaulted. You know, sexually."

That couldn't really be a surprise to her, or to anyone else. I waited until she looked up again to speak. "You can say 'raped'. It's what happened, and pretending that it didn't isn't going to change things."

Rachel nodded, but she didn't look up. "That he was tied up."

"Yes."

"That he saw Puck die."

"Yes."

"That that bitch shocked him with a Tasar."

"Yes." Tears threatened, and I knew that she was crying, too.

"That she….raped….him as well."

"Yes."

"That Joseph beat him."

Finally, something I could refute. "I think there were a few smacks here and there, but nothing that I would classify as a beating."

Her shoulders relaxed a bit, but she didn't stop. I'll give the devil her due: Rachel Berry carries through with what she starts. "That they would have killed Finn."

"Yes."

"That they pimped him out."

"No. It was only Joseph and Lily."

"That's sick." Finally she raised her eyes to mine. "That you and I are happy that it was only two people instead of two dozen. It shouldn't have to be any."

Of course that was true, but it was also what had happened. 1 in 4 girls, one in 6 boys sexually assaulted before 18. Finn wasn't in the majority, but he had plenty of company. "I know. But all we can do is keep moving forward."

"Yeah. I just wanted to get the truth from you before I saw Finn again. I'll see you in Glee." She spun expertly out of my grasp and was inside her classroom before I could stop her.

I texted Finn at lunch, and he confirmed that he was still coming to Glee. He always wants to the morning of, and he makes it probably 90% of the time, but there are still days when he just can't make himself leave the house. But today he sounded upbeat and happy, reassuring me that he intended to be there when school ended.

Mr. Shuester kept his promise to let Finn come in a little early, and they were both settled in his office when I got there. Finn was hanging over Mr. Shue's shoulder, pointing eagerly at the screen. I knocked lightly on the door. "Hey, Finn."

He bounced up and wrapped me up in an overenthusiastic hug. As much as I hate having my clothing and hair mussed, I squeezed him back just as hard. "How are you doing?"

"Good. I changed the oil without any supervision, and your Dad let me work on a transmission, too. I'm getting pretty good at the whole car thing."

I noticed that Mr. Shue politely turned his head away from us, but I didn't miss the smile that lurked on the corners of his lips. He knew. Of course, for all I knew, Finn had told him. "That's fantastic, Finn. Did you remember your music?"

He pointed at a CD on Mr. Shue's desk. "Right there."

That was a bit unusual. Usually we brought sheet music and Brad would play the piano for us. Occasionally Artie would play the guitar. Puck had done it a few times last year, but that wouldn't happen now. "No musical score?"

Finn wrinkled his nose. "No. It's not really a song that you can do on the piano, so Rachel just pulled the music and burned it for me."

Now I was burning with curiosity. "Are you sure you don't want to tell me about the song? I won't have time to YouTube it." I was wheedling now, hoping for even a small clue.

"I told you, the song is secret. What else do I need to say?"

"Just asking. No need to get snippy." Even though he hadn't sounded snippy at all, just confused.

"I'm not snippy. That's the title. I don't know what else I'm supposed to tell you."

I reran that in my head a few times before it made sense. "Oh, the title of the song is Secret. I thought you were telling me that it was a secret."

"Nope. The song is called Secret." He smiled at me. "You make things pretty complicated."

Or he just didn't remember exactly what we had talked about last night. But it wasn't enough for me to bother making a big deal out of it. "Sometime I do. Are you ready to go?"

"Yep. I guess I have to do it sooner or later." His dejected face said it would much rather it be later.

"If anyone bothers you, let me know and I'll take care of it." Like Dad, Mr. Shue was doing all that he could. Also like Dad, what he could actually do wasn't much.

But it's the thought that counts, and Finn smiled gently at him. "Thank you."

Due to his height, Finn's hard to miss walking through the halls of McKinley. Every hallway, every step, people looked at us. No one spoke, and no one teased, but their actual responses were almost worse. Every single person looked away from him. It was like he didn't exist any more.

I understood why. By now, everyone knew what had happened to Finn. The rumors had been confirmed, and everyone was frozen. Finn had lived in Lima almost his entire life. He had grown up with these people, right from Kindergarten. Once Puck joined the picture, they had been best friends since second grade. They were a pair, seldom apart. Whether or the rest of the student body got along with them, at least they were familiar.

But this terrible thing had happened to Finn and Puck. It had happened to people they knew, in a town that they lived in. And if this could happen to Finn and Puck, it could happen to anyone. Finn was a living reminder of just how fragile life can be.

In a day or two, the shock would wear off, and Finn would be a fair target again. But right now? He was the invisible man.

He knew it, too. Maybe he even preferred it this way. I already know what it's like to be invisible, and there is a certain amount of safety in it. I pushed on his back. "Come on."

Finn didn't appear visibly upset, but he didn't say anything to me either. He just walked, moving steadily towards his goal.

Artie and Sam were the only ones in the Choir Room when we got there, which suited both of us. I sat down with Artie while Finn quizzed Sam on sports. His voice was tight, but I could see that he was relaxing little by little.

The rest of the club trickled in member by member. Even though we were his best friends, they were as clueless about how to act as everyone else. Rachel gave him a tight hug, which he seemed to like, but no one else approached him.

He sensed it, too. Over and over, he sought my eye, mutely asking if things were ok, and if I was going to abandon him, too. I shook my head and he went back to talking to Sam, only to look over again a few seconds later.

Mr. Shue saved us. "I was planning on pairing you guys up for duets this week, and I may still do that, but Finn has a song he'd like to perform first. Finn, are you ready?"

"Ready." He handed his CD to Rachel so he could cue it up and took his spot at the front of the room. "So Rachel helped me pick this song out after my trial. It's not for any special reason, just because I thought it sounded cool."

Liar liar. Finn doesn't do much that isn't for a special reason. But I had to let go and trust Finn. He could do this. And if he couldn't, the team would be there to pick up the pieces.

I would make damn sure of that.