EVERLASTING: Syllabification: ev·er·last·ing Adjective.1) Lasting forever or for a very long time. Example) It would be an everlasting reminder of this evening.

CHAPTER NINETEEN

My name is Isabella Swan. I live in Italy. I am all by myself. I am my own island.

I shook my head.

Let's start this again. My name is Isabella Swan. I live in Italy and Edward isn't here. He's not real, Bella. He's not here and he's not real. Italianward doesn't exist.

"Bella," Italianward calls.

"No," I said. "No…this isn't real. You're not real."

I close my eyes and Italianward disappears as he should. He's not real.

"My name is Isabella Swan. I live in Italy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy. I'm not crazy."

I chant over and over again hoping that when I open my eyes the apparition will be gone and I can learn a lesson here; lay off the fantasies. I take a deep breath and open my eyes.

"Dammit!" I snap my eyes shut once more seeing my apparition appear.

"MY NAME IS ISABELLA SWAN!" I shout a little louder hoping to wake myself up.

"BELLA!" Italian-apparitionward shouts over me. It begins to shake me a tad violently and I have no choice but to peak an eye open. "What are you doing?"

I stare at my perfect apparition and take in every line on his perfect face. I don't answer him because I know that if I begin to speak then I truly could be considered insane.

"I mean…Alice said it was serious but I never realized how serious. You're acting crazy."

I'm offended.

"Fuck you…Italian…apparitionward!" I realize that I have spoken to it and now I can clinically be deemed insane. Instantly my fists ball up in frustration that this form of Edward made me do something that I didn't want to do. I think about that notion for a minute and find the irony.

I turn around and try to escape. I need to go back to the house. The last thing I wanted was for the town to think I am crazier than they already believe. I show up talking to myself and the townspeople may round up their pitchforks.

"Bella, I know you're upset with me but I have traveled very far and have had no sleep or food. Could you please just try and be…normal for a minute?"

It follows me up the hill as I try to rush back into the sanctity of my home. If I'm forced to endure this thing pestering me then at least it will be in the privacy of my own home.

"Alice told me that she spoke with you. She's worried. Really worried. She thought that were suicidal and going a little…"

I snap my eyes back to look at him waiting to hear him finish that sentence but he thinks better of it. He realizes that I am giving him the attention that he wanted and once again places his hands on my shoulders.

"I'm worried about you. You're all alone here and with no one to talk to…of course you're feeling a little…out of sorts. I came as soon as she told me. I know you told me to stay away but I can't do that if I think you're…losing it. I made a promise to you and I intend to always be here when you need."

I can feel his hands on my shoulders. I can smell his perfect scent. I can see him standing right before me but I don't want to believe it. Maybe being insane is better than the truth. I look up at my house and see that I am only a few feet away from the door. I slowly take a step back and hold out my hand to tell this Edward to stay where he is. I back up until I hit the door and slowly let myself if. Quickly I close the door and wait. I wait with my back pressed up against the door. For a test, I close my eyes and think about Edward. If he isn't real, he will be in front of me when I open my eyes. I open my eyes and there is nothing. I look around and imagine the fantasy and nothing comes. I hear the gravel outside being kicked around. I wait for a few minutes before reopening the door and nothing is there. I walk out a couple of paces and that's when I see Edward's retreating back.

He's real.

He's real and he's in Italy?

What the hell is he doing in Italy?

I begin to cry as it sets in.

Oh my god Bella. You really are going insane.

I don't call after him but instead slowly collapse to the ground in a fit of tears realizing what solitude has done to me. I really believed I was seeing things. I should have gone after him but I don't because he doesn't deserve crazy Bella. It occurs to me that I don't know if I will ever see him again. Did he give up realizing I was a lost cause?

I never did get dinner that night and I can't say that the empty stomach did anything for my mental health. However, with the queasy feeling in my stomach, food probably wouldn't have been welcomed. The only thing that was welcomed was the hot shower I managed the next morning. After spending a restless night in bed with Freeloader, I found my stomach protesting loudly at my poor choices from the night before so before I attempt to head out, I allow a refreshing shower.

I exited the house looking all around like at any moment Edward would drop down from the sky. I walked down the hill keeping up my awareness this time and not allowing for one minute of day dreaming. It wasn't until I reached my café that I began to wonder where Edward ended up after yesterday's encounter. He is real! I have to tell myself over and over again just in case I should run into him.

The waiter knows me by now and has already set me up with an Italian coffee without asking. I pick up the small cup and hold it up to my mouth.

"Hey." I hear a soft reply to the left of me.

I slowly turn my head and see him sitting at a table one over from me. He must have sat down after because I would have noticed him when I arrived.

"Hello," I whispered. I set my coffee back down on the table.

"So…you're speaking to me today. You…figured out that I'm real?"

I never felt more embarrassed and that's saying something. This was Edward after all, he had seen me at my best and worst but today I was at my most embarrassed.

"I…I was hungry yesterday. Really hungry. Obviously my hunger made me a tad delusional. You've seen it before."

I realize how I must sound. After all the homeless people him and I have been around, I was waiting for him to snap at me for my thoughtless ignorance. Of course I have never been hungry to the point of being delusional. He would surely be upset with me.

"I was worried about you. You looked like you had seen a ghost. It was not my intention to upset you with coming here."

He completely ignored my comment which made me pause. In the past he usually loved to correct my behavior.

"Why did you come here?" I asked before I realized the words left my mouth.

"It sounded like you could use a friend."

The waiter comes and of course being Ivy League Edward, he gives his order in flawless Italian. I am green with envy and slightly irritated that it comes so easily for him. He looks like he belongs here far more than I do and he just arrived. He isn't frowned upon like I usually am.

"Do you mind if I share my coffee with you?" He asked innocently.

My mind goes back to the last line on my never ending bucket list and I practically scream, "No!"

I startle him and the nearby pigeons.

"Sorry. I didn't mean it like that but I can't. I mean…stay there at your table and I will stay at mine."

He is completely lost by my reaction.

"You're mad at me. Mad that I came," He said.

"No," I quickly replied. "I…look if you want to share gelato later than fine but not coffee. Anything but coffee."

He looks like he wants to ask why I am so against the coffee but decides it's probably better to leave that mystery for later. A conversation I don't look forward to.

"Okay…well then…" He begins to try to find another conversation.

"So what have you been up to?"

It's something I have been dying to know the past month. I pictured him working on his food truck, Vicky by his side. Even after Alice tried to tell me there was nothing, I still couldn't shake the image of the legging bimbo from my head.

"Well…I have expanded my food truck idea to go international. I am slowly helping others begin the project in their own countries. Vicky and I have…"

"Oh…so you're still with her." I feel like such an idiot for saying that but I couldn't help myself.

"I was never with her, Bella," He replied irritated. "I told you this a month ago. I thought I made myself clear. There hasn't been anyone else for me. There never will be anyone else for me but you."

Now I'm irritated.

"That's funny because I tried to get you back. I flew all the way to butt fuck New Zealand to tell you that and you dismissed me. So what is it? You don't want me but there will never be anyone but me? That makes no sense!"

"You coming to New Zealand, it was completely irrational. You didn't want me back for the right reasons. You only think you wanted me back but mostly what you wanted was to not be alone."

"And so…what was Vicky, then? The world's biggest souvenir? You went off to New Zealand for god knows what reason and bring back a person. A fucking woman person. What was I supposed to believe? How can I not think there is something going on there?"

"I brought her here for you!" He snapped out in frustration.

I sat back in my chair confused as ever.

"Uh…well…" I was a tad creeped out by this revelation. "We broke up, Edward. That doesn't mean I went to play for the other team."

Edward sighed and rolled his eyes.

"I know that. I brought her to the U.S. for you. After we broke up, I went to New Zealand because New Zealand is known for having one of the best skydiving programs in the world. I knew somehow I would get you to take me back but in the meantime I needed to get away from you as well. I went there to learn skydiving because it was on your list. It was something I didn't want you to do but you were determined to cross off everything on that list but you never thought this through."

He inched his chair a little closer to me while I tried to process his words.

"Bella, you're terrified of heights. You would get up in that plane and freak the hell out. You tried to put up Christmas lights and were stuck on the ladder for thirty minutes until I got home to help you down. I wanted to be there to help you finish your list because I knew that our life would never be able to move on until you felt that accomplishment. I was trying to find a way to help you. Vicky is one of the best instructors and she came here to help you cross off number eight."

I sat there with my mini coffee completely shocked by what I was hearing.

"So…she's been hanging around California all this time waiting to go skydiving with me?"

"Well…while I was getting to know her while she was teaching me about the sport, I told her about my food truck endeavor back in Los Angeles. She was inspired to want to do the same in New Zealand. She's leaving in a couple of weeks to go back and start the program there. Like I said, we've been working on setting up different trucks all around the world to help with hunger."

Something dawned on me.

"Wait…so…you've been skydiving? You actually went skydiving?"

Edward straightened himself up, "I've had five successful jumps."

"And how many unsuccessful jumps." I quipped.

He rolled his eyes. "Thankfully none or I wouldn't be here right now."

And the joking stopped as I realized what that meant.

"Oh my god!" I shook my head in horror. "I'm not even doing that stupid list anymore. I gave up…like everything else in my life, I gave up on it. You should stop this insanity. Don't jump ever again. I can't believe my stupid list would have been responsible for your demise."

I began to panic thinking of what my actions could have inadvertently caused.

"Bella." He reached out and took a hold of my hand. "I'm fine. Like I said, they are the best in the world. I was always fine and in good hands."

I tried to calm myself down knowing I had no right to demand him to stop. It was his life and he could do what he wanted but if he did have an unsuccessful jump, I would know it was my entire fault.

"Would you please stop with the worrying? I didn't come here to make your life worse."

The waiter came by and dropped off our breakfast and I cheated my chair a little so I could look towards him sitting alone at his table. Edward spoke to the waiter and I was left in the Italian dark once more. He finished their conversation and I waited until the waiter was out of sight before I spoke.

"They don't like me very much."

"What makes you think that?" Edward asked.

"Everyone here looks at me disapprovingly. It's a look I know well."

Edward's face cheated a smile.

"Bella. I don't think you know what you're talking about." Edward picked up his fork and stabbed at his scrambled eggs. "They call you, sad little olive girl."

I made a face.

"Sad little olive girl? Is that because I'm not taking care of their olive trees? I'm the bringer of death and destruction."

"The townspeople have been taking care of the olive trees. It's tradition around here. They care for the trees and take what they want from them. I thought they would have told you."

"What! But…they're on my property. I mean…why would they do that?"

"They don't really think of property they way Americans do. You never wondered why they were doing so well?"

I thought back to my journal entry when I wondered how the olive trees were managing without my help.

"The olive trees were my Yoda," I said awkwardly.

I had thought that they weren't receiving love of care but this whole time the whole town was loving and caring for them. This whole time I believed that the whole town looked down on me.

"Sad little olive girl," I repeated. They knew I was sad.

I don't know why but the thought made me tear up. My sadness was heartbreaking for me. Edward put down his fork and moved his chair closer.

"Bella…don't cry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"I am a sad little olive girl. I live in a beautiful house in this beautiful country and I'm all alone. I talk to a cat. A CAT! I don't even speak the language. I moved to a country that doesn't speak English! I could have moved to England or Ireland or Scotland but I moved here and I am so lonely. I am so lonely," I sniffled as a waterfall fell down my cheeks. "What the hell was I thinking?"

Edward rubbed my back as I broke down at the café on the corner in plain sight of the town and its people. Now I would be known as crazy little blubbering mess girl.

"You wanted a new start," Edward answered.

I nodded.

"I wanted to run away. I wanted no pain."

Edward didn't respond but he did keep a hand on my back trying to comfort me. I liked the feeling. I managed to calm myself down before looking back to his face.

"Why did you come here, Edward?"

Edward looked away from my face back over toward his plate. He sighed and nibbled a little on his lip.

"Do you want me to leave?" He finally asked.

"Why did you come here?" I asked more forcefully.

"Do you want me to leave!" He snapped back loudly.

I huffed and shrugged off his touch. I stood up, towering over him.

"Just tell me! If you haven't noticed, I'm already going a little out of my mind. I don't need any more head games. We were together. You proposed but then let's be honest, I didn't accept and for some part of you, that was unacceptable. I didn't want to get married and you did. You want to have children and I can't think that far ahead. You want to live a certain way and I'm a mess. Edward, you and I were probably the worst suited couple in history and what it tells me is that…love…isn't enough. So, why are you here, Edward?"

He looked down for a moment but only a moment before looking back up at me. His eyes were confident. The way they would usually get before he knew he was about to win an argument. It unnerved me but I held my ground.

"I believe…that love is enough."

I huffed and looked away.

"I do, Bella. Because after all this time apart we still care about each other. We still love one another. Doesn't that count for something?"

"Well apparently not enough because I flew to New Zealand and that ended with you slamming the door in my face. Where was love then?"

"You didn't come to New Zealand because you realized that you loved me. You came because you were scared to be alone. I wanted you to spend some time away from me so you could find for yourself your true feelings for me. Bella, I don't mind spending the rest of my life following after you but I need to know that I'm not spending the rest of my life being the reason that you're running. I get that you have issues and that you're scared all the time and it makes me wonder if I'm part of the reason for that. I messed up. You and I are completely different and I was trying to change what was different into…being more like me and that's not right. Because, if I love you, then I should never try and change a thing about you. I want to marry you but if you can't do that then I would much rather have you then to be married and make you miserable for that choice. Children! I would love to have thousands of children with you but if you're never ready for that then in the end, I would much rather have you. I came here because it's my turn to beg. I want you back and I will take you in whatever way you will allow."

I cringed involuntarily. It wasn't that I didn't want Edward but I didn't want everything to go back to the way they were. Edward and I had already traveled down this road before and obviously, we got lost. If we were together, what would change? I imagine for a moment that I would say yes to his current proposal and eventually we would probably return to Los Angeles. We would be around his family and our friends. We would maybe find a new place to live in attempt to give us a new start but then in a couple of months after we had been back, would things go back to the way they were? Edward involved in his homeless projects and me sitting on the couch disappointing him with all my wasted potential. He would attempt to control his remarks remembering that he was the one that wanted this but there would always be that look in his eye. The truth he wouldn't be able to escape.

I came to Italy for a fresh start but since I had taken no steps to improving my life, I have to believe that the only reason I was here was so I could hide from everyone's disappointment. It was so much easier to sit around and do nothing without having people judge you for it. Knowing how much I loved Edward; having him disappointed in me again was something that I didn't want to live with. He wants to follow after me for a lifetime of uncertainty? How can someone follow a person who wants to remain stationary?

"I don't want to leave Italy," I finally say.

"Then we don't leave," He countered.

"And…what about your food truck empire? You think you can still have that if you're here?"

"There are hungry people here too."

"I don't know what I want to do with my life. I…it may be something that I never figure out. I could be a couch potato the rest of my life."

"Somehow I can't imagine that. You've lived that life before and you weren't happy. You were bored. You'll figure out what your next step is when the time comes."

"And what if I don't. What if I never figure it out and you go out every day and work hard with your food truck and come home to a lazy heiress who contributes nothing to this world? You won't be happy with me like that and don't lie to me and say you will."

He sighed and pulls back a little.

"Bella, most people don't know what they want to do with their life. They think they do but in reality, their just as lost as you are. They may even have jobs or families but they still find themselves very unfulfilled. You've had your whole life to dream about what you want to be or do and has it ever worked out? You wanted Yale and that didn't work out. You went back to school and that didn't work out. You flew all the way to Italy and tried to set up a new life and that's not really working out either. It doesn't mean you're a failure. It just means you haven't figured it out and I know you seem to think I have this plan in my head for my life but nothing works out the way we want it to. I just want to be happy and I know that there is no way for me to be happy if I'm not with you."

I bit down on my lip still unsure about this. Everything sounded good at this moment but how would I feel in a month from now? A year? Would things go back to the way they were before? I wanted to say yes to his new proposal but I needed to be rational for once in my life.

The waiter came to pick up the food that we had nearly left untouched and Edward slipped the man a European bill for the trouble. I'm sure the money was more than enough because the waiter was bowing and "grazie-ing" all over the place.

"You said I could share a gelato with you," Edward said snapping me out of my thoughts.

"You just paid for my breakfast," I pointed out.

"Then you can pay for gelato."

"You paid for the coffees," I said staring down at his empty cup. "We technically shared a coffee in Italy."

Edward was still confused why this was a bad thing.

"You still haven't explained to me why you don't want to drink coffee with me."

I was irritated because he just ruined my bucket list.

"It was on my bucket list. You just ruined my bucket list. I was staring out over my olive trees and thought that having a coffee with Edward would be a great addition to my bucket list…"

"And I just helped you satisfy that item. What's the problem?"

I huffed and grabbed my purse trying to find the quickest exit through the table and chairs.

"The problem is," I snapped looking back at him in disdain. "I wanted to leave my bucket list intact. Like my bio father, I wanted to make a list of things I always wanted to do but never will do. It was my bucket list and you just ruined it!"

"But the point of a bucket list is to cross things off it. That doesn't make any sense, Bella."

"When have I ever made any sense, Edward!" I practically yelled. "I made a list that I didn't want to complete. It makes sense to me!"

Edward jumped in front of my path blocking me from going any further.

"Your bucket list. Things you want but never want to actually do…" He waited for my reply. I nodded irritably waiting for him to finish.

"Did you write down, marry Edward? On that list of things you want but never want to actually complete, did you write anywhere on there, marry Edward?"

He was losing his damn mind. Maybe it wasn't just me. Maybe it was this place?

"It's my list. I don't have to tell you what's on my list."

"BELLA! Tell me!"

"NO! I…never wrote anything about marriage because like I have told you before, I don't know if it's something I ever want. Were you not just here five minutes ago when I made that pretty fucking clear?"

Edward grabbed his chest like he was coming down from a heart attack. He backed off a couple of paces and sighed in relief. I kept looking at him like he had lost his damn mind.

He stood straight up after a couple crazy seconds and looked like nothing had happened.

"So…gelato?"

I shook my head and waved my hand erratically.

"What the fuck was that? You go crazy and then want gelato like you hadn't just suffered a complete breakdown?"

"Well at least I didn't leave the country? We all have our little breakdowns." He raised his challenging eyebrow. "Come on. I know a great gelato place. It's over a block."

Edward took my arm and began pulling me away from the cafe.

"I think I know more about this city than you do. I do live here after all."

Comes into town and thinks he knows more about this place than I do! Typical Edward. I noticed people staring at us as we walked arm and arm down the street. Instead of the questioning looks I usually received, we were met with gentle nods and smiles.

"Their acting weird," I whispered conspiratorially.

"They're probably happy that you're not going to turn into a sad little olive spinster," Edward replied.

"I never accepted any of your proposals so…"

"Yet. But you will. Because you know just as well as I do that you and I belong together. What would be so wrong for a homeless dude and a Richie bitch to end up with one another anyway?"

"You are not a homeless dude. Technically you never were. You were more like a Richie bitch yourself parading around as a homeless dude which in some circles could be worse."

"I don't have a home now and I'm here and since you slammed the door in my face last night, I am practically a homeless dude."

"Did you sleep on the street last night?"

He looked away giving me the truth. "Now it's my turn to shame you for your poor choice of words. You never have to be homeless for the rest of your life. You don't know what it is to have that kind of desperation. You see even though you wrote that disparaging article last year on me your whole intention was to get your readers to know what it truly felt to be homeless and you and I both know that that will never happen. You will never know what it truly means to be homeless and have that hopelessness and desperation."

We walked for a silent moment before he would respond.

"You will neither and yet you almost sound like you know what it feels like."

I looked down and sighed.

"I guess that's because I imagine that being alone is almost the same feeling. Being here this past month and having no one to talk to has made me feel a little crazy. Feel like I was all alone and no one cared about me. I know that's not true and technically it's my fault for that but feeling desperation and hopelessness….I guess I do know what that feels like."

Edward stopped once more and released me.

"What do I have to say to get you to give me another chance?"

I looked away.

"Please Bella. Tell me what you want. I will get down on this cobblestone and beg on my knees if that is what it will take."

He begins to move toward the ground and I grab him by the arm to hold him up.

"Stop it! I don't want people thinking you're proposing to me again. Don't embarrass me!"

"Tell me what you want!"

"I don't want to go back to California. I want to stay here. I want to stay in the country where I can't speak the language. I want to have the freedom to spend my days the way I want. I don't want to feel pressured for more. I don't want to look at your eyes every day and see how being with me has ruined your dreams."

I hadn't noticed I was yelling. The townspeople standing still was the only way I was snapped back into reality at the scene I was making.

"You can't promise me that things won't go back to the way they were. You say that you love me and want to be with me but…in a couple of months or years, you may suddenly wake up and realize how unfulfilled your life is and it will be all my fault. And…I love you…too much to let that happen. Go home Edward. Just…go home."

I turned and left him standing in the middle of the piazza. If I hadn't disappointed the townspeople before, it was clear I had now. I wanted to cry but I think I was too angry at myself. I wanted to be selfish and ask Edward to stay with me but I knew in the end, he would never be fulfilled living with me. Existing with me.

I left him and went back to my house. I was determined to let him go and sink myself into madness. Italy was a beautiful place. The perfect place for one to lose themselves. I could spend the rest of my days crazy and alone. It was karma for what I had done. How I had lived my life.

I would sit outside on my veranda and look down at the town and my olive trees. I needed a break from the town and it's people but unfortunately, I was still without food so it was imperative that I make the trip. After a few days in my house, I had hoped that Edward would be gone and I could go on with my existence.

I finally found the courage to face my fellow townsman and start out with my usual coffee before going off to the market. Once again the small cup of Italian coffee was brought to me and the waiter attempted to avoid all eye contact.

"Hey."

I closed my eyes and sighed before turning to my left.

"Why are you here?" I asked despondently.

I already knew his answer.

"I'm not leaving."

I nodded once. I should have been mad. I should be cursing him to high hell but instead I was just exhausted.

"I'm going to stay until you are ready to let me into your life again."

I swallowed and stared forward, seeing him out of my peripheral.

"And if I'm never ready?"

"Then…at least I will have spent my life near the one I love."

I shook my head slowly and felt myself want to cry but I had to be strong. I looked down at the journal I had brought with me and flipped to the back of the book to find the list I had made. I clicked my pen and slowly crossed out, "Have coffee with Edward in Italy."

I turned to Edward and saw him waiting to hear what I might say next. I looked him over and felt the blood course through my veins. The rush just looking at him would bring. I tossed the journal and pen towards his table and it landed perfectly with a light thud.

"You better come up with one hell of a contract."

He looked up at me a tad confused.

"Our friendship started with a contract and now it's up to you to finish this with one."

Edward picked up the pen and answered with his magnificent smile. I sat back in my chair and stared at the Italian townspeople walking by while I sipped my coffee. Edward sat writing what would be the contract that would see us through. I had only known him for a few short years but in those years I had learned a great deal about myself and what the true definition of love was.

- The End -

AN: There will be a short epilogue which I will post tomorrow. Sorry for the delay. It's always hard for me to finish a story. Thank you everyone who hung in there for this journey. Thank you for your criticism and kindness.

Thank you Mina Rivera once again for the beautiful banner you created for this story!

I will begin working on The Governess and head back to Loathing You as well. Hope you will enjoy more stories from me and a special thank you for all those loyal readers of mine out there.