She was confused when she woke up. Something made of hard metal was pressing into her leg and she was curled up in a bed that―Lillie bolted upright, rubbing her eyes and feeling worn out. When did she fall asleep? She remembered getting lost in the bunker hallways, and then... her knight found her.

Oh, God. Oh, God!

Lillie curled her legs up to her chest, feeling whatever the metal thing was brushing up against her knee. She circled her knees with her arms. Oh, God! He was―him! It was Colonel Autumn who held her hand after―who helped her back to her room―

She shuddered, fighting a sob, burying her face into her knees and feeling sick to her stomach. Why? Why would he do that―why would he act like that―

Why would Colonel Autumn try to make her feel better? He hated her! He'd always hated her! Never tried to do anything nice for her, always called her stupid, and he'd almost hit her that day―

She felt the blood draining from her face. And she'd almost kissed him! Oh, God―!

She jerked in surprise at a funny snoring noise near her, turning her head and listening. Someone was snoring―was he still around? Needed something to keep him away―the hard metal thing bumped her foot with her motion, and she froze in her panic.

Lillie suddenly reached out, patting the bed to find the thing, and grabbed it up. It was a gun. She knew how to use a gun; it had been part of the mandatory training by Colonel Autumn. He'd―he'd said she would never learn to use one right, that she was worthless at everything she'd done―

She turned her head to the sound of snoring, listening carefully. Did she dare? Even if she couldn't see, she couldn't hold a gun on him―could she? Lillie squeezed her eyes shut and felt the barrel of the gun, moving it into her hands into the proper position. She'd tried to kiss him, because she thought he was someone else. Anyone but―

Lillie whimpered, holding the gun out and away from her, her finger curled around the trigger. She held it on the area where she'd heard the snoring, and tried to edge herself off of the bed. She knew it wasn't her own bed. It smelled different. Smelled strongly of some kind of aftershave. This bed was a lot softer than hers, too. She put her toes on the floor and the the ball of her foot, putting weight onto it―

Lillie slipped her leg from under her and lost her balance, falling to the ground and discharging the gun by accident. Her yelp of pain was superseded by a loud cry that echoed through the room and back onto her ears.

"Hhhnnngh!" Colonel Autumn grunted. Lillie moved both hands onto the gun, aiming it up and into the blackness near the sound. One elbow was on the floor, the other butted up against the bed, her legs tangled underneath her. Her heart jumped up into her throat and her lungs were filled to the brim with air―she couldn't breathe―

"Good God," he exclaimed. Lillie breathed out in a rush, and curled her finger around the trigger, holding the gun up―she would shoot him, if he tried to get close―her heart exploded in a million beats at once―

Without warning, his hand pushed hers to the side, prying her fingers off of the metal and disarming her in one fluid motion. Lillie threw her arm upward and away, encountering resistance and hitting him as hard as she could.

Something warm and wet met her hand, and Colonel Autumn moved away from her in a lurch. She could hear sharp clicking noises―he was removing the clip from the weapon―and a grunt, followed by a hiss of pain. Lillie ran her thumb along her fingertips, where they were wet, and felt how sticky―

Blood. She'd shot him! Oh, God and now he had the gun!

She curled up on the floor, covering her head and crying. If he would just kill her now, she would be happy with that. No more pain or weirdness or whatever had happened―

"I suppose I brought that on myself," Colonel Autumn said, making a pained noise. "Should not have left my gun where you could find it." Lillie whimpered, afraid he would hurt her. He grunted again, and sighed. "Lillie, we need to talk."

"No―" she shouted, covering her head and pressing her forehead to the floor. "I don't want to―"

"God," he muttered, and she sobbed into the metal. After a moment he moved to her side and knelt down beside her, putting a hand onto her shoulder blade. Lillie jumped and hit her head on the edge of the bed, crying out in pain.

Colonel Autumn wrapped his hand around her shoulder and moved her out, away from the bed, dragging her across the floor. "Lillie," he said, pausing briefly. "I am not going to hurt you."

"No!" she cried, throwing a hand back and knocking into him. "Leave me alone!"

"Just talk to me," he said, a little more firmly. "Hear me out. I promise that it will help."

Lillie heard the words and the sound of his voice, and―he wasn't angry. He sounded―almost sad? She sniffled, wiped her face with her free arm, and turned her head slightly. "I don't want to talk," she mumbled.

Colonel Autumn made a soft noise as he adjusted his weight near her. "I didn't want to confuse you," he said. "That is why I didn't tell you that I―"

She shuddered in a half-formed sob, closing her eyes. "Why!" she yelled, making a fist and digging her fingernails into her palm. "Why! How could you―"

"Because I am not the enemy, Lillie!" he said, sounding more heated. "And―I regret what I've done. I'm sorry."

"Wh―" she said, in disbelief. "You―you―" She could barely make sense of this. It was so―scary and confusing.

"It wasn't who I am," he continued, his voice growing angry. "Both of us, we've been manipulated."

"What?" Lillie wiped her fist across her eye, sniffling. Manip―if anyone was doing that, it was him―

"If you get up from the floor," Colonel Autumn said, his tone commanding, "I will explain."

She remained down, curled in on herself, shivering against the cool metal. Why was he acting like―like he cared, all of a sudden? He'd never cared before―never bothered to be anything but rude and hateful―

"Why should I trust you?" she asked, dully. Her chest hurt so badly she could barely stand it.

"I'm the only person you can trust, right now," he said, and put his hand onto her bicep. "Come, Lillie." He tugged at her, gently.

She felt too weak to move, but let him pull her upright with her legs under her. She wavered, wiping her face. Looked out into the blackness and remembered―how she'd grabbed his coat and how she'd put her hands onto his face―

Lillie felt her face filling up with blood again. She must have disgusted him, throwing herself onto him like she had―that was why he'd yelled no and tried to push her away. She covered her eyes and breathed out, shakily. Tried not to start crying again. How could she have known?

"I know my actions upset you," he said, calmly. "I do not wish you harm, Lillie. I..." he paused and made a short grunt of pain, adjusting himself. She could hear the swish of his coat against the floor, and... and she could smell the same smell of his bed on him. "Trust me when I say this: You're as much a puppet as I am."

"A p-puppet," she repeated, shakily.

"I can't fully explain. If you knew as much as I have learned..." He sighed. "You would be in too much danger."

"Danger," she repeated.

"Yes," he said, quietly. "There is a mind at work here, in Raven Rock, who is more than able to destroy us at its whim. The only reason we are alive is because it wills so."

"W-who―" she said, lowering her hands to her chin.

"I can't tell you that," he said. "That's the danger. Knowing who the enemy is... it's something one desires in a military engagement." His coat rustled again. "But this isn't combat. This is an intelligent ploy designed for―" he paused.

"For what?" she asked, shivering.

"I'm not sure, yet," he said, sighing. "But I am not prepared to fight it."

He sounded... so sad and vulnerable. Like she felt. Lillie's chest wrenched in pain. She―she never wanted to hate him, but he'd made it so easy―he'd been so mean to her―

Could she bring herself to trust him? Never lied to her. Never expected anything other than failure from her, either, and she'd given him that. Never seemed like he wanted to be in the same room as her, even if training her, and she'd never wanted him around, either.

But―his hand on hers, in the medical bay... and him helping her back to her room, and then―

If he really did care, and he wasn't trying to play her like a fool―she flushed a little. Being stuck alone with her thoughts was too much. It was too much to bear, to think she'd imagined Colonel Autumn as a brave knight, willing to defend her. And she'd tried to kiss him.

Everything he was saying right now fed into that fantasy, and made her heart want to pop out of her chest and flail about on the floor. She wanted to believe him. She wanted to trust him.

But she couldn't―couldn't put in the past, his horrible actions or his hateful words. "I―" she said, and stopped herself. She didn't know what to say.

"I realize that our interactions, up to this point, have been extremely strained." He sounded strained, himself. "I wouldn't presume that you would forgive me for the past."

"No," she whispered. It seemed the thing to say.

"And I know you're going through a difficult time." He breathed out, loudly. "It was my intention to help you, rather than make you upset. I am sorry for that, Lillie."

Lillie dropped her hands to her lap, curling up her fingers and feeling the sticky blood. It sounded truthful. It sounded right. He hadn't―he hadn't tried to hurt her, or even yelled at her and she'd shot him and―and now he was asking her to trust him and he wasn't expecting her to forgive him―

She had blood on her face now. When she pressed her hands to her eyes, she'd smeared it over her cheek. His blood. She'd hurt him. She'd hurt him, and she had blood on her hands, and he was the one saying sorry.

That wasn't right. Lillie moved herself a little closer to the warm spot she could feel him occupying, and held out her hand with the palm up. "I'm sorry I shot you," she mumbled. "I―I'm... bloody."

He stood, with a squeak of rubber against the floor. She heard water running, and returned with a wet towel. Lillie felt him take her hand and wipe it clean, slowly, his hands trembling a little. Just as scared as I was... she thought. It was a weird feeling.

After a moment's hesitation, he put a finger under her chin and wiped her eye and cheek, scrubbing her a little roughly. "Where did I shoot you?" she asked, her voice emotional. She felt terrible for that―she'd only wanted to aim the gun at him and make him leave her alone―

Colonel Autumn moved away from her and his coat rustled again. A thump of fabric and a soft movement later, he sighed. Didn't say anything, just more sounds of fabric rustling and a sharp intake of breath. Lillie reached a hand out, turning her head to him and grabbing at the air. "I'm sorry," she repeated, her voice wobbling.

He put his hand on top of hers and lowered it. Lillie dropped her hand to her side and felt herself brush against the damp towel. She put her hand on it, rubbing her fingers against the rough fabric.

"You need to go back to your own quarters," Colonel Autumn said, a little louder, a little more like his old self. "I will find the time to discuss... this issue, with you. For now, we must be careful."

"But―" she said, picking up the towel and holding it with both hands.

"I will return you to your room," he said, putting a hand under her armpit and pulling her upright. "I must find an appropriate excuse for being shot. ...Lillie." His hand tightened a little. "Until we are in a better position, you must act as you had. Do not show me favoritism."

She grimaced, breathing quicker as he pushed her forward. The door opened and she gasped out at the chill that crept into the room. "Okay," she whispered.

It was a long, and very quiet, walk back to her room.