Chapter 45

"I'm so sorry Liz. This never should have happened, especially to you." Kat said softly as she knelt down the damp grass in front of the headstone and placed an elegant floral arrangement at the base; roses and lilies. Her long slender fingers gingerly traced the the name of an old friend that had passed too soon, Elizabeth 'Liz' Mae Scott.

"I thought you were over the blaming yourself part." Jason commented as he knelt down next to her and placed a large hand on her shoulder.

"Jase! When...When did you get here?" Kat stammered as she looked back at his midnight eyes.

"A few moments ago, I figured you were here. Lilly's waiting in the truck." Jason shrugged as he dropped his hand to his side. "Are you okay?"

"I'm alright." Kat nodded.

"Kat, tell me the truth. Do you still blame yourself for Liz's death?"

"No, not really." Kat shook her head. "It was all Tyler's doing, but I was the cause. I unknowingly brought about the events that ended in her demise and left Lilly without a mother."

"Kat..." Jason sighed.

"I'm not blaming myself Jase." Kat cut him off. "I know I couldn't have done anything. I just wish... I wish I had caught the Angel Killer long before he ever came to California. I should have caught him."

"Katherine, now you listen to me. You were an incredible and outstanding agent. If there had been any clues, any indication, you would have caught him. I have no doubts that you and your team would have had the case wrapped up in a matter of moments, but Tyler never left you any clues to go by."

"I know." Kat smiled softly at her fiance. "I promise Jase, I'm not beating myself up or blaming myself anymore. No more feelings of guilt... just regret."

"I think that sums up all of our feelings." Jason nodded.

"You better call Lil over." Kat said after a moment of silence. Jason nodded and stood to wave over Lilly who watched the couple from the truck. Kat heard the door slam and Lilly's small footsteps rushing through the dew covered grass toward them.

Lilly immediately knelt right next to Kat, a dozen white lilies clutched in her small hands. Kat reached up and stroked the small girls dark blonde hair. Lilly's dark gaze shifted toward Kat and a small smile pulled at her pink lips.

It still amazed Kat how much Lilly was like her father. The same soulful midnight eyes that displayed intelligence and emotions. The same broad smile with the slight smirk to the side.

Yet, at the same time, it was like seeing Liz back from the grave. The silky dark blonde hair. The same cute pointed nose and softly rounded cheeks. Lilly also shared her mother's coloring too. Not quite as tan as Jason, but darker than Katherine's porcelain skin.

She was the perfect combination of of her parents. Kat had no doubts that Lilly was going to one hell of a looker when she grew up.

I hope my own children with Jason will be just as gorgeous. Kat thought to herself. Her hand suddenly stilled on Lilly's head as the realization of what she just thought struck her. She and Jason had talked once about children right after they had found out Anna was pregnant. She had agreed to wanting children someday, as she knew her whole life she wanted to be a mother. But the thought of actually bearing Jason's children hadn't entered her mind until now. She mentally smiled, as warmth spread through her and nestled into her soul. She wanted to have a baby, but not just any baby, Jason's baby. That was a big breakthrough for her.

Lilly took the moment of stillness and rose to her feet to set the roses at the base of her mother's grave, next to Katherine's flowers. "I miss you, Mommy." Lilly said softly. Her voice was a velvety soprano, smooth and steady. Yet another thing she inherited from Liz. "I want you to know that Kat is taking good care of both me and Daddy. I hope you aren't worrying yourself up there."

"Knowing your mother she's always worrying about you, Lilly-pad." Jason chuckled. "That was her way, ever since the day she found out she was pregnant with you. Always the worry-wart for her baby girl."

"I know." Lilly smiled at her Dad before turning back to her mother. "I have my first solo in dance next week. Kat's been helping me practice and get better. I know you'd be happy with my progress. I'm a much better dancer than I was last year."

"I bet she's real proud of you Lil." Kat laid a hand on her small shoulder "I know that I am."

"I think my Mom would be proud of you, too." Lilly said as she turned around. Kat was slightly taken back by her statement.

"I agree Lilly-pad." Jason agreed. Kat glanced over her shoulder to look at him. His dark gaze was so full of love and admiration, she had to swallow back against the lump forming in her throat. "You've overcome a lot of obstacles and stepped up to the challenges of family life. You've formed a relationship with Lilly without overshadowing or trying to replace Liz's memory. She'd be happy with the way thing are."

"I think you and Mommy would have been good friends, Kat." Lilly added.

"We once were." Kat replied quietly. Lilly looked at her soon-to-be stepmother with expectant eyes. Kat took a small breath and continued. "It was before you were born. Your Mom and Dad were dating and then newly married. I was engaged to Tommy at the time."

"Before Charlie?" Lilly raised an eyebrow.

"Yes." Kat nodded. "Your Mom and I did a lot together back then. She helped me go shopping for Charlie and helped me decorate the nursery. She was with me the night... the night Charlie died. Both your Mom and Dad stayed with Tommy and me at the hospital."

"Then you went away." Lilly stated, it wasn't a question.

"Yes, I left."

"My Mom wasn't happy when you came back though. I remember how mad she was at the party when you and Daddy were sparring."

"It wasn't that she was upset I was back." Katherine rushed to correct the small child. "Things had changed since I left and... and..." Katherine looked back to Jason for support.

"Your Mom wasn't very happy when she thought that I was dating Kat." Jason said slowly, trying to think through every word. He had known this conversation was bound to happen someday with Lilly, and was honestly surprised it hadn't come up earlier. "After a while, she came around to the idea. Your Mom still loved me in some ways, so it was hard for her to see me with someone else, especially with someone that had once been a friend."

"Did you still love Mommy?"

"In some ways Lilly." Jason nodded. "I loved her mom because she gave me you, but it wasn't the kind of love that we needed to stay married. Does any of that make sense to you?"

"I think so." Lilly nodded slowly.

"You can always ask me anything, baby girl." Jason smiled softly at his daughter as he knelt in front of her placing his hands on her shoulders. "Anytime you want to talk about your Mom, or you have any questions, I'm here."

"I know Daddy." Lilly grinned as she wrapped her arms around his neck before placing a kiss on his cheek. Lilly held out her small hand toward Katherine, who readily accepted it with a smile. Lilly gave a tug and Kat followed her into Jason's embrace as she wrapped her own arms around the small girl. The threesome sat silently in front of the grave, bonding as a family, and mourning the dead.

"Shall we go get some lunch?" Jason asked after a while, his arms still holding tightly to the two most important women in his life.

"Lunch is a good idea." Kat agreed. "What would you like, Lilly?"

"Hmm..." Lilly hummed as she tapped a finger on her small rounded chin. Yet another mannerism picked up from her mother. "Clam chowder?"

"Clam chowder it is." Jason laughed. He stood first, followed by Lilly. He then offered a hand to Kat. The walked toward the vehicles hand in hand with Lilly scampering off ahead.

"I'm riding with Kat!" Lilly shouted as she reached Kat's car first.

Kat glanced back toward the grave. The roses gently swayed in the light breeze. I promise I'll take good care of hem both, Liz. I'll make you proud.

XXXXXXXXXX

Jason reclined on the couch, watching the local news while Kat was upstairs putting Lilly to bed. It warmed his heart to watch them together. They got along so well and seemed to adore each other. Lilly was excited to have Kat join their family, and of course even more excited to gain Kevin as an uncle. Mitch and Sophia had already accepted Lilly as their new granddaughter. It seemed that everything was falling into place.

Kat walked into the livingroom, quietly slipping onto the oversized armchair by Jason's head. He sat up immediately when he noticed to look of seriousness on her face. It was obvious that she wanted to talk to him. He clicked off the television and gave her his full attention.

"What's on your mind, Snowflake?"

"There's something I wanted to talk to you about for a while now, and Lilly reminded me of it tonight."

"What did she say?"

"She asked me what she should call me after you and I get married."

"What did you say?"

"I told her to just keep call me Kat, or we could find something she could call me that we all liked."

"Good answer." Jason nodded his approval, but he could sense there more to her story. "But I'm guessing Lilly said something else."
Kat gave a slow nod. "She said that if I had a baby, it would be her brother or sister, and they would call me 'Mom'. So it only would make sense if she called me 'Mom' too, so as not to confuse the baby."

"She actually brought up a baby?" Jason grimaced. He knew he told Lilly directly to not bring up that subject with Kat. He glanced back at Kat, who stared at her hands resting in her lap. "What was your response?"

"I told her it was something I would think about, and that you and I would talk it over, and then talk to her."

"You're good." Jason grinned trying to make light of the situation. "So... is that what's been bugging you all day?"

"No." Kat shook her head. Jason's heart sped up, could this really be the conversation he'd been waiting for? Children of their own. He swallowed past a lump forming in his throat as she rose from her chair and sat next to him on the couch. She took one of his hands in both of her and locked her sapphire eyes with his. "I know that Lilly wants a sibling and that you want more children."

"I feel a 'but' coming on." Jason said dryly after Kat had fallen silent. Kat grimaced as a look of guilt washed over her lovely features. Jason instantly regretted causing her to feel any more guilt than she already carried. "I'm sorry! Oh God, Kat! Don't feel bad if you're not ready. I never wanted you to feel pressured to have a baby... I mean... Shit, I'm so sorry. I'm messing this all up."

"No, it's okay Jason." Kat placed a gentle hand on his cheek. "I know what you're trying to say."

"I realized I sounded like an ass." Jason admitted. "Tell me how you feel about this, Kat."

Kat swallowed, her throat was suddenly dry. She tried to look down at her lap, but Jason reached out with his hand and held her by the chin, keeping her gaze level with his own.

"Whatever it is you need from me, Kat, you'll have it. You said before that someday you wanted to kids and I've left the subject alone. If things have changed and you don't want kids, that's fine. If you want to adopt, we'll do that. If you just want time, you have it. If you don't need time, hell, I'll take you up to the bedroom right now. But you just have to tell me what you want."

Kat blinked a few times as tears threatened to fall. "You're just too wonderful."

"Not as wonderful as you." Jason smiled before he gently kissed her forehead. "But you're deflecting the conversation. What do you want, Kat?"

"I had a thought today, for the first time." Kat explained. "I know we talked about a baby before and I said that someday maybe I would be ready for a baby..."

"And..." Jason felt his heart sink, he just knew that she'd changed her mind. It broke his heart, but whatever Kat needed from him, he was going to give. Even if it meant his own dreams of children.

"It's always just been that I wanted to be a mother, to have a baby of my own." Kat continued. "But today, for the first time since Charlie, I didn't just think of my baby. I thought of our baby. I was thinking of how yours and my baby would look."

"That's a nice thought." Jason nodded with a smile. He was still unsure of exactly what Kat was trying to say, but at least the sinking feeling was gone from his chest. She was talking about their baby... He suddenly paused as he realized what she was meaning. It wasn't just a want of a baby she was feeling, it was the want of his baby. Kat's grin grew wider as she noticed the realization cross his face. "You're thinking about our baby! You're serious? You want to have my child?"

"Nothing would make me happier, Jason." Kat nodded.

"Kat, you have no idea how happy you just made me!" Jason exclaimed as he hugged her close. "Whenever you're ready, I'm ready."

"We've still got a wedding coming up Jase." Kat laughed in his ear. "But I promise as soon as we say 'I do' the pills are history."

"We could always follow in the good doctors footsteps and go shotgun." Jason chuckled.

"As much as I love Tommy and Anna, we are not copying them." Kat shook her head and sat up to look in his eyes again. "My family has tickets to come here in April, we're not making them purchase all new tickets. You'll just have to wait a little longer."

"Kat, I'd wait another ten years if you needed me to."

"I'm not having a baby at forty-three!" Kat gasped in mock-horror.

"Why not? I'm sure you'd still have a rockin' bod." Jason laughed. Kat swatted at his arm and attempted to glare at him. "Should we wait twenty years? I hear the fifties are awesome."

"Jason, I swear to God..." Kat rolled her eyes.

"You're too cute when you're trying to be mad." Jason said in a falsetto as he lightly pinched her cheek. Kat gave a low growl and tried to bite his fingers. "Oh, kitty's getting mad."

"Run, Jase. Run like the wind." Kat warned with a smirk. Jason grinned and stood quickly from the couch. He gave a girly scream and ran toward the stairs. Kat was hot on his tail and followed him to their bedroom. "You're such a dork." Kat laughed as she closed the door.

"Excuse me, when we start name calling?" Jason placed his hands on his hips as Kat often did to him when she was arguing.

"Why am I here?" Kat rolled her eyes and started back toward the door. Jason quickly moved across the room and grabbed her around her waist.

"Oh no you don't. You're staying in here with me."

"I might catch the your dorkiness!" Kat wailed with a smile. "Heaven forbid! What shall I do if both of us come down with it?"

Jason let out a hearty deep laugh as he rubbed his nose against her cheek. "I think you've already caught it."

"Oh no!" Kat gasped and threw her arm over her eyes dramatically.

"I do know a cure, though." Jason whispered into her ear.

"Quick, tell me!" Kat giggled as she uncovered her eyes to meet his gaze.

"You have to make love to me, over and over." Jason grinned.

"Eh, I think I'll remain a dork." Kat shrugged as she reached for the door again.

"What?" Jason raised an eyebrow. "You'd rather stay a dork than make love to me?"

"Well, you know..." Kat shrugged again. Jason stuck out his bottom lip and crossed his arms like a small child. "Oh, now that's attractive Jase."

"You hurt my feelers."

"Feelers? Are you an ant?"

"You're a stick in the mud." Jason huffed as he sat on the edge of the bed.

"Jason." Kat called in a sing-song voice. He glance up just in time to see Kat launch herself at him, pushing them both onto the bed. She straddled his hips and kissed him passionately. "I've decided that I don't want to be stuck with your dorkiness after all."

"Well then, by all means, cure away, Snowflake!" Jason grinned before claiming her lips once more.