Chapter 16
I sat and stared mindlessly at the dim glow of the television screen projecting plastic smiles and product advertisements of which were ninety-percent of useless tools. The living room was quiet and only the sound of the ice cubes clinking in my glass as they slowly melted broke the depressing atmosphere. Serah was upstairs, asleep after a trying day.
I sighed heavily and ran a hand through my messy hair as I tried to force myself asleep, but I simply couldn't. The darkness pressed heavily upon me and was no help in comforting me into a state of slumber. I was paranoid. Every minute or two, I'd creep back upstairs to sneak a peek in our bedroom to make sure Serah was still there. After the tenth time checking up on her, my limbs started to finally grow weary, and my eyelids became heavy with drowsiness. I shut my eyes and the fluorescent of the television screen still managed to pass through the thin veil of my eyelids – dim light, bright light, and so on.
Flashes of light. And then the sound of the courtroom explosion echoed like a haunt causing me to shoot my eyes back open. I groaned and tried my hardest to get comfortable on the couch – not wanting to crawl back in bed for fear of waking Serah. I shut the television off and the room was enveloped in a blinding darkness. Not liking the new scene, I turned the television back on to see Serah standing beside me – nearly giving me a heart attack.
"Serah! You scared the hell out of me!" I gasped, trying not to sound too much like a chicken, but from the look of amusement on Serah's face, I failed.
She had her hair in a messy ponytail, mussed from an obvious fitful sleep. As if an homage to a late-night dirty movie, Serah's top button of her shirt had been left unbuttoned – low enough for her cleavage to show. I wondered if the button had come loose during or her sleep or if she had done it on purpose. Whatever the case, I couldn't stop my eyes from slowly drifting back to the lily-white flesh contrasting with the darkness.
"What are you doing down here, Claire? Come back to bed," Serah said, and she extended a hand for me to grab.
I stared at her in silence as if she were a phantom from my dreams, and she continued to smile the carefree smile I've always known her to bring out when she was truly in pain.
"Sorry," I said, and drifted off, weary from lack of sleep, stress, and everything.
Serah sighed, and plopped herself beside me. "What are you sorry about now, Claire? It's not like you to say sorry so much." Serah laid her head on my shoulder, and I stared at the top of her head – following the light strands of hair from their roots to the tips curling slightly as they touched her neck and shoulders.
This girl beside me. She mesmerized me – made my world become a place entirely different from all I've been taught to think about life.
"I'm sorry, I love you," I said, not sure why I chose to add an apology this time.
Serah turned to look up at me, and chuckled lightly. "I love you, and I'm not sorry," Serah replied, and brushed away my falling bangs.
I shivered from her light and gentle touch, trying not to feel the rush of blood pounding through my body. This is fine. We're fine. Nothing and no one can touch us, I tried and tell myself. Snow was never far from my mind. It irked me to think he could appear at any moment, wanting revenge on me, or worse, wanting to harm Serah. I could care less if he was after me, but Serah…
I gazed sadly at Serah's innocent face until she grew self-conscious from the weight of my stare.
"What is it?" Serah said, and rubbed the end of her right earlobe nervously. She was blushing and so was I.
"Did you love, Snow?" I sprang on her, immediately regretting the question.
Serah looked not phased as if expecting me to ask such a thing someday.
"I wouldn't say it was love. Just loneliness," Serah said.
"But I was there," I said.
"Yes, you always were, but your head was always somewhere else," Serah recalled the quiet dinners we shared and the brief mornings in passing.
"I was afraid," I admitted.
"Of what?" Serah prodded.
"Of you," I answered, honestly.
"Me?" Serah, laughed softly, in both disbelief and awe.
"I was afraid of how I felt about you," I confessed, and felt my blush deepen from my long-held secret of the only thing is this world that scared me.
"I see," Serah whispered, deep in thought and said, "Did you know I've always wanted you to love me. I mean, love me for who I am not just because of our relation? I don't know exactly when it started. Maybe there really never was a particular moment of revelation. The feeling might have always been there, fostering and waiting for me to realize it and accept it."
I paused, and thought about all the awkward moments we shared, and how there was a tension between us growing thicker as the years went by. I think I always knew, but I said, "I didn't know."
"Well, now you know," Serah said, and smiled. She looked tired, not physically, but emotionally.
"Yes, I do," I said, trying not to cry.
"This is bull!" Fang's loud voice jolted the quiet surrounding.
It was a new day and we were sitting around a large round table in Fang's home discussing plans to start searching for Snow. My coffee in my hand felt comforting after a night with only two hours of sleep. I caressed the mug, thanking the Heavens for creating such a wonderful beverage.
Hope flinched slightly in his seat as he picked nervously at the rind of his mandarin orange. There was a big basket filled with mandarin oranges Hope had bought this morning which Fang was speedily going through as she pitched her ideas and thoughts.
Vanille twirled her weapon around on the tabletop and was trying to look like she was listening closely to Fang ramble and rant about Snow's escape.
It was early. We were all tired, especially myself from the restless night. Fang resembled a German dictator as she circled the table with her hands clutched at her back, urging us to brainstorm any leads on where Snow may be.
It was funny. One would think I'd be the one acting like Fang, but I honestly was just too exhausted to display even close to Fang's energy that morning.
"Snow is on the loose. He is a loose goose who may try and carry Serah off to Maker-knows-where again," Fang said, and looked at me as if wanting a response.
I didn't say anything. Don't get me wrong, I care deeply about Serah being in danger, but the fact of the matter was, we had no clue where Snow might have run off to.
"Loose goose?" I heard Hope repeat Fang's choice of words in a puzzled manner.
Fang shot him a glare, and Hope returned to peeling his baby orange.
"How's the injury, Hope?" Serah whispered in Hope's ear. "Feeling better?"
The silver-haired boy gave Serah an easygoing smile and said, "Yes, it's not so bad. Thanks for asking, Serah."
Serah gave Hope an encouraging smile and turned to whisper in my ear, "How long do you think this meeting will go on?"
"Depends on when Fang will run out of steam on her crazy train," I whispered back, and Serah laughed softly, tickling the left side of my cheek with her warm breath.
"Hey, stop flirting over there!" Fang said, and pointed at us.
Everyone was looking at us, and I blushed from the sudden attention.
Hope stopped to look at Serah and me for a moment, but then began to peel oranges again at a much faster rate, but with a light blush on his face.
Vanille rolled her eyes and playfully said, "Kids these days."
Fang walked over to her large white board and wrote out in big letters: LOOSE GOOSE! in an effort to divert our attention back to the situation at hand. She also drew a rough caricature of Snow's face beside the words with his hair much more wild than I remembered it to be.
"Can we stop calling Snow a loose goose?" I finally spoke, and before Fang could argue, a loud rapping from the door interrupted our inane conversation.
Vanille peeked from behind the curtain to see who it was and gasped.
"What is it?" Fang said, and walked over to where Vanille was to take a look for herself. Fang's eyes widened and she turned towards me and said, "The loose goose is here. Dinner is about to be served."
I looked back at Fang with both dread and disbelief. Dread, for knowing Snow was finally here and so was Serah, meaning she'd be in harm's way. Disbelief, at the cheesy phrases coming of Fang's mouth.
"It's time to end this now, "I said, and was resolved to squash all the nonsense before it got even worse. How bad could it get? I asked myself, and knew from firsthand experience it could always go from bad to much worse.