Hello everybody, I am back. I know it has been a long time and maybe many of you are frustrated like I am when something is not updated. Like why make a story if you aren't going to finish it? It's painful for the readers to keep on waiting. Trust me; I've been waiting for a story for 7 years.
I had a reason to stop writing. I've been had a mental illness since I was ten, roughly around the time I found this website, which made everything seem better. At the beginning I was only sad but as I got older the sadness got bigger and bigger. I would think a lot about my past and the mistakes I had made, blaming myself for everything. I thought my parents never loved me and only wanted something from me that I could not give them. I felt like I was drowning in my thoughts, or running through an infinite black tunnel; I could only see the exit but never get to it.
I stopped doing things that brought me joy, because honestly I wasn't feeling anything anymore. I stopped writing. Just when I though I found someone that could truly love me for who I am, I got hurt. I felt like I could no longer go on. If he couldn't love me, then why would anyone love me. I felt disgusting. I would cry when I would wake up because I had to endure another day. I would cry in the shower, where nobody could hear me. I would cry before I would go to sleep because the day was hard and I didn't want another one. I wanted to end my life and I was close to doing so.
My friends and family helped me. I sought recovery and now I am here. I can see the spark in life again. I've learned so much throughout this process even though I am not finished. Ten years have been harsh but depression has thought me to find happiness in the small things and to fight harder, to find a reason to live.
If anybody ever feels lonely then I am right here for you guys to talk to. I can also give you guy the number of a suicide hotline.
Remember:
Depression is an illness, not a choice. Just like every other mental illness.
You are never truly alone
Suicide will end your chances of having a better life
It can be treated; there is hope
You worth is not defined by the boy or girl that broke your heart
Inform yourself about mental illnesses
Its okay to have a relapse
Everyone makes mistakes
Speak up against stigma
Your life is worth so much
I will continue the stories and I have more ideas. Just be patient because guess who is going to graduate with her bachelor's this semester? This girl!
Love you guys. Thank you for hanging on.
xoxoxoxox
There is always hope.
-Isa :)