Hermione had wanted to cry when she looked over Ginny's shoulder at the tortured look upon his face. Though she had been avoiding him, she found she was no less attached to him. As she straightened, her eyes couldn't leave the corridor he had left by, as if he would suddenly reappear.
"Calm down, Ginny. I said we are going to try to have a baby. We haven't even begun trying yet." Ron laughed. Harry shook his head endearingly at his wife, and Ginny, being the confident little thing she was, just shrugged.
"Oh well." She said cheerfully. "Close enough. Now let's eat, I'm starved!" She rubbed her belly and yanked Harry into the Hall with her.
"Yes, let's!" Ron exclaimed, pulling Hermione after them. Hermione had to drag her eyes away from the last spot she had seen Severus. Would he be at the feast? Most likely not. It hadn't been uncommon for him to skip meals this past term.
Dinner passed slowly and afterwards, they found themselves talking in a big group. Hermione was fidgeting like mad when Ron asked her what was wrong. She made up an excuse that she forgot to pack something from her office. With a strange look at her, Ron nodded and she rushed out of the room.
She gave up any pretenses of acting appropriately and ran as fast she could down to the dungeons. Once she arrived, out of breath, she could sense that he wouldn't be there. Sure enough after knocking a few times, she tried the door – unlocked and unwarded. She moved slowly through his rooms, letting her fingertips trail along the surfaces of the desk, wardrobe, bed… she sat down and hugged one of his pillows, deeply inhaling the scent she loved so much of parchment, ink, and his garden. After quite some time she headed back upstairs, pushing the man out of her mind. Ignoring the questioning look from her husband, she sat and forced herself to join in the conversation.
That night, Ron very lovingly caressed her, murmuring how happy he was to be starting a family. She went through the motions as they made love, not allowing herself to think how she was tricking him. Though she had reluctantly 'agreed' to try for a baby, she hadn't actually stopped taking her monthly potions…. Nor did she plan to.
It wasn't that she was afraid to be on her own but rather, all their friends were just that – their friends. She had no friends of her own, not even the professors at school. But more than that, the problem was that even though she knew she didn't want to be married to him anymore, she still loved him dearly as a friend. The last thing she wanted to do was hurt him. Seeing his hopeful face as he asked about the baby thing and his huge, unguarded smile when she agreed had made her feel so guilty, she felt she could never leave him. He'd been through so much, how could she subject him to more?
Severus had spent the summer so far at Spinner's End, not wishing to be near the 'happy couple'. He methodically went through all his parents' belongings, organizing and sorting. He certainly didn't want to keep this place. Even being there as an adult, he still cringed at memories around each corner. He woke with a start each morning in his childhood bed, expecting his father to come in and beat him awake. He couldn't use the kitchen table, remembering bitterly the times he'd hidden under it, or the times his father had raped his mother on top of it. The whole place put him in a bad mood. On top of that though, were the unwelcome dreams and visions of a glowing, pregnant Hermione walking down the street. He imagined her in a flowing dress, hand resting on her swelling belly, a blissful smile on her face and not a care in the world. They must have worked things out then, he thought.
Finally he could stand the thoughts no longer and requested a meeting with Minerva early in August. He simply told her that he needed to speak with her but even as he approached her office in the abandoned school, he could feel his emotions bubbling up. She had that power with people – to see through what they wanted her to see and weasel the truth out of you.
"Severus! What a pleasure to see you on break!" Minerva welcomed him warmly and pushed tea and biscuits in front of him at her desk. He shook his head, having been unable to stomach much food over the past few weeks.
"Minerva, I'm afraid I must get right to the point. I must request to be let go from the Potions Position." He said quickly, avoiding eye contact. There was a long pause and finally he reluctantly met her level gaze. Within moments it seemed she had gotten an inkling of why.
"Severus, forgive for asking, but does this have anything to do with Professor Weasley? Hermione, that is?" She folded her hands and looked at his with knowing eyes.
Severus tried his hardest to remain expressionless. "I don't know what you could possibly mean, Minerva." He said quietly.
"Oh come now, Severus. I'm not blind, old as I am. Anyone who paid attention could see the way you two were looking at each other last fall. It was like love-stricken teenagers. I had thought it ended though, based on how little you were seen together in the Spring. Judging by your face, I assume you are not over it?" Severus realized his brow was crinkled with emotion and hurried to relax. Clearly he would be unable to avoid the truth.
"It's… she's pregnant, Minerva. And I have tried to put it out of my mind, but I can't. I cannot remain here if she is also here, pregnant with that boy's child." He couldn't even begin to keep the venom out of his voice. Minerva looked confused.
"When did she become pregnant?" She asked. Severus slumped over and waved his hand. "I heard them announce it at the final feast this past Spring." His voice just sounded tired now, finally letting the truth come out.
"Well, Severus, I must tell you. She was here just yesterday and she did not mention a pregnancy, nor did she look it. And she would have to tell me if she were so we could make plans for the school year." Severus lifted his head hopefully. "She didn't?" Minerva shook her head, a warm smile on her face. Though she did not condone adultery, she had noticed Hermione's unhappiness throughout the last few years, and she had also noticed how young and alive she acted once Severus joining the teaching staff. She had a special place in her heart for Hermione, and only wanted her to be happy.
After another hour or so of conversation in which Severus managed finally to get down some tea and biscuits, he finally took his leave and went back to his parents' old house. He sunk into an armchair and thought about this new turn of events. Could she really not be pregnant? Suddenly it struck him that he had noticed a pregnancy announcement in the paper that had been placed for Harry and Ginny's second child. He whipped out his wand and summoned the stack of unread papers beside the door and began ripping through them one by one. There would be one, he reasoned, after all they were part of the Golden Trio. Why wouldn't the wizarding world celebrate along with them if they were expecting.
Throwing down the last paper he sighed and sat back, somewhat satisfied. Perhaps he had misheard or maybe there had been a misunderstanding between the friends. Either way, he couldn't stop the bubble of hope that spread through his chest. He attacked the rest of the house with renewed determination, eager for the school year to begin again.
The summer had been terrible for Hermione. She was unhappy, racked with guilt, missing Severus, barely able to get her work done…. She had once broken down and gone to Severus's house but found he had not been there all summer. She began worrying that he had moved away or quit teaching. When she went in for her usual mid-summer meeting with Minerva she had told her not to accept any resignation from him.
Towards the end of August, Ron was starting to lash out in his disappointment that she was not pregnant yet. When she suggested they put if off until the following summer, he threw a fit. They had argued for hours, both ending up hurt and tears having been shed by both of them. The last few days before she left, they barely spoke and he certainly did not touch her. Once he had almost given her his usual peck on the cheek but thought better of it and left. He didn't slip up like that again, instead just heading directly out the door.
The day she was leaving, she cautiously approached Ron. He was sitting in his armchair, reading the paper. As she approached, he made no move to put down his paper. She cleared her throat but he still didn't try to pay attention. Finally she snatched the paper away which earned her a nasty look.
"Ronald. I've been thinking long and hard about this, and I think I am going to stay at the castle this term. I really need some space to think, and it would be better for us to have some time apart." Ron's face fell, he turned a bit red and she saw him blinking quickly, a telltale sign that he was trying not to cry.
"If that's how you feel." He said coldly. Hermione nodded. "Fine. I'll see you at Christmas then." He rose and stalked out of the room and the cottage itself, slamming the front door behind him. Hermione let out a long breath she didn't realize she'd been holding. Though she once again felt terrible and guilty, she also felt a huge weight off her shoulders knowing she would be allowed to stay at Hogwarts. Maybe now she could finally make a decision. It had been so hard, having him right there with her to think about anything other than how selfish she was being.
With a long sigh, she took one last look around the bedroom they shared, grabbed her bag, and disapparated.
Within minutes of arriving in her chambers, she was called to Minerva's office. Upon arriving, Minerva gestured that she might sit on the sofa and charmed a tray of tea over. Sitting beside her and pouring the tea, Hermione felt her heart quickening.
"So what is it you'd like to see me about, Minerva?" She asked breathlessly. Minerva took a sip of tea and then turned and smiled at the nervous girl.
"Severus came in this summer." She said. Hermione's face fell. "And?" She asked.
"He asked to resign. It seems he was under the impression that you were pregnant, and didn't think he could face that all year." Minerva took another sip of her tea as Hermione relaxed a bit.
"But he's come back?" She asked quickly. Minerva nodded. Hermione sank back against the cushions and let out a breath.
"Well." Minerva put down her cup and cleared her throat. "I really must go and finish preparations for tonight's feast. I do believe Severus has arrived and could be found down in his quarters." She shot Hermione a look that reminded her a bit of Dumbledoor's cryptic glances. With that, Minerva rose and left the office.
Hermione shakily took a sip of tea and rose to her feet. She had wondered if he had overheard Ginny's outburst that night. Smiling fondly, her heart warmed. Surely he must still care for her if he was so worried she was pregnant. Without another thought, she turned on her heel and made her way quickly to the dungeons. Once arriving at his door, she paused only a moment before knocking.
Severus answered the door after a few moments, his eyes widening when he saw her. She noted with a bit of amusement that his gaze dropped immediately to her stomach. He visibly relaxed, and looked at her with warmth once again.
"As you can see, I am not pregnant." She said with amusement in her voice. Severus straightened up. "Well tell your hysterical friend that she ought not shout lies then." Hermione held back a giggle. After a moment he stood back and gestured for her to come inside. They sat in his comfortable armchairs by the fire and talked about their summers. He told her about his parents' house which he had finally finished and sold off. She told him about tricking Ron into believing they were trying for a baby. Severus seemed a bit uncomfortable with the subject but was relieved nonetheless that at least they weren't actually trying.
"I'm staying here this term." Hermione whispered. Severus snapped his face up to look at her. "What?" He asked.
"I told Ron I needed space, so I'm staying here at the castle. I'm hoping that it will help me figure out how to tell him I want a divorce." A strange look came over Severus's face. It brought tears to Hermione's eyes as it reminded her of her own relief that she'd not be going home anytime soon. They stayed there for a moment until the chime indicated they were late for the feast. Murmuring a curse or two under his breath, Severus stood, helped Hermione up and they took off through the castle.
They seemed lost in thought on their way to the Great Hall and took their places on opposite ends of the Head Table. For a while, Hermione ate in silence, hearing but not really listening to the chatter around her. After taking a sip of her wine, she glanced up and gasped. Severus was staring straight at her, his eyes burning. The raw emotion on his face, so rare as it was, startled her and made her feel a pull down low in her belly. Her breath became shallow as they sat and stared into each other. They were finally interrupted by Minerva giving the final words to the students. After they were all dismissed, she found Severus had disappeared. Not knowing where he had gone, she made her way to her chambers, disappointed.
Inside her room, she sat beside the fire, sipping mulled wine and thinking about her encounters with Severus that evening. Hearing a knock at the door to the corridor, she frowned, wondering who it could be at such a late hour, and rose to answer it.
Severus stood, leaning against her doorframe, a pained look on his face. Hermione's heart quickened upon seeing him. She stood dumbly holding the door open and taking in his expression. He just stared at her a few moments, his thoughts unreadable.
"Are you really leaving him?" He asked. Hermione nodded slowly.
"You're sure?" He whispered. Hermione nodded again, unable to speak.
A beat passed and a strangled sort of noise escaped his throat. In a moment he had lunged into her room and crushed her against himself, kissing her desperately.
They walked backwards into her room, finally falling onto her large four poster bed. His strong hands held her face against his and he crushed his mouth against hers. She clung to him and whimpered as she kissed him as fiercely as she could. His hands made their way to her breasts and she arched back, pushing them father into his large hands. Her own hands travelled south to his belt but he suddenly pulled away, leaving her breathless and wanting.
He swallowed and stared a moment before retreating back to sit on the edge of her bed. Hermione sat up cautiously, unsure if she had done something wrong. His dropped his head down and ran his hands through his hair furiously.
"Are you alright?" Hermione asked gently. Severus scoffed and shook his head. "This was foolish." He said quietly. Hermione lunged towards him and held him to her.
"No it wasn't. Please don't say that! I want this so badly, please." She begged. He turned to look at her and shocked her by looking the most vulnerable she had ever seen him.
"You misunderstand me. I want this as well. I…I just…" He trailed off and looked away again. Hermione backed off, hoping space is what he needed. After a few moments, he spoke again.
"I have only ever loved Lily before you. She didn't return that love, as you know. The Dark Lord offered me…rewards…but I never took advantage of them. I've never wanted anyone else until you. Never needed anyone…" Hermione's eyes widened. He was trying to tell her he'd never done this before. She would be his first.
"Oh." Hermione breathed. Severus shot her a sharp look over his shoulder. "Oh indeed." He snapped. Hermione hid a smile as she crawled towards him again, as seductively as she could. His eyes widened as she crept closer.
"That's fine with me. I don't want to stop. I want this, I want you. Right now. Are you going to deny me?" She breathed in his ear, running her hand up his inner thigh. He shuddered and twisted, pinning her to the bed. His mouth claimed hers once more as he ripped her clothes, revealing her in her underthings. She tugged on his arm to stand and they both shed their clothing, eyeing each other.
She hungrily took in his muscular chest and arms, and as her eyes travelled down she felt an ache between her legs. He was very…well endowed. She noticed his scars, of course, but what witch or wizard who had been in the battle wouldn't be forever scarred? She looked up and caught his saddened expression. Her gaze followed his to the large scar across her chest. She instantly tried to cover it, but Severus stepped forward and gently pulled her wrists apart.
He lowered her onto the bed, leaned down and planted tiny, loving kisses on every inch of her scar, from her shoulder to hip. It was the most erotic thing she had ever experienced. By the time he was done, she was writhing with need. She pulled his mouth up to hers and they resumed their passionate kissing. After a while she broke their kiss.
"I can't wait any longer." She panted, gripping him hard in her right hand, eliciting a deep moan from Severus. "We can do a little foreplay but I'm ready for you. You just have to –"
"I know how it works." Snape snapped at her, his face hard. Hermione again had to fight not to smile, but quickly was distracted by his hungry kisses. The night was perfect. Severus was gentle and tender, worshiping her body. Hermione, on the other hand, eagerly ran her hands over his body, relishing finally being able to fulfill her fantasies.
Afterwards, she lay on his chest and nuzzled into him. He held her close and kissed her hair. She grew sleepy, warm and wrapped in his strong arms. Just as she was beginning to drift off, she heard him whisper "I love you Hermione." She smiled serenely and drifted off into pleasant dreams.