The months dragged by for them both. Severus felt as though each week he didn't see her he died a little bit. It was apparent after a month or so that she wasn't returning and it served him right. He spent his time telling himself how unworthy he was of her. How she would never want an old wizard like him, and that he deserved all of this. Soon he was back to his cold, indifferent self and though he couldn't stop random thoughts of her, he focused his intention instead, to what he would do after being released.
Hermione was caught in her own personal sort of prison. Ginny had already planned her own wedding, so she stepped in and planned Hermione's as well, along with Molly of course. Molly had "suggested" that they get married that fall, and Ron had been ecstatic. Hermione had smiled through their engagement party and several sit-downs with Molly and Ginny as they planned. She nodded along with everything they said, not really hearing what they said.
Harry and Ginny's wedding was, of course, spectacular. The ministry itself hosted the event, and every famous witch or wizard was in attendance. Harry had never looked more handsome and Ginny was absolutely breathtaking.
Hermione wandered the hall, gulping her drink and marveling at the floating candles and lilies. She stopped occasionally to return a smile or nod or a few polite words with the guests, and even found herself dancing with Krum late in the night. Ron had cut in after the second dance and possessively dug his hand into the small of her back as they danced. She closed her eyes and laid her head on Ron's shoulder, envisioning herself in a long white dress dancing with a taller, older wizard. Her eyes snapped open as her heart raced. These thoughts needed to stop.
Late in July, Ginny asked Hermione to tea and Hermione reluctantly agreed, thinking she wanted more opinions on linens or something trivial for the wedding. But upon arriving, Ginny burst into a huge smile and announced she was pregnant. Hermione was instantly excited for her dear friend and they spent hours discussing names, genders, nursery options, etc. For the first time in ages, Hermione felt happy.
Then one day in August she found herself in a large, poufy wedding dress feeling suffocated. She absent-mindedly picked a color for the bridesmaids and hastily changed out of the dress. It didn't stop her from the feeling that she couldn't breathe. She paced in the dressing room taking deep breaths and suddenly came to a stop. Severus. She needed to see him. Right. This. Second. She hurried out to the lobby where the girls sat waiting for her, made a quick apology and sped out the door and apparated to the prison.
The guard didn't walk fast enough, so she often had to slow down on their way to Severus's cell. As soon as the door was open, she burst inside looking for him. Her eyes finally settled on his too-thin form lying on his poor excuse for a bed. He was asleep judging by his deep, even breaths. With a small smile, she sank into the chair beside his bed and pulled out her crosswords. After a while, however, he began to stir.
"No. No, Hermione! No, please come back. Please! No." Severus whimpered in his sleep, his face finally showing his true emotions now that he wasn't consciously controlling it. Her heart fluttered at the sound of his voice. Without thinking, she climbed onto his bed beside him and laid her head on his chest. Immediately he turned towards her, wrapping his arms tightly around her and finally relaxed. She smiled and snuggled deeper into his chest. Soon, her eyes grew heavy and she drifted off into her own pleasant dreams.
"Hermione?" Severus's voice woke her with a start. He was looking down incredulously at her. "Is it really you?"
"Of course it's really me." She smiled up at him. It looked as though the beginnings of a smile might actually be crossing his lips but his expression suddenly darkened and he got off of the bed quickly.
"I apologize, Miss Granger." He said quickly. Hermione sat up and looked at him.
"It was I who lay down with you, Severus, not the other way around." His eyes widened.
Taking a deep breath, Hermione rose and walked over to him. "Severus, I need to tell you something. I think I have feelings for you." She rushed out. Severus gaped at her.
"What was that?" He asked disbelievingly.
"I…I think I may be falling in love with you. I know it's not convenient or easy or conventional, but I can't stop thinking of you. All I want is to see you every day and it kills me when I can't." Severus swallowed hard as she continued. "Is there any way you may have feelings for me too?" She asked, breathless.
Severus wanted so badly to say yes, take her in his arms right then and there…but his thoughts were interrupted. He couldn't subject this girl to a life with an old man who would undoubtedly be shunned once he was freed. And what would she do for the next year until he was released? Be seen sneaking off to Azkaban every day? No. That was no life for her. He hardened his face and his heart.
"I am sorry if I gave you that impression Miss Granger. I developed respect for you after the battle, but nothing more. You belong with the young Mr. Weasley, of course. There can be no doubt about that." His voice was monotone but still cut Hermione to her core.
She couldn't breathe. Stepping back, she lowered herself into the chair and sat staring at the stone floor, his words playing over and over in her head. She hadn't noticed she was furiously fidgeting with her left sleeve until Severus's gentle hand was on her arm. He had knelt beside her and concern was etched on his face.
"Why do you always do that?" He asked, turning her arm over in his hand. "Is there something you don't want me to see?" He undid the button on her sleeve and started pulling it up before she could stop him.
"No, Severus, please!" She cried, but it was too late. His eyes had widened in horror at the sight of her scar from Bellatrix. He rose to his feet, unable to tear his eyes away. Slowly shaking his head, he spoke in a whisper. "Did Ronald do that to you?"
"No! No, Ron would never do anything like that. It…It was Bellatrix. We were captured and taken to Malfoy Manor. She tortured me to attempt to get information." She hastily yanked her sleeve down and re-buttoned it. She rose and put her hands on his arms, which he didn't realize ended in clutched fists.
"It's all right. She's dead now. Molly actually finished her off. It's all over." Her voice was barely a whisper, but his eyes finally met hers and for once she saw his vulnerability there. He nodded slightly and a strange look crossed his face.
Suddenly he pulled her into his chest, wrapping his right arm around her waist and his left wound up to her head, cradling it, and burying his nose in her hair. He held her so tightly, and she held him back as though by clinging to him she was holding herself together. He breathed in her scent and felt a rogue tear break free and fall down his face onto her curls. This was it – they were as close as they would ever be.
They had no idea how long they stayed like that but it wasn't long enough. A hand thumped on the door to let her know her visiting time had run out. She leaned back and looked up at him, eyes shining. "Severus…"
"I think it best if you not visit again, Miss Granger." Severus muttered. She took a few steps back and gaped at him. "Mr. Weasley obviously doesn't approve, and as his soon-to-be bride, you should be taking that into account. You're only hurting yourself by coming here." He couldn't look her in the eyes, but managed to keep his voice steady and his expression indifferent.
Hermione swallowed hard, fighting back tears. She turned and rushed out of his cell, not trusting her voice to say anything back. Once arriving home, she made an excuse that she needed a shower. Once inside, she sank to the floor and finally let out the sobs she had been holding back.
Back at the prison, a thin, sickly looking Severus still stood frozen to the spot, not quite believing what had just happened. He knew it was for the best, but it felt as though she had taken part of him with her. He felt hollow, incomplete, and numb. Slowly, he sank to the cold floor. What had he done?