Blurred Lines
part viii
The discharge of a gun was still ringing in Sakura's ears as she awoke from her dream sluggishly. She could still see the gun pointed at her, still see the trigger being pulled in her half-asleep, half-awake state but she was aware that it was nothing more than a nightmare conjured by her own mind, and she took a deep breath as she attempted to rub the remnants of her dream away.
Eventually she became more conscious of her surroundings and with careful movements, she pulled herself into a sitting position as she clicked on her bedside lamp. It brightened and chased away the natural darkness of the night, but she closed her eyes again and pursed her lips together as the familiar ache in her hip returned. It throbbed and pulsed in time with her heartbeat and she rested a gentle hand over the wound as she took even, measured breaths.
As soon as the worst of it passed, Sakura relaxed as she gazed about her room, noting that much hadn't changed in her weeks spent in the hospital. Her clothes were still draped over the empty armchair next to her bathroom door and a stack of work documents and old mail remained piled on her dresser, the drawer with her shirts still half-opened.
It felt like nothing had changed and yet things would never be the same again. Her earlier conversation with Kakashi threatened to play over in her mind for the umpteenth time, but she pushed it down as her gaze fell to her fingers as they played with the mysterious crimson blanket that had appeared her first night in the hospital.
No one had been able to provide her with an explanation of where it had come from. Naruto had left her room for a few hours only to return to find it tucked around her as she recovered from her earlier surgery. She had her suspicions of who the owner was, but she didn't ask; she knew she couldn't ask. And so, Sakura had kept it with her her entire stay, using it as her source of strength and comfort when the pain and stress felt overwhelming. Even now, it helped soothe her restless mind as she hugged it to her, her eyes closed as she breathed in the lingering traces of spice and laundry detergent.
As she opened her eyes again, she could feel her exhaustion returning but rather than slip back down into bed, she pushed the covers back before she reached for the crutches next to her bed. Her dream had left her thirsty and though she should have asked Naruto to bring her a glass of water before he went home for the night, it had been the last thing on her mind as she hustled him out the door, just wanting one night to be alone. She took it as a sign to be kinder to her partner.
With some grimacing, Sakura clambered to her feet, her oversized t-shirt and low-riding, loose-fitted shorts hiding the bandages and fading bruises around her waist. She was just fitting the cushions comfortably under her arms when she vaguely heard the front door close before quiet footsteps sounded in the entryway. She rolled her eyes half-heartedly as a smile played about her lips. "Naruto, I told you I'm fine. You can spend the night at home toni-."
The words died on her lips as she exited her bedroom and turned on the light to find not the cheerful blond standing in her living area, but someone older with darker hair and even darker eyes. The mere sight of him caused a myriad of emotions to swirl beneath her breastbone. She could still remember the way he kissed her as his lips moved desperately against hers, attempting to give and take everything as their seconds together ticked away. He had left her unwillingly, his brow pinched together in worry and fear, as she was left alone to her fate.
Now he stood before her silently, his gaze observant but his expression indecipherable. It was a moment before either of them spoke. "Madara. I thought I might be seeing you soon."
His fathomless, black eyes swept over her, lingering longest on her crutches and her hidden injury, before he returned his piercing gaze to hers. "I apologize for coming so late. I hope I did not wake you."
She shook her head before she maneuvered further into the living area, her crutches clicking softly in the quiet. "No, you didn't. I was already up," she murmured. Then her expression turned curious. "How exactly did you get in?"
The corner of his mouth twitched before his collected expression returned. "With much practice."
She arched her brow at him but allowed him to get away with his vague answer as she turned towards the kitchen and carefully made her way to the cupboard before she glanced back at him. "I was just getting some water. Can I get you anything?"
Madara shook his head. "I am all right, thank you. You should not strain yourself."
"I'm fine," she said offhandedly. She ensured her crutches were tucked safely under her arms before she reached up to open the cabinet. However, before she could grasp a glass, Madara was at her side pulling her hand down. She turned to him, her expression confused. "What are you-?"
"Allow me," he murmured as he reached above her head to retrieve a cup.
She watched in surprise as he silently closed the cupboard and moved to the fridge to fill her glass with the filtered container inside before he returned to her side and handed it to her. Her fingers brushed against his as she silently accepted it from him, still somewhat stunned. "Thanks," she murmured. Her heart began to beat a little faster as she caught a whiff of that familiar cologne.
But then it was gone as Madara stepped away from her, an unusual expression upon his face. It was gone before she could identify it.
Silence slipped between them as she sipped from her glass and observed him. Just as he always was, he was adorning a three-piece suit that did wonders to his complexion and she couldn't help but take a moment to admire his handsome face. He didn't appear to have changed much in the few weeks that had passed since she had last seen him. At least until she took a closer look.
There were age lines around his eyes that she didn't remember seeing before and a slight darkness underneath as if he had been too occupied to sleep properly. The difference was barely noticeable, but after having seen him appear so immaculate for so long, she found the change surprising.
However, it didn't make Madara's gaze any less piercing and she felt herself shift uncomfortably as he studied her just a little too sharply, just a little too closely. They both knew the conversation was still to be had, but neither really seemed to know where to start.
Eventually Madara broke the quiet. "How are you doing?"
"I'm doing well," she replied, relieved that he had taken it upon himself to speak first. She set her glass on the counter before she returned her attention to him. "It was a long couple of weeks in the hospital but I'm glad to finally be home."
"I am pleased that you are recovering so well," he said honestly. Then he paused briefly. "Mikoto was concerned that the bullet might have hit an ovary. Are you-did it..?"
Sakura wasn't used to seeing Madara stutter. She found it strangely adorable – a word she thought she'd ever use to describe the man – and she bit her lip to keep her smile from widening before she answered, "No, the bullet missed all major organs and arteries."
If it had, she would have bled out in that room, but she found it best not to tell him that. However, she had not escaped completely unscathed and she felt her mood briefly drop before she forced another smile upon her face. "I can still have babies that will be just as stubborn as me if I want."
Her light teasing caused Madara to in turn smirk, but it faded the longer he studied her. That same expression was on his face, just as unnamable as before. "I should have never left you on that floor," he finally murmured quietly.
So that's what this was about. He was guilty for leaving her, guilty for being unable to be there for her. She understood where he was coming from, but she held no grudges against him. "You did exactly what you had to do. If you had stayed, you would have been killed or captured. Leaving me behind was your only option."
However, Madara's expression only hardened. "I abandoned you," he said sharply.
But his anger wasn't directed at her; it was at himself, and her heart reached out to him. She could feel the internal struggle he was waging within himself and after a moment, she tucked her crutches under her arms before she carefully maneuvered over to him. She stopped once she was in front of him, not quite touching but the desire was there. "The most important thing to me is that you're here now. I'm glad you came."
"I should have come sooner."
"But you did, didn't you," Sakura challenged softly. Madara met her gaze evenly and even without his answer, she knew her suspicions had been correct. However, he seemed unwilling to admit to his act of kindness and so she pressed, "My first night in the hospital you were there. I woke up the next morning with another blanket. I know it belongs to you." It smelled just like him.
To her surprise, he didn't immediately deny it. Instead he sighed softly out his nose before he finally reached out to her, his fingers brushing gently through her hair in a feather-light caress. "I had to see for myself that you were okay." His words were nearly whispered.
The soft emotion coloring his tone made her heart swell and begin to beat a little faster in her chest, and she pursed her lips together to keep her grin from showing. "You didn't have to risk yourself," she chastised lightly. Then she leaned into his touch. "But I'm glad you were there."
His collected expression was slowly beginning to fade the longer they spoke, and Sakura felt her body warm as she recognized that half-smile, half-smirk she had come to miss. The gentle brush of his thumb along her jaw wasn't helping matters either. "Is that not what someone does when they care for another? Take foolish risks?"
Her heart pounded harder at his confession, but she heard the double meaning of his words and she cocked a brow at him. "If you're telling me that what I did was stupid, I'm going to throw my crutches at you. You would have been killed had I not gotten you out of the way."
"That is likely," he agreed, his smirk widening. "However, do not do it again."
She laughed. "Believe me, you won't have to worry about that."
Madara's brows pinched together and his thumb stopped its soft caress as he stared at her, his expression both inquisitive and serious. "What does that mean?"
Immediately her easy mood vanished as she realized what she had just let slip. The earlier conversation she had held with Kakashi returned to the forefront of her mind, and she dropped her gaze as she opened her mouth only to quickly close it once more. She didn't even know if she could voice it out loud without becoming emotional.
"What happened?" Madara asked.
His tone had shifted, becoming firmer as he recognized her silent distress, and with a gentle nudge, he urged her chin back up. She could feel the tears clogging the back of her throat and she cleared it lightly before she met his gaze again. "I am no longer a field agent."
"You quit?"
"I wish it were that simple," she murmured dejectedly. "I told you the bullet missed anything vital, but it still did some...substantial damage. The surgeons had to repair a lot of muscle in my hip."
Silence met her words as Madara processed the information, but he was an intelligent man and it didn't take him long to understand. "You lost mobility."
"I won't know how extensive it is until I heal more but it is unlikely I'll ever be able to pass my agency's physical again."
The weight of his gaze became too much and Sakura ducked her head once more as she fidgeted with the handholds of her crutches. The same sensation of loss twinged beneath her breastbone, causing her chest to ache but she merely took a deep breath to push the feeling away. She had already mourned. There was no reason for her to continue to do so.
"I should have never put you in this position," Madara finally said.
"It's not your fault."
She met his gaze to see his self-directed anger had returned, but there was also a note of confusion. "You're not angry at me?"
"What would be the point?" Sakura shrugged. "I was angry at you for months. I blamed you for everything just to shield myself from what I really felt for you, and it didn't do me any good. I don't want to be angry anymore. I'm done being angry."
She found herself unable to meet his piercing gaze as she finished, her confession left hanging in the air. Her stomach was doing uncomfortable things and she felt herself warm in embarrassment as she diverted her gaze back downwards. However, Madara wasn't allowing her to shy away from him. She felt his knuckles brush softly against her cheek before her jaw was cupped as he urged her to look at him. His eyes were hypnotizing. "You are much stronger than I have ever given you credit for."
And before Sakura could answer, he leaned down and pressed his lips to hers. His mouth moved against hers softer than she was expecting but it only caused her to melt into his touch further as he cupped the back of her neck. She could feel the strength and power in his fingers, and at one point, she would have feared being this close to this man, but now she only welcomed his touch as she kissed him back.
Releasing her grasp on her crutches, Sakura clutched his suit and leaned into him until her chest was pressed fully against his. His familiar scent was intoxicating as it wrapped around her but neither of them seemed in any hurry to deepen or speed up their actions as their mouths moved together.
In the back of her mind, she knew what she was doing was wrong on more levels than she could count. She could blame their first kiss on the heat of the moment, the unknowing if she was going to live or die, but here in her apartment there were no excuses and it surprised her to find that she didn't particularly care to find one either. She was only concerned with his mouth and his hands, and how she never wanted them to stop.
It was stunning how vastly different this kiss was from their last. Before their lips had moved together in a frenzied exchange to convey all the emotions they didn't have time to express as the fear and panic grew nearly overwhelming; but now, they took their time as if the world had stopped, leaving them to become acquainted in ways they hadn't yet been able to.
Sakura had always thought their first real kiss would be a fight for dominance, a fight for control, but it was much more languid and relaxed than that. Madara took his time tasting her, exploring and discovering her; and the lack of utter arrogance he normally displayed drew her in, physically and emotionally.
She was the first to run her tongue along the seam of his lips. Madara responded immediately by sweeping his into her mouth, his fingers tightening at the nape of her neck as he took control. A soft sigh of pleasure sounded in the back of her throat and she pressed herself more fully against him, urging him on as he groaned deep in his chest.
But it wasn't enough. She wanted more. She wanted all of him and she shifted her weight only to go as still as a statue as pain ripped through her body. Pulling away from him, Sakura pressed her face into his collarbone and trapped the breath in her chest to keep from releasing a pained cry as her fingers tightened until her knuckles turned white.
The initial pain faded as quickly as it had come, but her side continued to throb for some moments until it eventually dulled to a manageable ache. She released her long-held breath before she finally lifted her head and blinked her eyes open. Madara was studying her closely, his expression tense.
"I'm fine," she murmured after she found her voice again.
His fingers tightened where they still gripped her hair. "Stop saying that. You are not fine."
His tone was firm but not unkind, and she stared at him curiously as she pondered where his sudden upset had come from. It took her some time but eventually she stilled as she realized those had been her exact words after she had been shot. Turning her gaze downwards, she smoothed out the wrinkles she had created as she searched for her words. "I'm sorry. You're right, I'm not fine. But I will be."
Her gaze returned to his as she felt his fingers relax again. "Do not lie to me again," he murmured.
Sakura could hear the unsaid please and she closed her eyes as he leaned in to place a soft kiss to her forehead. It was the closest she had ever heard him come to begging.
Eventually Madara pulled away before he bent down to retrieve her crutch from where it had fallen to the floor while they had been preoccupied. The other one had come to rest against the counter and Sakura reached for it and settled it under her arm before she accepted Madara's help. His hands stayed close to her as she made herself comfortable and her chest warmed as she realized he was content to stay near her.
"What will happen now?" he eventually asked.
Now that their excitement had wound down, Sakura could feel her exhaustion returning and she took a deep breath to stifle her yawn before replying, "Now I recover, regain my strength and figure it out as I go. I doubt the agency will let me go. As it turns out my supervisor is aware of our contact."
"He knows?" Madara asked abruptly. "How?"
There was concern in his gaze and for the first time, she recognized it wasn't for himself, but rather for her. She did her best to suppress her smile. "You used your tie to stem my bleeding," she replied simply. "He knows you exist; he just doesn't know specifically who you are. So I told him that you were the one that had been providing me with all my information."
"Are you in trouble?"
She smirked softly. "No. On the contrary, he wants me to put in for a transfer to the team's intelligence operations unit. Now that he's aware that I have an informant who is able to give us consistently reliable information, he doesn't want to lose that. Or me," she added.
"So you will stay a federal agent then."
"Yes," she said slowly. She didn't have to ask to know what he was implying. "Madara, I…" she started, "I care for you. Even though everything I stand for tells me I shouldn't, I do. But I cannot and I will not give up my career for you. I-."
"Sakura," he interjected, interrupting her ramble before she could really start. There was the start of a smirk playing in the corner of his mouth like he knew it too. "I would never expect you to and therefore, I will never ask you. I simply request that perhaps we can continue to see one another on a less…political basis."
Her surprise lasted a moment before it was replaced with a smile. She could feel her emotions breaking out into butterflies in her stomach but she didn't let it show how much his request affected her as she cocked an amused brow at him, "Like you would listen if I said no," she teased. "But yes, I would like that."
Madara shot her that familiar half-smirk, half-smile that made her heart beat just a little harder. "Perhaps you do know me too well," he retorted playfully.
"Perhaps," she repeated as her smile slowly faded. "But there is one thing you haven't told me." He cocked his head curiously, silently telling her to continue. "Why were you meeting with the Senju?"
He was quiet for a long moment. So long in fact she started to believe he wouldn't tell her until he sighed softly, "That is a long story; too long for us to go into detail tonight."
"But you will tell me, won't you?"
"Yes."
Sakura pursed her lips together, not entirely happy with his answer, but she let the matter go as a wide yawn pressed out her mouth, reminding the pair exactly how late the hour was. She tried to play it off by covering her mouth but it was obvious she was exhausted as she rubbed the sleep from her eyes.
"I should take my leave," Madara eventually said. "I have already overstayed my welcome."
"You are always welcome here."
The words were out before she could register what she had said and she felt herself begin to warm in embarrassment. However, Madara merely smiled before he cupped her jaw and bent down to place a quick, chaste kiss to her lips. "I have something for you," he murmured against her mouth.
He pressed something into her palm and curiously she pulled back to glance down. Her brow arched to find it was a cell phone. "What is...?"
"There is only one number programmed," he said quietly. "If you ever need me, do not hesitate. Ever."
Sakura opened her mouth but her words escaped her and she closed her fingers around the device before she leaned into him, conveying without words everything she couldn't say. His arm wrapped around her shoulders, drawing her in close but carefully, and they stayed that way for some time before he eventually drew back, his hand returning to her face as though he couldn't yet bring himself to end their contact. "You should go rest-."
"Would you mind staying?" Sakura asked suddenly. His brow arched in surprise, but she didn't shy away from his dark gaze even as she fidgeted. "Just for a little while longer."
With their close proximity, she didn't miss the way his eyes seemed to soften as he watched her. The hand cupping her jaw became a little firmer as his thumb brushed across her lower lip where she had taken to biting it nervously but she released it upon his touch as he smiled at her.
"I will stay as long as you wish."
She got the impression he wasn't just referring to tonight and with a soft smile, she pulled away from him as she led the way back towards her bedroom, wanting nothing more than to curl up with him in bed. He would be staying for a long time to come.
end?
Headcannons that don't really fit anywhere:
- The crimson blanket is Madara's favorite but he lets her keep it because he knows she adores it.
- Sakura develops a permanent limp but it's Madara's biggest turn on.
- Sakura eventually officially meets Mikoto and Shisui, and learns that Sasuke has made his way back to his family but they never actually ever meet again.
I have more but that's all I can think of off the top of my head. Thank you all my lovely readers for reading! You guys have been amazing with leaving me such awesome reviews. I love every single one!
Until the next one - Cheers!