Sooooooooo... long time so see huh? I figured I would finish this bad boy off because I know I really hate getting into a story and then realizing it will never be finished.
SO here it is. I promise to finish this story!
Kakashi came mid-afternoon the next day, slipping in through the trapped window only to find Iruka sitting up in bed. It didn't take a genius to realize something was wrong.
"Iruka? Ruka are you alright?" Kakashi spoke softly as he entered the room, taking in the bags under Iruka's bloodshot eyes.
Iruka shook his head slowly, not being able to find words for Kakashi in his existential crises.
Kakashi sat by Iruka wrapping an arm around his torso and pulling him close. "What's the matter Ruka?"
"I didn't even consider… I never… not me." He tried to make a whole sentence, to try to convey his thoughts to Kakashi. "I don't know if I can do this…I don't think I ever understood what it-… I'm… gay."
Kakashi realized all too easily what had happened. He'd been in the same state years ago when he'd realized it himself. That horrible moment when you realized that you were the person parents warned little boys about on the streets. Realizing you'd never be normal, everything you'd been taught to expect from life was now a distant image you would never achieve. It must have been worse for Iruka. He was an adult, he'd never even thought about it till Kakashi had come along, the jounin remembered him saying that.
Kakashi just hugged Iruka tighter, there was nothing he could really do or say that could make it better. It would be something Kakashi could only support him through. But Iruka's words made him nervous; I don't think I can do this. The sentence terrified the ninja, for it was Iruka's fear speaking, and he knew very well that fear was stronger than any logic.
"Iruka. I know, it's scary. I know it's devastating. Trust me, I know. But this… this doesn't just bam, magically make you gay. The world is hardly ever that black and white. Maybe you are, and it's just now coming to bloom. Maybe you aren't, maybe in three years you realize I disgust you and you were really straight all along. Maybe you just like me. Maybe I'm the only guy you'll ever find attractive. Maybe you'll suddenly fall in love with a sheep, I don't know Iruka and you don't have to know either. Nothing is set in stone." He resisted the urge to kiss the younger man, if he was really this upset with his sexuality, kissing him would only scare him away. "I just… I don't want this little insignificant thing to panic you, and pull you away from this thing we have."
Iruka seemed to think on the words a rather long time. Much longer than Kakashi would have liked, but Iruka nodded. In response to what he wasn't sure.
"I thrive on schedule and consistency and normality. I don't like change Kakashi. I'm boring and I don't like new things. Just when I think I've got my life all settled and my routine is sound and efficient you come in and throw everything to chaos." He looked up towards Kakashi, noticing now how close they were; and he was torn. Torn between wanting nothing more than to lean into Kakashi's strong body, and wanting to run to the other side of the room to put as much space between himself and the embodiment of disorder and pandemonium that was Kakashi.
He decided on neither, frozen in place and in thought.
"What will the parents think… What will Naruto think?" Iruka mumbled to Kakashi, trying to find answers to the worries that plagued him.
"The parents will think the same thing they always do. They respect you, and love you because you are the best Academy teacher Kohana has ever had. Some will be upset. But that comes with the territory. An unfortunate sacrifice you have to pay for happiness."
Iruka nodded again. Taking in the words and turning them over in his head.
"I for one, think it's more than worth it. What we have, what I feel for you, it's worth it Iruka."
"What about Naruto. If he knew. He'd hate me. He'd lose his trust in me… he'd-"
"Still love and respect you. He'd stick up for you and scold me. I know this because he already did." Kakashi spoke softly, not wanting to startle the smaller man.
"What?" It seemed to break Iruka from his doom and gloom. "How? When?"
"When we went out for Ramen. When you were chatting with the parent. He asked me if I liked you, and I said yes. He told me I'd better be nice to you." Kakashi grabbed Iruka's hand, lacing their fingers together.
"He… he would, wouldn't he." Iruka sighed, the thoughts in his mind slowly calming and disappearing with the return of logic and reasoning.
"Please, please don't tell me you want to stop this." Kakashi almost begged.
"I don't know if I'm strong enough Kakashi. I don't know if I can keep up." His head fell to Kakashi's shoulder, leaning limp against the man who caused this all.
"You are, you can, and you will. And I'll be here. And we'll make toast, and throw cubes of green pepper at one another when we argue, and we'll read smut in bed on Saturdays, and I'll help you mark tests so we can go to bed early, and we'll make love like rabid bunnies until you get tired and punch me in the arm and call me a pervert."
Iruka couldn't help but chuckle at Kakashi's description, realizing that he wanted that more than anything in the world.
He smiled up at Kakashi, tugging the man's mask down around his neck so he could kiss that sarcastic mouth. It was more passionate than Iruka had ever felt their kiss before, Kakashi's tongue mapping Iruka's mouth, coaxing the younger man's tongue to play and wiping his mind of any other thought.
When they broke apart Kakashi just pulled the brunet into his arms, hugging him tightly. "We'll keep doing what we've been doing. I'll drive, you hit the gas or step on the breaks."
Iruka nodded, rubbing his eye as he made room for Kakashi to sit comfortably on the bed. They sat like for a long time; Iruka's mind contemplating Kakashi's comforting words, and Kakashi deciding where to drive their strange little vehicle next.
Iruka finally sat up, throwing the blankets off and deeming it necessary to go out and do something productive. Kakashi suggested a trip to the garden conservation center, and Iruka agreed so quickly Kakashi wasn't sure he had even finished his sentence before Iruka was nodding enthusiastically. The younger man practically threw his shirt off and into the laundry bin before quickly picking out a fresh one and telling Kakashi to hurry.
They spent the entire afternoon at the gardens, re-visiting some rooms several times, Kakashi following Iruka's lead and letting the chunin take control of their day.
"Kakashi… Uhh… yesterday night I didn't really accomplish any of my goals… and I'm afraid I don't have anything left to eat in my house. How would you feel about picking up some groceries with me, then we'll have some dinner and go from there?" Iruka was nervous about the offer, not sure if Kakashi would agree to do something so mundane as grocery shopping.
But he did, smiling beneath his mask, and taking Iruka's hand as they left the gardens.
Grocery shopping restored Iruka's strange sense of normality. Visiting various stores to pick out his foods, having Kakashi help test the ripeness of mangos and tomatoes, using the jounin's height to reach things on higher shelves he usually had to climb, and debating what could be made for dinner by combining both their meager cooking skills.
"Kakashi use your genius brain to come up with a dinner idea. I want to use the pork. Go." Iruka practically whined as the two men entered the house.
"Mah. You're the sensei, sensei. Teach me to make something." He argued back.
"You are no help Kakashi." Iruka complained shoving some ingredients into the fridge and throwing others on the counter. "If you handle the rice I'll deep fry the pork. Katsudon?"
Kakashi smiled, though Iruka couldn't actually see the smile, he could tell now.
They eat on Iruka's couch, the teacher throwing on another movie to watch while they ate. When the movie was over, Kakashi helped dry dishes, making sure to do so thoroughly and up to Iruka's standards. The two men shared tea on the couch with easy conversation before retiring to the bedroom.
Somehow, undressing seemed so much simpler now. The embarrassment and nervousness banished as both men stripped to boxers and slipped into Iruka's bed.
Their kisses were slow and languid, both men enjoying the others company, the normalcy of having someone to go to bed with. But Iruka was tired from the lack of sleep last night, and so he snuggled into Kakashi's embrace and quickly found himself asleep.
Iruka awoke in the middle of the night to Kakashi shaking his shoulder. Opening his eyes he smiled, sitting up a bit and kissing Kakashi through his mask.
His Mask?
"I've gotta go Iruka, ANBU mission. It shouldn't be that long." Kakashi half whispered.
Iruka nodded, nudging Kakashi's mask down to kiss him goodbye properly, hands clutching Kakashi's uniform, trying to keep him there just a bit longer.
"Good luck."
And then he was gone, leaving Iruka alone in his bed that seemed suddenly too big.