"Lexa..."
"I was about to get some water, do you want some, too?"
"Lexa, I..." Clarke started again, but she didn't know what to say. Her heart ached at the sight of the brunette's back. Lexa went downstairs, grabbed a water bottle and two glasses and came back while Clarke didn't move, still standing in the door frame, still wearing only a towel.
"Don't look at me like that, Clarke. Here" she handed Clarke the clothes.
Lexa slid under the blanket and switched off the lights. They hadn't said anything and Lexa felt sorry because she knew that Clarke worried now. She knew that the blonde had seen some bruises before but that was okay, they weren't bad, they could've been from a simple drunken fight. The rest of her body told a different story though.
She felt Clarke move closer behind her and wrap an arm around her. The brunette slightly shivered when she felt Clarke's breath on her neck, but relaxed a little and fell asleep.
"I tried to make breakfast but I burned the eggs and um, about the bacon, well... But I made coffee." A fully dressed Clarke said as she heard Lexa padding down the stairs. Lexa smirked and gratefully took the cup.
"You're up early. Did you sleep well?"
"Oh my God, your bed is so comfortable. I swear I'll steal it!"
"Good luck with that!" Lexa laughed. It was the first time Clarke really heard her laugh and her heart skipped a beat. The brunette sighed and got up, gently putting her hands on Clarke's hips, pushing her back onto one of the barstools and started making breakfast, since Clarke had miserably failed at that earlier.
"Lexa, can we..." Clarke started but paused.
"Hm?"
"Can we talk about... yesterday?" Lexa stiffened but didn't turn around. Clarke felt sorry but she was worried and she had to know.
"Clarke, this–"
"No wait, you know what, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. Sorry. I– don't wanna know. You don't have to tell me. I... shit. I better go. Thanks for letting me stay here for the night and for the drinks and– see you later, I guess." Clarke panicked, knowing that she somehow had hurt Lexa but didn't know what to do, so she figured leaving would be the best idea.
"Clarke–" Lexa tried again but Clarke was already gone.
Shit, shit, shit. Clarke kept cursing herself. She fucked up. Again. She had left Lexa, again, without giving her the opportunity to reply anything. What the actual fuck is wrong with me!
She knew she had to know and she knew that Lexa would've told her. And if she was right about... whatever it was that was going on between them, she would've seen it sooner or later anyway.
It was one of her two gallery days, but she couldn't concentrate on her work, at all. Her mind kept wandering back to Lexa and how she had left her this morning. Clarke grew more and more impatient, more and more desperate and her anger towards herself was getting to a very unhealthy level.
She knew Lexa was home today and decided to stop by after work to sort things out.
Clarke hesitated for a few seconds, then knocked at Lexa's door. A few moments later, the woman opened and was rather surprised seeing the blonde in front of her.
"Clarke, I... you could've send me a text before showing up." Lexa stated, being polite as always but Clarke had a weird feeling.
"Sorry, I didn't realize you'd be busy. We–" there was a noise somewhere behind Lexa. "You're not alone, right?"
Lexa paused for a moment, "No, I'm not." Clarke nodded and was about to turn around and leave. "Come in though."
Clarke pinched her brows together in confusion but went past the brunette and stepped into the loft, preparing for the worst, when she saw two boys jumping around. At that sight, she sighed slightly, clearly relieved that Lexa had no... well, female company, especially not her age.
"Clarke, this is Aden. A friend's son. He visits me from time to time and this is Toby, his friend. They go to school together and I picked them up, I promised I'd help them with their homework." Clarke smiled. She knew Lexa had a soft spot for children; she'd seen her with a little girl at their first date. The girl had seemed to be lost in the café, so Lexa, softly speaking to her, had calmed her until the girl's mom had showed up. It really had touched Clarke's heart.
"I think the cookies are ready! Who wants one?" Lexa exclaimed and the two boys excitedly threw their hands in the air. The brunette laughed and made her way to the kitchen to get the cookies while Clarke followed her.
"They seem really cool. And those cookies look absolutely delicious!" Clarke said.
"Well I hope they taste as delicious as they look!" Lexa replied, smirking at Clarke. Their eyes met and for a long moment, there was nothing else but them, they were lost in each other's gaze. Lexa was the first to look away, starting to place the cookies on a plate, while the only thing that Clarke could think about was how perfect Lexa was in this moment.
She caught herself picturing them goofing around while cooking dinner and wondered what it would be like to have a routine or maybe even a life together with the brunette. Lexa's laugh brought her back to reality, but still, the whole situation felt so... normal. She admired everything about the brunette – the way she blew a strand out of her face or even the way she carefully placed the cookies on that plate. Everything seemed right.
"Mom, where are the cookies?"
Clarke's head shot up at that comment, instantly facing the brunette. Lexa didn't move, she just stared at the plate before here. A long moment passed, until she finally replied, "They're not gonna walk on their own, you gotta come and get 'em!"
Aden and Toby ran up to them, grabbed a few cookies and disappeared somewhere behind the huge shelf that separated the areas.
"Lexa–"
"I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you."
"It's okay, you know. You said there were things you still needed to tell me. I'm just... God, Lexa, you have a son? How old is he?"
"Eight. It's complicated, Clarke."
"How..."
Lexa looked up, making sure that the boys weren't around but she nonetheless lowered her voice when she continued.
"I was young, and... his father, he– shit."
Clarke had never heard Lexa curse before, and she could feel that something was wrong. When she looked at the brunette who was trying to not let the tears slip that were slowly coming up, Clarke felt a sting in her heart.
"Are you with him still? Are you in a relationship? … Fuck Lexa, are you married?" She almost whispered.
"No, I'm not, Clarke. Aden's dad and I were never really... a thing. He just... we have a complicated past and he– well when we..." Lexa stopped, wiping a tear away.
"The scars..." Clarke tried to put the pieces together, in an attempt to understand – hoping she was right, yet hoping she was more than wrong about her theory.