"We'll have to run further tests and analyze the results before I can be more precise but for now, it looks like it'll be three months. Four months at most. I'm sorry, Miss Griffin."

The doctor's words kept ringing in her ears. She had gone to ask him to have a look at her head, since the headaches, which she assumed came from all the stress about the upcoming exhibition, had gotten worse and now she was standing on the street with a tumor in her brain that, as the doctor had explained, was too big to be removed.

Her first instinct was to call Lexa but she did not want to worry her. She would wait for her to come home. Her second thought was to call Raven or Octavia, but she did not have the energy to meet either of them right now. She knew she should tell her mom, but Abby would only give her a speech about the risks of a chemotherapy and cancer prevention. She sighed and dialed a number.

"...Bellamy?"

"Three months..." Bellamy repeated and took a sip from his beer.

"Four months tops."

"Have you told anyone yet?"

"Only you."

"What are the chances that..."

"70/30"

Bellamy nodded. Usually he knew what to say and how to soothe a situation, but this had caught him off guard, which did not go unnoticed by Clarke.

"You don't have to say anything, Bell. I just wanted to tell someone. I was hoping that would kinda... I don't know. Calm me down or something."

"Did it work?"

"No."

"Listen C, just let the doctors make those tests and until then, just stay calm. You can't do anything about it anyway, as long as you don't know what's up, right?"

Clarke nodded. "Thanks Bell. I have to go now, I'll call you okay?"

She left the café but didn't head right home, and instead found herself strolling towards the Central Park. She sat down on a small rock, as she always did when she had to think. It was her favorite spot, it was kind of hidden, so no one ever really disturbed her. She thought about where she was standing in her life right now. She was 26, she had her best friend back, she had a wonderful girlfriend with a wonderful son, and she caught herself imagining the three of them being a family and smiled at that thought. She had two jobs that she loved and now she also had gotten the opportunity to present her art, as a part of a professional exhibition. And she had cancer.

"Three fucking months..." she whispered to herself. She didn't know what to think, she didn't know what to feel. She assumed she should cry, but the tears wouldn't come. She knew it was probably the shock, but she suddenly felt almost unhealthily energetic.

"Clarkypoo, what's up! I thought we could have a movie night? We could order pizza and get hamm–"

"Raven, why did you come back?" Clarke asked, firmly but not accusingly when she entered the kitchen and sat down on one of the chairs.

"Wh– uh. I guess I..." Raven scratched her head and slowly sat down, as well. "I guess I had some time to think and I realized that– well, saying that you let him... that it was your fault, was wrong. I was just so angry and hurt and I never got the chance to, you know, sort things out with him and when he was ready, it was too late and I needed to take it out on someone and you were there, and... You were always there. I mean for me. And I didn't see it.

When I left, I went up to Canada and stayed in a super deserted cabin. The first two weeks were full of excessive drinking, the next two weeks were full of excessive sports and when I had it all um, vomited and kicked out, I started to think about what actually happened and I realized that you were trying to help and that you would always be there for me and that I actually was the biggest asshole, I mean much more than I usually am and I couldn't lose another person that means the world to me. I mean you're– you're my best friend and... I love you so much, seriously, and I couldn't lose you, and when I realized that I probably, in fact already had lost you, I had to come back. I was sure you'd beat me up and never let me into this apartment again, but I– I don't know. I had to try, and you... well here I am. I'm sorry I pushed you away, Clarke. I was just... I'm so sorry."

"It's okay Raven, I just had to know. I'm not mad at you. I love you, no matter what happened in the past and no matter what will happen in the future. I hope you know that. Come here–" Clarke wiped some of Raven's tears away and hugged her tightly, swearing herself she'd never let her best friend go, ever again.

"Clarke I can't brea– ugh. Clarke I actually need air!" Raven laughed and pulled away. "You wouldn't wan–... Clarke?" She furrowed her brows at the sight of Clarke, staring back at her with empty eyes. "What's wrong?"

Clarke did not really have the courage to tell Raven but she knew that her best friend would know something was horribly wrong anyway, if she said it was nothing. She sighed and got up, took a few steps away from Raven, crossing her arms but not turning around. "I have cancer, Raven."

"Ugh. That's not funny, Clarke. Seriously, what's wrong? I know about your occasional black humor but cancer is nothing to joke about. Tell me what's going on. Is it about Lexa?"

"The doctor gave me 12 weeks." She waited for a moment and turned around to the now wax–pale Raven who was staring back at her and she feared that the girl would collapse from the shock.

"When..."

"He told me this morning."

"Oh shit. Fuck Clarke, what the hell! You can't do this to me!"

"It's not like I chose this, you know..."

"Fuck I know. I'm sorry Clarke, I didn't mean it!"

"I know." Clarke offered her a small smile, not sure whether it really convinced her best friend. "So you said something about a movie night with pizza and beer?"