(A/N: Sorry! a family thing came up and it was just a lot to take in. So I decided to have a chapter for Kiku this time, to show how he's doing! though it may not be all that happy)

Kiku was honest with himself. There's a huge possibility he might die.

It's been going on for about a month now, nothing he did was ever effective enough to hold it off. It always found a way around any barrier, any spell or wall he put up around himself, no matter what he did, where he hid, who he was with, it still tortured him. In his mind he's always screaming, asking for help,begging for anyone to hear him call out so desperately to fight it off so he didn't have to do it all alone. He tried to do it on his own, believe him, he knew his capabilities and his limits and he was sure that he would be able to handle it, but that was his first mistake.

He didn't tell the others around the first week, he knew how much of their fighting against the kingdom drove everyone to the point of near death, everyday was just another test to see if they can still stay alive long enough to see their goals reached, he knew it would cause them more problems if he had told them what was happening with him, he didn't want the burden to be laid on anyone else's shoulders, so he took on his usual reserved silence, promptly ignoring the frightened voice inside him wailing for someone to realize something was wrong. Besides, he knew how much of a shut in he had become over the years, even if he wanted to say something he's convinced that he'd only fumble and panic with his words that nothing coherent would even spill out of his mouth, especially with the gravity of what he was facing.

He didn't exactly know what it was, hence he only called it 'it' for lack of better terms, but he knew one thing about it, it was hurting him.

It plagued him, night or day, the suffering and utter fear inside him seemed to skyrocket out of control that it almost made it hard for him to keep his reserved demeanor. He felt waves of nausea hit him every time he thought, he shook like a leaf in the most spontaneous of times even under warm weather, his muscles ached and detested any sudden movement as if there were wounds inflected onto them- though when Kiku checks there's nothing at all- and the worst pain that comes to him is when he uses his magic.

He didn't realize it the first time, but it became so painfully clear when he conjured a barrier to stop a wolf from attacking him, for Godsakes he felt as though he was burning, everything hurt and he could have sworn he could feel his skin melting off his bones, he cried out in agony and forced himself to lower the barrier and just run, he couldn't remember much of what happened during the events of that night. At first he thought he had some sort of bug or an infection of some sort, but he had gone to a doctor once and he was told that absolutely nothing was wrong with him, it left him concerned and very much terrified that even doctors don't know what ailed him.

Another thing that came along with it were the nightmares, oh the nightmares…..Every time he closed his eyes, he would find himself in an unknown place, with unknown people, and even he couldn't recognize himself, it was as if he were in another person's body. He'd hear the voices calling out a name, and see faces of unfamiliar people rushing towards him, clearly distraught and panicked, before something, either from the shadows or not, came towards him or the other person with him to have either or both of them meet their demise. He died a thousand times in his dreams, forms of death varied, or he would see someone he didn't know die but still found himself screaming and feeling pure devastation and loss at the end. It all felt so real, and it didn't help that they were vivid and very detailed.

The nightmares tolled on his mentality, he found that it became harder for him to tell the difference between reality and fantasy. He'd stay awake, panting in cold sweat, unable to bare the assault of emotions, he wanted to cry out and just vent out all he'd bottled up inside for so long but decided against it, the others wouldn't be of much help, he was sure that this kind of thing wouldn't just blow over and leave him to have his peace, it would surely torment him until he finally finds his way to death's doorstep. These nights usually ended with him curling up into the smallest form he could manage and muffle his sobs until morning.

The more he went on with it, the more it was visible to those around him just how much he was suffering. The resistance had noticed his change of attitude, although he liked keeping to himself, he still participated actively to whatever they were doing, either for fighting or relaxation purposes, but during that time he would only space out and stare emptily at nothing until someone got him out of his trance. He rarely ate, even when given his favorite foods consisting of a terrifying amount of salt, he started getting thinner and paler each day, the dark bags under his eyes showed his failure at another attempt to sleep without being plagued by nightmares, and he had a tendency to get ill quicker than the rest.

Yao was the first to notice of course, he was the resistance's lead doctor, the signs of Kiku's deteriorating health appeared to him as if they were flashing lights in the dark of night. At first nothing was said, but when it was clear to the good doctor that Kiku wasn't getting any better, he decided that it was time to take action. They did talk- Kiku avoided most questions –with Yao getting even more suspicious day by day, he kept a close watch on the former royal mage, made sure he ate whether he wanted to or not, and even went so far as to check on him every once and a while when he slept.

Kiku knew what Yao was doing, he deliberately did everything he could to show the doctor that he was fine, he pretended to be asleep when Yao would check, but he'd immediately snap his eyes open, fearing that the gruesome images that replayed in his mind would attack him again, but as soon as he heard footsteps, he dives back into his bed and waits for the usual open and close of his bedroom door. It had to stop, he couldn't keep this façade up much longer, one day he'll break down eventually, and he didn't want the others there to see it, so he just…left.

He knew it was being selfish, he was the only member in the resistance who knew so much about the kingdom that it would have benefited everyone, but instead he threw all that away to run from his petty fears that he didn't even want to ask help with because he deluded himself into thinking he was protecting his friends from something dark and horrible that they, the people who brought hope to a land where even God did not want to touch, did not deserve to see. He told himself it was nothing, with time he'll be able to come back to them, to share the same happy thoughts and visions as they did once, everything will be normal again.

But for how long does he need to keep hoping before it came true?

"AH!" He was shaken out of his thoughts when he tripped over a rock, he turned and gasped as his back hit the rough and rocky ground. He coughed and scrambled back up, kicking up some of the earth beneath him in the process, until he was able to find his equilibrium and start running again. He knew he looked messy, his hair stuck out with some leaves and twigs that got stuck in them, his grey cloak was torn and half of it was missing, he lost his left shoe and his once pristine white clothing was now covered with dirt and other things he wishes to speak not of. He had several scratches on his face and a colorful bruise was forming on his right arm from when he hit it against a tree, but it didn't matter to him how he was, he just needed to run.

His breathing quickened with every step he took, he was sure that he'd pass out with how much the world was spinning around him, he swallowed down the bile that crawled up his throat, unwilling to let himself just give in like that. He jumped over fallen trees, dodged low branches, swam across rivers and slid down mounds of dirt just to get away from it. He was aware that he was dreaming, lucid dreams like these were not uncommon, but the problem with them is that he would always relive the most terrifying recent memory he has, he could change paths and do as he wished, but it all still ended the same way. The pain he felt was real, his battered mind could still register the injuries inflicted onto him in this particular memory. He could make them go away for a while, reminding himself that he was dreaming, but with how much he's been through the whole month, reality and fantasy started to mix together right in front of him.

He skidded to a halt when he reached a cliff, his eyes widened in fear at the height, then he directed his attention back to the darkness, stretching closer and closer with it's black and wispy tendrils. Voices screamed and wailed at him, attacking his senses from each direction, begging for the pain to end, he shared in their pain, wishing for it all to just stop, he covered his ears and screwed his eyes shut, he couldn't bare this! This isn't fair! Whoever these people are, they don't have the right to just assault him and beat him down with their own suffering! As the voices continued howling and the darkness slowly surrounding him, he could feel only one thing pain but not physical, no something more of a greater scale, pain that gripped on to his most inner being, tearing at it until there was nothing left, something that reached only the most deepest recesses of what he really is. Oddly enough, even though he could feel it, the pain was not his. Something or someone was using him as a vessel to express what they feel, he knows it! But who exactly was doing this? The darkness finally reached him and the voices rose to a deafening level, he cried out with them, even if he couldn't even hear himself, he stumbled and screamed, forgetting for a fleeting moment that he was already at the edge of a cliff.

Then all he felt was the feeling of falling.

Kiku woke up with a start, rather than his usual jolt he just snapped his eyes open and pressed his mouth into a thin line, his breathing was normal but everything else was rattling, he sighed and calmed himself, aware that the shock still didn't leave him. He noticed that the little rays of sunlight started penetrating the lush green forest he was in, must be morning already, there were little dots of the light peeking from behind the trees, almost playfully, the tree he was under was a little bit more thick than the rest around him, but it didn't stop the shining rays from coming in. He let his hand fall to the side, feeling a patch of grass under it, he lazily ran his hand over the grass in an attempt to reassure himself that he was awake and this was real, he's not dreaming.

That was the most sleep he'd gotten over the month, even if he managed to calm himself enough to sleep around twelve midnight, the tortures he endured were no different but he learned how to numb himself to the point where he couldn't feel anything completely, until someone points it out at least.

Once he felt his shaking had died down he stood up slowly, using the tree bark as leverage to hoist himself up. The mage shook his dirty grey cloak, trying to get majority of the dirt off it, come to think of it, when was the last time he even took a bath? The thought made him cringe, well maybe if he kept walking, he'd find a lake or a river eventually, at least that soothed him a bit. He donned his cloak again, mindful of his leaf bandaged injuries, he'll have to find something to permanently cure that problem of his. When he was still in the resistance, Yao was always-

'No, do not think of them….just don't…' His already weary mind reminded him, it would hurt less if he didn't remember them. Kiku checked his surroundings, none of the dangerous creatures seemed to be out and about, but he had to be sure, he didn't want a run in with a goblin or a troll anytime soon, not with his current weakened state. It led him to wonder how far he's fallen, from a prestigious and proud royal mage who had power at his fingertips, a renegade who wanted nothing more with his old life, a rebel who had the fire in his heart to fight for the people, to this a battered, tortured and pitiful excuse of a shell of who he once was. First Kiku was blind and he got killed in the end of it, the second had seen the world in a new view and was willing to see that new world but was led to his demise. He wasn't even sure it he was any version of Kiku anymore, had the first known this he would have been disgusted to be attributed to someone like him, a clueless coward who knew nothing of what he was dealing with, too blind to even see that the people who would have done anything to help him was right in front of him, too stupid to know that he just cast away the only silver lining in the wretched life he lived now.

Did he even deserve his own name? the name that once held authority and respect, the name that brought his family pride, the name that once was known for kindness, the name of a man that was willing to put his life on the line for others, the name of a man who once had control of his life…..Was he worthy of such a thing? Kiku bit down on his lip so hard that he drew blood, the metallic taste slithered it's way into his tongue that he had to spit it out of disgust. He was really pathetic wasn't he? Standing here moping and sniffling about how miserable he was when he should be out there helping anyone who needed him. Was he so far gone that he cared about only himself now?

The former mage pushed the dark thoughts down, the last thing his mind needed was added stress and self loathing, he made his journey through the forest, interested to find a lake at the most, letting the sounds around him just completely engulf him and make him lost in his meaningless quest. It was nice, times like these, to just forget who and where you are, to be filled with peace- temporary maybe- but still peace. The grass below him crunched with every small step, he still had muscle pain, and the birds started to chirp happily as if they sensed his small wish for a little bit of distraction, he appreciated it nonetheless. The breeze came before he was able to catch on with it's presence, he kept a hand to the side of his face to keep his hair from covering his eyes, he smiled softly at the feel of the cool wind against his skin, it was one of the little pleasures he still had access to.

Kiku was so lost in his little trip to a made up heaven in his head that he almost missed the soft groaning in the distance. He immediately snapped back into reality once he found that who was making the pained groan sounded closer than he thought, he looked around once but found no one, it puzzled him greatly. Had it finally have such a solid grip on his mind that he's actually crazy now? The sound of pained voices was only audible in his dreams, had it finally found a way to extract the voices that hurt him in too many ways possible into his reality? The reality that gave him small comfort away from the nightmares that only come at the dead of night? He gritted his teeth and clenched his hands into fists at his sides. He didn't want it to take away what was last of the defense he had against his obviously crumbling mental state, he liked being sane thank you 'It's not real, it is only trying to show you that it has more power over you, but you're stronger…you're stronger….' He chanted it like a mantra, but the groaning still persisted "Be quiet!" He said firmly, as if instructing a child who wanted something he can't give them in fear of spoiling them.

"I would you bastard if you-agrh!- helped me!" He blinked in confusion, had the voice just said a clear sentence? Usually it was just moaning, groaning, whimpering and screaming never words "Did you hear m-OW!- me The first time bastard?! Help me damnit!" Kiku whirled around, trying to locate the source of the voice, if the thing wants to torture him then he'll pretend that he's playing around just for his own entertainment, he found himself becoming bored with the calming, reassuring, wonderful and safe sounds of the beautiful forest anyway, what a bit of madness wouldn't fix that? "Where are you?" He called out tentatively, carefully combing through branches and bushes. He caught movement from one of the bushes, it rustled angrily as if it were struggling with something 'Well that is it! Kiku you are crazy, you just offered help to an angry bush-san' He shook his head disapprovingly at himself, he can't believe it but he finally broke, it must have done a pretty good job if he hadn't even noticed it.

"Hey! Idiot talking to me earlier! I'm right here!" He turned a weary glance at the still shouting, and rustling, bush. He cautiously stepped towards it, still on his guard, if it wasn't the cause of the bush shouting at him then something else was and he wasn't eager to fight with anyone as he had just woken up. That and he still hasn't hunted down his breakfast 'Hm, I never thought I'd ever be doing such a thing' He mused at the thought of the earlier Kiku being able to easily acquire a meal without even lifting a single finger, how drastically that changed. The mage carefully picked up a stick and started to prod at the bush until he found an almost fleshy like surface, there was a surprised yelp from the other side "CHIGI! Don't do- AH!- that!" The Japanese man slowly crept towards the fairly large bush, hesitantly looking over it for any sign of life "Oh my…" Was the only thing that left his lips when he saw what was on the other side.

A young centaur, and he looked as though he was trying to hold back a pained expression, he had dark brown hair and hazel eyes with a fairly tanned complexion but still not enough to make it seem as though he was dark skinned. Like most centaurs he doesn't have much covering him, why need?, just a lone brown sash going from his shoulder to his hip, Kiku deducted that the bow and arrow splayed on the floor used to be on that sash. The creature/boy growled and struggled with something on his leg "D-Damn thing!" he almost whimpered. He gave the still unseen thing on his leg one last tug before giving into exhaustion to collapse to his side. And for a brief moment, brown eyes met hazels, the other instantly flaring with fear "SHIT! HUMAN! D-DON'T HURT ME!" Kiku's eyebrows rose in surprise, the centaur sounded so confident earlier when they still couldn't see each other, weren't magical creatures suppose to be able to tell the difference between auras? People said it was a myth but anything's possible.

He looked back down at the now cowering- and foul mouthed- centaur on the ground, the other was watching him carefully, flinching at even the slightest movement he made. The once annoyed hazel eyes, as Kiku looked closer, held only defensiveness and fear, this centaur must have had a very unpleasant run in with another, less merciful, human if he was reacting like this "W-Where's the other guy?! Did you kill him?!" 'Other guy?' Kiku looked around, no one was there, maybe the centaur sensed someone else nearby, someone the mage couldn't feel was there since he had refrained using his magic which had heightened his senses before. With this new information, he mentally told himself to be a little bit more careful in the future. Now back to the current situation. Kiku raised his hands up in a gesture of good will, he chose his next words carefully as to not scare the magical creature in front of him, a fact that he's still trying to wrap his head around "Don't worry centaur-san, I will not harm you…" He said it so softly that he felt as though he was addressing a small child.

The centaur glared at him and inched away but immediately winced when he did. Kiku heard a small metallic jingle somewhere close by, he furrowed his eyebrows together and gently circled the bush to see the centaur in full view, stopping only a few times when the boy went tense with his movement. To his shock the centaur wasn't just calling out for help just for something trivial, he covered his mouth with his left hand to stop any gasps from coming out, centaur-san might be sensitive to his situation "Heh, is it that bad?" There was a bear trap clamped over one of the centaur's leg, there was a red puddle surrounding the injured leg where the trap's sharp metallic teeth bit down hard, making sure it's catch won't be able to get away. Kiku swallowed and approached the trapped centaur, he pushed away the bush and grimaced at the injury. The trap was really in there, the mage could have sworn he saw a it of bone on the ripped flesh "W-What happened?" He asked.

The centaur emitted a humorless chuckle "I was on my daily run, some bastard left this here and when I tried to jump over the bush I stepped on it, anything else? Because I think I'd be happy to tell you my whole life story if I wasn't fucking writhing in pain on the ground!" He spat out distastefully. The mage ignored his angry outburst and examined the trap, it looked well built and it might be hard to remove, though still doable "May I?" The centaur rolled his eyes and collapsed back into the ground, Kiku knew he didn't have to ask twice. He mustered most of his strength and tried to compress the springs to get the jaws to fall open, but nothing happened, he tried to pry it open next –while still compressing the spring- only to realize that his weakened state won't be able to do much "Are you even trying?" The centaur asked. Though it sounded more of a strangled question than one for scorn. Kiku let out a big puff of air, trying his two tactics again but still meeting the same result.

He groaned and stepped away from the trap, he had to think of something, the centaur was loosing a lot of blood, time is of essence. He looked down at his hands, they were rough and scratched after all those years of using them in battle, holding a sword or casting a spell, he frowned and closed his eyes, one last option 'Do you promise to practice your magic for the greater good of our kingdom, to use it to aid, to nurture and help those who need it?' He recalled the first time he officially joined the ranks of the mages, when he made that oath, he said yes right away, knowing that he was destined to be of service as much as he can. He knew it would hurt, to use his magic, it started to grow restless, sensing his intent, but as always he ignored it. Kiku knelt down and touched one of the trap's jaws, he muttered a simple fire spell and set to work on it. He winced and bit his tongue, clamping a hand over his chest as he slowly melted the sides of the jaw, it hurt, the burning sensation instantly attacked him and tore at his senses leaving his mind to drift in and out of consciousness as he started going numb.

'No! you must stay awake! Centaur-san needs you right now!' He wanted to argue with his inner voice, tell it he was hurting too much that he just wants the darkness to consume him quickly and ease his pain, but that voice fought back with greater force, shouting at him to stay awake. He sighed in relief when the side he was working on melted off, one more to go. He moved his finger from one side to another, quickly muttering the same spell before tracing his hand down on the metal jaw. He whimpered, the hand gripping on his chest flew up to his mouth, he squeezed his eyes shut when the pain intensified the second time, he removed his hand from his mouth and started gasping, trying to get cool air into his lungs. He felt as if he were on fire, his skin seared and his innards twisted in the most painful way possible, he let out a shuddering breath and continued "H-Hey, you okay?" The question obviously came from the centaur, it sounded so unlike the earlier tone he had, this one sounded genuinely concerned.

Kiku was aware he started to sweat, he felt it trickle down the side of his face, his breathing came close to a very painfully slow intake of air, the mage could feel his eyes drooping 'A little…bit longer….s-stay awake….focus…o-on…' Even his mind stopped working since he couldn't form another complete thought. The punishment for not taking very good care of himself finally made itself clear for the mage, if he were still a little bit healthy then maybe the pain wouldn't affect him so much, if he doesn't drop dead now he'll make sure he has the proper amount of food, water and sleep intake. The metal finally melted off with one last push from the mage, Kiku shakily removed the upper jaw and eased the centaur's foot off the trap. The creature looked happy for a moment, but one glance at the mage made him stop mid celebration. Kiku was panting as if he just ran a marathon, and to add to that he was sweating, the mage was wobbly on his feet and was unable to stand without holding on to something- that being a tree branch- "Hey, mage, what's wrong?" The centaur lifted himself up, mindful of his injured leg, he limped towards his rescuer and held him by the shoulder "Y-You don't look well" A hand made it's way up Kiku's forehead, the mage sighed in relief when he felt the cool touch.

The centaur on the other hand had a look of horror plastered on his face, he immediately pulled his hand back "You're fucking burning! Oh Jeez! You're….." He trailed off, a hint of realization dawning on his features, with a bit of terrified concern hidden behind it"It…it's happening to you?" Kiku wasn't able to ask what he meant just as his eyes rolled back and he finally collapsed, letting the dark consume him completely.

Kiku stumbled across the burned and deserted village, the only indication that there was once any life here were the crumbling black remains of houses that could have held lives of innocent people, families that did nothing wrong but love each other dearly. An eerie fog crawled along the ground, twisting and turning through roads and homes, no matter how hard you try to fan it away it always stayed where it was, immediately collecting back together if it dissipates. It was dark, but there was still enough light for the mage to see what was in front of him, but he wishes he couldn't. He could hear crying, frightened and barely audible to his ears, Kiku looked around for the source, wanting for it to stop, it reminded him of his own misery, something he just isn't good at pouring out to others "I-I want my mommy" His eyes widened when he realized that the crying came from behind him, he slowly looked back, trying to stop his shaking.

He found no one there, but the voice sounded so much like a little girl, scared and in pain, the disembodied voice made noise of crying and hiccupping, it sounded so pitiful, if it were someone else they'd seek out the child and rescue her from whatever horrors she's facing. But Kiku found himself frozen, unable to move from his position even if all he wanted to do was run "I'm scared…h-help me please!" The earth beneath him shook, the mage steadied himself. The sniffling girl, now screaming out of sheer terror, started to say things the mage could not understand "It hurts! Go away go away!" She pleaded to an unknown being. Despite the fear, Kiku felt the urge to come towards her to help, there was a bizarre connection between him and her that he couldn't understand. The child screamed again, the earth shook, this time Kiku was literally knocked off his feet, a wave of energy came from the child's screaming and shot him backwards. He dug his feet into the ground to keep himself from being pushed any further, once he leveled himself he looked back up at the child "Go away! You're hurting me!" 'Is she talking about me?' This worried him to no end, had his past life as a palace mage somehow ended up hurting an innocent child that now she haunts him?

"Please leave me! You're all hurting me! MAKE IT STOP!" She sounded desperate, her voice cracked a few times like she had a hard time talking. Kiku covered his ears in response of the girl's shriek, he'd help her if he knew what she was talking about but this one sided request was just getting ridiculous! "Where are you?!" He shouted back. The girl made crying noises from a place he couldn't place "IT HURTS! YOU'RE ALL HURTING ME!" The mage soon found himself gripping on for dear life as the ground below him cracked and separated from each other, a dark abyss left in their wake. The mage made a sound of discomfort, seeing the blinding darkness just below him. The forest surrounding the burned village seemed to come to life, roots twisted around in a messy manner, covering anything that they came in contact with, Kiku yelped when a root wrapped itself around his ankle, he gripped onto the ground but found himself being dragged backwards.

He dug his nails to the ground in an inevitable attempt to keep himself from being taken against his will, he left deep marks on the ground, some with splotches of red in them. The root had painfully started to grip harder, Kiku panicked when it didn't seem to want to stop crushing him, it was only when he felt, and heard, the crunching of his bones being broken that he screamed at the top of his lungs, the pain becoming unbearable for him to endure. His mind went on full alert, now aware that he was hurt and in agony, he tried to crawl away from the roots, dragging himself across the dirt with only his hands and one still in tact leg, he screamed when another root latched itself onto his torso and started to drag him back again, he flailed around, clawed at the roots trying to bring him to his demise, he didn't want to die!

More roots sprung up and closed around him, squeezing him in the slowest most painful way possible. He gasped and tried to shout for help, but found himself only gurgling out incoherent words when the root around his torso started to crush him slowly. The lack of air made his head spin, like there were tiny needles pricking at him, his movements became sluggish and small, unable to muster any more strength. Red liquid pooled out of his mouth, if someone would make a sadistic joke about his situation, it's almost as if he was a tube of toothpaste being squeezed to have the last of it's contents out, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as the liquid kept coming out like water from a fire hydrant, exploding out of him like it wasn't important, he could feel his ribs cracking and being pushed together by the force of the root's squeezing, his innards were probably becoming flat as pancakes now, though he could actually feel something slithering up his throat "You're hurting me…" The last conscious piece of his mind heard the girl's voice once again, almost as if she was just beside him "….I'll hurt you back" The roots on his body suddenly went into overdrive and quickly closed around him. The sickening crunch and squelching sound reverberated through Kiku's last thoughts.

"OI WAKE UP!" Kiku gasped and held his neck, springing up to a sitting position, he was practically gulping in breaths of air, he let out terrified cries, his mind unable to fully register back into reality. A hand slapped him across the face, causing his head to jerk to one side "CALM DOWN!" The screaming voice was actually not making him calm, it made things worse! Kiku shrieked and pulled at invisible binds on his body 'They're still here! They'll suffocate me! They'll break every bone in my body!' His irrational mind thought, increasing his terror "Hey hey hey! Not like that Lovi! Do this!" A gentler voice penetrated the clouded mind of the tormented mage, a hand soothingly rubbed circles on his back while the voice tried to calm him down "Hey, shh, nothing will hurt you here, you just had a bad dream that's all, shh, you're okay, we're here to protect you, you don't have to worry about anything" A part of his mind told him to stay away from the voice, don't reach out to it, you'll get hurt, you're better off this way. Then it took no time for Kiku to realize that it was it talking to him, he would never think like that again, he swore that he'd take the chance of letting others help him from now on.

Slowly, his vision started clearing, the broken land was gone, the accursed roots weren't squeezing the life out of him, the little girl's voice wasn't there. Instead he was in some sort of cave, there was a torch hanging on one of it's walls, he felt the "ground" beneath him and realized it felt like a fabric of some sort, it was soft 'I'm on a bed' his mind supplied for him. It's been a long time since he's been on something like a bed before, usually he'd be on piles of grass or tree branches these days. He finally noticed the presence of two other beings in the room with him, the first one he recognized was the centaur he helped out of the trap, staring at him like he had the plague, and there was another centaur too but he didn't recognize him. This one definitely had tanner skin, he also had brown hair, but his eyes were kinder, gentler, a bright olive green that just relayed a whole festival of emotions "Are you okay now?" The new centaur asked. Kiku nodded numbly, he shakily hugged himself as if trying to protect himself from something unknown. The new centaur nodded happily and reached for something, he lifted it to Kiku's face "Here, drink. You might feel a little better" The mage stared at the glass for a moment before taking it "T-Thank you" Came his raspy reply. He took one experimental sip and found it felt good to have the cool liquid slid down his sore throat, he drunk the rest of it's contents after that. He placed the now empty glass on a side table next to the bed he was on, which actually wasn't much of a bed at all, it was made out of a few furry animal skins piled together to try and make one "You fucking scared me asshole, don't do that again!" The centaur he saved from earlier finally spoke up. The new centaur chuckled and shook his head "Lovi was worried, he said after you saved him- which you have my most grateful thanks for- you collapsed and started having a seizure. He brought you to me right away, good thing both of you weren't far"

Kiku sent an appreciative smile at the centaur that saved him "Thank you centaur-san" The other looked away, cheeks burning from the recognition "None of that 'centaur-san' shit, you'll get the tomato bastard confused. My name's Lovino" The mage chuckled a bit and nodded in understanding "Alright, thank you Lovino-san" Said centaur huffed and crossed his arms "I'm going out" The other centaur in the room looked at him worriedly "But Lovi, your injury-" He was immediately interrupted "I'll be fine! God you're annoying!" With that, Lovino galloped/limped out of the small cave they were in, but he didn't go that far, just a little ways close "He's a handful, but he brings all the joy in my life" The other centaur sighed happily as he watched Lovino gallop around the trees. Kiku smiled, he knew what it was like to have a person, or people, change your life in a way that you will always see the light, shame he just threw his away so easily just when it became the most unattainable and precious thing he could ever want.

"Oh where are my manners? We haven't done introductions" Kiku looked back up at the older centaur, he bowed his head down "I'm Antonio, Lovino's current caretaker. Who might you be mage?" He smiled through it all, Kiku wondered if he ever stopped smiling "H-Honda Kiku, it's very nice to meet you Antonio-san" Antonio grinned like a cheshire cat, the mage was amazed at how far he could stretch his smile "How long was I out?" He asked. Antonio looked at his fingers and started to cross them out, much to the mage's distress "About three and a half days" Kiku looked down, the floors seemed interesting, he bit his lip and did his best to keep his worries at bay. Antonio sensed this and squeezed his shoulder, gaining his, albeit shocked, attention "You don't have to be nervous around me, in fact you should be the guest of honor! You saved my Lovi when he was hurt, that's enough for me to consider you a friend!" But before Kiku could answer his expression turned from happiness to seriousness, he stared straight into the mage's eyes that it was enough to make him uncomfortable "But I must ask you one thing Kiku, your dream, what plagues you that you wake up like that?" Now that was a touchy subject. He never told anyone about it and what it does to him, especially his nightmares- no scratch that- especially that one he just had, it didn't just scare him out of his wits but it confused him to no end, he usually understood what his nightmares meant, but this one had him stumped. And when he faced things he didn't understand, he rather think about it first than telling anyone.

The centaur beside him saw his hesitation, he sighed "Don't worry, I won't force you to, but it would be better if you talked about it, it gives you a small relief no? just tell me when you're ready. You're welcome to stay with us for as long as you'd like, your fever still hasn't run down that much yet, just call when you need us, we'll come as soon as we can" Antonio looked up when he heard the younger centaur curse loudly at something, he smiled and shook his head "I suppose that's my call to leave you to your thoughts Kiku, until later then" He started to walk out of the cave, but stopped to look back at the mage once "Oh Kiku?" The mage looked up at him "Yes?" He couldn't keep the tremor off his voice. Antonio sent him a concerned look before speaking up again "Sometimes a little problem can become bigger if they want to, and soon you'll find that everyone else will be dragged down with you…." With that being said, the centaur galloped out of the cave, calling out for his charge. Kiku wanted to call him back, ask him what he meant, but he was too far gone and his throat too sore for him to shout again. The mage swallowed and laid back down his makeshift bed, he could try to rest again, but he knew that every time he closed his eyes a new horror would await him and it will find another way to break him, it even came so close today.

But as the mage succumbed to his exhaustion and ill condition he was surprised, looks like it did find a new way to torture him. He dreamed of a time when he was with his friends at the resistance, sharing stories while Alfred and Gilbert would start getting rowdy, laughing out loud at their own jokes while they danced on the table, Yao was beside him, muttering how he had to deal with such idiots daily, Matthew would laugh a bit before turning to him to apologize for his brother's behavior until said brother finally slips off the table and crashes down, bringing Gilbert down with him. The other resistance members in the building silently stared at their table before bursting out into laughter, the two on the floor joined in followed by Matthew and eventually Yao even if he just chuckled a little bit, Kiku on the other hand, stared at the ceiling. Yes this was torture, it gave him happiness….

False happiness that is…..