Severus opened his eyes to see a concerned Hermione gazing back at him. He smiled slightly and stretched, thinking he was still dreaming.
"Severus, are you alright?" Hermione asked. He jerked upright and looked around. He had fallen asleep at his table, ink blotches all over his hand. He could only imagine what he looked like. He cleared his throat and stood.
"I apologize. I was working late and must have drifted off. If you'll excuse me…" He turned on his heel and disappeared without a word from her.
While he was gone, Hermione cleared his things away, washed the ink off the table and prepared their breakfast. She worked methodically, thinking of her night.
When she had arrived home, Ronald was pacing the floor, Harry and Ginny sitting in the parlor with worried expressions. Ron had exclaimed and embraced her as soon as he saw her. She got hugs from the other two as well who soon left to relieve Molly from babysitting James. She hurried to make dinner, feeling Ron's eyes on her back. Once they finished dinner, the dreaded question came.
"Where were you, Hermione? We were so worried." Ron stared levelly at her. Hermione patted her lips with her napkin, composing herself.
"I was at the library and lost track of time. I was looking up a few things for my classes this year and got distracted. I'm very sorry, Ronald. It won't happen again." She met his gaze and held it. After a few moments he lowered his eyes and said "Very well." That night he made love to her roughly, clinging to her afterwards as though he was afraid of losing her.
"Hermione?" Severus's voice startled her. Turning she saw him frowning at her. "Is everything alright?" She simply nodded and gave him a small smile, gesturing towards his place at the table as she sat and began picking at her food.
Severus knew something had happened. That day she was a bit detached, lost in her thoughts and not her usual self. He didn't pester her though, knowing it was probably something to do with Ron which was none of his business. Too soon, it was the afternoon, and she announced she was leaving early. Seemingly lost in her thoughts she gathered her things and gave him a kiss on the cheek – something she'd never done before. As she walked out his door, Severus brushed his fingertips against his cheek, which still tingled from her lips.
The day before she left for Hogwarts, Ron grabbed her arm as she was leaving their bedroom. She looked at him curiously but couldn't read his expression.
"James is so cute, don't you think?" Ron asked. Hermione nodded. "Of course he is."
"I really want one." Ron said, pulling her closer. She paused a moment, unsure what to say.
"Well, someday hopefully we'll have one." She breathed. Ron shook his head.
"I want one now. Can we start trying for a baby, Hermione? Please?" His eyes were big and innocent and Hermione felt like the worst person ever denying it.
"Ron… I…I just think there's too much going on right now with the school year starting." She muttered, pulling back. Ron nodded and clearly looked disappointed.
"Right, right. And it'll be a doozy of a year too, won't it? What with old Snape back and everything. I don't know why McGonagall hired him back." Ron started walking towards their en suite when he turned suddenly and eyed Hermione earnestly. "We'll try this year though, right?"
Hermione smiled uncomfortably. "Sure, Ron. This year." She lied. With that she received a large, goofy smile from her husband before he closed the door. She let out a big sigh and stared sadly after him. She gathered up her things and just before apparating, she whispered "I'm sorry, Ronald. For everything."
She arrived with ample time to organize her things in her office, straighten up a bit, and change into her teaching robes. She rarely stayed at the castle throughout the school year, but it made more sense to stay over after the Welcome Feast. She freshened up in the bathroom off of her small quarters above her office and stared at her reflection for a few moments.
How did things get so messy? She loved Ron, she really did. But it was becoming more and more apparent that she loved him as a friend more than anything. Perhaps the reason they first came together was due to the adrenaline and life-or-death scenarios they had been faced with. Of course they would lean on each other. Perhaps she and Ron just carried on too far.
She obviously had a lot of respect and a bit of a crush on Severus around the time she and Ron had started liking each other. But she never thought anything of it until that night at the shrieking shack. That's when everything had changed. And had he died, maybe things would be different. But he lived, and now after the battle, after she was no longer his student, after Voldemort was gone…it was like he was a new man - a man that Hermione couldn't get enough of. As if he were some sort of drug to her, no amount of time with him would ever be enough.
The clock chimed, alerting her that the students would be arriving shortly. She jumped and rushed to get out of her chambers. She was buttoning her robes as she went, turning a corner quickly she bumped into something hard and fell backwards. Before she could make sense of what had happened, she felt strong arms hoist her up. Severus was face-to-face with her.
"Running in the halls are we?" He drawled. She smiled and felt herself blush.
"So sorry. I lost track of time." He let go of her and gestured that they should walk together. As they walked, their hands brushed together, sending shivers through her body. Right before they entered the Great Hall, Severus covertly wrapped his little finger around her pointer finger. It only lasted a moment, but she felt the heat rise and radiate out from her hand at his touch. They parted ways to head to their seats at the Head Table.
Throughout dinner, Hermione and Severus shared many stolen glances. His eyes would soften when they met hers, and she would often smile or blush when he looked up at her. It felt so strange, almost as if now Hogwarts had become a special place for the two of them. Once dinner had finished, the speeches had been made and the students had retreated to their dormitories, the teachers slowly began filing out – some to head to Rosemerta's, some to their beds… some to other's beds… it was shaping up to be quite the night. Hermione, however, refused to leave her seat until Severus left his. Soon they were nearly alone and he rose and made his way over to her.
"Hermione." He raised his goblet towards her, and sat beside her in an empty seat. She raised her goblet as well and turned towards him. They sat like that for hours, until all the food and plates had been cleared, the candles had been dimmed, and the castle was quiet. They talked about everything – what he really thought of her as a student (and what she thought of him as a teacher), her time out of school, his time as a Death Eater, his time in prison…but they carefully avoided talking about her marriage.
They met like this about once a week or so. It wasn't unusual for Hermione to stay overnight here and there to get grading done or work on something, so she'd just send an owl to Ron, get her work done and spend the evening talking with Severus. They both looked forward to these nights greatly, and found the evenings when they didn't meet to be quite dull and empty. Hermione busied herself with a new set of books at home and Severus started working on a better blood replenishing potion.
On the afternoon after the end of term feast before the Christmas Holiday, Severus had found his way up to the Astronomy Tower, and stood, freezing, looking out at the grounds, coming to terms with the fact that he would no longer be seeing Hermione every day. These past months had been wonderful, but this was a harsh snap back to reality. Severus felt something on his nearly numb hand and turned his head. Hermione stood beside him, bundled up, holding his hand.
"Why are you up here? It's dreadfully cold. I thought you'd be back home by now." Hermione said.
"Just needed some fresh air I suppose." Severus replied. "I've decided to stay on here to get some more work done." Hermione turned, smiling.
"Really? I'm staying too." Severus felt his heart beat harder. He faced her and took her other hand as well.
"Why are you staying?" He asked, confused.
"Ronald had business in Africa, and we just thought it would be easiest if I stayed here. I can also get work done, and the cottage can be shut up for the months that he's gone." She bit her lip. "How about we go inside to find a fire and something warm to drink?" Severus nodded and allowed her to lead him down the stairs.
They soon were sitting in front of her sitting room fireplace, some hot cider provided thoughtfully by the house elves in their hands. They lounged upon a large, plush sofa, and Severus had his arm behind her, resting on the top of the cushions. She curled her legs up underneath her, sighed happily, and sank back into him. He stiffened for a moment, but feeling her warmth against him and smelling the Vanilla perfume he'd come to love, he relaxed a bit.
They sat and chatted for hours yet again, this time leaning against each other and sipping their cider. After some time, they were silent. Severus was intently watching her eyelashes sweep up and down as she watched the flames in the fireplace. She had lowered her hand to his thigh after finishing her drink, and was desperately trying not to move it. She wanted so badly to turn to him, touch him, kiss him… but she knew they didn't have a relationship like that, nor did she want to push it.
Severus cleared his throat and Hermione turned her head, expecting him to say something. Instead, a look of longing sat upon his face. She froze as his hand came up and gently caressed her face. Their lips were only inches apart and they were both closing the distance very slowly. His fingertip grazed her cheek, jaw, lips, neck… She could feel his breath on her mouth and every inch of her screamed to close the distance. The anticipation was killing her. Slowly – very slowly – he pressed his lips to hers in the tenderest kiss she had ever experienced. It made her almost want to cry, it was such an emotional feeling.
She couldn't help herself. She turned more towards him and gripped his face with her hands, deepening the kiss. When he opened his lips enough for her tongue to explore, they both moaned, and lay back on the sofa until she was almost on top of him. They were kissing desperately, hands freely touching all they could on each other's bodies. She was tingling all over and wanting him worse than she had ever wanted anything, but he suddenly broke their kiss.
"We need to slow down." He said, catching his breath. She nodded uncertainly and they lay there panting until they had caught their breath, her cheek resting on his chest. She loved that spot and snuggled in closer, feeling drowsy. Severus ran his right hand down her left arm until she felt him freeze on her hand. After a moment she looked up at him. His face was unreadable but his eyes were hard.
"What's wrong?" She asked quietly. He lifted her hand into her line of sight and she saw his fingers touching her wedding rings. Instantly she felt all the air sucked out of her. How could she have done this to Ron? They both sat up and paused for a moment. Though she felt horribly guilty, she couldn't help wanting to continue what they were doing. She turned towards him and reached out to touch his face. He stood, pulling away from her and shook his head.
"I can't." He whispered. Hermione's heart dropped. "What?" She asked.
"This. Any of this. I just can't." He started to turn towards the door but Hermione jumped up to stop him.
"Why, Severus? It's obvious that at some point you developed feelings for me as well. Mine haven't changed. That was wonderful just now. I always dreamed it could be that wonderful. Please don't go." She could feel tears welling up but blinked them back the best she could.
Severus's mind raced. It's true, he had pretty much just betrayed himself about how he felt. There was no taking that back. And to hear her say that her feelings hadn't changed made his heart soar. But again that little voice in his head gave him pause. She was married. She obviously felt guilty about what they had done which meant she loved him still. He couldn't be the one to break up a marriage.
"That was a moment of weakness. We shouldn't be doing such things. You are married." He said, forcing all emotion out of his voice. She quickly interrupted. "My marriage is failing. I don't love him like I should."
"Be that as it may, it was a moment of weakness and that is all. I'm sorry for allowing you to think otherwise. But….I must go." He pushed past her and exited the room.
Hermione stared after him, no longer in control of the tears streaming down her face. She numbly went back to the sofa and curled up with a pillow, reliving the moments they shared there and wishing they hadn't come to an end.
Just outside her door, Severus leaned up against the wall and slid to the ground. That was the hardest thing he'd had to do. Running his hands through his hair he let his guard down and let hot tears spill from his eyes. He didn't deserve her love. He never had and he never would.