There are two kinds of silences: the good kind that feels like a simple paradise and the bad kind that feels like a small closet filled with itching powder. Both kinds can happen when I'm alone or with other people. (There's also a neutral silence that feels like nothing exits, but that one doesn't really count.) I don't expect the bad kind to creep up here in the library as I'm reading with Maka, but it does.

The air is tense and I don't know why. I try to keep reading the words in front of me, but the good kind of silence doesn't come back. It makes no sense. The library is a sanctuary. It's one of Maka's favorite places in the whole academy. We've come here together lots of times, and I'll admit that these are the moments when I feel most relaxed. Spending time with Maka is always relaxing, especially when it's just the two of us. There are a few students around, but none of them are looking at the table where we're sitting.

So why do I feel like I'm being watched? The only other person near me is Maka, but why would she be looking at me?

My fingers grip the book tightly to keep themselves from shaking. I hold my breath to stop a jittery gasp from slipping out. I make sure my eyes stay focused on the page.

I'm afraid to check if I'm right. But if I don't, then this bad silence won't go away and I won't be able to relax and read.

Just a quick look, I tell myself. Get it over with.

Strengthening my resolve, I raise my head. Maka sits across from me with an opened book in her hands and her eyes on my face. This is the part where I'm supposed to lower my head again and pretend I hadn't done anything. But I can't.

Why is she staring at me? For an instant, I'm reminded of all the times I've watched her whenever she reads. I've noticed a few of the things she tends to do. If she finds something that's happening in the book exciting, then the green of her eyes light up and her mouth forms a shape kind of like a tiny watermelon slice. If she reads something that's not to her liking, then her face darkens slightly as her eyes narrow. They'll turn into slits if she really dislikes it.

I think my favorite moment is whenever she comes across something that's surprising or giving her new tidbits of information. Her eyes widen, eyebrows partly raised, and her lips barely separate to make a loose letter o. Sometimes patches of faint blush will appear on her cheeks.

And every time she turns a page, her whole hand sweeps across it to reach the top corner. She uses all of her fingers to flip to the next section, as if touching as much as she can will help her take everything in faster.

But I know she isn't staring at me simply to watch me read. It looks more like she has something on her mind. Like she wants to tell me something. But if that's true, then why isn't she saying anything? This isn't like her. Maka never hesitates to talk to me.

I blink at her, waiting for her to break the silence, but she continues to stare as if she hasn't yet noticed that I'm looking back. Her eyes are a little empty and dull.

Closing my book and setting it down, I fold my hands together on top of it. I sit up straight and tall in my chair. "Is s-something wrong, Maka?"

She stirs. She blinks at me, as though waking from a dream, and opens her mouth to speak. "No. Nothing's wrong."

I want to believe her. She sounds so convincing. But there must be a reason for her staring. I want to know what it is, but I can't just ask her directly…

Luckily, Maka goes on. "It's just… I was wondering…"

Oh, so she does want to tell me something. I lean forward just a bit, ready to listen. She takes a moment to lay her book flat on the table, smoothing out the pages. Then she weaves her fingers together and rests them beneath her chin.

She studies me briefly before asking, "Are you doing anything after this?"

I pause, wondering why she wants to know. "N-Not really… I'm just going home—I mean, Shibusen's my home, so I'm already there—here—I mean—I'm going back to my room, after this…"

I force myself to shut up. I still need to work on saying what I want without getting tongue-tied. I hang my head, choosing to focus on my unmoving hands. Talking to Maka should be easy…

Now it's my fault the bad kind of silence is back again. It makes me want to apologize. It's affecting her, too. I can hear her shift in her seat. But soon she continues, and she doesn't sound uncomfortable.

"Do you want to come over, then? Like, around dinner time?"

I lift my head so fast my neck cricks. "Yes!" I exclaim, then catch myself, remembering that we're in a library.

"Yes," I say again, softly.

She gives me a warm smile. "Alright."

Carefully, her hands bring her book upright and she goes back to reading. The smile stays glued to her face.

I slip my hand under the front cover of my book, but realize I've forgotten what page I was on. Oh, well. It doesn't matter because I'm too excited to read now—I'm going to her apartment later. I've been there plenty of times before, and I like seeing how she, Soul, and Blair live together.

My fingers idly flip through the pages one by one. I still don't understand why Maka had been staring. It was almost as if she thought I would say no or something. The only time I've ever turned down an invitation of hers was when she'd asked if I'd wanted to move in with them. She'd seemed disappointed at my answer, so I'd assured her I was fine where I was.

But I didn't tell her my real reason, because it's too embarrassing to admit. The thought of the two of us living under the same roof, to wake up every morning knowing she's nearby, to spend all of my nights with her—It's too much. That's more than I can ask for. It would be way too selfish of me to accept such an offer. Besides, I already have everything I need. It's okay to leave things the way they are. This is enough.

My fingers stop turning pages, but of course I don't read. I watch Maka instead. A part of me knows it isn't nice to stare so openly, but another part of me believes she won't mind if she notices.

The good kind of silence comes back. It settles around us easily, as though it never left. Maka's lips pull apart and I can see the tiny slice of watermelon.

-xoxo-

I stand in front of the door and raise my arm, but it clicks open before I can knock. I jump as Soul emerges and stops himself from crashing into me.

"Hey, you're here."

"Y-Yeah, hi…"

"Make yourself at home. Maka's right in the living room."

"T-Thanks… And Blair's…?"

"She's… working."

"…Oh." I feel my face grow warm as I try not to think about that particular place she works at.

"I'm headed for the store right now. Want anything in particular?"

I shake my head, and he steps aside to let me through. When the door closes, I stand rooted to the spot, having just realized something.

I have never been alone with Maka in her apartment before. There's always been at least one other person here, too. But now it's just the two of us. The thought is strangely unnerving, and I'm not sure why. I take a deep breath and force my legs to move.

Maka is in the living room placing some board games on the short coffee table. She sees me and waves me over, suggesting that we play for a while until Soul comes back with dinner. We sit across each other, her back to the couch and my back to the TV. Aside from the board games, there's also a case of dominoes and a deck of cards.

"Are you thirsty?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Which do you want to play first? Checkers? Chess?"

"Um… Whichever you want."

A pause follows. Maka lowers her eyes, both pigtails dangling. She concentrates on the table with a gaze so rigid and determined, it's almost like she's making a life-or-death decision.

My hands knead the folds of my lap. Her stillness makes me uneasy. She's acting strange again. What's going on? Can't she feel the bad silence trying to squirm its way in?

I nearly flinch when she suddenly whips her head back up and all but clamors, "Then let's—Ah!"

Maka cuts herself off with a small gasp of pain. Her hand had started to jerk toward the pack of cards, but hit the sharp edge of the table instead. Her elbow knocks over both the deck of cards and the box of dominoes as her arm pulls back. The sounds of tiles clattering against each other and flapping pieces of paper fill the air. Some scatter across the table while others fall to the floor. They dance about as though caught in a small tornado. The chaos lasts a few seconds before things settle down again. Messy, but calm.

Maka's hair hides most of her face as she presses her mouth to the bright pink spot on her hand. I lean forward, reaching for her without thinking.

"No, don't," she murmurs. "I'm okay."

I let my fingers hang between us before withdrawing them slowly.

"Don't worry about the mess, either. I'll get it."

I wish she would look at me. I want to tell her that I want to help, but maybe she'll get mad if I do that. So I keep quiet and watch her nurse the back of her hand. Then I watch her gather the dominoes and put them in their case. Even though it's quiet and Maka is careful not to look at me, the bad silence hasn't broken through just yet.

"Let's play a card game first," she says as she picks up all the cards, her voice wavering slightly. "How about Go Fish? It's easy. We'll start with that." Deck in hand, she sits up straight and begins to shuffle it.

A transparent marble of sweat rolls down the side of her face. Her eyes are fixed on her hands, unblinking. She scowls at the cards, mixing them rapidly at first, then slower and slower. They seem to be shuffled enough by now, but she keeps going. She follows the same pattern over and over again. Her fingers move like slugs, blending the stack in a robotic rhythm. One. Two. Swish. Swish.

Her eyes grow hazy.

I place my hands firmly over hers, making them stop.

"Maka. Please tell me what's wrong."

Even as they leave my mouth, the words sound odd coming from me. Usually, she's the one to say these kinds of things.

It takes several seconds for her to answer me, but I'm more than willing to wait. I'll sit here for hours if I have to. At last, Maka looks up and stares at me, her eyes glossy.

"I'm sorry. I should really learn to mind my own business, huh?"

"What do you—?"

"I can't stand it."

My breath hitches. For one intense moment, I'm afraid that my worst fear is about to come true. She's about to admit that she's only been my friend this whole time because she feels bad for me, but now she wants to have nothing to do with me anymore. My hands tighten around hers. I shake the scary thoughts away and decide to just listen. I can't go jumping to conclusions.

Maka speaks to our hands. "I know it's none of my business. I know you've got your reasons, and I know you're able to make your own decisions. But…

"I really don't like where you're living right now. I don't like it one bit. It really bothers me. Sometimes it bothers me so much that I can't sleep at night.

"It's just… The thought of you living down there, all alone… The thought of you going to bed in a place like that… It makes me worry."

Her fingers tense beneath mine. She raises her head and looks at me steadily. "You know how some people make bets when they play games? That's what I wanted to do at first. If I won, then you would have to move in with us. If I lost, then I'd have to swear never to talk about it again. But I guess it was a dumb idea from the start. I don't want to trick you. I'm sorry if I was acting weird. I just didn't know if bringing this up would be asking you too much. But I'm sure now. It is."

She sighs quietly, as though relieved to get everything off her chest, and smiles wearily. "I'll mind my own business from now on. Let's just play for fun, OK?"

I don't move.

The image of Maka lying awake, unable to sleep because of me… It clings to my mind and refuses to let go. I can't believe I made her worry that much. I never realized how much something like that would matter to her.

But, even though it bothers her, she doesn't want to force me into anything. She's willing to put her own feelings aside… for me.

My hands—our hands—are warm.

It wouldn't be so bad, would it? To live here. It would be something completely new, and maybe even a little scary, but maybe I can get used to it. But, right now… What if I'm not ready? If I move in, Maka will be glad, but then I wouldn't have as much privacy as before. What should I do? Should I wait, or should I take a chance?

The smile fades from her face, but she doesn't say anything.

I squeeze her hands gently. "Thank you for telling me, but, if it's alright w-with you… I want to t-try it."

Just this once, let fate decide what's best.

Maka looks down, thinking. Then her eyes peer deeply into mine. "You do it. Make the rules however you want."

I'd never made a bet with anyone before, but surprisingly I don't feel uneasy about it at all. My voice turns steady. "If you win, I'll come and live here. If I win…"

I stop. It occurs to me that I can basically ask her to do anything. If she wins, the result will be a permanent condition. I don't want to push her into something that would make her uncomfortable, but I'll probably never get an opportunity like this again. I shouldn't waste it. Maka has always been honest with me, so I need to do the same. I need to ask myself, What do I want?

I know I'm happy with the way things are now, but there must be something… Maka is fine the way she is, so there's nothing I'd ask her to change…

For a while, it looks as though I'll never think of anything. But then something dawns on me. It's kind of big. And it's personal. And, in a sense, it would be permanent. There'd be no going back. I wonder if I'd be asking too much.

My fingers carefully loosen one at a time. I keep my voice just above a whisper. "If I win, you have to tell me something."

Her eyebrows arch themselves curiously. "Tell you what?"

I almost hesitate again but I don't because I want to sound sure of myself. This is my decision. I can't seem doubtful. "A secret. I want you to tell me something that you've never told anyone else. Something that only you know about. If I win, you have to share it with me."

There's no need to add that I won't go around telling it to everybody. She and I both know that I can keep a secret. Maka finds it very easy to speak her mind, but surely even she has a few things she prefers to keep to herself. I'd like to know about one of them. I think it'll be nice to have something that belongs only to the two of us. No matter what it is.

Maka lowers her eyes so she can give my proposal some thought. I really hope I'm not asking too much. She doesn't have to go through with it if she doesn't want to. But she shouldn't feel like she has to tell me something too private… I won't mind how big or small her secret is—just as long as she trusts me as much as I trust her.

Soon another smile wipes away the serious expression from her face. "Deal," she says in a light, almost smug manner. She's figured out something to tell me, but the only way I'll get to hear it is if I win the game.

I let go of her hands and watch as her fingers quickly give the cards one final shuffle.

We start playing and I can't help but notice that the air is calm. I can't feel a trace of tension anywhere. Even though one of us will be beaten, it doesn't seem to matter. We both have something to lose, but at the same time we both have something to gain.

"Do you have any threes?" I ask.

"Go fish."

It isn't ominous—It's just like any other game. The terms of our bet are pushed to the back of my mind. The bad kind of silence has long since flown away, leaving only the good kind in its place. This room is a simple paradise, peaceful and relaxing and quiet, save for the sound of us asking each other for certain cards. Maka's shoulders are slack and her head is held upright. She takes her time, carrying herself in confidence.

Sometimes her eyes flicker to me and I wonder if she can somehow read me like an open book. I lift my cards a bit higher so that they'll cover some of my face—particularly my light blush and my shaky smile. There's no hurry, so I don't rush.

We collect cards from the pile and from each other. Their numbers begin to dwindle. There's no anxiety between us. It's another of those precious moments where I'm just happy to be with her.

"Do you have any fives?" she asks. Her tone is casual and it makes me believe that we're both thinking the same thing.

It's win-win. In the end, neither of us will lose.

I lower my hand so she can see my smile. "Go fish."