SELFISH: Syllabification: self·ish Adjective.1) Of a person, action, or motive lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one's personal profit or pleasure. Example: To do good deeds simply to obtain good karma would be a selfish motive, and would not earn much merit.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

What the fuck happened to my life?

Needless to say, it was a long plane flight back to Los Angeles. After Rosalie and Alice rescued me from humiliating myself any further while I sobbed massive tears on my now ex-boyfriend's hotel room door, I managed to get out the word "home" before completely losing myself in my thoughts. We never made the trip to the hot air balloon. Once again, I had failed the list.

Edward wanted me to find my own path, but what did that mean to me? As I played and replayed the highlights of my life since Edward had come into it, I wasn't sure how I was going to survive this massive blow. God! How could I have been so stupid? To break up with Edward and then let him get away forever? No possibility of a future whatsoever. No possibility for a future for me.

My mind was mixed up now more than ever. Suddenly, nothing seemed important to me anymore. My father's list. My education. Nothing was giving me a sign on what to focus on. Somehow, my life seemed better before. Looking into my future, I couldn't imagine where my life was headed, but I couldn't help but look back and realize that my life had to be better back before Edward then what it was about to shape up to be. I was happier when I was some shallow, oversexed, forgotten daughter than I am right now.

I stood in front of my house and looked up at its small cottage like structure and there was just no way I could go back to living here. This place held too many memories. This place was not the dwelling for someone like the old Isabella Swan.

I quickly found my way to my brother's home, hoping that he wouldn't be at the office. The first thing I needed to do was to buy a new house. I could stay at my old hotel haunt until one could be provided.

He opened the door, still dressed in his suit from his day's work, and sighed looking at me.

"Are you talking to me again? Or are you just here to threaten me?"

I rolled my eyes and pushed past him to walk into his house.

"We need to talk." I stated. "Edward dumped me."

Michael furrowed his brow, confused by my statement.

"I thought you dumped him?"

"I did but…then I realized that I had made a huge mistake so I tried to do the romantic comedy move by flying half way around the world to declare my love and beg him to take me back and he…he…" I couldn't finish. I felt myself begin to tear up but I wasn't allowing for tears anymore. I was old Bella. Bella, who would cry at missing a sale, not new and unimproved Bella who would cry over a lost lover's love.

Michael sighed and shook his head slowly.

"I'm sorry, sis." He consoled. "But maybe there will be someone better out there."

"Whatever." I dismissed with the wave of my hand. "Look, the reason I am here is that I want to sell my house. I need something…more like me, and that place is too…quaint."

Michael appraised me for a moment before responding to my petition.

"No." He said slightly unsure of himself. "I think you should stay there."

"Well, I don't care what you think." I snapped. "I don't want to be bombarded by memories. I want a new place for the new me…or old me. I am so done trying to be this Bella that Edward turned me into. Having feelings for silly things and thoughts of higher education and stupid stuff like that. I want my old life back. I want things to go back to the way they were when I was happier. Before I met Edward."

"You weren't happier before you met Edward." He contended.

"I was happier than I am now. I don't want to travel down a path that I was going on. I just want the hardest decision of my life to be what outfit I should wear or what club to go to."

Michael stared at me and crossed his arms over his chest, slightly wrinkling his well-tailored suit.

"I don't believe you."'

I gave him a look.

"I can't imagine you wanting to become what you once were. I don't think you'll be able to do it because you know too much now. You have seen what it's like on the other side of the fence, and how can you turn your back on that now? It's not as easy as picking up an AMEX and charging until your soul's content. Because your soul will never be content while you know there are people who are going hungry tonight, people you have the ability to help with all the money you're blowing on shoes and purses. I bet you won't make it through one night of a peaceful sleep."

"I don't care what you think. I still own the company and I can still sell it and spend the money however I wish. I don't need your permission, Michael." I spit. "Either you sell my house and put forth the paperwork for a new one, or I will find a lawyer and sell Swan Enterprises to the highest bidder."

Michael looked taken aback and I could tell that he was fuming inside. He gave me a look of indignation before walking over to a drawer in his kitchen and pulling out something shiny. He turned and tossed me the object.

"Grandfather would have been so proud." He said sarcastically.

"What is this?" I asked, looking down at the keys he had thrown at me.

"The keys to your old house. The one you lived in when you were that Bella. Seems fitting that you should return to the place that helped spawn you."

I shook my head in disbelief. "You didn't sell it?"

"No. We used it to bring in new clients and have charity functions at, but you obviously need it more, so it's yours."

I couldn't believe it. I could have my old house back. My big beautiful mansion in the hills.

"Well, thank you." I said sincerely. "You'll see that this is for the best. You get what you want and I get what…"

"You think that this is what I want? For you to go back to the way you were?" He snapped. "I would rather dissolve Swan Enterprises and spend my life at the end of the soup kitchen line than for you to turn back into old Bella."

"I was happier then." I whispered.

He shook his head and glared at me. "No, you weren't, but you're so afraid of anything new that you'll high tail it back to your past, because at least it's familiar. You have…every opportunity to be something and do something meaningful. Do you even realize how lucky you are? Most people don't have millions of dollars at their disposal. Most people aren't given a second chance, and when something doesn't go your way, you become this weak person who just gives up too easily."

"You have no idea how hard this is for me!" I shouted. "You don't know what it is to have something…something so amazing and then it's…it's just gone. So what if I decide to spend my days shopping and partying? Did you really think that God put it in his plan for someone like me to cure cancer or to be important? I am nothing more than what I am and I'm done feeling this pain. I want it to go away, and right about now, the only solution for that to happen is probably at the bottom of some bottle."

I stopped allowing myself a breath.

"Just…make sure the money is in my account. I have shopping to do."

I clutched the keys and held them up with a shake before turning to leave. I slammed the door behind me, and whatever happened next, I can't remember. I allowed the numbness to take over my brain and was leaving myself on autopilot.

I found my way home. Well, to my old home, I should say. After the long absence, the place still looked the same, but this time, as I walked up the path toward the front door, it felt like I was entering some kind of haunted house. The insides had of course been changed, only a few objects were still left from when I had this place originally. The silence was deafening as I walked around the inside and looked around. My god had this place changed, and yet, not enough too.

My eyes see the kitchen, and instantly, I was transported back into a dream of a man who stood at the stove while he made me chicken on a bed of linguine with a side of asparagus. I walked toward a liquor cabinet and pulled the first bottle from its store. Tequila. Not a bad way to start. I walked back toward the kitchen and perched myself upon one of the bar stools and proceeded to open the bottle. I took a swig and closed my eyes. When I opened my eyes back up, dream Edward was there once again, just feet away from me.

"To…our new path." I said raising the bottle up for a toast.

Dream Edward gave me a small smile and nodded once as I continued to drink my potion.

The first few days back at the house were hard, but I think I needed them to really help myself get over Edward. It wasn't like a bottle of tequila and some days in solitary confinement were the cure. Of course, I still felt him here, which made me rethink living at this residence, but I figured that what I needed most was some sort of routine.

First order of business, after a much needed shower and grooming session, was to take my AMEX for a reunion tour. I walked out and saw my car sitting in the driveway. That would be the first thing to go. There was no way I could be seen in Beverly Hills driving this. I needed an upgrade pronto. My first stop was the Maserati dealership.

I had always wanted a Maserati, but my father, Charles, never bought me one. Now, I owned a company, so I could buy whatever I wanted. A cherry red Maserati paid in cash was my first acquisition. I drove off in that car feeling like a new woman…well an old version of myself woman.

I pulled up at Barney's and handed over the keys to the valet. I took a moment once entering the store for the smells to come back and reacquaint themselves with my nose. I marveled at the items to the left and right of me. Shoes. Purses. Clothing all at my fingertips. This is where I belonged.

I simply handed my card off to the saleswoman and told her that we were going to have a busy day. Of course I had everything delivered to my old address and then took off toward Rodeo to visit my old haunt Chantilly. With a smile wide, I walked in and instantly stopped in my tracks.

A woman inside stopped and looked at me with the very same expression upon my face.

"Lauren?"

"Well, well, well…if it isn't Isabella Swan in the flesh." She spit, folding her arms over her chest.

"What are you doing here?" I asked, unable to think of what to say to my once friend.

"Lauren, are you helping that guest?" I saw another woman come around and question the hostile stance between Lauren and myself, and suddenly it dawned on me. Lauren wasn't here to shop. She was here to sell.

"You work here?" I asked, ignoring what I assumed was Lauren's boss.

"Yes. Have a problem with that Miss Swan? Did you not ruin my life enough the first time you decided to come here and see how else you could screw me over? You boyfriend's article ruined my life. After my father's and my name appeared, people pulled out of my daddy's company and then the government decided to do some digging on his financials and expenses, and now I work here. This is your entire fault."

"Lauren!" The manager snapped. "That is not how we treat our guests. I apologize for my employee's manner, Miss…Swan is it?"

I couldn't believe what I had heard. I just stood there, staring at the situation.

"I…I'm sorry. I have to go."

I quickly turned from the shop and found my car. I can't believe this, and you would think that this whole situation would make me feel happy or something. That Lauren got what she deserved, but I couldn't find it in me to feel that way.

I was done with shopping for the day. I needed a long bath or a nice soak in my sauna. This had been too much excitement for me on my first day back. I ordered takeout and drove home to figure out what was going to distract me next.

This was how I was going to make it through these next couple of months while I healed from the breakup. Just some much needed distractions was the perfect cure. After my soak in the tub I could roll up to one of my former hotspots and find the perfect specimen to take my mind off things for a while.

My breath caught in my throat and I could feel my heart begin to pound a little faster. It had been a long time since someone other than Edward shared my bed. Come on, Bella. You have to do this. Like everyone says, to get over one guy, you have to get on another.

But no matter how hard I tried to shake the images of Edward and I together I couldn't do it. Looked like I would need some liquid courage for tonight. No biggie, that's what short skirts and bars were for. I pulled up in my flashy new car to the curb of Masters. A trendy new bar that I wanted to go into for some time but Edward and I weren't the bar kind of people, but now I could be any kind of people I wanted.

I walked in and immediately felt eyes roaming up and down my body as I had slid into the tightest dress I could find from my earlier purchases. I wanted to make every single person notice me that evening. The girls would hate me and the men would have me. I sashayed my way over to the bar and didn't even make it before two guys were vying for the chance to order my first drink.

I found a spot in the corner with my martini in hand and began the hunt for the first new dick to grace my bed in over a year. I found myself being overly picky however. This guy smelled too much. That guy was too hairy. That dude spit when he talked and this dude wasn't cute enough to even make it to second round cuts, but in the end I realized that it didn't matter. It wasn't like I was going to have a life with this dude. I just needed a good fuck.

"You!" I pointed to the muscly fellow to my left. "Let's go somewhere quieter."

We made our way out of the bar and back to my car which the valet had parked front and center. I had no idea what this Casanova was named, but it wouldn't matter. I found myself driving toward the Beverly Hills Hotel since, once again, I would not invite a man back to my place. I paid for the room and it didn't take long before the Casanova dude was all up on me. Pushing me against the wall and kissing me on the neck while he pinned my arms down. For a brief moment I imagined Edward and I woke up out of the experience. I shook the thoughts from my mind, and for good measure, I latched my lips onto his. Take that, Edward!

The dude pulled my dress off me swiftly and was unbuttoning as quick as can be. I was on the bed with him on top of me before I knew it. I could feel his dick pushing up on me before he pulled back to pull my panties off.

"What the fuck is that?" He said, waking me from the moment.

I looked up and saw him down under, questioning my tattoo.

"Is that from the game of Life?"

And then it hit me. He wasn't supposed to see that tattoo. That was for Edward's eyes. I pushed off the bed quickly.

"I have to go."

I picked my dress up, but Casanova reached out and grabbed my arm.

"What the fuck? You're just going to leave me like this?" He motioned down toward his briefs and his cock was straining itself on the fabric.

"The room is paid for. Consider us even." I shook off his arm violently and grabbed my shoes to get out of there.

"Fucking bitch!" he spit.

I had reached the door when I heard his insult. I paused and turned back to him.

"Just be lucky that I'm not your fucking bitch."

I sat in the corner of my old room and stared at the pile of bags and boxes that the Barney's delivery boy had delivered. I had a new car. I had new clothes. Rome wasn't built in a day, so sleeping with someone new was just a hurdle that I could put off until tomorrow. Or…the next day.

God, this was so silly. How could one man ruin me like this?

My fluffy cat purred up against me, probably enjoying her new digs. There were more places to explore in this house than in my last.

"Maybe I should just get another cat." I told the fluffster.

She purred and looked up to me, and then meowed when I wasn't paying enough attention to her ears.

My cell phone began to ring and I saw that, once again, it was Alice. I hadn't answered any of Edward's family's calls for days. Not since we got back from New Zealand. I needed to end things with them. Seeing them was too hard. It would always remind me of Edward if I stayed friends with them. I needed to break up with my only friends.

"Hello." I sighed.

"There you are. I have been trying to get a hold of you for days. Where have you been? I know you haven't been home. I've been by like a thousand times."

I shook my head sadly and answered solemnly. "Busy."

"What is going on? I know that Edward…New Zealand was a heavy blow, and I know you're in pain. Talk to me. Please."

"I'm not feeling like it right now."

There was a pause. "Look, you don't want to talk about Edward, fine. But please come down to the kitchen. There's…a problem. A really big problem and we need you."

Fuck! That was the last place I wanted to go. I didn't want to step one foot back into East LA.

"Fine. I'll be there soon."

I hung up before she could ask another probing question and pulled myself off the ground, leaving the fluffy cat behind. It was now or never. After one break up already, I'm sure another wouldn't harm. I pictured all of their faces once more; Alice, Jasper, Emmett and Rosalie. Carlisle and Esme. Esme, the only woman who ever felt like a mother to me. She would be the hardest to break up with I think.

It didn't take long for me to get down to the kitchen since it was a Sunday. I found it odd that Alice would be at the kitchen on Sunday, since she never had it open those days of the week. I pulled up in my brand new car and there was a crowd of people standing outside the building. Rosalie and Emmett. Alice and Jasper. Angela and her two kids.

I set the alarm on my car and walked slowly toward them.

"What's going on?"

"New car?" Rosalie asked.

"Yep. Among other things." I replied.

Everyone was silent for a minute before Angela spoke up.

"Bella…I got fired today."

My mouth dropped open and I couldn't understand what I was hearing.

"How…that's not possible." I managed.

"Your brother told me that they cut the charitable contributions department. He said that they no longer had the money for that department."

"WHAT? He's lying. I mean the business hasn't gone down at all so there is no reason for cutting the department." I argued.

"Really Bella? You can't think of anything that could have happened in the past couple of days that would leave no money for the poor and hungry?" She nodded her head toward my new car.

I looked over at my brand new flashy Maserati, and suddenly, everything made sense.

AN: Thank you for taking the time to read and review! It means so much to me that so many of you have continued on with the story. I'm a sucker for HEA so dont worry those of you who wondered. At this point I can't really tell you how much more but I believe this should be wrapped up in five to seven chapters. Until next time...

Thank you soo much to my amazing beta Robstenvampgirl and your continuous work on these stories!

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. Story is mine.