December 2010 – the Past

Dave hit the floor face first and let out a loud grunt. "Oh fuck me…"

"Heh, no such luck Dave, I'm too young for you. Now, you ready to go again? You're doing well."

Dave dragged himself off the mat and somehow managed to get into a more or less standing position. "I am?" he squeaked. "You could have fooled me. All I've managed to do is land on the floor in about twelve different ways."

"True, but you're learning to fall properly. It's funny how important that can be."

"Yeah, real funny," he muttered as he raised his hands into a guard position and waited for his attacker to lay him out again.

He actually countered her next swing and was starting to feel proud of himself when his feet suddenly fell out from under him and he landed on his back with a loud "Ooof!"

He lay looking at the ceiling of the safe house for a minute before seeing Mindy's grinning face come into his field of view. She held out a hand for him and helped heave him back to his feet.

"You're looking in the wrong place," she said, then raised two of her fingers towards her eyes. "Look at these, not these," she said as she started waving her arms. "You want to know what I'm going to do, or where I'm going to attack? Then look me in the eyes. They're the only true tell you're going to get…if you're lucky."

Dave nodded. "Right, ok. The eyes."

"One more time," she said and then immediately proceeded to make a feint for his face before moving in with another leg sweep.

"Fuck!" Dave cried, but managed to not be fooled by the feint and jump back awkwardly in time not to be taken by the sweep. Unfortunately his jump had left him unsteady on only one leg and Mindy easily drop kicked him to the floor in her next fluid motion.

"Nice!" she said with a smile. "You're learning."

Dave shook his head from his now accustomed place on the floor. "Yeah, at this rate I'll be ready to fight some old grannies in the next six months or so."

"Aw Dave, stop whining like a pussy. This'll take some time and we're only on day one." She moved over to the edge of the mat and picked up her towel, though Dave wasn't quite sure why since he hadn't exactly made her work up much of a sweat. He, on the other hand, was nearly drenched through his t-shirt.

She grinned at him as she reached down and then threw him his towel. "Look, I've been training to be a ninja assassin since I was five. You put on a wet suit and decided to let yourself get beat on. It'll take some time for you to get up to speed."

Dave wiped down his face and neck. "Yeah…I just hope I'm still young enough to do any good when I get there."

Mindy looked at him. "Attitude. That's step one ok? You keep thinking you suck and you will. From now on you are a stone cold killer in training and nothing's going to stand in the way of that, right?"

Dave nodded. "Sure, ok."

Mindy pushed him. "Hey I mean it Dave! We aren't fucking around here. I'm going to be depending on you out there. I need to know your head is in the game."

Dave nodded. "Yeah, you're right. It is."

She held his gaze for a minute then nodded. "Ok. Look my dad and I were right. You've definitely got potential and I think you're going to make it. Stick with me and we'll make a bad-ass fighter out of you yet."

Dave wiped some more sweat off his face and then looked around at his surroundings for a minute, taking everything in. "Mindy?"

"Yeah?"

Dave shrugged. "Just thanks. I really appreciate the faith you have in me. It's nice to feel like I might actually be able to do something useful with my life…even if it is totally fucking crazy."

Mindy grinned. "Shit Dave, don't go getting all soft and weepy on me now, ok? And anyway, us psychos have to stick together, right?"

May 2014 – the Present

Marty and I walk out of the diner and get about three steps before a voice makes me blanch and stop in my tracks.

"What's this, your secret he-man woman-hater clubhouse?"

Both of us turn to see Mindy leaning against a nearby wall, her arms crossed over her chest.

Marty looks at me, then back at Mindy. "Um…yeah. Hi Mindy. You know what? I have this…thing…I need to go to now. See ya guys."

I shake my head. "Thanks a lot Marty."

Marty shrugs. "Hey this is your thing. I think you two need to, um, talk and stuff."

Marty starts walking and then turns around. "Mindy? Leave him the use of at least one of his legs, ok?"

Mindy's gaze never wavers from my face as she replies. "I'll consider it. See you later Marty."

We look at each other across the pavement for a few more minutes before Mindy says, "So you've got your dad lying for you now do you?"

I run my hand through my hair. "Aw, don't hold it against him. He did it under duress and he made it clear he's not going to do it again. So…you followed me from home did you? I thought I did a pretty good job of ducking any possible tails."

Mindy huffs. "You're good Dave, but I'll always be better. It's not exactly hard for me to follow anyone unseen if I really want to."

I roll my eyes. "Yeah, I should have figured you'd staked out my house and that I didn't need to bother trying to get some damn time to myself."

Mindy's eyes bulge. "Oh, I'm sorry! You're the injured party here, are you?"

Shaking my head I say, "Fuck Mindy, I'd hardly say I injured you."

"Fuck Dave, you really can be an asshole sometimes, you know that?"

I throw my arms up in the air. "Fine! I'm an asshole. I'm the bad guy, can you just give me a break?!"

Mindy clenches her jaw. "Dave…please, just fucking talk to me. What the hell is going on with you? Are you really going to tell me that saying you're leaving town for no goddam reason out of the blue is just some normal thing I should friggin' ignore?! And then you duck me every chance you get and tell me you want to be alone? What did I do? We're friends aren't we? Best friends."

I heave a heavy sigh. "Yeah, we're friends."

Mindy shrugs and looks away for a moment and then says something that chills me to the core. "I care about you and I don't want to lose you. You're like my goddam brother, you know?"

"Fuck," I mutter under my breath. I stick my hands in my pockets for lack of a better thing to do with them and look studiously across the street.

"We have a good thing going, don't we? Hit-Girl and Kick-Ass are doing great…or we were until you stopped coming out on patrol regularly. You must be getting kind of rusty."

I don't turn to look at her when I answer. "I've still been going out on patrol myself."

Mindy's jaw drops and I can tell she's just staring at me uncomprehendingly for a few minutes. Finally she finds her voice again. "You what?! Are you fucking crazy?! We agreed! No patrols alone, we're a goddam team!"

"You've been a little busy these days…and nights. Maybe you're the one getting rusty."

"Holy shit! What is it with you? Why do you keep harping on this? What happens if you get into trouble out there?! Neither of us have done this without a partner for years! Shit, what the hell have you been doing?"

I finally turn back to look at her. "I've been making my way, ok? I'm happy you've found a life outside of the fucking carnival, but now that's all I have. I need it and you need…well, you need to figure out who Mindy is without the mask. Shit, maybe you can even get out of this freak show now."

Mindy's eyes widen. "You think I could leave the life? The mission? Just walk away because I have a friggin' boyfriend?! Give me a break Dave don't you know me by now?"

"Mindy, you've got a chance at normalcy and as much as you've always railed against it I think it's something you've always wanted. Give it a chance. Let yourself be happy. Let yourself *live* for once and stop worrying about saving other people. Save yourself this time. You don't need to die young."

"And you do?!"

"I need to be self-sufficient if I'm going to make it in a new city and I think I'm ready for it now. Chicago seems to need some help cleaning up, or maybe Miami…the sun would be nice."

Mindy shakes her head. "I can't believe I'm hearing this! You…you really mean it? You're…you're leaving?" Her voice actually breaks on the last syllable.

I shrug and then, despite my better judgement, I reach out to touch her cheek lightly. "Hey, it had to happen one of these days. I'm sorry I went about it in a shitty way, but things change and I…well, I gotta find my own way now. I love you, kid. Take care of yourself, alright?"

I'm shocked when I see a tear roll down Mindy's cheek. Suddenly she swats my hand away and glares at me. "Fuck you! Fuck you and the goddam horse you rode in on asshole! Fuck!"

Before I can say anything she turns and runs away.

January 2011 – the Past

Dave walked into the school with a grin on his face despite the bruises he could still feel on his body and the black eye he was sporting. It had probably been the most productive Christmas break he'd ever had. He still wasn't anywhere near ready to go out on the streets, even with a partner, but Mindy had seemed pleased with his progress and he was starting to believe her assertion of his progress. He felt different somehow. More capable, more directed, more sure of himself than he'd ever been before.

A voice stopped him in his tracks as he turned the corner and nearly caused all of his confidence to evaporate.

"And where the hell were you for the past two weeks?! I thought you were my damn boyfriend, but you can't even spare more than one night for me?"

He turned to see Katie leaning against a locker, her arms folded over her chest and an angry glare plastered on her face.

Dave attempted a weak smile. "Hi Katie. Sorry, I was just really busy with my dad. He had a lot of stuff he needed me to do around the house and he was running me ragged!"

Katie's eyes widened. "What the fuck happened to your eye?!"

She ran up to him and raised her hand to his face, running her thumb under his black eye before looking at him. "Are you going to tell me you got a black eye helping out your dad?!"

He shrugged. "I was, um…"

Katie's eyes narrowed. "You're doing Kick-Ass stuff again, aren't you?!" she hissed.

Dave looked around, glad to see that no one appeared to be within earshot.

"Katie, c'mon take it easy ok?" he whispered. "Just take a breath."

She swatted his hand away. "You said you were done with all of that shit! They almost killed you Dave! What the fuck are you thinking? And now you're gonna lie to me about it, too?"

Dave grabbed Katie's shoulder despite her attempt to shrug him off and steered her towards the nearest exit.

When he had her outside he turned to her and took a deep breath. "Yes, ok? I'm doing some Kick-Ass stuff again." He raised his hand to halt her protest. "And yes, I told you a lie, but only because I didn't want to worry you."

Katie threw up her arms. "Oh! I guess that makes it all ok, huh?"

Dave looked awkwardly at the ground. "No, I guess it doesn't. I'm sorry, I just…I need to do this Katie and I knew you wouldn't like it."

"Of course I don't like it idiot! You're not a goddam superhero, you're just a normal guy in a fucking costume! How do you think you're going to survive doing this stuff out there? You know how dangerous it is. I thought you were smarter than that!"

"I'm not doing it alone, ok. I have help now…really good help."

Katie looked at him. "Help? What the hell does that mean? Who could help…? Oh shit. You are *not* saying that…"

"Yes, it's Hit-Girl, ok?"

"No! No, it is *not* ok! That little girl is a psychotic freak! Her and her dad almost got you killed last time and now you're thinking about running around with her?! She's a freaking serial killer!"

"C'mon, that's really not fair. You don't even know her!"

Katie put her hands on her hips and tilted her head. "Oh? Ok, enlighten me. What's she like?"

Dave shrugged. "She's…it's hard to explain. She's the most dedicated person I've ever met. Nothing stops her from doing what she needs to do and she isn't afraid of anything."

Katie rolled her eyes. "Which is why she's going to get killed sooner rather than later."

"You might think that, but you haven't seen her in action."

"Actually I have. Remember that video of you getting the absolute shit kicked out of you? The one where the other 'professional' superhero got killed? The one who was actually a grown man? I saw that psychotic little kid go nuts in that warehouse."

"Keep your voice down!" muttered Dave looking around anxiously in case Mindy appeared. "She only did what she had to do and she saved my life."

"And I'd like you to hold onto it!" she replied putting her hand on his chest. "I don't care how heroic she is, she's still just a little girl and the thought of only having that between you and a gruesome death scares the shit out of me!"

Dave ran his finger across her cheek. "It's ok Katie. She's the real deal and she can train me. She already is! Trust me, we won't be going out on the streets until we're ready and we'll be watching each other's backs the whole time."

Katie ran her hand across her eyes. "You're being trained to kill people by a psychotic little girl. And I'm supposed to think that's a comforting thought? Shit, when did this become my life?"

He squeezed her shoulder. "Trust me. Everything will be fine and the minute things start looking like they won't work out I'll quit. I promise."

"Yeah, I've heard that one before."

Despite her sour grimace, Katie still let him lead her back into the school.

"Trouble with the girlfriend?" asked Mindy as she set her tray down in front of Dave in the cafeteria.

Dave looked around uneasily then glanced back at Mindy. "What makes you say that?"

"I saw you talking with her outside the school this morning. Looked like a…um, heated discussion."

Dave grimaced. "Yeah, I couldn't come up with a good explanation for my black eye and she figured out that I'm doing the Kick-Ass thing again. She also wasn't too pleased that I only went out with her one night during the break."

"Boo hoo…did you at least nail her to keep her quiet?" asked Mindy with a grin.

"Fuck Mindy! Why do you have to say things like that?"

"Well, you *are* sleeping with her, right?"

Dave looked around uncomfortably. "Well, yeah, but…"

"But nothing. I figured you must have told her about your secret identity and that's how you got into her pants."

"Gee thanks."

"Hey look I don't mean anything bad on your end…she just strikes me as the kind of girl who's only gonna sleep with a guy if he has something to offer her above and beyond a nice personality and sweet disposition."

Dave looked at her askance. "Where the fuck is this coming from? Who died and made you Sherlock Holmes?"

"Keep your shirt on. I may have only been in this school for a few months, but I know how these things work and I know you: Katie may play the sweet and kind prom queen looking to help out her subjects, but she is definitely aware of the social hierarchy around here. You on the other hand are not exactly high school royalty…there's only one thing I can think of that you might have that could be traded into sex with the captain of the cheerleaders….you're Kick-Ass."

"Fuck, you are just giving me confidence by the bucketful. Thanks for letting me know how relatively worthless I am."

"I never said that douchebag, you weren't listening."

"Oh? What did you say then?"

"I said you're a really nice guy who obviously doesn't fit in with the standard piss-on-everyone-else bullshit that the kids around here take for granted. I mean fuck, you went out and put on a green wetsuit and got yourself knifed so you could help people! I'm afraid Katie, on the other hand, does have a keen appreciation of who's worth what in high school terms even if she's a bit more guarded about it. If she's with you, and she obviously is, then there's gotta be a reason that she sees as making up for it."

"Man, you really are cynical, you know that?"

"Nah, I'm a realist," replied Mindy taking a bite out of her carrot. "She'll act all pissed off, but once she realizes this means she's still making time with a real live superhero she'll loosen up…and I expect the sex will get even better for you."

"God Mindy! Just shut up about that, ok?"

"Jeez, why are you so squeamish about it, you're the one who's plugging her."

"You're a twelve year old girl! I don't really want to be discussing my sex life with you."

"O-kay," said Mindy raising her hands. "Forbidden topic number one: Dave pounding Katie into the mattress. Understood." She grinned as she watched his face turn a particularly bright shade of crimson.

She pointed her carrot at him threateningly. "One thing: you never tell her the truth about me, got it?"

Dave nodded as his face started returning to its normal hue. "Yeah yeah, don't worry. Sacred trust, I know. That does mean we're going to have to come up with some kind of explanation for why we're always hanging out you know. Marty's already asking stupid questions."

Mindy rolled her eyes. "Marty's *always* asking stupid questions, but yeah I get you. We definitely don't need the prom queen snooping into secrets that aren't immediately leading to your sexual gratification."

"Mindy!"

She just grinned and took another bite of her carrot.