They spent the remaining twenty minutes of the ride in silence. Finally, Michael eased the car into their driveway. They got out of the car and headed to the door. Fiona hurried and cut Michael off before he got there.
"I'm sorry," she said, putting her arms around his neck.
He exhaled in relief. "I know," he said, returning her hug. "I'm sorry I blew up at you." He gave a half-hearted laugh. "You were just handling stress in your way."
"Yeah," she said softly. She was resting the side of her face on his chest.
They stood like that for a few moments, and then the front door opened.
"Hey," whispered Jesse. "He's still up."
Michael looked at his watch. 9:45 pm. "Wow."
"Yeah. He's in the bathroom right now. He's just keyed up, I think. So if y'all aren't ready to be with him, just go. I'll stay here. It's no problem."
Michael looked at Fiona, who nodded. "All right. Thanks, Jesse. Text us when he's asleep, okay?"
"You got it." Jesse closed the door quietly as Michael and Fiona got back in the car.
"Where to?" Michael asked.
"I could use a glass of wine."
He started the ignition.
The idea of a bar or a restaurant or anywhere public, really, left a bad taste in both their mouths. So after a quick stop at Publix, Fiona was slowly drinking some of her $10 wine out of a small Solo cup at a park about a mile from the house. Michael was drinking a diet Half 'n Half Snapple. A pre-mixed bottle of fake lemonade and fake tea was not his, uh, cup of tea, but it's what was available in the ready-to-go refrigerated section at 10 pm on a Wednesday. He didn't feel like water tonight.
They sat next to each other in swings, arms wrapped around the chains, mindlessly swaying back and forth.
"I bet it'd be easy to do legally," Michael said out of nowhere.
"Hmm?"
"No matter where he lives, all three of us need to each be able to make decisions, get him medical care, enroll him in school, whatever. You and me and my mom. I imagine that's doable legally."
"Probably right."
"Though I hate the idea of using my real name. Our real names," he added.
"We'll figure something out."
"So that leaves the question of where he should live."
"I know."
They both took long swigs from their drinks. And kept swaying in the swings.
Jesse texted at 10:35 pm that, after a couple of false starts, Charlie was finally asleep. Michael and Fiona headed home and were in bed by 11:00. Both of them slept fitfully, but they were never asleep or awake at the same time. That made a long night feel longer.
They gave up the ghost around 6:40. Michael read the newspaper on his tablet, and Fiona headed for the shower.
At 6:52, their bedroom door flung open. Charlie bounded in and leapt onto the bed. He got on Fiona's side and buried himself under the blankets. "Weh-uh's Chahly?" he sang. (His speech was improving, and he no longer pronounced his name Choddy.) That was their morning routine on the days Charlie woke up on his own. He came in, hid badly, and laughed hysterically at the places Michael and/or Fiona guessed where he might be.
Michael's eyes welled with tears. He swallowed hard a couple of times and forced himself to speak normally. "Oooh, good question. Where is Charlie? Is he . . . in the closet?"
Muffled giggles. "Nooooo."
"Is he . . . under the refrigerator?"
"Nooooo."
"Is he . . . tumbling around in the dryer?"
Charlie burst out laughing. "Noooooo! Uncuh Micuh, das silly."
"Hmmm. I just don't know where he could be." Michael yawned dramatically. "I'm really tired. I think I'll just lie down right here and take a nap." Michael contorted himself to lay his upper half on the lump formerly known as Charlie. The lump cackled. "Hey, what's this? This blanket is awfully lumpy. And what's that noise?" Michael moved slightly, knowing what was coming.
Charlie sprang up, throwing the blankets to the side. Michael knew from experience Charlie's head would've smashed directly into his own head had he not gotten out of the way. Unfortunately it took him two pretty bad head bonks to figure it out, but he knew it now. "Iss me! Hee-uh I am!"
"Charlie! Where'd you come from?"
"I was unduh deh-uh! You didn't see me."
"Boy, you're tricky, Charlie. You're a good hider." Michael leaned back against his headboard, half sitting and half lying. Charlie took the opportunity to body slam himself onto Michael's torso.
"Ooof!" Michael groaned. "God, Charlie, did you gain ten pounds since yesterday? Why are you so heavy?"
"I'm a big boy!"
"That you are."
"HI, TEEFEE!" Charlie yelled towards the bathroom by way of Michael's ear. Michael grimaced as he reflexively moved his head away from the aural assault.
"Hi, Charlie," Fiona called from the shower.
"Come out hee-uh!"
"I'll be out soon, Charlie." Michael heard her voice break.
The next hour was excruciating for Michael and Fiona. Neither could escape the imaginary neon sign over Charlie's head, relentlessly reminding them HIS MOM IS DEAD. Both of them teared up a time or two, but Charlie didn't seem to notice. That's one of the good things about toddlers. They're self-involved to the point of oblivion.
They left for school forty-five minutes earlier than usual. Charlie was ready, and they were anxious to get him away from their volatile emotions and into his routine. Traffic was much worse, since they were driving (crawling) in the heart of rush hour, but anything was better than having to look at that sadistic sign overshadowing Charlie's loveable face.
Virginia looked at her watch when they walked in the door. Only two other kids were in the classroom. Usually there was a full house by the time Charlie arrived. "Well, hello, early birds. To what do I owe the pleasure of getting this sweet boy for all this extra time today?" She squeezed Charlie in a warm hug when he ran to her. She looked up from Charlie to Michael and Fiona, expecting a mundane answer about needing to get to work early or something. Instead she heard silence and saw two stricken faces.
She walked to them quickly. "Is everything okay?"
Fiona's eyes overflowed. She ran into the bathroom so the kids wouldn't see her.
"Michael?" Virginia asked. Her voice was panicked.
"Uhhh, can we talk privately somewhere?" He looked at the three kids playing.
"Yes, yes. Let me call someone to be in here." Virginia pushed four numbers on the phone on the wall and said something quietly. "She'll be right here," she told Michael. "Is Fiona . . . " She trailed off, not knowing how to finish.
"Fi's fine. We're all fine." There was an awkward silence for several seconds until a woman walked in the room. Michael recognized her as a teacher but didn't know her name or what age she taught.
"Here, come this way," Virginia said, leading Michael out towards the playground. They walked to a far corner.
Michael exhaled slowly. "We . . . found out last night that Charlie's mom died."
Virginia covered her mouth with her hand quickly. "Oh my god. What happened?"
Michael looked right into Virginia's eyes. "She committed suicide."
"Oh, Michael. Oh, I'm so, so sorry."
Michael closed his lips and nodded, trying to keep him composure. "Charlie doesn't know."
"No, no, of course not." By this time Fiona had joined them. "Fiona, I'm so sorry," Virginia said, enveloping Fi in a hug.
"Thank you, Virginia." Fiona took a deep breath. "We're – we're at a loss as to what to do. We don't know how to tell Charlie, or when. Or what to tell him."
Virginia nodded. "Every kid is so different. There's not really one way that works for everyone." She dabbed her eyes. "The most important thing is to keep telling him, over and over, that you're going to take care of him. I mean, that's their first worry. They're scared there won't be a grown-up to take care of them. And of course you can tell him that I'll be here to take care of him, too." She took a deep breath. "Just keep to his routine as much as you can. Keep things familiar."
Fiona started crying again. She looked annoyed with herself. "I hate this. I can't keep it together for a minute."
"It's normal, honey. Especially when your kid is hurting. That's worst kind of pain there is."
"God, if I'm like this now, what am I going to be like when he knows?" Fiona shuddered.
"You're going to be okay. It's just so new right now." Virginia hesitated, then opened her mouth to speak, then closed it.
"Did you want to say something?" Michael asked.
"Ask something. And I'm so sorry. I know this is a horrible time, but I just want to make sure I know everything in case Charlie . . . umm, wow, I . . . I just . . . "
"It's okay," he told her. "What is it?"
"Your mom never told me where Charlie's dad is. I don't even know which side your mom is on. If she's Charlie's paternal or maternal grandmother, I mean. But I kind of got the sense – well, she was just so quiet about it that – oh, I'm probably way off base here . . . ." She let her voice die, hoping one of them would talk.
"It's okay, Virginia. She's his paternal grandmother. Charlie's dad is my brother." Michael let out a deep breath. "Was my brother. He died last year."
Virginia closed her eyes and shook her head. "I'm so sorry, guys. I can't imagine what your family is going through right now." She looked at Michael. "How's your mom?"
"She's holding up. She's . . . she's strong. She's had to deal with a lot in her life."
"Bless her heart."
The three of them were quiet for a few moments.
Michael spoke first. "We'll let you get back. We just wanted to let you know the situation."
"Thank you so much for telling me. Just keep me posted. And, listen, I can help you talk to him if you want. Or help any other way you need. 'Cause that brings up another point. He's probably going get real mad at you. One of you or both of you. Might not happen right away. Might last just a little bit or it could be a while. I mean, of course it's not your fault, but you're the only ones he has to get mad at. So, if you want, maybe it would help if I were there because I'm not in his family. He's close to me, of course, but even at his age they knew the difference between family and not family."
"Thank you, Virginia," Fiona said. "Really."
"Hey, let me give you my cell number. That way you can call or text whenever. Otherwise you have to go through the school during school hours." She patted the pockets of her apron. "Shoot, I don't have any paper. Your cells are on our phone list, right?" Fiona nodded. "I'll text you both from my phone so you'll have it. Okay?"
Fiona smiled. "We're all so lucky to have you. Truly." She gave the older woman another hug.
Virginia knew about two minutes after she met him that Michael is not a hugger. So she patted his back. "You guys don't even think twice about calling me. Any time."
Michael just nodded. He knew if he spoke, he'd cry.
Author's Note: Thank you for reading. Please let me know what you think.